"He's Not My Friend" - Jonnor
Spoilers for episode 21 of season 2.
"He's not my friend."
Lena paused, a confused look crossing her face.
"Not your-Jude, sweetie, why isn't Connor your friend?" She asked.
Jude paused. He could lie, say they'd had a fight or something, but then that's all he'd been doing lately. Lying. To his moms. To his sister, his siblings. Mostly to himself though. Maybe the time for lying was over.
"There were no girls," Jude started. "In the tent. There were no girls. It was just us. Connor and me, and we-we kissed."
Lena remained silent, waiting for Jude to continue.
"We kissed and Connor made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone. And I didn't. I didn't because he was scared, of his dad I think, finding out. But then he, he started going out with Daria and I didn't understand. I mean, he kissed me." Jude stopped and looked up at Lena, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "He kissed me, mama."
Lena pulled Jude into her arms, wrapping them tightly around him and holding him close.
"He's confused, sweetie. You understand that. I know you do. This, this type of situation is hard for adult, let alone a teenaged boy. You can't hold too much against him."
"I know," Jude sniffled. "I don't. I'm not. Its just. I-I care about him and I think he cares about me too and I don't know what to do about his dad. I don't want to make his dad hate him-"
"Jude, what you do or don't do has absolutely nothing to do with Connor's father and his feelings towards his son."
"Connor told him."
"Told him what, sweetie?" Lena asked.
"He told his dad he was gay."
Lena gasped. She was in no way expecting that.
"So that's why he won't let me see Connor, I think. Because he thinks I did this to him or something." Jude whispered, his head dropping down against Lena's shoulder.
"You know it doesn't work that way, right?" Lena asked.
"Y-yeah. I do. Obviously you don't choose to be this way. People who think that way are completely ridiculous." Jude said with a scowl on his face.
Lena couldn't help a small chuckle that escaped her mouth. Jude's tiny smile was completely worth it.
"I just want to see him, mama."
Before Lena could respond, Connor's father had turned the corner and in seeing them, started stalking quickly towards them. Lena jumped up before he could make is close to her son.
"Mr. Stevens, perhaps we should talk. Privately." Lena said, motioning away from where Jude sat, head bowed and eyes closed, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.
Jude tuned out whatever his mom and Mr. Stevens were staying, instead focusing on how close he was to Connor and yet, how far away from him he felt. It wasn't fair. None of this way fair. Hadn't Jude already drawn the short straw in life? Hadn't he already been through his fair share of heartbreak in just a few short years. He wasn't old enough to have lived through as much hell as he'd been in.
Pushing away from the wall, Jude stood. His mind made up, he carefully made his way to where the adults were in the middle of what seemed to be a very heated discussion.
"Mr. Stevens?" Jude interrupted. Both adults stopped talking and turned to face Jude.
"What?" The older man snapped. Lena opened her mouth to retort but Jude stopped her.
"I'm sorry for whatever you think I've done to Connor but, but he's my best friend and I care about him. I just want to see him." Jude begged. "You don't have to leave us alone, you can stay in the room. I-I won't touch him or get close enough for him to touch me. I'll stand back and speak to him but please, just let me see him."
Lena's heart broke for Jude. He was far too young to have to deal with any of this.
"Listen, kid, I-" Mr. Stevens started, only to be interrupted.
"My name is Jude." The young boy snapped, his resolve breaking. "I am your sons best friend. I'm gay. I like Connor and I think he likes me too which is why you are so adamant about keeping me away from him. But you can't. You can't keep me away from him. He, he was my only friend for so long and I need him, okay? I need to know I still have my best friend. I just, please. Please don't keep me away."
Connor's dad sighed and Lena was almost sure she could see the moment his own resolve started to break.
"I don't care that you're gay, Jude," He said. "I don't, okay? But my kid? Connor. I don't want him to be this way. I want him to be normal."
Lena's hands bawled into fists at her side, an angry rant on the tip of her tongue. Jude, however, spoke first.
"What's normal anymore? And, and who gets to decided what normal even is anyway? Just because Connor likes boys doesn't make him not normal. It doesn't make us weird or strange or whatever you think people like us are. You don't get to define what is normal for him." Jude said in a rush.
"But its not normal! Connor should be out, dating girls and playing baseball! He should be worried about which girls he's going to ask to whatever dance is coming up next! He shouldn't be worrying about matching his tie to your fucking nail polish!"
Jude looked down at his hands, the blue polish staring back at him. He smiled.
"I actually have the perfect tie to match this color so Connor wouldn't have to worry about it." Jude grinned a half grin. Beside of him, he felt his mom chuckle while Connor's dad groaned.
"That's not the point I'm trying to make here, kid."
"No. The point you want to make is that there is something wrong with us, just because we like each other! And that's not fair, sir. You're Connor's dad and while I respect you for that single fact alone, I don't have an ounce of respect for you as a person. You are a rude, judgmental man who would rather see his son miserable with a girl than happy with me, or any other boy and that is just wrong." Jude felt himself shake with anger.
"Jude, sweetie, please don't be rude." Lena whispered next to his ear.
"I'm tired of being nice, mama. He won't let me see Connor and its not fair!" Jude exclaimed, his voice breaking as he spoke.
"I can't stop this, can I?" Mr. Stevens voice startled Jude. "Unless I uproot him from his life and just take him away from this place, there's nothing I can do, is there?"
"You have to start trusting your son," Lena said, her arm wrapped protectively around Jude's shoulders. "He's growing up and as much as its hard to see, he's going to start making decisions you don't agree with. He's a teenage boy. I mean, obviously he's going to make you angry and you aren't always going to agree on things but its inevitable, Adam."
"But his life is going to be so much harder now."
"Yes. It is."
"I don't want that for him."
"Of course you don't. Because you are his father and you love him. All any good parent wants for their child is to be able to protect them. But you can't protect Connor by taking him away or locking him up. He'll only grow to resent you and no one wants that." Lena hugged Jude closer to her, a small smile tugging at her lips. "We have to let them grow up but we don't have to let them grow away from us and taking Connor away from his life here, Adam, its not a good idea. And I'm not just saying that as Jude's mother, I'm saying that as someone who has seen her fair share of what happens to children when their parents stop taking their needs into consideration."
"So you think Connor needs to be here?" Mr. Stevens' eyes darted from Lena to Jude.
"I think Connor deserves the right to stay in the only place he's ever known as home. I think he deserves the right to decide for himself if he wants to see Jude or not. And if they decide to be more than friends..." Lena trailed off, not entirely sure it was safe to go there yet with Adam.
"They're just kids though!"
"Connor wasn't just a kid when he was dating Daria, was he? No. Because he told me how happy you were when he told you he'd asked her out. Why is it so different with me? Why do you hate me so much?" Jude asked with sad eyes turned up to look the older man in the eyes.
"I don't hate you," He started and Jude's scoff stopped him. "Hell kid, I don't really know you so how can I not like you?"
"So, get to know me. Let me come over when Connor goes home. Come over to dinner at our house when he feels up to it. Take the time to know me first before you judge me solely on the fact that I'm gay and love your son."
Lena's eyes widened, as did Mr. Stevens.
"You love my kid?"
Jude smiled a bashful sort of smile.
"In the only way a thirteen, almost fourteen year old knows how."
Lena knew she had never been as proud of Jude as she was in that instant. It took everything in her not to burst into tears.
"Oh god, okay, even I have to admit that was cute." Connor's dad said, shocking both Jude and Lena. "Okay fine. Fine. You can see him. I won't," He sighed. "I will try my damnedest to understand all of this. And I won't keep you away from him."
The smile on Jude's face was so bright it rivaled the sun.
"But there will be some rules that you both will adhere to or I will stop all interaction other than school, okay?"
"Like what?" Jude asked hesitantly.
"Like absolutely no closed doors when you're over. I'm sure your moms will agree with me on that one."
Lena laughed. Of course she agreed with the open door policy. Jude however was fighting against the blush on his cheeks.
"I honestly have no idea from there, kid, so just, I don't know, be good to him? Connor's a good kid and I haven't always done right by him but I, I can see that you make him happy and as much as I don't understand it, I don't want him to resent me, so, you go ahead on in and see him. There's a couple more hours left for visitors so you can hang around til then if your mom doesn't mind."
Jude's eyes snapped up to look at Lena. She grinned at his wide eyed innocent look.
"Of course you can stay. I'll come back and get you before the dance competition, yeah? That will give you and Connor plenty of time to talk."
"Thank you!" Jude exclaimed as he leaped into his mom's arms to hug her tightly. "And, and thank you Mr. Stevens." Jude said, sticking his hand out to shake the older man's own hand.
Adam laughed as he shook Jude's hand.
"I've got to admit that you've got a good kid there," Adam said as he faced Lena.
"Yes, I do." Lena smiled.
"I may need some help with all of this because I don't have a clue what's going to happen but I'm going to try. For Connor's sake."
"That's all I can ask right now, Adam. Just try. And if you need Stef or I, we'll always be available to talk."
"Thank you."
"You are more than welcome."
They both watched as Jude hesitantly knocked on the door to Connor's hospital room.
"Yeah?" Jude heard Connor call out as he reached for the door handle. Pushing it open, Jude took a deep breath as he stepped into the room, his eyes automatically finding Connor's.
"Jude!"
Lena smiled at the closing door to Connor's room.
Inside, Jude couldn't help but smile at the boy in front of him. It felt good just seeing him, even though he looked sort of miserable, minus the huge smile on his face now, of course.
"How did you-I mean, I thought my dad wouldn't let you in?" Connor asked, slightly confused, but happier than he'd been since before everything had happened.
Jude had every intention of answering Connor but the sudden lump that had formed in his throat stopped him. He could feel tears forming in his eyes. He tried to blink them away before Connor noticed.
"Jude, what? Why are you crying?" Connor asked as Jude stepped closer to the bed.
"I just, I'm happy to see you." The younger boy managed to say without his voice breaking. Much.
"I'm happy to see you too, Jude," Connor said, smiling still as he reached out to take Jude's hand. "Wait, what's this?" He asked.
Jude chuckled.
"War paint."
Connor grinned.
"But I still don't understand how you're here? My dad was-"
"I just sort of showed up and told him I wasn't leaving until he let me see you." Jude blurted.
"What?"
"Yeah, I um, I've missed you." Another blush rose on Jude's cheeks.
"I missed you too," Connor said, a blinding smile on his face. He shifted as well as he could to make room for Jude to sit on the bed with him. Jude, thankfully, didn't need to be asked as he immediately climbed into the bed.
"Mom came. I-I think your dad called her hoping she'd make me leave but she didn't. She sat down in the floor with me and I, Connor, I told her everything." Jude let his head hang in shame, afraid Connor would be upset with him.
Connor, however, just smiled again as he nudged Jude's shoulder, making the smaller boy look up at him.
"Dude, I came out to my dad two days ago. I'm pretty sure even if you didn't tell your moms what really happened, they'd have eventually figured something out. Your moms are pretty smart like that."
"So you aren't mad at me then?" Jude asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"Couldn't be mad at you if I tried. And I have before. Tried to be mad at you. Can't do it."
With his mind made up, Connor lifted his arm from between the two of them and wrapped it around Jude's shoulders, pulling him as close as he could get him.
"Your dad-" Jude's wide eyes showed a touch of fear in them as he looked towards the door and Connor decided right then that he was having none of that.
"My dad knows how I feel. He knows I, Jude, I like you, okay? I think you know that. And not being able to see you these last couple of days has sucked. Like, really sucked. I made sure my dad knew how I felt and he knew I wanted to see you. I just, he made me so mad that I just blurted out that I'd snuck out to see you, not Daria and he freaked out. Majorly. But I kind of did too. I think I shocked him." Connor sighed. "I don't care if he knows anymore, Jude. I just want to be able to see you when I want to. I want to be able to, to hold your hand when I feel like it and this, I like this-this holding you thing we're doing right now, okay? And if my dad doesn't like it, he can just not look at me because I do like it and I think you do too, right? So I want to hold your hand and put my arm around you and-and kiss you, if, no when I want, okay? And my dad will just have to deal with it." Connor's chest was heaving by the time he'd finished talking.
"So what does all that mean exactly, Connor?" Jude asked. "You want to hold my hand and kiss me. Okay. I kind of already figured that much out but I don't want to be a secret. I'm sorry if that's what you want but I don't."
"Jude, I told my dad! You don't-I don't-We don't have to hide anything okay? I want to be your boyfriend, Jude! I want to tell my dad that you're my boyfriend and I want to meet your moms as your boyfriend. Do you, do you want that?" Connor asked carefully.
"You're stupid if you think I don't want that." Jude snorted, burying his face in Connor's shoulder.
"So, so you'll be my boyfriend then?"
"Yes." Jude reply was muffled by the older boys shoulder but Connor smiled and laughed anyway.
"Awesome." Connor said as he pulled Jude back to him, his arm tightening around the smaller boy.
Jude figured there would be a lot more talking in their future, between the two of them and with his moms and Connor's dad but for now, Jude was with his boyfriend, finally, and he was happy. He'd worry about everything else later, he thought as he snuggled further into Connor's embrace.