Arnold Visits Arnie
(A Hey Arnold alternate timeline)
Chapter 1: John Wayne
"Maybe, but I dont think so" Helga said, sitting back as she blew smoke from her lips. Her eyeliner smudged under her eyes. The room was dim with a red hue. You could hear the sound of her bare skin peeling off the black leather couch. Sitting across from her was her clean cut best friend Phoebe. She barely held the cigarette between her fingertips. Her death glare pierced the floor boards. Phoebe took a deep breath in frustration. She was clearly uncomfortable, waving the smoke out of her face. "Whatever you say Helga, but dont you think it's time to drop this life and come back home"? she asked concerned. Helga let out a slight chuckle. "Back to Hillwood?, I'd rather die" she took another puff. "Helga-" Phoebe quickly took the cigarette from Helga's fingertips and crushed it in the ashtray. "I hate to see you like this, so please, come home with me.." Phoebe said. Helga stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "You came all the way here to give me a lecture about my life?, seriously Phoebs, It's been 5 year's, time to let it go". Helga slipped out another cigarette from behind her ear and lit it up. "Fine. But isnt it time for you to let it go Helga?, How long can you keep this up?" Phoebe's voice grew in frustration. "Until you stop bugging me about it" Helga said following a giant inhale. Phoebe stood up off the couch and without a word to follow, walked out and slammed the door. Helga walked over to the window of her apartment and watched Phoebe leave her sight. She let out a slight disappointed chuckle as the bud of her cigarette grew longer. Her eye's were stoned by the city lights. This was her life now. She was in shambles. Her guilt led her a life of barely even remembering the day.
"Im a believer, its a trial, foolish and weaker" she sang under her breath. She hummed to her bedroom and sprawled across her bed. She was a day away from starting a fire from how careless she was. Her college degree's were framed across her walls and yet it didnt match the feel of her apartment. She was across the country, miles and miles away from anyone she knew. She made an entire new life for herself here. One that was obviously questionable. Her cell phone lit up in the darkened room like a flashlight. She snuffed before answering it. "Yeah?" she blew out smoke. "Let me in" he said quietly. She hung up and walked to the front door. Without hesitation at all she swung open the door. Arnie rushed in, closing the door behind him. "Back for more eh?" she asked, putting out her cigarette. "I dont have a lot of time. So let's get this over with" he said. She walked over to her fridge and tossed him a beer. He laid back on her couch, pulling down his cowboy hat over his eye's. Arnie wasnt the awkward country boy he used to be. The snorting was at a minimum and he was the closest thing to Arnold she could get. Helga's black robe draped across the floor trailing behind her. "Got the stuff?" she asked. He tossed a bag at her. "As promised. Now get on it little lady" he said. She jumped on his lap, grabbing his cowboy hat and placing it on her head. "Chug it. Fuckin' CHUG IT!" she lifted the beer up and down his throat. He coughed in a mid laugh. "What's got you all riled up"? he asked. She chuckled, moving her hips up and down. "I got a visit from the ghost of Christmas past and fuck that" she tilted the hat down, covering her eye's. "Ah- Phoebe again?" he asked.
"Dont ask. It'll ruin the mood" she whispered. He laughed a bit, wrapping his hands around her waist. "What did I say about taking off my hat?" he asked, pulling her up closer to him. "A-haha, I swear you and Arnold have the same issues with the hat-" she froze. "Well fuck" he said, pushing her off. She hit the floor fast and hard. "Im sorry.." she whispered. "You cant help yourself can you?, God damnit" he said. Arnie grabbed his hat off her head and walked towards the door. "Wait!" she shouted, reaching out to him. "Dont go.." her voice was desperate. He stopped but didn't turn to face her. "Im visiting home for a couple of days. Dont fuck around without me" he said squeezing his beer can and throwing it over his shoulder, exiting her apartment. She watched him from the floor. She waiting a few seconds after his footsteps were no longer heard before she broke down in her hands. She did it again. Mentioned Arnold without realization. This wasnt the first time she made this mistake. She lifted her shaky legs off the floor, wrapping her robe around her tightly. She sat by the window, lighting up yet another cigarette. Her hands could barely keep still while she lit it by her quivering lips. It was times like this that she missed Hillwood and most of all, Arnold. Her replacement only had his bloodline and some features but could never fully replace him. In the end, she settled for what she could get. She rested her knees up to her chin, watching the lives below her pass by. Moments like these, she knew she had to make a change. Her mistakes brought her here and she had no one to blame but herself.
These thoughts were too dangerous for her to swallow. The temptation to go back home was too great now that she had time to think. Without realizing it, her phone was in her hands and up to her ear. "What do you want?" Arnie answered. "Take me with you.." she said softly. Arnie took a deep breath and waited a few seconds to answer her. "Fine. I'll pick you up at 7 am. Be ready" he hung up. She smirked, throwing her phone on her couch. She went back to people watching, finishing her last cigarette for the night. She was satisfied with the fact she didnt act on her nostalgic feelings. Once again, avoiding any type of commitment to going back to her old self and facing her demons. Her get-a-way with Arnie would only mean her getting even further away from change. She always found ways to escape it. The next morning, Arnie was there bright and early and she was ready. They got in his truck and headed for the road. The 15 hour car ride to his ranch was barely exchanged in words. She went through 3 packs and took a few naps. She reclined back and kept one foot out the window. The breeze of the dirt roads hit the sides of the car at 80 miles an hour. She felt free for once. Through her bug eye'd black sunglasses, she saw nothing but corn fields. Horrible country music played at a 15 in the background. She hated Arnie's music and she probably hated him as well. But anything to get away she would take. Arnie would ask her to take the wheel once in awhile, while he chugged the last sips of his beer. It wasnt a fun sing-a-long road trip, that's for sure. They were close, but she wanted to keep her eye's shut for a few minutes more. She felt the car slowing down but ignored it. "You've got to be kidding me" Arnie mumbled under his breath. "What's wrong"? she asked, her eye's still shut.
"Nothing. Just stay here" he said. She finally opened her eye's, letting down her resting feet and sitting up. She squinted to get a better view. It was hard to see clearly through the dirt the wind picked up. "What are you doing here?" Arnie asked. "Surprised visit. I had a few weeks off and wanted to come say hi. I heard you were coming home from California and-" A voice spoke through the swirls of gold. Helga knew that voice from anywhere. Her heart sunk, causing an immediate tremble in her hands. She opened the car door, hopping out of the truck, causing the dust to move. Arnie turned to face her. "What did I say about staying put?" he said. She walked up to them slowly, pulling her sunglasses down. "Well, well, if it isnt the football headed kid from Hillwood" she said. Arnold looked up at her. He was more confused then shocked to see her. "Helga?" he asked softly. "In the flesh" she said, keeping her confidence higher than her fears. "Wow, I didn't expect to see you. What are you doing here"? he asked. "None of your business bucko, I just happened to hitch a ride with this weirdo" she said, slightly pushing Arnie's shoulder. "Helga-" Arnie started to talk but she quickly stopped him. "So, Fancy seeing you here. What are you up to?" she asked. "I just came back from the peace core and-" he started to explain but she was already annoyed. "Of course you did. You are such a football head" She said, ending in a laugh. "Ha- right. So, how was school? How's California"? Arnold was quick to ask as many questions as he could. Arnie wasn't really having it. "If you dont mind, I'd like to get to the ranch. So if you wanna save the conversations for later.." He started walking in front of them. Helga could sense Arnie's anger but didn't really care anymore. Arnold just happened to be there, which made her wonder. Was her choice to come here more than just an excuse to get away?. She wondered if it was fate.
They kept silent most of the walk up to the ranch. Her eye's would randomly glanced beside her at him. He kept this slight smirk on his face as if he was happy about her presence. Arnie kept his cowboy hat below his eye's and kept in front of them. He swung open the front door and let them both in. "Welcome to the ranch. You want something, you ask me. We have a few rooms but my door's always open" Arnie glanced over at Helga. She looked away, ignoring his obvious invitation. Arnold's eyebrow's lifted in confusion. He wasnt sure about it, but he had a hunch. "There's a welcome home party tonight at the farm. Y'all are invited. Open bar. Im not your babysitter and you arent mine. Walk it off" He said, walking up the stairs to his room. "Im not much of a party person" Arnold said. Helga smacked the back of his shoulder. "Dont be such a goody too shoes Arnoldo. Being the DD sucks" she said. He shrugged, rubbing his shoulder. "I'd rather be sober and besides, someone's got to watch you two" he said. His eye's shifted up towards her's. They locked for a few seconds but she quickly looked away. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "Well, im gonna settle in the room. See you at the party?" he asked. "Yeah. Ill be there" she said. He went off to his room. When he was no longer in sight, she took the deepest breath she ever took. She was barely breathing this entire time and keeping her body still was harder than she thought. She raced outside to the porch and lit a cigarette. Her trembling fingers were once again not marrying well to keep still. This time her nerves were welcomed. Her racing heart and sweaty palms were truly missed. She hasnt felt this way in years. She took one puff of her cigarette but instantly lost a taste for it. She flicked it to the ground and crushed it with her black boots. This was the first time in forever that she didn't finish smoking. She headed inside to get ready for the party.
She didn't pack anything party worthy but made her dark wardrobe work for her. She made an effort without even realizing it. With each stroke of blush, she reminded herself over and over again that this wasnt for Arnold. Each time she fluffed her hair, she continued to try and convince herself otherwise. The party was growing louder from the ranch house window. The boom could be heard from the bedroom. The farm was just a few blocks away. The sun was setting behind the farm house. Arnie went ahead of them, drifting his truck through the corn fields. She heard the rubber spinning from the windows. She watched Arnold leave the ranch house and walk towards the farm. She rushed down the steps and trailed a few steps behind him. He was kicking his feet forward with his hands crossed behind him. She kept her eye's on him and a smirk that couldnt easily be washed off. They approached the barn. Arnold was still unaware that Helga was behind him, walking in and immediately scanning the room for her. Arnie saw Helga enter in behind Arnold and rushed over to her. "You look-uh-different" he let out a snort but quickly covered it up clearing his throat. "Dont get used to it. It's a party" she said pushing him aside. She walked over to the bar and rested her elbows. "Keep the jameson coming" she demanded the bar tender. "Are you sure about that little lady?" he asked. "Do I look like a little lady to you buddy?! Hand me a God damn shot!" she shouted. "We got ourselves a toughy" he mocked her. Arnold instantly heard her voice ringing through the music and turned to her direction. He saw her through the line dancing train of people. He walked up next to her. "Give the lady what she wants" he said to the bar tender. Helga looked over to Arnold as he rested his elbows along side her's. "They just dont get city folks" Arnold faked a country accent. She chuckled a bit. "Got that right. Damn country people" she took a shot, Immediately following another. "Never pegged you as a drinker" Arnold said.
"Yeah well, there's a lot you dont know about me football head" she said, taking yet another shot. "You'd be surprised" he said, sipping on a club soda. She was slowly slipping into her fears, taking shot after shot. The idea of him standing beside her was enough to send her in a downward spiral. Liquid courage was her only means of attempting to speak to him. Especially since she had so much to say. Arnie kept his eye's on them from across the room and always had a beer in hand. Girls surrounded him but he swatted them away like flies. He was only interested in Helga, and he had her for the most part, but he knew Arnold could easily bury him. "Phoebe had a lot to say about California" Arnold kept the conversation going. "Im sure she did" Helga was quick witted. "Its none of my business but I've been really concerned about you. I haven't seen you in so long and after hearing you were staying in California after college, I thought i'd never see you again.." Arnold said. Helga quickly became aggravated, taking a few more shots without hesitation. She was now downing her 6th one. She kept quiet, letting the drinking do the talking. "I think thats enough-" Arnold reached over to take her 7th shot away. She pushed his hand away and slammed the shot down on the table. "Dont act like you know me Arnold and dont you dare get in the way of my shots" she said angrily. She stood up, stumbling a bit but kept her balance. Arnold kept quiet, defeated by the wall she built up so high. She walked her way through the crowd, disappearing within the cowboy hats and boots. Arnold looked down at the shot she left, taking it for himself, digging his fingernails across the glass. Helga was barely keeping it together. She approached the band, grabbing the mic stand from under the lead singer. The band quickly paused their set, letting drunken Helga take the stage.
"Excusseee me. I'd like to sing somethin country. Shocker I know. My drunken mom likes this crappy music and I at least know one song. So this songs for you Miriam" she said. She whispered in the lead singers ear, signaling the rest of the band. Lucky for her, they played the song she requested regularly. She began to sing, oddly well, to the tune of "What hurts the most" by Rasical Flatts . Her eye's glued to Arnold from the moment the song became to play. Arnold listened to every single lyric she sung. His eye's couldnt move away from her's, even if he tried. Arnie watched them, back and forth. The more he listened, the more angry he became. Through her half drunken tune, she kept it going. The crowed was locked of her and even they knew who she was singing to. Arnold's heart was aching with her's. He was anxious to approach her when the song was over but he just didnt know how. He didnt want to assume that this song was for him and this was some sort of confession. It was obvious, but she was also drunk and he already upset her enough tonight. After the song was over, she stood still, hearing the crowd roar for her. Arnie stood up from his thrown surrounded by women and walked up on stage. He grabbed the mic from her and gave it back to the band. He took her hand and guided her back down to the crowd. Arnold stood up instinctively and watched Arnie pull her to the side. Helga couldnt move much, her eye's were bugging out and her limbs were limp. "Alright shake it off Helga. How stupid could you be huh?" Arnie shouted to her. She lifted her eye's up at him and smacked him hard across the face. "Dont talk down to me like that" she said, squeezing his hand angrily. "Come with me" he dragged her out of the barn, away from anyone's spying eyes. Arnold watched the whole thing go down from across the party floor. He rushed through the crowd to follow them.
"Are you fucking kidding me RIGHT NOW?!" Arnie's voice grew with each word. "You spent year's trying to get over Arnold and you sing a God damn song to him?!, Are you insane?!" He kept on trying to anger her even more. "IT WASNT TO HIM. GET OVER IT" she shouted. Arnold hid at the side of the barn, listening in. "Dont forget, you and I are together. I dont give a shit what you may or may not feel for him. You belong to me. You fucked up your chances year's ago. This should be a lesson to you. I expect to see you in my room tonight. You owe me that" he said, throwing her wrist down. He walked away, leaving her defenseless as she rubbed her wrist in pain. She turned to face the moon, digging in her pockets to find a cigarette. Arnold waited a moment to approach her. Arnie slammed the barn door behind him, resulting in a slight jolt of her shoulders. She quickly lit one up, trying to calm herself down. She kept her eye's on the moon and with each tear, she quietly pushed them away. Arnold watched her, his heart could barely take the way she looked, what she was doing to herself and how she was treated. This confirmed his fears after all. Arnold took a deep breath and walked over to her. She heard his footsteps from the gravel. "If you're here to save me, im afraid your too late" she said, blowing smoke towards the glowing full moon. She kept her back to him. "Helga, this isnt you. I know you. It pains me to see you like this" he said. She turned to face him, flicking her bud at her fingertips. "Oh yeah?, You think you can come here and act like Mr. knight and shining armor all of a sudden and im suppose to just what, change my way's because the wise one said so? What does it matter to you anyway? Im just an old friend who treated you like shit from an old town we both grew out of, Whats so special about me?" she asked.
He walked closer to her, taking the cigarette out of her fingers tips and tossing it to the ground . "I just dont get it. You are so smart, loyal, kind, beautiful and yet you end up with someone like Arnie. Really Helga, Arnie?!" he asked. "Yeah, So!?" she shouted.
"I just thought, someone like you would end up with someone like-" he paused.
"Someone like who Arnold"? she asked.
"Someone like m-" He was quickly interrupted by the door flying open from the barn. Arnie stood there, hollering out to Helga. She turned to face Arnie.
"I should go.." she said, walking away towards the barn. Arnold kept his eye's on the moon. He waited for the sound of the barn door slam. He was angry at her but yet he was angry at himself more. He shut his eye's for a moment. The lingering sound of her voice singing to him entangled with the sound of the wind that blew through the tall corn fields. He smiled to himself within the anger he felt.
"Its not over till its over" He thought.