for darkmary on tumblr with the prompt: "Am I not good enough?" / "I'm not good enough."
Am I not good enough?
The question haunted Kefka's mind weeks before the selection. Precautions trumped his willingness, but he wasn't the only one. Others qualified for the infusions. He clung to his lithe form, resisting the need to rock and pace in a corner.
And when he was called down to the Magitek Research Facility, he sprinted off before the courier fully relayed the message.
Am I good enough?
Anxiety prickled Kefka more so than the needles sinking into his veins. It tented his brow, paled his already fair face, and knotted his stomach until he dared to vomit. Scientists reassured him of the possible side effects of the procedure. Nothing was perfect, after all.
Well, not with that attitude.
The world blurred slowly, gently. Elation bled with sadism. What thrummed in his blood was sheer ecstasy no one else could fathom. He imagined millions of futures with endless possibilities and at the center of every one was himself as the sole constant amongst variables.
I am good enough.
How else was he to explain? What did ants comprehend in the victories of men? To experience life and all of its pathetic excuses... what difference did it make? Why protect something useless for the sake of others?
Why not destroy all of it and forge his own universe?
Maybe... or maybe not. Maybe the flames he loved could burn him, too—a god, of all things. Maybe it was his own doing or someone else's. Or maybe... no. Why bother? It didn't matter, anymore. His stupid fate was sealed years ago.
As the magic ripped from every fiber of his soul, an inhuman shriek exploded from his lips. Within the destruction and chaos, a single thought drifted in the calm of his own storm.
I am not good enough.