Chapter 1- Promise Me
It was now a couple of months into the beginning of the school year, and Remus J. Lupin was happier than his ever been. Remus' happiness was due to his new found friends; Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. Though his friends wouldn't pay much attention in class and ended up doing their homework at the last minute. Still he could count on them to be there for him. Remus was happy with the way things had been, but something inside of him was changing.
His best bloke, Sirius, was what had begun causing all of the changes in him. Remus was become very confused over his new found feelings for Sirius. He just couldn't seem to stop himself. At random moments he would realize he was watching Sirius' every move. The way Sirius would brush any stray black hairs from his perfect clear face. As days went on Remus was starting to day dream about Sirius, when they won't near each other.
These feelings added to Remus' stress. How could he tell his best bloke that he was falling for him? He didn't want to lose his friends, so it became another big secret he keeps. Only the headmaster and a select few teachers knew of Remus' biggest darkest secret. When Remus was younger playing in his back yard he was attached by a Werewolf. The Werewolf left him an inch from death. This Werewolf had a sick way of thinking; he loved to attack young children to see if they would live. It was a favorite way of turning others into something like him. Remus survived and was kept safe from this fate because soon after the attack the Werewolf was caught. Every full moon the results of the attack resurfaced.
"Remus? Hey? What is with you? You haven't really touched your food. As well you haven't joined in on the conversations we are having." Sirius asked confused with a hint of worry in his grey eyes.
Remus had gotten lost in his thoughts again and forgot it was already the end of the day. "Sorry guys," Remus shot his eyes up to his friends, then down again embarrassed.
"It doesn't matter as long as you're alright," smirked James.
"Just ch...checking," piped Peter looking down at his almost empty plate.
"Thanks. Just got a lot on my mind. I have to go back into the infirmary," Remus' brown eyes depended with sadness.
"You have to go back? That is some sickness you got," pestered Sirius. Sirius' mind wondered off after the words left his lips. Wow. This candle light makes Remus' skin glow ever so softly. I just want to touch his soft skin barely rubbing those pink lips of his. GOD! Sirius Stop! Think of something else.
"It's just an inherited disease. It's only a day or so once a month. It would be bad if I didn't go." Remus expressed, longing showing through his usual calm face. I could never tell them the real reason I leave. Never. Some of his sadness slipped though his mask of calm.
After all four boys had finished eating they walked through the halls to their common room. The four talked of many things, as well as did some homework. About an hour or so passed by and Remus excused himself. It was a normal thing for him to do near this time. The transformation takes a lot out of him, so it causes his body to need more sleep. Sirius noticed Remus had went to the dorm room to sleep and got up to follow him.
Sirius slowly opened the door. "Hey, um... Remus." Sirius started but stopped mid way though when he noticed Remus shirtless. The second thing that he noticed was all of the scars on Remus. They weren't few or small; there were lots of them in all different sizes. So much sadness and worry came from Sirius as his eyes moved from Remus' chest back to his face. Shock and shame covered Remus' face as he quickly placed the shirt he just took off back on.
"Sirius?" whispered Remus to the staring Sirius.
"I'm...sorry." Sirius rambled as he came back to reality.
"It's alright. Just please don't tell the others."Remus pleaded.
"I won't. I was worried and wanted to check on you. I'll let you get to sleep you look tired. Good night Remus." Sirius turned to walk out the door.
"Wait." Sirius stopped half way in and half way out of the dorm room. "Thank you, Sirius." Remus blushed a little as Sirius smiled and closed the door leaving Remus alone again.
As Remus lay in his bed, the scene played over and over in his head. The whole thing was way off from the plan he made to slowly break the news. He had planned on finding out if his friends would ditch him or not. After he knew that, he would show them his curse and explain it all to them. He didn't really want Sirius thinking the worst about the scars, or to worry about him. It was somewhat nice to have one of his friends know some of his secret. Plus it didn't look like Sirius was going to stop being friends with him, which made Remus smile as he fell asleep.
A familiar voice called to Remus though the darkness. "Hey Remus. I wanted to ask you something." Sirius asked shaking Remus gently.
"What did you want?" Remus inquired half asleep.
"You mentioned something about a secret that included me. I was wondering if we could talk about that." Sirius whispered into Remus' ear.
"What?" Remus sat up filling with shock and embarrassment.
"I won't say anything. So tell me." Sirius begged with his puppy dog face.
"Um..." Remus' checks grew redder by the second as he looked for the words he wanted to say. "I have developed feelings for you. You see I love you." Remus fidgeted with his blanket waiting for something, anything from Sirius.
"Why would I want to be with a werewolf? I don't want your fleas. Plus you have a penis, I don't go for those. Don't talk to me again. "Sirius walked away from the bed, Remus' eyes filled with tears as everything went back to black.
Again the shaking and Sirius calling his name came through the darkness. "REMUS! WAKE UP!" Sirius spoke into Remus' ear, to wake him but no one else in the room.
"Sirius?" Remus asked looking at him with tears running down his check.
"Remus, it's me. It's ok. Don't cry anymore. Sirius sat on the bed next to Remus.
"What?" questioned Remus as he sat up.
"You were calling my name. I thought maybe you were awake and wanted to talk. I came over and saw you crying. If it's about earlier tonight, I never said anything." Sirius slowly and gently put his arm over Remus' shoulders to pull him into a hug.
"It was..." Remus tried to hold back his tears but a few more slipped out and rolled down his checks. Sirius wiped them away not aware of what he did. "It was a really bad nightmare." Remus cleared his throat, trying to forget it.
"Well I'm here for you no matter what." Sirius smiled ever so warmly at Remus. "I'll sit right next to you till you fall asleep again." Sirius moved his arm from Remus' shoulders so he could lie down. This made Remus a little sad again but that faded fast because he knew Sirius would stay till he was asleep.
Remus laid back down facing Sirius and closed his eyes. "Thank you," Remus mumbled before he dozed off. After about 10 to 15 minutes Remus was asleep, Sirius removed some stray strands of Remus' hair falling in his face. Sirius stood up to go back to his own bed, unable to take his eyes off of Remus. His body moved on its own before his mind could catch up, he bent down slowly gently kissing Remus' forehead. Once his mind understood what his body was doing it was too late he walked to his bed mentally smacking himself. He replayed the kiss in his mind till sleep took him into its arms.
Remus' transformation came and gone, as well as a week. Remus was just about out of his chocolate he got every time from his friends, as well his new fresh wounds were just about healed completely. The fear that was in the back of Remus' mind was starting to surface. Sirius started distenceing himself and this caused Remus to wonder if he was scared or disgusted of him. This made Remus' tears close to coming out often for the past week.
Remus was sitting in a chair and Peter was next to him on one of the sofas in front of the fire place. James and Sirius were sitting at a small table in the corner, not far from the other two boys, arguing about something.
"Hey Remus? Could you help me on this assignment?" grinned James, meaning it was due the next day.
"I'll help you." Remus stated as he stood and walked over to James "which class?' questioned Remus as he looked at a blank parchment.
"You can have my seat I'm doing to bed." Sirius said getting up and walking to the dorms without looking back. All Remus could do was hold back his tears welling in his brown eyes. His heart felt like it broke into pieces. He held the tears back but couldn't hide the pain.
James patted Remus' shoulder to try to comfort him. James knew more than he was leading on to Remus. He spent a good half an hour or so talking, well mostly arguing, with Sirius over Sirius' feelings towards Remus. He was a good friend and knew the obvious of both his friends feeling towards the other. They just didn't know, James was trying his best to let them find out on their own, but Sirius could be such an arse sometimes.
"Thanks Remus but I think I have it figured out." James carefully grinned at Remus.
"Alright. If you need my help just ask then." Remus stood still watching the stairs for another minute till he went back to his original seat.
Meanwhile Sirius sat on his bed in the dormitory trying to organize his thoughts. From the time he kissed Remus and realized his true feeling for his small friend his mind has been racing. He told James of his feelings for Remus and ending up just arguing. All of his confusion and fear of telling Remus the truth has caused him to push his crush away. The distance was making his heart ache more and more with each passing minute.
"What to do?" Sirius placed his face in his hands. I already have known how I feel towards Remus. I can't tell him he is just so fragile. He is always so quiet towards others and very careful around them. So thin, no matter how much we make him eat. Pale soft skin; silky brown hair; and deep brown eyes. Where was I going with this again? Oh yeah fragile. Those scars, something like that makes me want to watch him at all times. Is it something with his mind that he could have given them to himself? He isn't that strong though. He talks so much good of his parents so there isn't away they could have caused them. I know Remus may never feel the same as I do for him. I need to protect him, even if we are only friends. An apology is in order so we can stay friends. He probably thinks I am disgusted or something by his scars. I need to fix this tonight, but knowing myself I'll mess up and express my true feelings. It wouldn't be right if I ask James or Peter to tell him.
Sirius looked around the room as he thought of a better way. He noticed some parchment on another one of the first year's trunks that shared the room. "A letter would be best." Sirius got off his bed to look through his trunk at the foot of his bed. He searched all over his area but couldn't find any parchment. "I'll take Remus'. He always has a bunch." Sirius took a piece of Remus' parchment and lied on Remus' bed to write the letter.
Dear Remus,
The way I have been acting has nothing to do with your scars. I'm not afraid, just worried about you. I have had a lot on my mind recently. I need to apologize for my actions. I'm sorry. I have been such an arse. I don't want to lose our friendship, so I hope that you can forgive me. I really do appreciate all the things you have done for me. Thank you for putting up with my arse for this long.
With care Sirius
p.s. I took this piece of parchment form you. Thanks.
Sirius read the letter a few times before he placed it under Remus' pillow. He laid in Remus' bed for a few minutes taking in the woodsy scent Remus always had on him. Sirius didn't linger to long for he knew soon the others would be up to go to bed. Sirius moved to his bed and closed his eyes, letting the last bit of Remus' scent fade was he did into sleep.
Remus was one of the last first years still in the common room. He was starting to doze off on one of the sofas when James startled him awake. "Remus you're falling asleep. Go to your bed. You have nothing to worry about it has been over two hours." James pulled Remus off the sofa and pushed him towards the stairs.
Remus was too tired to fight or say anything. He ascended the stairs to his bed, not taking the time to change. Remus shoved his shoes off and lay down with his eyes closed. They shot open in seconds for he could barely smell the scent of Sirius lingering. Remus moved his head to face his pillow more when he heard a crunching noise. Slowly reaching under his pillow till he found the parchment. Confusion over took him as he pulled it out from under his pillow and quietly unfolded it.
"Lumos," whispered Remus as not to wake anyone with the light from his wand. He read the letter twice as quickly as he could before whispering "Nox." Remus replaced the letter where he found it not wanting to lose it, as well putting his wand next to the letter. It felt like some of the weight was lifted off his shoulder. Remus couldn't stop smiling, he was so glad to be sure that he friends with Sirius. Good night and sweet dreams Sirius. I love you with every ounce of my being.Remus passes out with relief and a big smile across his face.