"I want to hurt you, like you hurt me."
Nine words. And yet, it seemed easy for her entire world to come crashing down. It was like a broken record; the words replaying over and over again.
Even in her entirety as The Dark One, she had never done anything with the intention of hurting the people that she loved. Everything that she had done; with Violet, Zelena, even Merlin… it had all been for one purpose. To protect her family.
Or so she justified, at least. Huh, Emma thought, sarcastically. Gold was right. There is always a purpose; a reason why we try to justify our actions, even if it means doing evil things in the process.
But it hadn't been her downfall that had come with her actions after all. It had been Killian's. She didn't know why, but she thought that he would be stronger than the darkness. They were perfect, and once her plan went through, they would be even more so. Their future could finally begin, which was the entire motivation behind her plan. In all of her time carrying the addictive weight of the darkness, that had been her thought. A family, a future; with Killian and Henry and her parents and Regina.
She wasn't about to let that leave her because of a cut from Excalibur. Maybe she wasn't thinking straight, or maybe she wasn't even thinking of him at all. All she knew was that in that moment, she felt an all too familiar feeling. A feeling of dread and anguish that pressed down on your chest until you realized that it felt like living in constant pain and suffocation, the only feeling one can get when they are losing another loved one.
And after what happened with Neil, then Graham, and then Neil again… she felt that she deserved to be happy.
I think I do, at least. But nothing ever settles down in Storybrooke. It's always one thing after another in this damn place.
Another surge of anger built up inside of her, and left as quickly as it came. And back again was the pain.
He had looked terrible, first off. The darkness was eating away at him; that much was evident. His skin looked drained and devoid of all color, his eyes bagged and bloodshot. He didn't seem so much like an all-powerful Dark One as much as he did an old drunkard.
And it was her fault, all of it. She should have listened to him when he told her that he was not as strong as her; that he could not fight off the temptation.
But those words. Emma choked, fighting back another tear. Apparently her motivation for her dark deeds had not forgiven her. It had all backfired on her, just as it did with Gold. She really was no better than any other Dark One.
Henry still had not forgiven her, and her parents… they still believed she was all gone. Regina was out to defeat her. All of the important people in her life had lost faith in her, one by one, and now she had lost her last ally.
Emma wanted to laugh. Maybe we could have been a dark couple together.
But that would never work. Emma had displayed the ultimate irony; using her darkness for good. Killian, on the other hand…
How could he say that to her? The Killian she knew loved her wholeheartedly, and under no conditions would do anything to hurt her. He had been the only one to stick by her. It was their cycle; it was what they did for each other.
He was so good. While he was technically the Dark One, he was still good. He hadn't hesitated before saying no to her plans with Zelena.
Emma never quite thought of this, but her plan with Zelena had been strikingly similar to what her parents had done with Lily. Transplanting darkness into a vessel that was going to be dark, anyways.
No. Lily was an innocent baby. She had been confused and alone and scared because of her parents, and no one else has seen that. Except for Killian.
Something else was going on here, something that she did not like… something must have happened when he found out. Emma refused to believe that he could just go back to darkness after everything they had been through together.
No. My plans, everything that I have done have not been all of nothing. I'll get him back. I did all of this for one thing: out future. And I would sooner die than let him become the man that he was before; the man he dreaded ever becoming again.
It was the one vow Emma would make. If it took forever, she would help the man she loved overcome his darkness. They would never give up on each other.
It was what they did.