Hercules One-Half
By Jim Robert Bader
(Characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi;
With creative suggestions supplied by Homer)
It is a known fact that Gods are never so dangerous as when they are bored. Part of the problem with Immortality was that it tended to make one look forward to any sort of novelty to break up the dull routine of daily existence, and so it happened that Zeus, King of the Gods of Olympus, chanced to gaze out into the firmament on one dark night and spied a passing traveler moving through the Timestream towards the future.
Now this was of interest to him on more than one level, not least of which was the fact that timetravel was a tricky enough art for Gods, even moreso with Mortals. The problem was not so much traveling through time itself as knowing where to travel to arrive at a future where things might be as one desired. The possibilities and probabilities were far too complex to sift through at random, you needed a fixed, well-defined goal to land upon or you could wind up anywhere, yet this Timetraveler had a particular direction. Zeus decided to reach out and interrupt his journey in order to find out more about the matter.
His victim-uh, special guest-was more than a little flustered to see where he had arrived, wondering to himself what era of Japanese history he could have arrived in that boasted such curious architecture. Marble columns were all well and good, but give him the practicality of a wooden pagoda house to the multi-colored stonework that confronted him with garish colors at impossible right angles. He wondered, briefly, if Epimetrius's spell might have gone awry. The Hyborean Arch Wizard had cautioned him that timetravel could be tricky, and with twelve thousand years of history to cover there were bound to be a few more than a few twists and perils that might impede his return to his own era.
"Greetings, Mortal," a voice addressed him from what sounded like a very deep-
chested source, "Who are you and what brings you to the court of King Zeus of Olympus?"
Saotome Genma turned very slowly, afraid of what he would see before his terrified eyes fell upon the figure of a very LARGE individual who was draped in a loose-fitting toga. The red-bearded giant was inclined upon a stone chair but must easily have topped out at twenty meters height, at the very least. The sight of him nearly made Genma swallow his own Adam's apple, and he silently prayed to the Gods of the world that he had left that this fellow didn't have a taste for panda meat...or human for that matter!
"Interesting," the red-bearded giant inclined his head, "You just petitioned Crom, who hasn't been actively worshipped in countless generations...but who is this Amaterasu Omikami that you pray to? I'd afraid I haven't had the honor as yet of meeting the lady."
Genma's own eyes got very large, for the expression on the giant's face denoted a kind of lust for all things female that reminded him most uncomfortably of a certain ancient master of his past acquaintance. The fact that the giant had quite obviously read his mind was of secondary consideration as that simply meant that Genma would not be able to lie convincingly. He wasn't sure how much of the truth would be believed, but it seemed very unlikely that Genma could pull off a good deception that might spare him an unpleasant turn of misfortune.
"Interesting again," the giant mused, "I see you are a fighting man, a specialist in unarmed grappling, that you have been a teacher of heroes, and that you have recently taught a King of a long-dead empire how to vanquish his enemies with power and grace. How very...convenient."
"Convenient?" Genma responded, feeling like a mouse under the intense scrutiny of the giant's gaze, who was obviously reading him like a scroll spelled out in large kanji.
"Yes," the giant stroked his beard, "I see by your look that you are a man of few scruples who lives by his wits and cunning. You have good survival instincts and you are willing to do whatever it takes to stay alive, even if that means that you also include the welfare of your student. I could use a man of your character and abilities. You see...I have this little...problem that's recently come up and..."
"Oh dear!" a woman's voice called out from somewhere over the event horizon, a voice that was cultured and mild-mannered in spite of resonating around forty decibels in volume, "Are you busy at the moment?"
The voice caused a most striking transformation over the giant, who went from leering confidence to an almost obsequious mousiness as he ducked his head and hunched his shoulders before replying, "Yes dear? Do you want something?"
Genma blinked his eyes and was unable to suppress a shudder as a womanly figure appeared in the space beside the giant, a towering vision of loveliness who's lithe form was only partially obscured by her toga, yet whose face and mannerisms reminded him entirely too much of Nodoka. She eyed Genma curiously then said, "Oh, didn't know that you were entertaining guests. Is this your newest plaything?"
"Oh, he's just some fellow I thought to amuse myself with," the giant said with nervous dismissal, "Pay him no heed. Now...what was it you wanted to talk about, my dumpling?"
"There's been another one of those silly rumors floating about that you've been seeing another mortal female," the giantess replied, still smiling, "I honestly don't know where these things get started, like that one about you and Leda that came up a few centuries back. I know you wouldn't be doing anything so perverted as to cheat behind my back, so I thought I'm come talk to you to see if you might want to do something to...oh, I suppose maybe discourage the rumor-
mongering? Perhaps a word to some of your priests, a thunderbolt in the right place, possibly even a small plague of omens, a city destroyed, that sort of thing?"
"Of course, dearest," the giant assured his wife, "Whatever it takes to protect your reputation..."
"Thank you," the giantess smiled, "That would be ever-so-helpful."
So saying the giantess seemed to fade out into the distance, leaving the red-
bearded giant to heave a sigh or relief. He turned back to Genma and said a single word, "Women."
"Tell me about it," Genma nodded sympathetically.
"Oh?" the giant eyed him with renewed respect, "You've got one at home too, eh? Well, then you know why it's pretty bloody important that she doesn't find out about one of my little peccadilloes that's cropped up in this century."
"Oh," Genma said, "So what's the problem?"
"The problem is that the woman I, ah...spent some time being nice to...has a son who's just been born, only I think my wife found out about the boy and now I'm in the doghouse with her on account of how she's so unreasonable and doesn't understand that a man just has these needs, you understand what I'm saying?"
"I think I do," Genma adjusted his glasses, "Boys can be such a handful..."
"Exactly," the red-bearded giant smiled, "Which is where you come in. You see...I need an agent who can look after my kid-ah! I mean, the son of the unfortunate lady in question-who may be in a bit of trouble if my wife follows her usual pattern and sends some of her agents out to do him an injustice..."
"Hold on there," Genma replied, "You want me to be the boy's trainer? I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm sort of getting on in years. I just spent the better part of my last twenty trying to find my way back to my own time, and I've got family to consider..."
"Oh, that's no problem for me," the giant assured him, "I can take years off of you with a wave of my hand, and you won't even need to age so long as you're working for me, and I even have a great dental plan on the side..."
"Thank you, but I really must decline," Genma said with mock-reluctance, "As I said, I need to get back home, so if you'll just send me back on my way..."
"Oh, now that's such a darn shame," the giant's smile took on a MOST unfriendly aspect, "You know what happened to the last guy who refused me? They're still fishing bits of him out of the river Styx down in Tartarus, and you know the really awful thing about dying down there is that you're never truly dead, which means that your suffering can go on for an eternity and..."
"Of course," Genma hastily amended, "Now that I think on it, it does sound as if your boy is in a very bad situation."
"You'll take the job then?" Zeus asked him with a knowing smile.
"A Martial Artist's duty is to look after those less fortunate than himself," Genma assured him, then paused before adding, "Will you send me back on my way when it's over?"
"No problem," Zeus smiled, then he snapped his fingers and said, "This will help you out with that little problem you've got about turning into a Panda (not that I've ever seen a Panda before, but this should make for a definite improvement). It should also do something about that stinky thing you seem to have been wearing for a couple of ages."
Genma felt a tingling sensation come over him, but once it passed he blinked his eyes and said, "Is...is it gone? Did you just remove the cruse from me? And I free from becoming a Panda?"
"Better than that, have a look!" Zeus grinned, holding up a mirror to give Genma a chance to appreciate the changes that had come over his appearance, beginning with the horns atop his head, projecting from behind the scarf he normally wore, then glancing down at his hairy purple body as he was no longer in his martial arts Gi, and further down he saw that his legs were especially hairy, terminating in a pair of cloven hooves that had replaced his feet
"Gah! Genma almost jumped, "You turned me into an Oni?"
"Nope," Zeus replied, "A Satyr. Now you won't have to worry about aging, and you can teach my boy how to really appreciate the fair sex when he comes of age. Do your job right and I'll change you back to human, younger and better than before, and with improved equipment that ought to impress the ladies you left back home."
Genma continued to study his profile in the mirror, then very hesitantly he removed his scarf, almost weeping for joy as he discovered that a full head of hair had replaced his massive bald spot. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad in the end, especially if he got to keep some of his new "manly" endowments.
"There you go," Zeus smiled, "Now off you go to the City of Thebes where you're to locate a woman named Alcmene, the wife of General Amphitryon, the King's brother. They've got two sons, Ithicles and Alcides. You're to find the latter and take him under your wing, teach him about life and survival and all that, then at the end of twenty years, if you do a good job, I'll send you home with an added bonus for your troubles."
"Two boys you say?" Genma rubbed his face and discovered that he had stubble, "How am I supposed to tell them apart?"
"Trust me," Zeus winked, "Just try shaking their hands, you won't have any trouble figuring out which one takes after his old man."
"Well..." Genma replied, "If you insist..."
He was already fading out before he had time to complete the sentence
Scene: The Late Bronze/Early Iron Age, Mycenean Period, Aetolian Greece, Theban Palace:
Genma blinked his eyes as he found himself in a darkened room that had odd furnishings and was a distinct architectural style that was very un-Japanese in nature. Genma started wondering where he was when he saw the baby's crib under the canopy in one corner. He took a step forward, then was startled at hearing the noise his hoof made on the hard stone floor. He crept more cautiously forward until he was standing over the crib and could peer down upon the two sleeping infants, both of whom looked identical, much to Genma's chagrin and horror.
Obviously he was faced with a problem of which child he needed to raise, and he knew instinctively that it would be a VERY BAD THING for him if he chose the wrong baby. That being taken as a given, how then was he supposed to know which child he was supposed to be training? The logical thing might be to take both of them, but he already knew how hard it was raising just one child on his own, let alone to take the responsibility of two on his broad shoulders.
What was it his newfound employer had said? Something about shaking hands with one of the two babies to determine which of them was most likely the son of a giant-Er-god? Genma was just in the process of trying to sort out what that might mean when a voice gasping in amazement distracted him from his objective. Genma turned to see a lovely young blonde-haired woman in an odd style of dress holding a hand up to her mouth and looking towards him as if the next thing she wanted to do was to scream her pretty head off in terror.
Genma crossed the space between them before she had time to take a breath and clamped a meaty hand over her mouth as he immobilized her with his other hand and said, "Please don't scream, I mean you no harm, miss..."
She continued to struggle, but his greater strength and skill prevented her from giving him too much trouble. Unfortunately there were other sounds to presently occupy his attention. Genma could not help noticing that most of those sounds were coming from outside of the chamber, which prompted him to ask, "What in the name of the Kami...?"
The woman ceased struggling with him and instead put both hands on his in an attempt to force it off of her mouth. She was looking both cross and indignant towards him, so Genma decided to take a chance and let her speak.
"It's a palace coup!" she informed him, her strange language sounding to his ears like highborn Japanese, "General Electryon is attempting to take over the throne of Thebes from his brother, King Alceus, and my husband, Amphitryon, is attempting to oppose him. He sent me to protect our sons, who are the heirs to the Royal House of Argive. Now who are you, stranger, and what is a Satyr doing in the nursery of my children?"
Genma was momentarily speechless, these revelations echoing in his mind as he tried to make sense out of everything he had just been told by the woman. Although he had a reputation as a man who was less than brilliant in other things, when it came to situations of battle, Genma's survival instincts were sharp, and even he was not too slow to put it all together and come to a startling revelation.
"Your name wouldn't happen to be...Alcmene, would it?" he asked.
"Why yes, I am Alcmene," she gasped, "But how did...?"
"I was sent here to find you and your boys," Genma hastily informed her, ad-
libbing a partial lie on the spot that would perfectly fit the situation.
"Sent here?" the woman gasped, "By who..." she paused and then realization took her and she gasped, "By Zeus?"
"That was his name," Genma hastily nodded, taking note that the sounds of battle were growing uncomfortably near to their position, "He wants me to raise your son, Alcides, and keep him safe from his wife..."
"You mean Queen Hera?" the blonde woman's expression suddenly darkened, "I should have known! This is just so like him sending somebody else instead of coming in his place, and because of that...witch he calls his wife...imagine!"
"Eh?" Genma was partially distracted by a growing sense of urgency over their tenuous situation.
"Men!" the woman threw up her hands, "You're all alike! You don't call, you don't write, you don't even send a bloody omen, not one whisper in the ear of a priest, and yet here you expect me to just drop everything I'm doing and turn one of my two sons over to you just because a God tells me to do it and..."
"Excuse me," Genma urged her to pause in her ranting as two men burst into the room with spears at the ready and hostile intentions plain in their expressions. Genma did not even wait to hear the usual declaration on their part that they were here to murder the woman and her children on behalf of the new administration, he just took them out with a couple of well-placed kicks, admiring the power his hooves gave him as they solidly connected and drove both men into the stucco-and-plaster walls of the palace.
The woman blinked her eyes and said, "How did you...?"
"Later," Genma moved to the crib, scooped up one of the two boys at random and handed him to her, then picked up the other one and said, "Is there a way out of this place that doesn't involve running into a lot of other people?"
For a woman who was facing an eminent threat to her family and way of life while relying on a man who looked like he was part goat, she proved to have remarkable good judgement, turning from Genma and heading towards the back of the nursery, then pulling back a tapestry to show a door that had been concealed behind it.
Half an hour later they emerged from the mouth of a cave overlooking the palace, which could be seen burning behind the thick walls that surrounded it. Alcmene looked regretfully back at her former home and remarked, "I suppose I'm going to have to get used to the idea of being a widow. A good thing I'm not too old to consider dating."
"You're not upset about losing your husband?" Genma asked with considerable surprise.
"You would think that I should be, wouldn't you," she said as she turned and headed forward down a slope leading to a trail that would take them through a nearby forest, "But my husband and I were never that close. It was an arrange marriage you see, arranged by my parents before he kidnapped me from my house in the traditional manner. We've only been married a few years, of course, but they weren't all bad times, so I suppose I'm going to miss him."
"Forgive my asking," Genma said, "But is that why you took up with a God?"
"Oh no," she replied, "I didn't know it was Zeus at the time he knew me. He disguised himself as my husband, but I figured out right away that it couldn't be Amphitryon on account of my husband was never that interested in foreplay."
"Oh?" Genma wisely refrained from a more voluble reaction.
"Oh yes," Alcmene nodded her head sadly, "It was always, 'Woman, to bed!' with Amphitryon, like I was some kind of farm animal that he could jump whenever he felt like. He was always rushing off to war and leaving me to clean up the house, and never much thought about what I wanted to do with my evenings, not that there's all that much to do in Thebes, of course, which is nothing like my homeland in Argos."
"Oh," Genma took a moment before he asked his next question, "So, you're from Argos?"
"Originally, yes," she replied, "My great grandfather was King Perseus himself, so I have both noble and divine blood in my lineage, not that it means all that much in this day and age when everything seems to be falling apart, case in point what just happened in the palace."
"I see," Genma replied, not actually understanding much beyond the fact that the world he was now trapped in was remarkably a lot like the one he left behind in the Hyborean era, but that would be enough to stand him in good stead while he attempted to get his bearings.
"Of course I shouldn't really complain," the woman continued, "Zeus obviously sent you to be my protector since you're a powerful warrior and a Satyr, of course that also means I should be careful around you as I only know about Satyrs from their reputation, which isn't very good I'm afraid, though I think it's wrong to judge people by appearances, don't you? And after all, being around you is probably a lot better than remaining back there and being butchered like a cow by Electryon, which wouldn't be much fun at all, I can tell you..."
Genma was amazed at the woman's ability to talk almost non-stop all the way until it became too dark to continue on, at which point Genma declared that it would be a good idea to make camp, having finally assured himself that there was no one in pursuit of the Princess and her two infant Princes. As there had been very little time to take anything of value with them it was left to Genma to have to catch their dinner while Alcmene started a fire with pieces of flint and steel that she carried on her person, as someone from his own time might have carried a pocket lighter.
Fortunately for Genma game was plentiful in these woods, so before long they had a fire going with an unfortunate wild pig roasting over the coals that had made the mistake of trying to gore him. Alcmene remarked on her surprise at discovering a Satyr who had a taste for animal flesh, and Genma allowed that he was more used to eating wild rice in his journeys, only rice was not native to the climate, and he had little stomach for wheat or barley.
However, as nightfall progressed and the time came to retire, Genma discovered that his companion had a different sort of appetite that she wanted to have sated. Genma became aware of this when he felt something warm, cuddlesome and pleasant to smell draping herself upon him, and as he started to feel the first twinges of panic he heard her murmur in his ear, "So...what else is or isn't true about you Satyrs? I hear you can keep it up far longer than any human male...is this true?"
Genma swallowed and tried to think of something to say that might stave off the inevitable. Thoughts of Nodoka and her katana loomed heavily in his mind, an image that even twenty years in the Hyborean age (an era where people were more than happy to stick you with anything sharp for the least little pretext) had utterly failed to erase. Nonetheless his rebellious manhood flared to life, not having been put to much use in so long a time that it's mutiny in such a time of crisis was only to be expected. Fortunately before matters could go any farther they were disturbed by the sound of a baby crying.
"Ithicles!" Alcmene declared in the first real distress that Genma had heard since they had left the burning palace.
Genma wondered exactly how the lady could tell her twin sons apart by the sound of their voices, but his own concern motivated him to stagger after her as she went to where the two infants had been sleeping, only to stop and stare in amazement at the sight presented in the light of their dwindling campfire.
There was one of the boys happily waving something in each hand that made a slight rattling noise every time he shook them. Closer scrutiny determined that the boy was clutching a pair of snakes that he had crushed to death between his tiny fingers. His brother nearby was crying in obvious fright as Alcmene picked him up to shush him back to a quiet state or reassurance.
Genma stared at the boy holding the twin snakes, realizing belatedly that this must be the son of the giant as only a giant could have possessed such strength. Now, however, he also understood why the giant had wanted him to shake hands with such a youngster. Such power was intimidating, to say the least, but Genma's eyes gleamed with the first faint sparks of inspiration as he thought of the boy's incredible potential. Such a warrior the young Prince might be with just the right sort of training, and Genma knew in that instant just what he had to do and how he had to go about it. Alcmene was obviously fond of the other boy, so she could afford to spare one son for the purpose of training him to one day become a great martial artist.
Only one thing nagged at Genma...the boy's name. Alcides was such a wimpy sounding title for such a potentially strong fighter. He needed a name that had character and boasted of strength, so he turned to Alcmene, formulating a plan in his mind that caused a faint smile to darken his overly hairy features.
"Princess," he began, "The boys will no doubt be considered a threat to the new King if he finds out that they're still alive. I think it would be wisest if you disguise them by giving them new names..."
"You're right, of course," she nodded, "But what do you think I should call them? One of them is Amphitryon's true son, but the other is the son of a god..." she seemed to take belated notice of the two snakes the boy was playing with and said, "Damn it! Hera must have sent those! That witch will do anything to punish me for catching Zeus's eye, as if I wanted to be caught up in their marital troubles...!"
"Hmm..." Genma said thoughtfully, "Two snakes...no, that doesn't sound right. It's got to be a name that had character, that conveys strength and courage..."
"Or just pisses Hera off," Alcmene snorted, "Her wrath is probably what gave my evil uncle the idea of taking the Kingdom for himself. Hera's wrath..." she paused, blinked her eyes then spoke again, "Hera's Wrath...Herakles! That name sounds like it belongs to a hero, and if my son grows up to be anything like his true father, then he'll be a terror to the ladies, not to mention anything else that gets in his way."
"Leave that to me, Princess," Genma smiled in false humility, "I train heroes for a living. It's what I do best and it's the reason Lord Zeus sent me."
"Can you also train Ithicles to fight?" she asked, holding up the sleeping babe in her arms, "It would be nice if they both grew up to become heroes, then Ithicles can return home and take the throne back when he gets older with his younger brother serving as his shield arm."
"Eh?" Genma's mind went slightly off track, but he recovered himself with great agility, "Well...maybe a few years training together, the both of them could learn a lot with a sparring partner..."
"Then it's settled," she nodded, "We'll go to Argo where my cousin, King Stheneles, will be happy to give me a home in the country, and of course you'll be invited to stay with us and train both of my sons to be heroes. My cousin will be very generous in rewarding you for your troubles on my behalf."
"Oh, it's nothing that a virtuous Martial Artist would not do for a woman in..." Genma paused then asked the inevitable question, "How big of a treasure...?"
Fifteen years later...
"At last!" Zeus thundered as he studied the omens in the fire before him, "After all these seasons my boy is finally coming home to assume his place among the Olympians! Now at last my plans for the boy can be realized! I must summon my daughters so we can make all the necessary arrangements."
"Are you sure that's wise, Father?" asked Hermes, son of Maia, the God of Speed and Mail Delivery Service, "You know what Hera seems to think about incestuous unions between close family members..."
"Never mind what Hera thinks, son," Zeus replied, "Chronos knows I've never wasted too much valuable time worrying on that subject. This is important to the destiny of Olympus, when our bloodlines shall finally converge and a new future will awaken that will insure that we of Olympus continue to reign for another thousand years of history. Now, be a good boy and summon up your sisters, the unmarried ones who wouldn't mind a good catch in a husband."
"As you wish, Father," Hermes sighed, then like a flash he was somewhere else upon Mount Olympus, one by one visiting the shrines and homes of his various sisters, avoiding the ones who had marital arrangements as he focused upon those who were presently of unmarried status.
"Athena," Hermes spoke up, addressing a massive mountain of books upon which was perched a helmeted woman who was using a spear to help prop up a stack of scrolls as high as a mountain, "Dad wants you to be in on a family meeting. At least somebody with sense any way..."
"Indeed?" the dark haired beauty replied, "Well, there's little enough of that in our family, isn't there little brother?"
Hermes did not pause to answer but instead covered his eyes as he appeared upon the edge of a bathing pool secluded in the middle of a woodland zone, "Artemis...Dad's calling a family pow-wow, and I think you ought out to be in on this."
Artemis glanced in annoyance his way, having been busy "rubbing" the back (and of course the front areas as well) of one of her attendant Nymphs, growling in her imitation, "Always when I'm busy taking a bath. I wonder what the old fart is up to this time?"
"Do you really want to know?" Hermes asked, daring to peek through the space between his fingers as he hoped his Silver-haired sister would not notice his interested expression.
"Probably not," she said as she reached for a chiton that another Nymph handed towards her and started up along the bank of the wading pool, adding under her breath, "And you can knock off the act, you pervert. I'm already decent..."
"That...doesn't sound too likely," Hermes murmured under his breath, then he sighed, "You know, it's things like this that cause some of us to think that you're a little odd, sister dearest."
"So who asked you?" she snapped, belting him good and hard so that Hermes briefly became airborne, only to crash down again in an orchard area at the other end of Mount Olympus.
"Oh my," remarked the Goddess Hebe, who was presently collecting some of the Apples of Immortality that would be used to brew the honey-dew wine known as Ambrosia, "Are you all right, little brother?"
"Never better," Hermes groaned, looking up into the concerned and compassionate eyes of the Goddess of Eternal Youth, "Dad wants you to join us at his temple. He's got something planned that he wants you to be in on."
"Me?" Hebe blinked, "Oh dear...I wonder what it could be? I do hope mother isn't having another period. The last one took over twenty years to go away..."
"It's not quite that much of an emergency," Hermes got to his feet, already recovered from his rude landing, "It's just that he's expecting some company that he wants you and the other girls to meet. I'd hurry over there if I were you. I think you've already gathered enough apples."
"I do hope you are right, Hermes," she smiled, "Father was planning some sort of celebration, and I wanted to make sure we had enough Ambrosia on hand. Well...best not to keep father waiting..."
Indeed, Hermes thought almost sourly, no sense staving off the impending calamity that was likely to occur when Athena and Artemis got word of their father's intentions. Instead he steeled himself for his next destination as the scenery whirled by until he was in another part of the Olympian orchards, a place where Hemlock and other poisonous plants grew more abundantly than anything wholesome.
"Eris," Hermes could not quite suppress a slight shudder as the dark haired daughter of Hera turned to regard him with a typically demented expression.
"Yes, brother dearest?" she asked in lilting tones as she held a black orchid up to her face and took a slight sniff from its narcotic perfume.
"Er...never mind," Hermes avowed, realizing that there were some things that he could not be persuaded to inflict upon a kinsman, even a half-brother. Instead he whizzed back to where Zeus was anxiously awaiting his return and reported, "They're coming as you asked, Father...in fact, they should be here at any moment."
"Excellent," Zeus replied without looking up from the divining pool before him, "My agents have detected two half-mortals making their way up the side of Mount Olympus. I want you to conduct them here so that we can get this thing started before certain parties can get wind of what's about..."
"Daddy," a melodious voice addressed them, causing both gods to start as they turned to be greeted by the sight of a vision of unparalleled loveliness standing there half-draped in a toga looking crossly at them with her very posture a kind of accusation.
"Not now, Aphrodite," Zeus urged, "Daddy's very busy at the moment..."
"Yeah, I heard," the strawberry blonde goddess of Love and Beauty remarked as she came forward to put her hands on her hips and glare at them as she continued, "You're going to be having some kind of a meeting with Artemis, Athena and Hebe but you didn't think about inviting me. Now why is that, I wonder? And what's this about a pair of half-mortals coming to pay us a visit?"
"Ah..." Zeus tried to think of something to say that might disarm his acquisitive sexpot daughter and failed utterly to come up with anything intelligent. Fortunately he was spared having to answer as an Owl came fluttering down from the sky and metamorphed a moment later into the tall and athletic form of the brown-haired Athena.
"Off hand, dear sister," the cunning Goddess of Wisdom and Battlefield Strategy replied, "I would say that father is planning something that involves those of us presently of an unmarried status, which of course also implies that matrimonial prospects are about to be considered."
A roe deer came trotting up to join them, transforming a moment later into the Silver haired Artemis, who flashed an angry glare in Zeus's direction and asked, "Is that true, Dad? Are you planning to hitch one of us up to some yucky guy who you're inviting up to Olympus? Count me out of this!"
"Oh my," a melodious voice asked as a spring flower bloomed up from the floor, growing in size until it took the dark haired form of the Goddess Hebe, who added, "I do hope that he's someone mature this time. Mortals tend to be so...immature in their behavior."
"That's because they're not around long enough to really grow up," Artemis snapped, "I'll bet it's one of the Titan-spawn from over the next ridge who's going to come calling on us...either that or some pervert Hero who's made a name for himself and thinks he can graduate to our stature."
"Who cares if he's a Titan or a Mortal?" Aphrodite all but drooled, "If he's a man then we ought to at least give him a lookover!"
"Very true," Athena nodded sagely, then added, "He might even be attractive."
"So what if he is a man?" Artemis scoffed, "What's so great about MEN anyway?"
"Little sister," Aphrodite smiled, "You really want to hear the full list?"
"I'm afraid that when it comes to mortals of the male persuasion our sister is not much inclined to be open-minded," Athena remarked, "She would much rather cavort with mortals of the female persuasion, much as she does with the Nymphs who attend to her like groupies."
"Better groupies than gropies!" Artemis snorted, "You want a man so much, you can have him, sisters!"
"I'm afraid that will be impossible in Aphrodite's case," Zeus replied.
"Huh?" the reddish-blonde goddess blinked her eyes, "How come?"
"Because you're already married to your half-brother, Hephaestus," Zeus replied, "And there's also Ares to consider..."
"Oh that?" Aphrodite made a dismissive motion with her hand, "That's been over for centuries, and you call that a marriage? It was your idea to begin with, Daddy! Heph and I haven't really seen each other much over the last thousand years..."
"Nevertheless," Zeus replied, "My new son is destined to become a husband for one of your sisters, and that is my final word on the subject. I HAVE SPOKEN!" he raised a finger melodramatically as lightly briefly illuminated the heavens.
"Oh yeah?" Aphrodite asked without budging, "Then I suppose I could just go ask Mommy for her opinion on the subject."
"Ah..." Zeus's expression paled, and in a lower volume he said, "Well...maybe you could just sit in and serve as a witness? Hermes?"
"Yes Father," Hermes sighed, hoping his new brother would be of sterner stuff than most mortals as he judged the poor guy was about to walk into a real hen's nest with the man-eating Cockatrices he affectionately referred to as his sisters...
"So what's the big deal anyway?" a tall and powerfully built woman was asking of a purple furred Satyr, "Why can't I go to Mount Olympus to finally meet up with my father like you've been saying all along I should do? Why the sudden change of heart, Old Man? Ya got some reason why I shouldn't go like this to meet my maker?"
Genma swallowed as he eyed his charge, roving up and down her lithe body as he took in her muscular and compact frame with a sense of grim fatality gradually overtaking his enthusiasm. Long curling blonde hair had replaced the normally brown locks of the boy he had all but raised as a son in their various travels. Though not yet of his (or her) full growth, the youth before him would turn heads and start conversations in any tavern throughout the whole of Danaeric region, to say nothing of a good chunk of Anatolia, from whence they had most recently returned.
"Have you taken a good look at yourself in a bronzed mirror, boy?" he asked, "I don't think you want to appear like that around your brother Gods if half the rumors I've heard are true regarding Apollo or your father."
"Huh?" the girl glanced down at herself in mild disgust, fingering the way her leather cuirass had to be constantly re-adjusted every time he went through a transformation, "And who's fault is this anyway? It was your idea to cut through that bloody swamp in the first place!"
"That was just to avoid having another run-in with those Amazons," Genma replied, "And if you hadn't made the mistake of offending Hecate..."
"Hey, she started it!" the youth snapped, glaring down in disgust at her body again before adding, "At least hot water reverses this transformation magic. I suppose I should go find a hot spring somewhere and soak myself to the right gender."
"That would be very wise," Genma nodded, "And believe me, you don't want your father to see you like this..."
"You mean YOU don't want him to see me like this!" the youth glared in anger, "Why, I oughta..."
Hermes popped in at that moment, having run the full distance from the top of Mount Olympus without seriously winding himself, so he was able to recognize Genma right away as he said, "Thank Chronos you're finally here! The old man's been driving me up the wall, asking every five Nano-seconds when you two were gonna show up and-HELLO! What have we here...?"
His eyes roved up and down the form of the young girl wearing a lion's skin for a cape and his smile took on a speculative interest. It was only as he was starting forward that he found the lady's fist intercepting his face with enough force to mark "Cancel" on ten years worth of Airmail.
"Back off, Bro!" the blonde woman snapped, "I'm NOT in the mood!"
"Gah...!" Hermes recoiled from the blow, his head wobbling like a gong.
"Hermes," Genma recognized the Messenger of the Gods from their many past encounters, "I suggest you hold off on your usual method of saying hello until you hear the full story. Say hello to your brother, Herakles, who's suffering under a curse of divine proportions thanks to a certain Witch Goddess."
"Which goddess again?" Hermes asked as he contemplated asking his nephew, Asclepius, to hurry up and invent Aspirin, when Genma's words started to penetrate the thick fog in his mind and he took another hard look at the "blonde" in question, "Herakles? You've got to be kidding me!"
"I'm afraid not, Bro," Herakles glanced down at herself in disgust, "Wish I was but I'm not."
Hermes was used to encountering a fast-growing youth who looked very much as if he would be as tall as an ogre when he reached full maturity, but not the altogether gorgeous specimen of the fairer sex that had obviously taken his half-brother's place. Even millennia of experiments in hormone/gene therapy and sex change plastic surgery could not account for such a complete transformation. Hermes sized his new "little sister" up and could think to say only one thing, "Dad's gonna freak!"
"You think it's any picnic for me?" Herakles asked, "Good think I change back to normal with hot water, which reminds me, Bro...do you think maybe you could get some before we get to Olympus?"
"Ah...right!" Hermes decided right then and there that this was NOT going to go into his official report of the incident. His outline blurred for a half second, and then he held up an iron cauldron and said, "This may be a bit warm for you, Brother..."
"Gah!" Herakles reacted, sputtering as his frame filled out the dimensions of his cuirass until he stood nearly six feet even, with promise of a late growth spurt in the offing. He flexed massive shoulders that appeared appropriately godly then heaved a broad smile and said, "Thanks, Hermes! It feels great to be a guy again! Just as long as I can keep away from cold water I can stay this way too!"
"Uh...right," Hermes turned to look at Genma and asked, "Just what did he do to piss off Hecate this badly?"
"You really want to know?" Genma asked rhetorically, "Let's just say it involved one of her daughters..."
"Oh," Hermes decided no further explanation would be required. With Olympians the one great bane of having a wandering eye was that all the really cute girls tended to have less-than-understanding parents. He turned away and said, "Just hang tight and I'll transport you two to where Dad is waiting. Get ready for a real shock when you get there."
There was little sense of transition as Hercules and Genma found themselves within an amphitheater-like setting with the huge form of Zeus inclined upon his marble throne, flanked on either side by visions of loveliness who were of a more human stature. The red-bearded giant beamed a broad smile and said, "Welcome, my son, to your new home on Mount Olympus."
"Father?" Herakles asked after a moment of understandable amazement.
"Who else, my boy?" Zeus beamed, "You were expecting maybe some special effects and lightning?"
As if on cute the sky suddenly lit up with crackling thunder and bright flashes of gagged fire. It was an effect that even impressed the lionskin-clad youth, though he only mildly betrayed any reaction.
"Okay," he said slowly, "Ah...I guess I should say that this is a real honor...but don't take this the wrong way, but...why haven't I ever seen you before?"
"Had to keep a low profile, Son," Zeus waved a massive hand for emphasis, "Politics and all of that. How is your mother getting along? I've tried to keep tabs on her when the old Witch will let me..."
"Mom was fine the last I saw her," Herakles replied, "Of course that was a while back..."
"Just so," Zeus nodded, then got right down to the point, "I'd like to introduce you to a few of your sisters, the ones who currently don't have husbands and are available for betrothal. Hebe is the eldest among them, one of Hera's daughters who tends the Orchards of Immortality and is a very fine cook, make a great wife for some lucky devil, don't you think?"
"I suppose," Herakles noticed the shy-looking Hebe, who was eyeing him in a very peculiar way, almost demure in a cute, self-conscious manner.
"She's nothing like her mother, take my word on that, Boy," Zeus confided, then moved on to the next selection, "Athena, daughter of Metis, is a real classic beauty, is she not? A scholarly type but one hell of a shield maiden, a fit bride for a true warrior type, as I'm sure you will agree."
Herakles studied the face of the brown-haired Athena, disturbed by the almost cat-like expression that she was wearing as she seemed to size him up with speculative interest. He was wondering if he was only imagining that she was undressing him with her eyes, taking a less-than-clinical approach to taking stock of her half-brother. His nervousness increased when he heard her murmur at a barely audible level, "Perhaps this might be worth further research after all..."
"And lastly," Zeus continued, "There's Artemis, daughter of Leda, the Goddess of the Moon and Recreational Hunting."
Herakles almost took a step back as he read the hostility in the glare of the silver-haired Moon Goddess. He had the uncomfortable sense that she was mentally drawing a target bulls eye on his chest (or perhaps a bit lower than that) and by no means was her regard either open or friendly.
"Ahem," said the forth girl present, shooting an annoyed glance towards their father.
"Um...oh yes," Zeus remarked as if in afterthought, "And this here is Aphrodite, daughter of Dione and the wife of your half-brother, Hephaestus..."
"Daddy!" Aphrodite growled, "I told you it was over between us!"
"Choose any one of these girls and she can be your wife and/or Mistress," Zeus hastily announced, cutting off the Goddess of Love in mid-tirade.
It took several seconds before Herakles could react to this announcement, "My...what?"
"Your wife," Zeus continued smiling, "I want you to be marrying back into the family, to bring in new blood and keep us from stagnating the gene pool..."
"Like you haven't already done enough work on that end, Dad?" Herakles heard Hermes murmur at barely a whisper.
"But...But I can't marry one of my own sisters!" Herakles protested.
"Half-sisters," Zeus reminded him, "And sure you can, my boy! It's done all the time among Mortals! I married my sister when I became King of Olympus, and most of these girls were from various cousins that I...ah...dated in my days of youth..."
"Marriage between Princes and Princesses is an expected obligation of those who bear royal title," Athena explained, "And you are a prince of the Kingdom of Thebes, even if you are presently in exile. It's very likely that you would have had an arranged marriage with a blood cousin had you been a full mortal, like your older brother."
"But...!" Herakles opened his mouth to protest, only to find Genma's beefy hand clamping down over his mouth.
"Your son is in awe of the great honor you do for him, my Lord," Genma hastily explained, "The beauty of your radiant daughters has left him feeling humbled in their presence."
Herakles's eyes widened a bit on hearing this. Since when had the Old Goat ever waxed so lyrical? His usual method of address was more like, "Stop your whining boy, and take what's good for you!" Which is what he usually said just before Herakles would deck him.
"My boy intimidated by a woman?" Zeus scoffed, "Not a chance!"
"Father," Hebe spoke up rather shyly, "Perhaps you are going a bit too hastily in dropping all of this in our brother's lap. He does seem to be rather mature for his size-I mean-his age, but..."
"I don't believe this!" Artemis all but exploded, "You guys are going along with this? COUNT ME OUT!"
"Now Sisters," Athena chided, "Father is only trying to legitimize our brother's claims to being a Prince of Olympus before anyone can challenge his right to be here. The reason for this haste is obvious enough, although I do agree that marrying into the family has certain...unfavorable aspects. You do that too often and recessive traits will tend to manifest in the bloodline, not that I think there is anything the least bit unhealthy about this one..." her smile and look of speculation became particularly predatory.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Herakles fought his way clear of Genma's grasp, "Don't I get a say in whom I'm gonna marry? This ain't the kind of reunion I was looking forward to, Dad!"
"I know, Boy," Zeus made a placating gesture, "A young man with prospects like you doesn't want to tie himself down too early, but it's all for the best if you agree to take one of these girls to be your wife, at least officially. You'll still be free to play around a bit when you get more settled..."
"DAD!" four feminine voices growled out in chorus.
"NEVER!" another voice reverberated, male this time and from none of those visibly present, "I WILL NEVER ALLOW THIS TRAVESTY TO OCCUR!"
One moment later an armored figure appeared in a burst of flames, stepping forth with crimson hair and beard showing from beneath a bronze helmet, tall and powerful looking with a sword in one hand that was the color of blood.
"Ares," Hermes growled in evident disapproval.
"Stay out of this, Brother!" Ares all but spat the word as he leveled the sword towards Herakles, "This is between me and that base pretender over there! I will never allow such a puny one to defile the sacred halls of fair Olympus, and the Heavens would weep with the injustice of allowing such a one to so much as cast wandering eye on any of my fair sisters!"
"Yeah right," Herakles scoffed, "What are you gonna do about it, Helmet-boy?"
"Only this!" Ares cried as he brought his sword up in both hands and prepared to swing it.
Herakles moved faster than the red-bearded warrior, though, and delivered a stinging blow to the jaw that made the God of War and Militarism take a half-
step back. Herakles followed up with a second back-fist that spun the god around, and then with a well-placed kick to the rear he sent his divine half-
brother tumbling end-over-end, leaving the amphitheater like a pig-skin that had been kicked for a field goal.
"What a wimp," Herakles snorted, "I thought he'd at least give me more of a challenge."
"By THUNDER!" Zeus cried, half out of his chair with a huge grin upon his broad face, "Now that's the way to earn your title here, my son! I knew it was a wise idea to entrust you to the keeping of your wise and learned teacher!"
"Huh?" Herakles blinked his eyes, hooking a thumb as he frowned in disbelief and said, "You mean Uncle Genma?"
"Perhaps I am rushing things a bit," Zeus smirked as he ran fingers through his beard and eyed his daughters in a speculative manner, "Maybe I could give you a few hours to decide which of these girls will become your wife. Take all day if you like, but in the meantime enjoy the comforts of home, my boy, you've more than earned it."
"Maybe so," Hermes held up his nose between thumb-and-forefinger, "But I think Herakles here should at least take a hot bath before he goes anywhere. You smell like you've been on the road for a couple of ages. Why don't you show him where the bathing pools are, Hebe?"
"Me?" the tall goddess blinked her eyes and blushed like a mortal girl, saying, "Oh my..."
"Why her?" Aphrodite and Athena growled in chorus, while Artemis looked on in studied indifference.
"Because Dad just said we shouldn't rush things," Hermes explained, "And if we left the task up to either of you, do you think you could keep your hands off him for five minutes?"
Both goddesses looked hastily away while Hebe reluctantly got up with a sigh, shyly glanced at Herakles and said, "Would you follow me this way...brother?"
"Herakles," he replied, "I'd like it better if we kept it on a name basis, okay Sis?"
He followed her out of the amphitheater towards the main gardens where both wading pools and spas were located while two of the remaining goddesses paused long enough to each look speculatively at the other, then get up and follow at a discrete distance. Artemis just sat where she was with her arms folded over her chest, but after a moment she decided that she could use a swim herself to cool down her temper, preferably as far away as she could get from her newly discovered brother and potential pest.
Genma was left alone to his own thoughts, then glanced around and smiled to himself, wondering what sort of things the Gods might leave lying around for an industrious fellow like himself to examine...
To Be Continued.
Comments/Criticisms/Grecian Formula #1039672: shadowmane
Genma's time and space encounters continue when Artemis takes a bath and discovers something she actually can enjoy about her new "brother." Be there...
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