A Monologue of Mr Schue: That's it, that's who I am

That title above is what I originally wanted to call the story but it was too long. Anyway, this is just a two part ficlet that I've wanted to write for a while now. I don't own glee or the characters although I wish I did. It takes a bit to get into but I promise it's worth it. Although Mr schue is talking at first, the majority of the ficlet (mainly part 2) will revolve around Brittany and Santana.

There's some personal feelings in here as well and for anyone who is reading my other fanfiction That Feeling bare with me, an update will be along soon!

Alerts, reviews etc are like gold to me and I'd love for you to leave them please, but for now happy reading!

Part one:

Everyone in Glee Club had pasts that they wanted to forget, and memories that they wished would forever be erased. A lot of the time, especially in Puck and Santana's case, alcohol, sex and drugs were the only things that could numb the pain and smooth over the scars that would forever be etched into their souls. High School is a time for finding who you are, and that's a lot of what Glee Club was about. It's easy now, to look back and say High School is a time to find yourself, a time to be who you are and not let anyone get in your way. But when you are there, when you are living your life second by second in a narrow minded town, self hate clouds your thoughts, other people's opinions creep into your head and slowly, a silent storm sweeps through your life, intent on destroying every inch of the individuality you are striving to create, until you are reduced to a clone of everyone around you resembling the typical teenager of which society depicts the 'norm' to be. And all of this just to feel like you belong, to feel like you fit in, like you have a family away from home.

At first, I didn't really know what to expect when I told the Glee Club that, for once, academic skills would be needed for one of their assignments. After they had reacted I guess I should have expected it. There was a lot of groans and mumbles about how unfair it was, and how being in Glee Club wasn't meant to be like school, but in all honesty they didn't know the full extent of the assignment yet, I was still to drop that bomb shell later.

A week on from nationals and we are still celebrating, still basking in the exuberance caused from winning the competition. We worked so hard and so long for three solid years just to get where we are today. In a couple of months some of the kids will be off to College or even University, whilst those who are still legally bound to school will have to wait out another year before they can break free of the shackles that have been holding them back for so long. The assignment I keep referring to is to the one I set roughly three months before nationals. I don't know where the first lot of inspiration protruded from to set the assignment, maybe it stemmed from Sue's continuous hatred of the Glee Club over such a long period of time or maybe it was from the hate that the Glee kids got from the rest of the school. Even now I still can't quite put my finger on what it was; maybe it was just a mixture of everything; past experiences thrown together with a dash of hatred, finished off with a little hate from the all loving Sue Sylvester, we'll never know, but I don't actually think how it all started matters anymore.

All I wanted was for the kids to get really in touch with themselves, get in touch with the mini-me inside of them. As much as everyone said they were only truly they when they were at rehearsals I still noticed several people holding back. Rachel for example, yes her attitude towards learning and singing was heightened in comparison to the other kids, but she still held back on her true potential. Well, who wouldn't? Permanently being kicked around like a dogs chew toy, and told that you were annoying 24/7 would get on your nerves and you'd begin to feel different and left out. That's when I noticed Rachel wasn't going up for as many solos anymore. Mercedes had quit Glee Club and come back yet she still held back as much as she did before she left, and that's when it hit me. The kids just needed to experience being truly themselves for once, and once they'd felt how amazing it was, they'd never want to go back to pretending to be who they're not.

It took some time to figure out how it would be possible, as every time I tried to coax the kids out of their shell they would hide behind lyrics. The thing was the lyrics were great and you could see where they were coming from, the only problem was, was that the lyrics weren't their own. They weren't their own feelings. They were using someone else's experiences, words and emotions to portray something personal, and on a personal level as hard as you try to use someone else's words to explain how you feel, you just know it still doesn't quite live up to what you are actually trying to say. And that's when I realised: lyrics were the problem.

We'd tried original songs before and I think that really helped when I finally set the assignment but when you write a song, you need a beat, a rhythm and everything else that goes into a complete song. You can sing the lyrics, but if they aren't sung to the right key or to the right beat, then you still can't truly express the emotion behind the words. I spoke to Emma about it and she told me about a time that she had a girl in her office that was so angry all of the time, but didn't know how to let it out without being violent. She told me that she'd told the girl to write out how she feels on a piece of paper, even if it was just odd words of frustration that she didn't mean or even if she wrote an entire essay. Emma continued to help the girl over a period of weeks and every so often she'd check on what the girl wrote. The girl had decided to keep an emotion diary and from that she'd managed to track down when she was angry the most, thus allowing her to control it when she felt it welling inside of her. And that is the point when I thought, bingo Schuester, you've got yourself an assignment.

It wasn't until after reading the assignments that I realised how much of an impact everything has on the kids lives. Peer pressure, image, school, family, homework, exams, you name it; everything plays even the tiniest of roles in planning out just one kids life. One of the kid's assignments touched me on such a personal level that they are the reason why I'm writing this today. I want to be able to look back and read this in years to come and think yes, that's what I accomplished in life, that's what made me an accomplished teacher. Rachel once said that Nationals was everything to her and without it she would die a horrible and painful death due to the lack of motivation she would have encompassed. If someone had told me I'd be feel exactly the same as Rachel did this time a year ago I probably would have laughed in their face but after the journey I've been on with this group of kids, I would have embraced that feeling as I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Thinking back to a week ago, and how happy everyone was to raise the trophy in the air, on the stage, in front of thousands of people, together, I came to realise that at that moment in time, nothing else mattered. What mattered was that we'd got there together, whether we'd have won or lost. We embarked on a journey that for the rest of our lives we will look back on as our most valued achievement without feeling shame for being in the Glee Club or for coaching it to its victory. And this is where the assignment fits in, without that one assignment; we never would have had any of this, we never would have thought about what it meant to win or lose, we wouldn't have stood on the stage feeling accomplished and individual, instead we would have stood on the stage in front of thousands of people that didn't matter and wouldn't matter in years to come. We would have stood there as a group, as a community but still would have felt left out and only inclusive because everyone was similar ages and everyone appeared to like the same music.

Glee Club became part of all of our lives and without it I honestly don't believe that the kids would be where they are now, or where they are heading towards now. That one assignment taught the kids what our individual journeys of high school is meant to: the meaning of yourself, who you are and who you aspire to be and I feel sorry for all the kids who laughed at us, at the Glee Club, because they are the ones who are never going to know what it feels like to be properly free, to actually feel proud of doing something just because it made them feel happy inside.

Individuality is everything in this world yet it is so rare and even harder to come by. I feel privileged to be able to look back on this in years to come and name at least a dozen people who I can definitely say for sure, "Yeah I helped them with that, I helped them look deep enough inside to find who they actually are, and I'm proud of who they have become." And I hope that one day this feeling will be mutual for the kids and that they can sit down and tell their kids about how they were in, what was once a crappy little glee club, but turned out to be a journey of a life time.

The final bell rang. Students poured from various classrooms all over McKinley High, some were off home, some were off to visit friends, but a group of roughly a dozen headed towards the choir room. Last to enter the room was Mr Schue himself, who, as always took the floor. He walked casually over to the white board, picked up the black marker pen and began to scrawl across the board.

Once he finished his scrawling and turned to face the Glee Club, each member slowly began to crane their necks to read what their Spanish teacher had just written.

"Eureka!" Mr Schue exclaimed as he read his own words back to the class.

Many looked puzzled, others didn't seem to care, but one very intuitive student already had their hand up ready to ask the questions that no one else could be bothered to voice. Rachel Berry.

"Yes Rachel," Mr Schue said trying to stop him from rolling his eyes.

"Whilst we all know that it is a well known phrase and that many of us will often find ourselves, hopefully, in the near future finding the eureka moment in our lives, what on earth does it have to do with singing and glee?"

There was a murmur of agreements but Mr Schue just smiled, which slightly unnerved Rachel.

"I'm so glad you asked Rachel. Right, I have watched you grow after the last two and a half years and in all honesty I have never seen a side of any of you where you have been completely yourselves. High School is about finding yourself and..."

But Mr Schue was cut off by Kurt trying to stifle a laugh by shuffling his chair.

"Would you like to add something Kurt?"

"Well, I'm all for finding yourself and what have you but in all honesty what do you expect? We live in a town that is so far up its own a…"

"Okay Kurt," Mr Schue raised his voice.

"Sorry, but all I'm saying is that its society's fault, not our own, I got kicked out of my own school for god sake."

"Preach it," Artie shouted.

The Glee Clubbers laughed but quickly settled down as they saw Mr Schue tapping his foot.

"Kurt, I completely agree with you."

A few breath's were let out that many glee clubbers didn't even know they were holding, but a general calm atmosphere seemed to fall with Mr Schue's words.

"That is exactly why I am setting this assignment. I have put a lot of thought into it, and it's going to be hard, there is no dead line but I really, really would like you all to consider attempting it."

A couple of scattered nods and mumbles were not enough to stifle Rachel Berry.

"Of course we will attempt it. Now I think I speak on behalf of everyone that we fully understand the assignment and will put our heart and souls into it like always, so may we be excused? I need to consult my Barbara Streisand playlists as I feel she has the perfect song for my eureka moment."

The Glee Clubbers all stood up, picked up their belongings from around them and headed for the door, however as they saw Mr Schue laughing they all stopped.

"What?" Santana asked.

"You guys to be honest, that's what. I haven't explained the assignment yet and Rachel Streisand won't be needed."

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks on the pathway back to her seat.

"You are joking right," she started as she looked around at her fellow glee clubbers who all just stared obliviously back at her, "Oh I get it, ha-ha, no Streisand, you know you nearly got me there next time you won't be so lucky."

"Rachel you cannot use Barbara because we aren't using music."

This time it was Mr Schue's turn to be stared upon by oblivious faces.

"This is Glee Club, we come here to sing?" Santana shouted.

"Yeah, why did I bother coming back if you are not just going to silence me but silence all of us," Mercedes added.

"Guys, guys, you don't understand, hear me out okay. Have you ever had that moment where you just stop and think that's it, that's who I am?"

The students all shook their heads in unison.

"Exactly, none of you guys have actually benefitted, other than academically from High School. As I said before, it is a time where you find yourself, but as Kurt pointed out, none of you can because of other people's opinions. Your assignment is to look back in your life and find a moment where you thought that's it, that's who I am and I want you to write about it. It can't be a song, or lyrics, just write exactly how you feel or how you felt at the time. Explain the event, explain your emotions, and explain everything. I'll collect these all in and I'll read through them individually, once I've done that you are free to pick a song that you feel truly reflects what you wrote down."

The entire Glee Club was silent. Finn and Puck had slumped down in their seats, Brittany muttered something under her breathe that sounded a little like, "but the ducks stole my pen, and all the while Rachel continued to be her dubious self, sitting so far on the edge of her chair that Mr Schue thought she was going to topple over.

"Say something guys, this is a great opportunity. I want you to come out of your shells and smell the fresh air and once you've smelt it, I hope you'll feel good enough to never go back in them again."

"Writing. As in pen and paper writing?" Santana asked completely dumbstruck.

Mr Schue laughed and answered with a simple, "Yes Santana."

"Oh hell to the no," Mercedes shouted.

"Just try it okay, there is no dead line, and to be honest, once you start this I think you will get into it and the end of it maybe you'll thank me, but who knows, we'll wait and see. This will also help you for nationals; it will get you in touch with the emotional sides of yourself that you have never experienced before."

After a couple more minutes of silence a slow rumble of conversation broke out and then suddenly Finn said, "We'll do it. We trust you and you've never made us do anything before that wasn't necessary, minus perform in front of the school, but hey, even that did some good, so we'll do it okay."

Finn turned to the rest of the club.

"You all trust Mr Schue right? He's been there for us when no one else has? Exactly, so let's do this for him."

A cheer rose from the Glee Club at Finn's words and Mr Schue just smiled. The students filed out in groups of two's or three's yet Santana was still the last to leave. She stopped in the door way and turned to Mr Schue who was turning the lights off.

"You make us do some stupid stuff but you're alright you know, and as you said this is an opportunity that not many people get, so thank-you."

With a nervous smile and a shuffle of her feet, Santana turned and walked away from the choir room.

Mr Schue was the only left in the school and still he continued to stand in the darkness mulling over Santana's words. After a couple of seconds he spoke.

"Thank-you too, I won't let you down, I promise."

Nobody heard, but nobody needed to. The trust was there. It was in the air and it lingered almost like a bad odour of which you can never escape despite how much someone tries to get rid of it. It was there. It was stuck. It was for life.

I hope that wasn't too boring and that you enjoyed it. The next part is already written so it won't be long until I update it.
Alerts, reviews, comments etc please ? They mean a lot and they are helpful for not just this fanfiction but the other one I'm writing too.
Constructive criticism is always good!
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Happy reading!