Lie to me

My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

(Emily Dickinson)

"Would you like me to lie to you now?"

The words were still echoing in his mind when he closed his eyes. He didn't feel much pain, but he felt how his body was drained of its life. So this was dying? It didn't feel too bad, physically at least, but the knowledge that wherever he was going, there would be still be no Fred was breaking his heart over again.

"Yes. Thank you. Yes."

When he opened his eyes again, she was there. His Fred. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"Hello there."

She was crying. Why was she crying? Oh right, yes, now he remembered. He was dying in her arms.

"I've missed you."

Feeling her soft lips against his lips was heavenly. How had he survived so long without her? Although they had had only a few days being together, he had loved her for so long, that he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been in love with her.

"It's gonna be OK. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. We'll be together."

Together again? Why wait? Why hang on to a life without her? A life without her was not worth living. Never had been and he had only kept on living, because of Angel and Gunn and Lorne. Cordelia was already gone, wasn't she? His thoughts became blurry and he had to struggle to keep his eyes open. There was something he wanted to say. Something important. The only thing he had ever truly known and believed in. He drew all the strength he could muster from his body:

"I-I love you."

And then everything faded into black.

"Wesley, open your eyes. Do you think he is ok?"

"Wes, are you ok?"

"Oi, Angel, you really are a big help. Don't ya think his eyes would be open if he was ok, you ponce?

"Can't you just once hold your breath and don't go on my nerves?!"

"Now where would be the fun in that?"

Angel and Spike were standing nose to nose and ready to punch each other out as soon as the other gave them any reason. Fred tried to separate them.

"Is this something we should all discuss or would someone be so kind as to help me up?", a weak British voice interrupted their brawl.

"Wesley, you're awake. Are you ok? Does your head hurt? Oh silly me, of course your head hurts. You've been knocked unconscious. Maybe you shouldn't move. You could have a concussion or even worse a (subtorales oder epitiurales hämatom). How many fingers am I holding up? Oh, forget it. Even if you can see without problems, it doesn't mean that you don't have any kind of brain damage."

Wesley watched in awe how the small woman rambled on and on over a simple bump on the head. Ok, confessedly he wasn't feeling so great. He couldn't remember what had happened. Who or what had knocked him up? And where was here?

Slowly he raised himself into a sitting position and waited for the dizziness to dissolve. He wasn't going to tell Fred that the whole day seemed kind of blurry to him. He didn't want to concern her or more importantly he wasn't going to spend the rest of the day in the hospital wing. His memory would return to him all by itself.

"I'm okay, Fred. No need to worry. It's just a bump. Nothing a few aspirin won't heal." Wesley turned to the two vampires. "Are the both of you finished with your childish argument? Or should we wait until you are back to your discussion about space shuttles?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about, watcher? You hit your head pretty hard, didn' ya?"

Wesley looked at Spike in confusion. He didn't know why he had mentioned space shuttles. As far as he knew Angel and Spike never had had a discussion about that subject. Or did they?

"Never mind. Let's get out of here. I really could use this aspirin now."

Hours later, Wesley was still nursing an impressive headache. Fred had insisted that he got checked out at the hospital wing, but all they could find was a small concussion. Maybe they would have found more if he had told them about his memory loss, but he could still do that in a few days, if things wouldn't get better.

Although he had been ordered to bed rest, he was already in his office. Not that he was a workaholic and wouldn't have enjoyed to stay in bed, but he had this strange impression that something was missing. Something important. He just couldn't remember what it was. But the strong sensation that something ugly and bad was going to happen, had kept him awake. Therefore he had decided to go to work early.

He had looked through several of the files on his desk but couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. He walked over to Gunn's office and was taken aback when Gunn told him proudly that he was getting back with Fred, but thankfully he had just been pulling his strings. After Gunn told him that he had found Lindsey, he walked over to Angel's office when he heard loud voices arguing. He stepped inside and watched how Angel and Spike were nearly at each others throat.

"Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?" Wesley interrupted them.

The vampires seemed embarrassed that he had witnessed their discussion.

"We were just working out a b-", started Spike calmly, but went on passionately, "Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?"

There was it again this strange sensation. It seemed like he had been here before. He had a sense of déja vu. He got a bad feeling in his stomach. Something was going on, but he had no clue what it was. To whom should he talk about it? And what would he tell them? 'I have this strange feeling in my gut.' Well, join the club…

Maybe he should talk to Fred about it. If someone would understand him it would be her.

He met her in the hallway having a conversation with Lorne. When she saw him, she turned to him with a big smile: "Hey there."

Wesley's grin was even bigger than hers. He wasn't ready to believe that this wonderful woman was his. He had waited so long to be with her that it still was like a dream to him. "I was just in my way to thinking of an excuse to come and see you."

"And how is that working out?", asked Fred cheekily.

"Really great. Where are you coming from?"

"Oh, medical. I breathed some old mummy dust. Had to make sure I didn't discover any new germs."

While he was making sure that Fred was ok, a blinding pain in his head reminded him that something wasn't right and only moments before Fred collapsed it all came back to him.

"Her name is Illyria. She is one of the Old Ones who ruled the earth in ancient times. She is going to take Fred and use her until she is no more than a shell to her. She is going to hollow her out and in the process will destroy her soul." Wesley spoke quickly and seemed calm, but Angel and Spike could hear his heartbeat rising while he told them what was happening to Fred.

"How do you know all this? It just happened fifteen minutes ago. You clearly had no time to research all that." Angel was putting in words what everybody had thought.

"I can't tell you because I simply do not have an answer. I simply know it. It is as if I have already lived it. Like a huge déja vu. But you have to believe me. I know what I am talking about."

"Would you bet her live on it, Wes?", asked Gunn doubtfully.

"I will", answered Wesley without a moment's hesitation. "Now let's talk about what we can do. I remember that Knox was the one responsible for all this and that you, Gunn, allowed the sarcophagus to enter our premises, but that is not our main concern at the moment. Last time we couldn't save Fred. There was only one possibility and you couldn't do what was required of you to do it, Angel. Please don't interrupt me. You didn't do it, because it would have cost the life of thousands of people, maybe millions. Fred wouldn't have wanted that and she will not want it now. I've researched a lot since all this happened and I know that I found a way to save Fred. The problem was that it was already too late when Illyria had taken over her body, but this time around, she hasn't. Not yet, anyway. We are going to need a jet. We have go to England to the Deeper Well. Now."

No one dared to doubt Wesley's words after his honest and passionate speech. As quick as possible one of the jets of Wolfram & Hart was refuelled and ready to depart from LAX. In the meantime Wesley collected some of his books, while Gunn made sure that the sarcophagus was brought to the airport. Angel and Spike had fetched Fred who was sitting weakly in a wheelchair.

The flight which normally would have taken eight hours was over in five. Thankfully the firm made use of the newest technology. During the flight Wesley had told the others more about his plan. He had explained to him why Angel and Spike hadn't been able to save her the first time around. He recounted that Drogyn had told them that drawing Illyria out of Fred's body would kill every living person between L.A. and England. Therefore his plan was to bring Fred to England, more precisely directly into the Deeper Well so that there wouldn't be any damage at all. Illyria had to be trapped in her sarcophagus again, then Fred would be free.

Fred was extremely weak when they arrived at the entrance of the Deeper Well. She was struggling to keep her eyes open and fought with every part of her being against this power inside of her that tried to claw its way out into the world. She prayed that Wesley was right. She didn't want to die. Not yet. There was still so much to see. So much to do and say.

Wesley was staying with her while Angel, Spike and Gunn fought against the demons sent by the Guard of the Deeper Well. As soon as Drogyn stepped out of the Well, Wesley hurried to him and explained to him the situation. He hoped with all of his being that he had been right and that the man in front of him would be able to help.

Drogyn listened with great interest. He hadn't noticed that one of his charges was missing and was appalled when he heard what was going to happen. At first he objected the idea, but when he thought about it, it seemed possible. He couldn't guarantee them that it was going to work. No one had ever tried something like this before, but at last he agreed. There was only one condition, he had to be alone so that Illyria couldn't entrap another soul.

Leaving Fred behind, not knowing if his plan was going to work was the hardest thing Wesley ever had to do. Hours went by and he was going out of his mind. Did his plan work or did he fail? Fail her. Again.

He was ready to leave their hideout and endanger himself when suddenly two people stepped into the little pub they had chosen for their waiting. A smiling Fred jumped into his arms and embraced him tightly.

"Handsome man saves me from the monster", was all she could whisper in his ear before she was silenced by Wesley lips.

"Would you like me to lie to you now?"

No, God, please, no. It hadn't been real. Fred was still dead and lost to him and when he took a deep breath he felt the stabbing pain in his stomach. It hadn't been real. He was dying. Again.

"It's gonna be OK. It won't hurt much longer, and then you'll be where I am. We'll be together."

Just like before the scene unfolded in front of him. There was Illyria looking like Fred. Holding him. Kissing him. But this time the lie stung harder and deeper than before. He would be alone.

Wesley lost all hope at this very moment. Had all of that been a cruel joke of The Powers That Be. What had been the sense of all this? Had this dream been his reward or his punishment, that he still hadn't been able to save her? Was the world really worth saving if the price was so high? When a soul could be shattered so easily… He wished his soul would shatter too so that they could be together, at least in this way.

He felt something pulling at him. He closed his eyes in defeat, when he heard a soft voice: "Let go, Wes. It's going to be ok. We'll be together. Just let go."

Wesley was letting go. And when everything faded out into nothingness, he saw her. She was waiting for him. His girl. Maybe he had really saved her. Wesley took a leap of faith and stepped into the light…

The end