Crack-fic crack-fic I own a crack-fic. I own this crack-fic, but not much else. Sorry. This plot bunny has been bugging me all day. Now, it's NOT yaoi, they're just in a compromising situation. Deal with it. Canon pairings, OOC, OC- the usual. Again, NOT YAOI!!!! *You might want to have read the manga, at least a little bit before reading this, but you don't particularly have to. Oh, and sorry if I sound like an OCD-fangirl, even if I am one.
Stealing Ed's Clothes
"AAGGHH!! Where'd they go!" I heard Edward Elric, FullMetal Alchemist yell from the boy's-I mean men's- locker rooms. Then I heard a resounding crash. I followed the noise. They lead to Colonel Roy Mustang's door...way. The remains of the fire-proof (but apparently not shatter-proof) door were strewn across the hallway. Just then, I focused on the noises emitting from the colonel's brightly lit office.
"Nygh!" (A/N- cross between no and groan) I heard the low, controlled voice of Colonel Mustang issuing from around the doorway. I crept in slowly, avoiding puddles and shards of wood, and the oddest sight besieged me.
Alphonse Elric, Ed's little brother*, was (trying to) hide behind a desk, baring a recently-alchemized plaque that usually read 'Colonel Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist'. Now it read 'Colonel Roy Mustang, The Lame Alchemist'. Said alchemist was currently struggling in the grip of a lithe, half-naked, blonde figure that had him pinned to the wall.
I walked in. "Uh, bad time?" I asked the embracing alchemists. The figure, a shoulder-length blonde, with dripping wet hair, turned around, keeping a firm grip on the struggling Colonel Mustang.
It was Ed.
That was too much. I burst out laughing.
"You think this is funny, do you?" the furious young alchemist asked darkly, perfectly sculpted chest heaving.
"Very," I choked out between laughs.
In a matter of seconds, I was pinned against the wall, not unlike the much-tortured Mustang. I was nonplussed.
"What is this, some new fetish of yours? Pinning people against the wall while half-naked? I have to say though, you look like a girl with your hair down."
He looked at me like a goldfish, sopping wet. I continued.
"Though I must say, it's almost a waste, and I feel sorry for Winry and Riza (Hawkeye, you idiots!) if you're coming out like this. Oh, now I feel bad, poor Roy, left cold and shivering without you!" I pushed the two soaking wet alchemists together. "Well, my work here is done!" I walked out. I heard movement behind me. "I wouldn't do that if I were you!" I warned in a sing-song voice.
I passed Havoc as I walked down the hall. He glanced at my wet clothes. We both continued silently on our separate ways. I looked back as I rounded the corner. Havoc was staring through the open doorway. I watched his cigarette fall as he surveyed the chaos beyond. 'Not again' I thought to myself.
-
A few days later, everyone knew about the…incident. Apparently, while Ed was in the shower, someone stole the top half of his clothes-even his hair tie- and blamed it on Colonel Mustang by burning the locker door. They also ambushed Colonel Mustang with water balloons and stole his plaque, then blamed it on Al. My part in all this, however, was not kept quiet. For weeks Mustang and Ed wouldn't look me in the eye, and tormented Al every chance they got. I just kept laughing. And stealing Edward's clothes.
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