Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer, and do not own Twilight.

A/N: This is basically and AE to Twilight where Bella didn't survive James' attack. Originally it was a one-shot, but now I have decided to continue it, as I had so much fun writing it!

This first chapter is from Edward's POV, and I am planning to continue by giving you bits from every Cullen's POV.

Just read, review and enjoy.

I buttoned up my shirt. It was midnight black, a colour I usually avoided as it made me stand out even more. I pulled on my trousers. They were also midnight black. Looking in the mirror, I realised how much more dead than usual I looked – my hair was all messed up and I had a look in my eyes I had never seen there before. For the first time ever, I was feeling real emotional pain - everything I had felt before had crumbled away and had been replaced with this overwhelming grief. What's worse is that I blame myself. I could have killed him but I didn't. I could have stayed with her but I didn't. I could have stayed in Alaska all that time ago but I didn't. I should have never have got involved with her but I did. All these what ifs, even though I knew nothing could turn back time, and nothing would ever be able to. I buried my head in my hands. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be strong. I couldn't go to her funeral. I just couldn't. I had to get away. I just had to.

Obviously, Alice had a vision of me running away. Of me skipping the funeral. Of me never returning.

She burst in my door.

"You have to go Edward. Please? For Bells? For me? For Esme?" She looked at me, her eyes wide and sad, not the usual bright and cheery. But I suppose no one had been bright and cheery in days.

"I can't." I muttered under my breath, just loud enough for her to hear.

She moved to sit next to me, and placed her head on my shoulder.

"We all loved her Edward."

"I know, Alice, but I…" I trailed off, and rested my head on top of hers and closed my eyes.

I don't think I can talk anymore, Edward, she thought.

"I understand Alice, 'cause I don't think I can either," I said in reply to her thoughts.

Ok. Do you mind if I go downstairs? And please think about coming. She would want you there. Oh, I'm worried about Esme too. This seems to have hit her pretty hard. Maybe you should check out her thoughts, Alice thought.

I nodded in approval and agreement, and she flitted off, almost at the top speed she could do in the house.

Once again I was alone, and once again I began to wallow in and despair at the what ifs. I must have sat alone, with what had happened going around my head, for about an hour, because all of a sudden I heard Carlisle's thoughts loud and clear for the first time in ages.

Edward, we're leaving for the funeral. Please come, we all hate knowing you're sitting up there alone and depressed, feeling sorry for yourself. Bella was such a big part of you, and we hate seeing the hole she left behind. And if you won't do it for your siblings, or me, please do it for your mother. She's devastated. And I can't see her like this. Edward, I'm asking you nicely. Please come down now.

I counted in my head. 5 seconds. Then I heard him again, this time joined by my whole family, thinking the same thing at the same time.

Do it for Bella. Do it for Bella. Do it for Bella. Do it for Bella. Do it for Bella.

I hated it. I hated hearing her name, I hated them thinking her name and I hated her name being used against me. I wished I could block them out as it began getting to me, but obviously I couldn't. They carried on thinking that way for almost ten minutes, and then I gave in; I ran down the stairs and threw on my coat. They all looked at me. I scanned their thoughts. Carlisle and Esme were proud of me for being strong, Jasper was feeling my pain, Emmett was worried about me, Rosalie was thinking insensitive thoughts, but it was Alice who shocked me most – she was blocking me out.

"Are we going then?" I asked impatiently.

"I suppose," Carlisle said, "Let's take my car, we can all get in if Emmett and Rosalie go in the jeep. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, course. Rose and me need some quality time. I know it's a sad time and everything, but this house has been dead for a few days." He turned to look at me, "No offence or anything, Edward."

Thank you, Carlisle and Alice thought at the same time, Don't you see how happy Esme is? Alice added, before blocking me out again by reciting poems.

I turned to look at my mother – sure enough, she was positively beaming at me.

You didn't deserve this, Edward. You didn't need all this pain. I can see your hurting. I love you, Esme thought.

I was touched by this, and reached out my hand as a sign of gratitude. We walked out to Carlisle's car hand in hand, as did Jas and Alice.

I found the funeral unbearable. The service was nice enough, but everyone's thoughts drove me mad. Everyone was so sad. Everyone except Jessica; I could punch that girl for thinking such insensitive thoughts. This was the kind of time I needed Bella to keep me sane, to control my emotions. How fitting it was her funeral, and she was the least likely person to come and save me from myself.

Afterwards there was a lively wake that Alice had organised without telling me. She could tell I was angry with this, and apologised profusely in her thoughts. I half forgave her, and started talking again until I heard Renee's thoughts. She was so sad. She was so lonely. She was so cold. And I had made her like that by causing the death of her daughter. I felt so bad. So I left.

Alice followed me, having obviously seen me leave in a vision.

"Leave me alone Alice. I can't be doing with you and your liveliness right now." I snapped.

Typical Edward. Blaming himself. Taking it out on everyone else. Ruining life for everyone else, Alice thought, obviously not meaning for me to hear it.

"Keep your thoughts to yourself," I snarled at her.

You keep out of my head if you don't like what I'm thinking. You don't have to listen. That wasn't aimed at you, I was just thinking. I'm allowed to think, aren't I?

I sat still. Everyone was thinking it, I knew that, but hearing it from Alice made it all seem worse, all seem more real. Maybe I was dragging everyone down. Maybe I was ruining their lives.

They're all thinking it, aren't they?

I nodded, and buried my head in my hands. In a fraction of a second Alice was over to me with her arm around my shoulder.

"It'll be ok. You don't need to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. It was James' fault." Alice said aloud.

"I wish I could believe that."

Then I heard someone else. It was Jasper. I could tell his thoughts anywhere.

God, why does Alice always have to follow him? I would just leave him. He's feeling such pain and grief; he was the worst at the funeral! Where is she? I hope she isn't all upset now too.

"Alice, Jas is coming. He seems worried. You should go find him!" I said, forcing I smile, adding, "You were blocking me out earlier. Why?"

The wake, she thought. I'm surprised you didn't ask me when you realised.

"It would upset Esme and Carlisle if we argued." I said.

She smiled weakly, and skipped off to meet Jasper. I was alone again. Like I would be forever without Bella.

It was that night I decided. That night I chose my next path. That night I bought a one-way ticket to Italy. That night I wrote notes to everyone. That night I sat down and played the piano for the last time. And it was that night I went to see Bella's room for the first time since her death; it was the same, but without Bella it was different.

I got back to find Alice at the front door.

Don't do it.

"I have to."

You don't. You know that we can make you happy here again if you try.

"I don't want to try."

Are you planning to tell Esme? Or will I have to break the news you've gone to the Volturi?

"I don't know Alice."

Please stay. I can't live without you. You know that.

"You'll have Jas, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and even Rose!"

It won't be the same. Just stay for a few days. It'll get better.

"I'm going. Bye Alice."

No.

She fell onto me in a last bid to make me change my mind. She stared at me with her wide honey eyes. They willed me to stay. And, for the first time ever, I went against Alice's wishes. I pushed her over, and stepped back down the front steps. I walked to my car, waved one last goodbye to my house, and drove away. I could hear Alice's footsteps behind me. She wouldn't catch me this time. And no one ever would again.

Did you like it? Please tell me.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

Amsii xxx