Hello! It's been a while since my last fic and back with a new story that I am ridiculously excited about! I'll leave the long note for the end, but to get a few things out of the way: this story is set between the Civil War/Spiderman HoCo period and Infinity War, and it will be almost entirely centered on Tony and his relationships in that period (Irondad! lots of it! I love it!). I'll be crossposting it under the same username on Ao3, too, for those more comfortable with that site. AHH I'm so ready!

Finally, a huge, huge, HUGE shoutout to my pal Mia who helped me develop the motivation and time management skills to successfully start a fic I'm actually comfortable with! Her username in herecomesthepun, check her out! She writes the most amazing Percy Jackson stories, and Percabeth is her specialty (iSpy is AMAZING oh shit).

TRIGGER WARNING: The later chapters of this fic will contain descriptions of PTSD/anxiety attacks. I'll add warnings when they come up, but just in case.

And we're all not here for nothing

And we're bored with looking good

And we gotta be starting something

Would you change it if you could?

-Vegas Lights, Panic! At The Disco

So much for laying low. Midnight's stained the sky a while back, and he and Happy are practically flying through the streets. There are, at the very least, two dozen sleepless teens–he knows it–all wondering what kind of guy would tote a sleek limo around this dingy neighbourhood. And if Tony knows anything about kids, at least three of them are staring at him, right now, in the dead of the night.

Obviously not right at him. He is, after all, wearing his highly unnecessary sunglasses just for the occasion. Only one kid knows right where Tony Stark is tonight, and that boy is two blocks away now, probably waving at the empty street just for the hell of it. Pete's weird like that.

Weird, but interesting, Tony thinks, humming quietly at the flickering city lights. A ghost of their last conversation, barely five minutes ago, still hangs in his mind. For some reason he can't dispel it. Which is bothersome. Tony prefers not to hang on to things, because that leads to guilt about Steve and the team and using a literal fourteen-year-old for his own agenda, and then that leads to feelings, and Tony Stark is just better with what he actually understands.

He thinks about asking Happy. But then, he really shouldn't, because the poor man is minutes away from murdering him then going back for the kid too. Pepper's infinitely more fun to talk to, anyway. She's called him, in fact–she's forgotten about their break; Tony doesn't know if that means she forgives him but it's better than nothing. And she'd, you know, actually talk about the team like they were people, and Spiderman like he was an actual kid, not like all the others who consider them fugitives and enemies. She'll be home in less than a month–she claims his company is causing her trouble; things are getting political and they don't want to branded Stark any longer after what the Avengers have done. But she's fighting for him and she'll come, and that's what matters.

But the question is quite persistent.

Persistent, just like Peter. Tony has never been so blown away, and by a kid of all people. He's wondered if he was like that as a teenager, but the thought barely crosses his mind before he decides on a firm no–Peter is passionate and helpful and infinitely kinder. Tony spent his own teenage years sulking at MIT and eyeing Rhodey from afar. Peter built a (somewhat primitive) supersuit and took on Avengers and won–and he had good grades, half a dozen friends, and a perfect relationship with his aunt to show for it.

He deserved a hug, right? Tony thinks he might have deserved the hug. He needs to ask someone to be sure.

Okay, Happy might be pissed off. Tony's just going to have to get him an ice-cream or something. Really wouldn't be an issue.

So he sighs softly, and asks, "You think I should have gone for it?"

Happy's brows twitch. "What?"

"The hug." Happy's brows furrow again, and he elaborates. "The kid, Peter. He thought I was hugging him. I wasn't going to anyway, but d'you think I should just done it?"

Tight smile, pursed lips. Happy definitely doesn't care for this kid. "I don't really think it matters, boss."

Tony sinks further into his seat, sighing. "Yeah, alright."

Trust Happy not to care about Peter. Which he expected, no surprise there. But that boy really does grow on you; it's a tad surprising there are people who get sick of him and all that infectious energy. Tony doesn't hold it against Happy. Sure, he likes the kid as much as the next guy, but Peter really can be overbearing every once in a while. Even when he doesn't try. Take that camera–apparently glued to his hand–to begin with. Peter is lucky Stark Enterprises even let him use it, much less take it home. And then there's the hotel fiasco. And all the fanfare over a suit that really isn't so special in Tony's tired eyes (He can do better, he keeps telling himself), and that excited, bubbly voice slightly too young for a teenage boy that rings in his ears even now–

Yeah, Tony won't hold it against him. Happy doesn't even like his own boss half the time, much less a teenager nearly as curious as he is strong. And, to his credit, he does try to hide it. Didn't roll his eyes when Tony gushed–yeah, he knew full well he was gushing about Peter, but so what?–he tried to protect the kid, and he didn't help spread the jokes about it around the tower, which is relieving.

Sighing, Tony shifts to lean against the window. He really should stop all the sighing. People started thinking he was angry, Pepper once told him. Apparently sighing conveys annoyance between humans; who's he to know? All his humans are disembodied voices.

But Tony feels like he's got a reason to sigh this time. Or at least something to dwell on for a couple minutes.

Peter's face.

They don't call Tony genius for nothing.

Well, okay, any moron can observe. But, observation makes a man more intelligent, and Tony happens to be remarkably good at it. Faces are his specialty. How can they not be, when his own hardly ever changes? Miserable, pissed, ecstatic–unless it's bordering on some rare extreme, Tony's face just… remains. Doesn't change. Sometimes doesn't even twitch. His voice goes higher every once in a while. Sometimes he drinks less. But his face never cracks. Years of concealing his feelings have taken their toll, and unless you're some emotional know-it-all like Pepper, his face just tends to hang somewhere between aloof and badass ninety percent of the time.

Could be worse, he supposes. Tony could be stuck with a scared or angry face, and then he'd be inconsolable.

Other's faces, though–they're just too easy. Take Happy. Relieved, definitely; his forehead is smooth again, and he favours a calm gaze to his previous glare. Just minutes ago he was pretty much done with life, his eyes begging to roll every thirty seconds. And, though he tries to hide it, he is pretty much in a state of constant stress. He's the embodiment of the sound a mother makes when she nearly tears her hair out, and Peter hasn't helped; the man just wants to drop Tony off, go home, and sleep.

Tony's a little hurt, truth be told.

That's where Peter comes in, though. Peter idolises him, treats his every word like it's law, trips over himself to thank Tony and the researchers at his company; and Tony has to admit, he's missed that feeling. A couple years ago, he was the stars in every geeky kid's eyes. But then Peter went for the hug, and Tony was thrust way out of comfort zone and his first thoughts became a declaration followed by an awkward silence. Peter smiled, but Tony didn't miss the strain in his cheeks, the attempt not to blush; the disappointment and embarrassment he's probably trying to forget this very instant.

Tony fidgets in his seat. Peter's let-down expression is too similar to the one he had as a child, back when he thought science-fair medals and school experiments would please his father. When Howard's emptiness grated on his nerves for too long, he turned into that monster from a few years back. He's still trying to forgive himself. And Peter is like him, so much like him it's painful. He can go in the same direction.

The thought unsettles Tony to his core.

If Tony only ever gets to do one thing, he wants to erase every trace of the old Tony Stark. Stark Enterprises isn't his anymore, and they've stopped supplying weapons years ago, and he's burned the blueprints himself. He stresses collaboration and innovation every moment he can, and he doesn't keep those things to himself; he loads students with cash and watches them change the world. But now he wonders if that's enough. He thinks of Peter's face again, awkward and embarrassed and trying so, so hard to conceal it. He thinks of how confused the kid was for their entire stay in Berlin, how he hardly ever anticipated the luxuries Tony provided.

Kid's had a pretty basic upbringing. Of course he's impressed by a five-star hotel suite.

But was he? Maybe Peter just couldn't picture Tony doing those things for him. Maybe Tony was harsh, authorative, frugal, something and it rubbed off on the kid in a bad way. Tony's tried so hard to outshine his past, playing the benefactor and hero, he's never really thought about whether he actually was one. Real heroes didn't recruit teenagers, or hurt the people they loved, or nearly kill past team members.

Part of him thinks he's just torn up over Rogers. He wants to investigate the patriot's claims before he does anything, and he wants to know what's happened to those who were arrested. And possibly reveal whoever allowed Rogers and Barnes to escape. He'll have time for that when they reach the Avengers' facility.

But he switches his guilty stare from his driver in the mirror to the streets outside. They're slowly but surely are becoming brighter and firmer as they approach downtown New York. He can lose himself in the still night for now.

There is a lot left to figure out. As much as he hates to admit it, it takes precedence over a hug Peter might not even care about. He'll let Happy rest, and try and salvage whatever he has left with Rogers' team. And he'll try again with Pepper, when she gets home. He's excited about that last part.

So there it is! For those confused this is set after the airport battle but before the showdown in Siberia. I always thought Tony looked a bit too healthy to have been punched to hell in the scene where he takes Peter home.

I'll be updating this weekly, on Fridays! I've got a couple chapters complete so I shouldn't fall behind, and with summer I'm hoping I'll update even more. Please follow/favorite/REVIEW. I answer every review and I love them! thanks again for reading!