The Doctor hated funerals; they always seemed so miserable and depressing, they should be celebrating the person's life and the memories they had made throughout the years, but instead they always seemed to be full of tears and sad over the fact they were gone. This just seemed wrong on his eyes, he didn't want to dwell on what had been lost, but the memories that had been gained in the time they'd had together. Of course, he had never really needed to go to a funeral before, and he never expected to go to one. He had nothing to lose before, but this was different. This was his best friend, he needed to be here. He needed to pay his last respects and gain some sort of closure.
This wasn't just anyone. This was Rose, his Rose. His brilliant, clever and witty Rose Tyler. That pink and yellow human that changed his life forever, even after nine hundred years, she had made a difference to who he was. She gave him faith and hope to carry on in life.
The Doctor was the only one here that knew the truth. She was still alive, but he couldn't shout it out in the middle of her funeral, he'd be locked in to the loony bin forever. At times he often found himself wishing he didn't know the truth, maybe it would be easier if she had died. No, he couldn't think like that. He was just being selfish. She had a chance at a new life, even if it wasn't with him in the TARDIS like she had always planned. If she had died, he wouldn't be constantly worried that she wasn't okay. Was she having a happy life? Was she miserable? If she felt anything like he did right now, it wasn't a life worth living. He just wanted to stay in the TARDIS forever, travelling alone was too painful. The Doctor was too used to holding her hand as they ran side by side. Not having someone to do that with hurt an unbearable amount, feeling his hearts break beneath his chest.
He simply stood in the background, hoping that he would blend in and go unnoticed. He recognised a few of the faces here, he'd met them during family events at the Tyler household. They were like his family, they were his family. Even Jackie Tyler and Mickey the Idiot, it would never be the same without them. The Doctor watched everyone as they sobbed in to their tissues. This wasn't what Rose would have wanted, she hated when anyone cried because of her, she didn't think she was important enough. He always tried to change her mind though. To him he was worth everything. Every tear and smile, everything. He'd give both hearts just to have one more moment with her. Seeing everyone crying just showed him how loved she truly was, and she couldn't see it.
This was the only place The Doctor could grieve for his long lost friend, she was everything to him. She was more than just a companion, she was his best friend, the person he could talk to and laugh along with, even at stupid things. Rose was the only person that made him feel human and accepted, before her he truly thought he would travel alone. He usually just brought people pain. His mind flickered back to their trip to Krop Tor all those months ago, insisting that he only had the TARDIS, but now he could see how much he once did have. He had Rose, she was his family, and now that was all gone.
Everyone was suddenly moving and The Doctor knew this was the time he should make his exit. Someone was bound to notice him if he stayed here any longer. But no amount of time was enough, he just wanted to stay here and grieve for the friend he had lost. The one person he could talk to and admit his darkest of secrets to, and never once judged him. The Doctor tried to get out as fast as he could manage, halting when he heard someone calling out to him. He cursed under his breath in Gallifreyan before turning on his heels to find Rose's best friend, Shareen, standing right in front of him.
"Hey!" She yelled when The Doctor simply stood there, finally turning around. "Where do you think you're going? Why aren't you staying?" She questioned, knowing that he and Rose had been close. Shareen had seen them together, it was clear to everyone that they cared deeply about one another.
"I've got things to do, Shareen." The Doctor replied, of course that was a lie, but Shareen didn't need to know that.
"More important than saying goodbye to Rose?" She questioned, raising her eyebrow slightly. "You should just stay, it's what Rose would have wanted."
"No it isn't." The Doctor croaked in a small whisper, she wouldn't have wanted him to cry over her, and right now he was on the verge of doing so. He never cried, and she had never seen him cry, he wasn't going to change that now. "I've got to say my own goodbyes." He replied, giving a sad smile before walking away and heading towards the TARDIS. He did have his own goodbyes to say, and he knew just how he was going to do it. And how better to do it than burning up the sun, how very proper.