Summary: After Juice attempts to commit suicide Chibs calls an old girlfriend from Juice's past to help him get past whatever he's going through. But she's hiding a secret of her own. Post S4x07. One-shot Juice/OC, Rated M just to be safe.
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Sons of Anarchy is FX property and Tell Mama is a song title from Etta James and The Civil Wars.
Tell Mama
Chibs assumed it was too much pressure from the cartel deal. He knew Juice had been off since the night he had caught and shot Miles over the missing blow. Chibs could relate to Juice; the very same thing had happened to him years ago. The depression, the guilt, and the questions would linger around him for weeks until it drove him mad. Chibs knew. He'd been there before.
The Scotsman had lifted Juice's phone from the cigar box after their last church meeting—when the rival cartel opened fire into their clubhouse, packing round after round into the foundation of their club. Now, Chibs was searching through his list of contacts looking for a familiar name. He had heard Juicie Boy talk of her on occasion whenever he was particularly drunk and none of the Crow-Eaters seemed to satisfy him. But Chibs also knew about the muck between them he was about to stir up.
There it was, the beautiful name he was looking for: Mary Jane. Her number wasn't local, which might pose a problem for Chibs plan. It looked like a Portland area code, and Chibs debated whether or not he should press on with his plotting. Chibs remembered when she left Juice five years ago He downed a shot of scotch before pressing the dial button. The phone line held for four rings then went to voicemail. The good lass probably had a job during the day where she couldn't answer. Chibs ordered the skinny new prospect to pour him another glass of scotch when Tig poked his head into the clubhouse.
"You seen Piney?" he asked.
Chibs shook his head no, but offered that he might be up on a tequila retreat in the cabin until the cartel mess blew over. He was an old man after all, and this cartel mess was a young man's game. Chibs drained his glass again and dialed the number once more. He could see Jax and Juice sitting on the tow's bumper outside the clubhouse, knowing all to well what Juice needed.
The line rang twice, and then to Chibs surprise, a delicate voice answered on the other end. Chibs immediately shooed the skinny prospect out of the clubhouse for some privacy.
"Who is this?"
"Uh, miss—is this Mary Jane?"
"Who wants to know?" her sweet voice was laced with agitation. She was going to hang up any minute now.
"A friend of Juice Ortiz. Can I have a minute of your time, darling?" his voice was low and urgent, hoping the woman would pick up on it.
"I haven't seen Juice in years. Is he alright?" her voice was soft and sweet. She sounded like Old Lady material to Chibs' devious ears.
"He's hit a bit of a rough patch lately, Mary Jane. Is there any way I can persuade you to make a visit to Charming?"
"Tell me who this is. How did you get my number?" Mary Jane turned on the defense.
"I'm a friend, darling, I can't tell you anymore. I'm calling on Juice's phone." Chibs replied desperately.
"Oh my god, what's happened?" her sweet voice wavered.
"I caught him in a bad way, love. I think he really needs you—he needs someone outside the club to set his head on straight before he breaks his own neck for real this time."
"Wha—what does that even mean?"
"It means, love, that we could lose Juice from this Earth if someone doesn't convince him that hanging from a tree is a bad idea." Chibs immediately regretted his choice of words when he heard her gasp and drop the phone. The line was still connected, but he had no idea if she was still listening.
"Sorry about that." She sniffed into the phone, "You still there, friend?"
"Yes, darling."
"When do you need me?"
"Tonight would be best."
The line was quiet for a few moments, making Chibs nervous.
"Five years I haven't seen Juice—what the hell do I say to him? He'll know somebody from the club dragged me down here."
"I dunno, love, make something up—or tell him the truth, I don't care. I just want my Juicie-Boy to be alright again."
Chibs knew it was a risky move speaking to Mary Jane; she was smart, surely she could tell he was speaking with a Scottish accent and would immediately reveal this knowledge to Juice. But he didn't care. He just wanted his brother to be alright. He knew what Juice was going through. He'd been there before.
"Alright then. I'll drive down this afternoon once my shift ends."
"You in Portland?"
"Yes."
"Good lass. Thank you Mary Jane."
The line ended and he threw Juice's phone back in the cigar box. Chibs hoped he wasn't going to regret this later.
The law finally released Juice from his blackmailing session of the day. The moon was out already, and juice had seven missed called on his confiscated cell phone. Looking down the list, they were all from the sheriff of the Sons, except one.
Mary Jane.
He wasn't reading it right; his eyes were playing a cruel trick on him. Juice squinted at the brightly lit mobile phone in his hand as if it were miles away from him. Mary Jane was one of those women you couldn't forget easily. He snapped the phone shut and shoved in down his pants pocket.
"Shit."
Juice swung a leg over his Harley and revved the engine twice before speeding out of police campus towards his apartment. Along the way, he remembered everything about Mary Jane. The pain he felt when she couldn't take it anymore and left him for a fresh start in Portland. It was the story of so many Old Ladies before; they couldn't handle living life as a part of the club and they needed a way out, often leaving their men behind. He remembered buying a ring, but never having the chance to give it to her. Juice sped around corners and blipped down the main street. He felt unhinged. It had been years since Mary Jane left him and broke his heart. He didn't need anything else adding to his stockpile of emotions. He was still furious with himself for not being able to hang himself. It was so simple! But he'd fucked it up—just like the kilo of blow he couldn't even sneak out. The sheriff kept riding his ass about the club and nailing the RIRA and he knew some of the guys were onto him.
Juice slowed down as he turned the corner to his neighborhood. Glad to be clear of everyone for a minute so he could just think things over, he pulled his Harley into the apt driveway and parked. As he fixed the kickstand out, Juice noticed the familiar robin's egg-blue Triumph Bonneville bike sitting nearby. She still had the bike he fixed for her six years ago.
"Shit!" Juice quickly got off his bike and darted towards the stairs to his front door, hoping they wouldn't be occupied.
"Hey, babe." Came a soft voice from behind him. Juice nearly tripped over his own feet while stopping to turn around.
"Jesus," he gasped, holding onto the nearby post. "What are you doing here, Mary Jane?"
She slung her small leather pack over her shoulder and looked around the parking lot for any bystanders. "A friend called me. Said you needed some help."
"I'm fine, thanks." Juice took a step back, which was his mistake. The security light was tripped and lit up his entire right side, revealing his neck injury. Mary Jane did not miss it either.
"Juice! What happened!" she cried as Juice realized where her eyes landed.
He pulled his cut closer around his neck to try and hide it, but his efforts were in vain as Mary Jane closed the distance between them to examine his self-inflicted injury. Juice immediately became tense and uncomfortable with her being close enough for him to smell her, to feel her warm breath against his stinging neck. Her honey colored locks fell in her horrified face as she inspected the damage.
"Babe, what did you do?"
"MJ, you've gotta go," Juice's body betrayed him again as tears welled up in his eyes, giving away everything.
"No, I'm staying. The Scotsman told me you were in a bad way. Asked me to help." Mary Jane removed her hands from his cut and stepped back.
Juice pinched the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes shut. Goddammit Chibs. He started to push her away, but Mary Jane refused to move.
"Why are you here?" He whispered keeping his feelings for her locked down tight. "You know you're only making it worse."
"I know that ship has sailed, Juice, but maybe we could bury the hatchet just for tonight? Let me come in for a bit?" her voice was honest as her green eyes scanned him, sizing him up.
The neighbors were starting to come out to snoop, encouraging Juice's reluctance to let her in, but he'd figured how bad could an hour be? He gave up and waved her to follow him.
"Okay. Come on in."
Mary Jane settled herself on Juice's couch with a cup of coffee he just fixed, looking around his living room and reliving so many haunting memories made here. She looked hopefully at the ceiling to see if the bump of graphite was still lodged in between the popcorn treatment.
"Yeah, it's still up there." Juice answered, noticing her looking at the ceiling as he walked into the room.
"I thought you were going to choke on the piece before it finally got up there." She laughed. "Has the land lady noticed yet?"
"As you can see, I've removed the pencil, but a hunk of graphite is still up there. And no, she has not noticed… the old wench is blind as a bat." Juice settled himself into an armchair across the room from her.
"I suppose setting off homemade rocket launchers indoors is never a good idea."
"Nah, who gives a shit?" Juice smiled widely before realizing that he was enjoying her company again, but it was not okay to relieve the past now. His smile faltered and he quickly looked somewhere else, taking a drink. Mary Jane picked up on his change, and took a humble sip of her own coffee.
"So how are things going with the club?" she asked delicately.
His tortured gaze remained on the floor, unable to answer her. He was half-mad, half-relieved that she even asked, but he knew he couldn't tell her anything. There was nothing for her to know. She was waiting for an answer, but Juice didn't budge.
"You couldn't let me in then, and you can't let me in now. I get it, Juice." Mary Jane was frustrated and made to get up off the couch, but Juice put his hands up in defeat causing her to change her mind.
"Wait, wait. I… The club…we're in some deep shit. Everything's going wrong, and I don't," Juice exhaled his frustration and just spit it out. "I don't know what to do. I feel trapped."
"There's always a way out, baby."
"Not from this…" Juice cupped the coffee mug with his shaky hands as he stared at a tiny spot on the wooden floor, avoiding looking anywhere but the dot.
"Is that why you hurt yourself?" she asked gently.
Suddenly Juice let his mug drop to the floor, spilling coffee and ceramic everywhere.
"Goddammit, MJ! You don't know ANYTHING!" he yelled as he bolted to his feet and stormed out of the room. Mary Jane leaped off the couch after him, avoiding the hot mess on the floor with her bare feet.
"Then tell me! Tell me, baby! Please," she begged breathlessly, turning the corner.
Juice appeared around the door and Mary Jane nearly crashed into him. He immediately put his hands on her hips to steady them, breathing heavily as he tried to hold his anger inside. Mary Jane had never seen him like this before and she was scared of it. He was always too arrogant to deal with responsibility before, and now he was a lost young man who desperately needed someone to help him find his way back to middle ground. All of a sudden, Mary Jane felt very inept to help him the way he needed, knowing that if she fell back into it with Juice, she could ruin everything she'd changed for herself. And yet, his hands remained on her hips as if they were frozen in time.
"Tell me what you need." Mary Jane whispered, slowly bringing her hands up to place them on his chest underneath his cut. "I'll make everything alright."
The unavoidable tears fell down Juice's cheeks as her warm hands once again traveled up his chest to rest around his shoulders; the place they've often settled before. He shook his head for no reason other than to condemn himself for letting his problems get this far, for nearly cheating the club out of a life or death deal, and for his failed suicide attempt. Rule No. 25: The Sons do not kill themselves. Juice remembered those words from loose guidelines the First 9 originally drafted for the club. Juice was unraveling before Mary Jane all over again as more traitorous tears fell from his deceptively stoic face.
But Mary Jane knew him better than he did right now, leaning forward on her toes and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Her eyes remained open, watching him for the slightest change of expression that signified this was a bad idea, but she had to convince him she meant it.
"I lost you once, baby. I don't know what I would do if it were permanent next time." She whispered into his ear, running a hand down his buzzed Mohawk and placing light kisses over his neck injury. Juice's grip tightened over her hips, pulling her closer.
"It's been five years and six months, MJ. You just can't walk back in like nothing happened. Why come back now?" his voice was strained from the tension.
"Because you need me, and I want to be here so you can stop counting the months until I come back," she replied with a kind smile, winking at him knowingly.
"How will I know you won't run away again before I really need you?"
"I'll stay as long as it takes." She thumbed away his tears and kissed him again; prying his lips open with her tongue.
It didn't take long for the memories to come flooding back to him as Mary Jane kissed him in that way she always did when she knew something was wrong. He also remembered how they always ended up in bed together afterwards. Panic seized Juice as he remembered how angry she was when they split, afraid he'd do something stupid that would make her leave him again. He stopped kissing Mary Jane and backed up, fresh tears pouring down his cheeks again. He backed up into the corner of the kitchen table right on the sore spot from where he fell on a root when the branch broke. He yelled out his pain and his frustration, holding his back but keeping Mary Jane at arms-length.
"Why do you keep pushing me away?" she begged urgently.
"Because you pushed me away first! This is how it feels, darlin'!" Juice pushed past her for the bathroom. "Jesus!" he could be heard swearing and knocking things off the countertop from the hallway, tearing off his cut once he slammed the door behind him. Juice held up his shirt and looked at the damage in the bathroom mirror, trying to find an exit from this situation. Angry red marks beamed at him from where he ran into the table, blending in with the other pains from his bruises.
"Chibs called you, did he?" Juice called loudly from the bathroom. Mary Jane was busy cleaning up the coffee mess in the living room, but heard him calling anyway.
"Yes, he sounded very desperate, like I was a last resort or something."
Juice returned from the bathroom without wearing his cut. "Well, Chibs is the only one that cares about me. He was the one who found me…" Juice shut down the rest of that statement before he could upset her.
"Found you what, babe?"
Too late.
"He found me trying to hide the chains I used," Juice leaned up against the kitchen wall, covering his face with his hands.
Mary Jane gasped, clasping her hands to her mouth. Feeling the urgent need to sit down, she pulled a kitchen chair out from under the small table and sank down to contemplate what she just heard. Hundreds of thoughts raced through her mind, none of them making any sense to her. "I still can't believe that you… that you thought that was the only option." Mary Jane let down her strong exterior and allowed the grief to overwhelm her.
"I never thought it was the right option! I just knew I didn't want to deal with this shit anymore!" Juice yelled again.
"So you'd put it on someone else?" Mary Jane launched herself out of the chair to advance on Juice. "You would make someone else suffer for your list of inconveniences?"
Juice made a motion for her to keep away, but his bearing over her was failing as she kept setting towards him.
"Don't be such a coward, Juice! You handle the bad shit just like everyone else!"
"I COULDN'T DO IT!" he held his hands together behind his back so he wouldn't be tempted to strike her. "HOW COULD YOU UNDERSTAND?" Mary Jane's face flushed pink with anger. Juice wasn't the only one who had problems and it was time he learned it.
"I had a baby and no money to support us, goddammit, but we made it! We both made it through, Juice! You ask for help, and it will always be there."
Silence. Juice's eyes narrowed at her, looking for physical signs of the truth.
"A baby?" He was completely thrown off-guard by her revelation. He kept staring hard at Mary Jane, demanding an explanation.
"A baby girl, Maddie," Mary Jane dissolved her anger when she talked about her baby girl. "She's about to turn five years old next Thursday."
Mary Jane continued to talk while Juice stood frozen, listening to every word. She explained why she needed to leave, how raising a baby attached to SAMCRO was impossible for her, how she needed money but was able to find help because she refused to give up. Mary Jane came back into Juice's life stronger now than when she left, and it amazed him.
Juice quickly sank to his knees on the cold tiles, completely floored by the truth. Mary Jane joined him on the floor now that their shouting match had ended. He started at her with unblinking eyes and a set jaw as he put the puzzle pieces together in his mind.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he barely whispered between clenched teeth.
"Would it have mattered to you then?" her green eyes narrowed into an accusation.
Juice said nothing, but looked at her with utmost desperation. "Yes, it would have mattered!" Juice covered his face with shaky hands again. "I might not have tried to fucking kill myself if I had known!" he yelled out of frustration.
Mary Jane closed her eyes, letting several tears drop from her lashes. But a gentle hand rested against her cheek, thumbing away her tears and pressing an urgent kiss to her lips. Juice pulled Mary Jane closer to him, somehow ending up on his lap with her legs on either side of him. Five painful years apart were being mended with each kiss shared. This was the last thing she expected from Juice's reaction, but she welcomed it, encouraged it. She tugged his t-shirt up his chest, helping him pull it over his sore shoulders. Juice was feeling scared now that Mary Jane was back, sitting on his lap as if nothing had ever come between them.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed back then," Juice confessed, gently brushing her hair away from her face, their eyes meeting. Mary Jane just smiled before she kissed him again, glad he could finally admit it.
Juice's hands hesitantly snuck under her blouse to caress her flat stomach. He felt for any signs that a baby—his baby had been there. "I missed it, didn't I?"
"Not completely," she slowly opened the snaps of her denim top, revealing her pregnancy-enhanced breasts in her push-up, earning Juice's trademark smile.
"Now that's what I'm talking about," he joked before diving in.
Mary Jane laughed as he helped himself, tugging off the rest of her blouse.
"Promise you won't try it again?" she asked, setting the terms for her being there.
Juice held her head gently, brushing more of her golden fringe out of her face.
"I promise, sweetheart. I don't want to do that again."
Mary Jane held up her pinky finger, an old method she came up with that ensured Juice to keep his promises (which he mostly broke anyway). "Pinky-swear it, for real this time."
Juice held up his pinky finger and linked it with hers then leaned in to kiss the bond. Mary Jane smiled, knowing he'd keep the promise this time because a future with his daughter was now at stake.
"Alright then, show mama what she's been missing out on."
"Yes, ma'am," Juice lifted them off the kitchen floor and kept her wrapped around his waist as they made their way down the hallway to his bedroom.
Mary Jane held his head back as she kissed him, opening his mouth with her tongue, demanding he give in to her. But Juice pushed in deeper, eliciting a gasp from her sweet lips. The bedroom was dark, save for the moonlight streaming in from the behind curtains, casting an eerie glow on their joined bodies. Juice and Mary Jane found themselves arduously tangled in the sheets again, just like they used to. But Juice was perfectly content to lie under her as she tended to his bruised neck and shoulders with light kisses.
"Baby, don't ever scare me again," she whispered little reminders such as this throughout their lovemaking, but Juice remained silent preferring to supply his responses through actions rather than words. He seized her hips and held on tight as he neared the end of his high. Mary Jane moved with Juice, holding steady onto his chest and watching his face change expressions as he came undone. Sweet relief washed over Juice as he finally looked up at his lover, breathing heavy and feeling vulnerable.
"Stay with me tonight?" he felt dumb for asking, but he needed to hear her say it.
"Sure, baby."
Juice sat up on the pillows, wrapping her around him and clinging to her. He held a gentle hand up to brush his thumb across her swollen pink lips. "Thank you," he kissed her again, holding her tightly against his body, "For everything." Mary Jane closed a hand over his neck wound, unintentionally making Juice flinch slightly.
"I'll bring down Maddie when this fades away." She whispered, setting an ultimatum. Juice immediately became anxious at the suggestion.
"She won't know who I am?"
"Yes, she will. She sees pictures of her daddy everyday." Mary Jane smiled knowingly.
Juice eyes widened and he bit his lip, letting more tears fall from his eyes. "I'm sorry," he choked out feeling absolutely conflicted.
"Whatever you've got going on with the club needs to be settled, okay babe? I won't bring her down if there's a danger to us. But Juice," she forced him to look at her again, her green eyes boring into his. "This little girl needs her daddy in one piece."
"Okay darlin'." Juice kissed her mouth again, giving her everything he had left in him.
Back at the Teller-Morrow auto shop, Juice sat waiting for his brothers to return. Tig and Chibs were out, and Juice needed to thank the latter. He owed him big time. Just as Juice was about to go back inside, the telling sounds of Harley's arrived on the compound. Two black bikes pulled in and turned around to park. Juice jogged over with a wide, telling grin on his face.
"Where've you been?" Chibs asked coldly.
"Hey, I went to Yosemite, I needed to think some shit out." Juice leaned on the handlebars of Chibs' bike as he parked it.
Chibs did not look convinced; Yosemite was a few hours' drive to and from Charming. He couldn't have made it there and stayed very long at all.
"I'm okay, really." He said with a glint in his eye, looking over at the playground where Mary Jane was sitting on the swing. Chib's gaze followed where Juice was looking and found his solution looking right back at him, waving.
Chibs smiled and put an arm around his brother, "That's my Juicie Boy!"