Caught In His Trap
"I said I never wanted to see you again—" Lily ducked under a low-hanging branch and surveyed the clearing, the backdrop of so many happy days, of so many childhood summers, voice low, uncertain of why she had returned.
"—and yet here you are." His teeth were bared in something close to a smile, though in the green glow filtering through the leaves it appeared to her as more of a smirk, with his top lip curling in triumph.
"Here I am." She echoed dully, moving no closer, one hand holding fast to the bough of the tree beside her, moss clinging wet and unpleasant to her fingers, eyes darting around this familiar place, warming at the sight but looking everywhere but the man before her. There was the tree beside her where they had, one summer, aged only twelve, constructed a make-shift tree-house. Unable to use magic to finish it off, it had sat slightly wonky in its seat amongst the branches but had stood its ground until its dismantling the following year when they had used the same planks of wood to build a series of complicated dams in the nearby stream and then a bridge…if Lily closed her eyes now, and listened, she could hear the water as it ran its course, tripping past the larger stones that rose up from its sandy bed. But she couldn't keep her eyes closed forever.
"Severus." She acknowledged him finally, worrying her lower lip between her teeth, eyes still downcast, studying the toes of her boots intently.
"Lily." His voice cracked over that one syllable and she blushed, able to feel the weight of his gaze upon her without looking up. "How…how've you been?"
"Good, thank you." Her voice sounded small, tight, like her throat was constricted. He wondered if she were holding back tears and wanted to reach out, to pull her to him, to hold her. Just hold her. But he knew that would unwelcome.
"I'm glad," he replied honestly, "Lily…please…I…" He screwed up his eyes and seemed to struggle on the verge of further speech for a long moment before his face smoothed out again. "Lily, look at me, please, just look at me." Compelled to do so but for no obvious reason, Lily lifted her chin slowly from her chest, the emerald eyes he loved so much the last things to rise. He swallowed and she visibly shrank away. He was perched upon one of the lowest branches of a second tree, long black coat shrouding his body, chin to ankle, hair as long as ever, shoulders hunched, expression unreadable but hunger clear in his black eyes.
"Severus." She repeated, "Severus." Her voice shook and she took a tentative step forward, one hand stretched in front of her, reaching of its own accord. Reaching for him, only for him. The diamond sparkling in a rainbow spectrum on her left hand seemed to matter not. The man before her was the only thing to occupy her mind now, as if they were the only two in this world. This world which had seemed so big on the days before reality set in, this small, sparse wood which had been a kingdom, even a universe, of which they were the rulers, the sole occupants and the rulers. It was like the spell it had created then had returned to haunt her, years on. Or perhaps, she thought, it was his spell that she was under. Severus had always been odd, angular and spider-like in appearance, with an unhealthy interest in the Dark Arts, but there was no denying the certain charisma he exuded. Mysterious, yes, broken, yes, vulnerable, yes…Severus was all these things that many people never saw past his hard exterior and more.
Lily took another step, and another, scared no longer, autumn leaves and fallen twigs crunching underfoot until she stood beneath him. Lithely, he swung down and landed mere feet away, closing the gap in short strides until their noses were almost touching.
"What did you ask you ask me here for, Sev?"
"I…I wanted to see you one last time, to make sure you were okay…"
"You're going somewhere?" Severus sighed, one bony white hand creeping up to take a fistful of her auburn locks between his fingers. She looked so at home here, the place he'd always loved, with her rosy cheeks and flame coloured hair to match the fiery reds and golds of the leaves. Red and gold…so typical Lily and the Gryffindor that she was. He sighed again, sad, before composing himself.
"You've made your choices. I've made mine. I thought you'd made that much clear." He wasn't even sure why she had come. He hadn't thought she would. That was Lily too, about as constant as the changing weather. He let himself smile.
"I know. But I was angry. You should never have said that to me."
"Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I'll ever forgive myself for calling you a…a…"
"A Mudblood? You can say it now Sev, the damage has been done." She was sad now. He'd made her sad. Why did he always have that effect on her?
"I'm sorry, Lily, truly." She sighed.
"I know." Severus took that as consent and, his eyes never leaving hers, he stooped slightly and pressed his lips hesitantly to hers.
The diamond ring – not his but James's – felt heavy on her finger but she couldn't help but kiss him back. Yes, she loved James, very much but as the kiss grew deeper she found that long buried love for Severus resurface. She had never told him she loved him, at thirteen it would just have been awkward for the two friends and, at any rate, what would a thirteen year old girl know about love? But still, Lily had known for some time that the feelings were there. His hand gripped her hair harder, pulling, drawer her closer and she did not resist, letting him wind his magic around her, catching her, trapping her in that moment where she wished she could stay trapped forever but the spell broke. It had to. She couldn't keep her eyes closed forever. She had done something so wrong it was unthinkable. Even here, in the soft, green light of the glade, a sense of wrongdoing pierced through the trees and through her heart.
"I have to go."