She stood there in the rain till she could see the sun coming up. But its warmth did not reach her. She turned away from it and walked inside. Dripping wet and chilled to the bone, but tears no longer flowed from her eyes.
She walked on, one with the crowd but so utterly alone. She was a face in the crowd, completely undistinguished, easily forgotten. If she vanished now, would anyone ever even notice? Maybe she should try it, just to see how they would react. But she would be gone then, so how will she be able to see? So many questions, all rhetorical, all linked. In this bleak world of hers, she wondered if she would ever see the sun again. She had loved watching a sunrise, but she hadn't seen one, not since that night. She never wanted to again. It was too painful.
He had loved watching the sun rise. He had been her sun. Every time they had seen the sun rise, she had watched the play of orange light on his face. It was so like him, orange, the color of fire. But it was all gone now. Now even the light of a sunset, made her heart ache.
The days melted together. How could she tell the difference in monotony, if he wasn't there? Every moment that she saw him, was what stood out, so without him, it was all so empty. All in shades of gray, she did not even have the purity of white or the strength of black.
She kept on walking; one with the crowd; going with the flow. Maybe, just maybe she might lose herself; lose this vacuum inside of her. It had been a year, since she had stood out in the rain, a year since she had been told that he was never coming back. It made no difference; it hurt just as much as it had that night. She just had gotten used to it now. She did not cry anymore, except in her sleep.
She knew her friends worried but she told them it was okay. She would never hurt herself, he had loved her too much, she could not hurt something he had loved. She would exist, but living was beyond her ability for now, maybe someday she would be able to live again. But in her heart she knew she was just waiting till she could see him again, wherever that might be, in whichever world. And maybe, just maybe, in that world, they could watch the sunrise together again.
All she saw were flashing lights. Then Hotaru was there, and she was crying. She tried to tell her that it was okay, but her voice would not come. All she could remember was that she had been walking home. It was okay really, it was just a small accident, she tried to say, but she could not say it. That night she kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Every time she opened her eyes, they were there, Hotaru and Ruka; sitting by her bedside, silent tears in their eyes.
She smiled, she was so grateful, he hadn't been able to say goodbye even, but she could do it, for both of them. She pushed away the oxygen mask, she did not want it. She was still smiling when she said goodbye to them, glad that they had each other. Then she noticed the light, the pale orange light of a sun rise coming in through the window, as if beckoning her to come closer. She saw his silhouette then, standing under a sakura tree, waiting for her. There was a angelic smile on her lips even as they paled in death.
She held his hand and smiled her usual bright smile as she watched the orange light play across his face. They stood together under the sakura tree watching the sun rise over the horizon.