A/N: Ok this is a newspaper Hogwarts style, it is set in 7th year, and as if HBP never happened.
Disclaimer: OK we do not own anything you recognize including Hermioneificated which belongs to the fanfiction author Hannah C. Thaw, we do own the title and the plot though.
Talons and Tea Leaves
WHO IS GOING TO DIE THIS WEEK?
by:Professor Trelawney
My inner eye has shown something absolutely terrible. I have seen that in the next month a young boy from Hufflepuff House, by the name of Robert Smith, will be hit by a rogue bludger that was bewitched by none other than myself. That is all.
THE BUZZ AROUND HOGWARTS
by: Lavender Brown
Hogwarts thugs are not as tough as they seem. Your inquiring minds have been wondering, so here is what you are all dying to know: yes folks, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle are gay... together.
You've spotted them tail in tail together down the corridors of Hogwarts, and yes it is true: Filch's cat, Mrs.Norris, is in a relationship with Hermione Granger's cat, Crookshanks.
Hogwarts' Head Girl and Boy, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, have openly confessed that they've been dating since late September.
QUIDDITCH STATS
by: your lovable commentator, Lee Jordan
In Hogwarts Quidditch League Standings, Gryffindor and Slytherin are tied for first place, Ravenclaw follows in second, and it is a no-brainer that Hufflepuff is dead last.
In yesterday's game, everyone's favourite team, Gryffindor, played those stupid Slytherins. It was a close game, but Slytherin lost to Gryffindor 200 to 50. It was Quidditch captain Harry Potter's excellent seeking skills, and third year chaser Dennis Creevey's great passing and scoring abilities that led them to victory. Slytherin had some close plays also, but it was Gryffindor who dominated this one and tied Slytherin for the top standing. This is Lee Jordan, signing off.
DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY REINSTATED
by: Harry Potter
To much controversy, and speculation, the D.A. has been reformed at Hogwarts, with Prfessor Dumbledore himself as the faculty supervisor. If there is anyone who was not previously in the D.A. who would like to join, our next meeting will be on Friday at 8 o'clock, in the Great Hall. Everyone is welcome to attend and participate.
Though the ministry still is worried at the aspect of a student army (so to speak), when has Hogwarts ever listened to the Ministry of Magic?
HOGWARTS' HOTTEST GUYS
by: Parvati and Padma Patil
1. Draco Malfoy - Most Wanted 'Bad Boy' In Hogwarts
Famous for his carefree attitude and his stunning grey eyes.
2. Harry Potter - Most Lovable 'Boy Who Lived'
Famous for his lightning bolt scar and his perfectly messy hair.
3. Ronald Weasley - Most Sought After 'Red Head'
Famous for his flaming red hair... what else can we say?
WHAT LUNA SAID
by: Luna Lovegood
"During the summer as I was hunting through the forest with my father, we suddenly came upon what we had been searching desperately for: Crumple Horned Snorkacks." And that's all we have to say about Luna.
HERMIONEIFICATED
by: Hermione Granger
As I am sure everyone knows, I am the Hogwarts resident Bookworm Extraordinaire. Also as everyone knows, I am this year's Head Girl, and to squash and confirm the rumours, I am in fact dating Mr. Draco Malfoy, who is NOT a Death Eater.
My Book List Of The Month
1. Wicked by Gregory MacGuire
2. The Series Of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket
3. The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown
4. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
And the old stand-by:
5. Hogwarts: A History
HOGWARTS' HOTTEST COUPLES
by: Pansy Parkinson
1. Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy
Sadly my wittle Draky Kins has fallen for the buck-toothed bookworm.
2. Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter
You all knew it was going to happen eventually, Harry Potter fell for his best friend's sister... typical.
And the one you've all been waiting for...
3. Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape
Yes, it is true. Don't ask any further questions.
FRED AND GEORGE'S PRANK OF THE WEEK
by: Ginny Weasley
This week's classic prank is certainly one of the best, to say the least. Everytime a customer walked into Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, they were dumped on by a bucket of Flubber Worm Mucous. Disgusting.
NEVILLE'S HERBOLOGY TIP
by: Neville Longbottom
If you leave out Gillyweed in direct sunlight for 5 hours, it transforms itself into an extinct form of cacti only found strictly in Arizona. I can sure impress Professor Sprout with this latest discovery.
If you have an idea for another column, please submit it to your Head of House. Thank you! - The Staff of "Talons and Tea Leaves."
A/N: Now you must press the little button that says review. Thanks for reading.
Just A Hermione At Heart & Jordan