Please let me know what you think about this new story. :]
Clary muttered under breath, "I can do this. You can do this Clary. Just take a few breaths. Everything will be okay." She took a few labored breaths before following the nurse to the room at the end of the hallway. There was a gown already laid out on the paper covered table. The nurse instructed her to completely undress and put the gown on. The doctor would be in shortly. Clary looked over at the clock that hung on the wall. 9:21. He wasn't here. He promised he would be here for her. Always.
Clary did as she was told, undressing and putting the gown on. It took longer than it should, she was shaking badly at this point. She sat fidgeting on the paper table, not even hearing the constant sounds of crumpling paper from her movements. It seemed like a lifetime for the doctor to come into the room. When she finally entered, Clary felt her heart beat race.
"Hello, Clary, I am Jia. I will be your doctor performing the procedure today. You have been through all of the necessary counseling sessions and understand what will be happening today, is that correct?" Clary could only nod. A huge lump had formed in the back of her throat and she was certain that if she tried to speak, it would only come out as a mumbled mess.
"Good, okay then Clary, the nurse will be back in a few minutes to take your blood pressure and temperature. After that, we should be all set to go." Clary gulped and nodded once again. The doctor hovered in the doorway, watching the young girl fidget with the ends of her gown.
"Clary," She looked up wide eyed at Jia, "I am not here to judge. And to be honest, I legally cannot say anything that could sway your decision. This is yours and only yours to make. But if any time before the procedure is too far, if you tell me that you've changed your mind, I will stop. I have read your file. I understand your circumstances, but I want you to know that this is entirely up to you. Okay?" Clary nodded again, this time she had tears brimming her eyelids. The doctor walked out, leaving Clary alone.
She heard a knock at the door and harshly wiped the tears out of her eyes before quietly saying, "Come in", hopeful that it was Jace. But, itt was the nurse, who quickly began taking instruments off the wall and velcroing the cuff around her upper arm and taking her temperature. It only took a minute before she started removing the cuff, "A little high, but given the circumstances, completely understandable. Can I please have you follow me, we are going to head to the prep room and get you all ready to be moved in. You will just be receiving a mild sedative, we can keep you here until it wears off or you can call someone to drive you home. I think number two is the better option, to be completely honest. Afterwards, we will also prescribe a mild painkiller."
They were now in the prep area and the nurse gestured to the bed with a blanket covering it. She climbed into the bed, pulling the blanket up to cover her chest. The nurse attached a monitor to the tip of her finger and grabbed a needle that was laying on the tray. "This will only hurt for a second," she said as she rubbed a cotton ball over the area and took the cap off the needle. She slowly pushed the needle in, but Clary couldn't feel it. She felt numb, "Now you may feel a slight burning sensation. This will go away in a few moments. It is just the medicine flowing throughout your body. Nothing to be concerned with."
Clary did not feel a thing, in fact, she had felt like this for weeks, months even. Hopefully once this was all done, she would start to feel alive again. It had only taken a few hours to break her spirit, but it was taking much longer to regain it.
She knew it was wishful thinking to hope he would walk through the door right now. But more than anything she wished he could be there right now. He always knew when she needed him, it's what he was the best at. He had always been there, until now.
Clary had been having a rough time at school lately. With her mom now gone, her dad was trying his best. But he was a man, and men do not always have what it takes to take care of a teenage girl. She submerged herself into her art. Her best friend, Simon, had not even been able to reach her when she was painting. She could not help but feel rejected. By her mom, for leaving. It wasn't really her fault. She could not stop the cancer from spreading any more then Clary could. But, she needed her mom. She needed her for teenage years. For prom. For graduation. College. Yes, Luke would buy her whatever she wanted, he would be there to take pictures and make Clary smile, but it wasn't the same.
She continued to force herself into this hermit crab of a life. Not letting anyone in, rarely even Simon. She knew that everyone talked about her, laughed even. But none of them knew the internal struggle she fought every day.
As she walked quickly and quietly to her art class, she went to turn the corner and ran right into someone. This someone had golden hair and a strong body. It felt like hitting a rock, "Urgh, sorry." Clary said, not looking up completely. She scrambled to pick up the art supplies that had littered the floor from the impact.
"No, I am sorry. I was looking for room 2314. Do you know where that is at? I wasn't even paying attention. I'm sorry." This time Clary looked up but immediately looked back down. This guy was handsome, to say the least. A very masculine and defined body, paired with golden hair and eyes that complimented his summer tan. "Ro-room 2314?" Clary said, in amazement.
The golden god standing in front of her nodded his head, "Can you help me?"
"Uhm, uh, yeah. I-uh-I think that's where I am heading. A-art, right?" Clary stuttered, standing up from cleaning her supplies up.
"Yes, though I totally suck at drawing so I don't think this class will be for me." He laughed, showing off perfect white teeth. "Can I follow you then?"
Clary looked alarmed, "yeah, if you-if you want."
The walk was quick, but when Clary walked into the room, everyone had their attention on her, though she was soon to find out it wasn't her. It was the guy standing next to her with golden hair and eyes. He was mesmerizing, even Clary thought so. "Ah, Ms. Fray, I see you have brought our new student to class. Mr. Wayland?"
"Jace," he corrected.
"Jace it is then, please take a seat." Jace looked around to find where the beautiful girl with red hair had went, but she was tucked away in the back corner, with no empty seats around her. He shrugged into the first available seat, which happened to be front and center. He could hear the others whispering behind their hands to other people. He shrugged it off. Part of being new, I guess.
The class droned on, art was definitely not his thing. But, it was time for lunch. He knew that Alec and Izzy, his new siblings, would be eager to hear how his morning was going. He quickly found them in a mass of people, they were sitting at a table already.
"Hey." He said as he sat down. "Jace, everyone is talking about you," Izzy said with a flick of her long black hair, "Though, it's mainly how you showed up to class with Clary Fray."
"Clary?" Jace looked around confused, "Oh, her name is Clary."
"Jace, you should stay away from her. She is weird, you don't want to start off your first week like this." Izzy said with a shake of her head. "You are going to be a jock, on the football team. Girls are going to be chasing after you for dates Jace." Alec looked up from his lunch, remotely nodding.
Jace huffed, "What makes her so weird? She didn't seem weird to me."
Izzy's face flushed, "She missed a ton of school at the beginning of the year. When she came back, she was totally weird. Painting all the time, never talking to anyone, other than occasionally saying something to that other weirdo, Simon. Anyways, you don't want to be associated with her Jace. Trust me."
Jace sighed, "Thanks for the advice, but I think I can handle figuring out who I want to talk to or not, Izzy." Jace got up from the table to leave, "I'm going to head to my next class before I end up late again." The others watched as Jace left the lunch room in a haste.
Jace headed towards his next class, History. Great, a snooze fest, and right after lunch. He was staring down at his schedule when he was tripped by a leg that was on the floor. He looked down, startled, after regaining his balance. It was her, Clary.
"I'm-uh I'm sorry." Jace mumbled, seeing Clary sitting on the floor eating her lunch. "I wasn't paying attention, I was looking at my schedule and I didn't even see you there. Since I've ran into you twice today, my name is Jace." Clary looked up at him, but did not reply. After a minute she looked back down and continued to nibble on the apple in her hand. Jace wasn't going to let this go, "Hello, I'm Jace." He smirked. Clary looked up, "Oh, you're talking to me?"
Jace looked around confused, "Who else would I be talking to?"
Clary became flustered, "Well, I-uh well-I. Usually people don't talk to me."
Jace smiling, once again showing off his perfect smile, "I don't know why not."
"Well, they are usually laughing or making fun of me. My name is Clary." She was blushing, she could feel the heat of it rising through her cheeks.
"I don't know why anyone would laugh at you." Jace was still smiling.
"I'm not the typical high school girl, so therefore I am prime bait for anyone that wants to make fun of someone. At this point, I'm used to it."
"It doesn't bother you that you're the brunt of their jokes?" Jace asked curiously.
"They're not my friends, what they have to say about me doesn't affect me. I might be quiet, and I like to paint and draw, but I'm not as weird as they think that I am." Clary said quietly. She hadn't talked to anyone like this in months. Her and Simon were best friends, but they had their difficulties in the past few months, as well. Simon was still hurt that she didn't have the same feeling for him as he did for her. And she understood that. But, she couldn't force herself to feel those same feeling either. They still hung out, but things were… different.
Jace sat down next to her, "Well, if it makes any difference, I don't think you're weird. Quiet, yes. Weird, no. At least not yet." He smirked.
"You might not want to sit by me either, then being the new kid, everyone will start thinking you're as weird as me too. You don't want that stigma from the beginning." Clary was packing up her lunch. The lunch period was almost over and then she needed to head to History.
Jace jumped up, "I could care less what people have to say about me. You'll see. I think that we will be great friends someday, Clary. Just wait and see." Jace smirked and extended out his hand for her to grab to pull her up. She looked up at him shyly and grasped his hand.
If she was supposed to feel more relaxed, she wasn't. The sedative was not having the desired effect on Clary. In fact, Clary had a knot growing in her stomach that made her want to vomit. She was laying on the gurney, they were almost ready to wheel her back to a procedure room. "You can do this. You can do this. You can do this." Clary muttered under her breath. A few deep breaths later and Clary still wasn't feeling good about this. This is what she had to do. The nurse came in, "Clary, I am going to take you on back now, okay?" Clary nodded and could feel herself being moved. It only took a few moments to reach their destination. The room held several bright lights that caused Clary to wince and close her eyes. She could feel the antiseptic stinging her nose and the chill she received from the cold room. Deep breaths Clary. Deep breaths. She heard Jia enter the room and the snap of rubber gloves being put on.
"Okay Clary, we are going to start now. Are you okay with that?" Clary nodded mechanically. She was shaking. She could feel it. The sedative was definitely not working, she shouldn't be this anxious, she shouldn't be this nervous. Clary tried to focus on something else, anything else. It just wasn't working. She stared up at the bright light above her head and tried to take a few last deep breaths. Her chest was tight, extremely tight, making it hard to breath. Her breath came in short, labored breaths. She could feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Clary sat up suddenly, causing Jia to jerk away.
"Stop. Please stop. I can't do this. Please. I can't do this." Clary blubbered, tears running down her cheeks.
Jia looked alarmed at the sudden outburst, but quickly recovered, "Okay Clary, I have stopped for a minute here. Are you certain you want me to stop the procedure?" Clary once again nodded. "Clary, I need you to tell me in words if you want me to stop."
"Yes, I want you to stop. I can't do this. I want you to stop." Clary rambled.
Jia nodded, "Okay. Please sit still, just for a few minutes okay, Clary? I just need to pull the speculum out. Just relax for a minute or two, it will make it less painful, okay?" Clary barely noticed what was happening.
It was several minutes later when the nurse rolled her out of the procedure room and into a room. She laid there in silence for a long time. She was finally interrupted by Jia entering the room again.
"Hi Clary, I wanted to come in and check on you, make sure that you hadn't changed your mind again?" Clary looked up at her with wide, teary eyes, "No, I haven't."
Jia nodded, her dark hair peeking out from under the surgical cap, "Okay, then I think we need to discuss your options from here. I will get you in touch with a colleague of mine, Aline Penhallow, she can discuss your options going forward. You will want to make an appointment with her soon, you are going to need care sooner rather than later. I will have my receptionist supply you with her number. I think you are..."
She was interrupted by Clary, "I am not trying to be rude, but my head is kind of spinning right now, when can I go home?" Her voice wavered and was soft.
Jia smiled, "I understand, sorry to bombard you with too much information. I would like you to remain back here for about an hour, giving that sedative a little time to wear off. After that, you are free to leave. Though, I would strongly advise calling someone to come get you. Better safe than sorry. I am going to work on your discharge papers and the nurse will be in, in about 45 minutes to an hour to get you ready to leave, do you want to call someone now?"
Clary nodded and picked up the phone, she knew exactly who she was going to call. After several rings, the phone was finally answered with a gruff, but soothing voice, "Hello?"
"Simon, I need your help with something."
Simon was a great friend, Clary could never deny that. But standing in front of her mother's coffin, she knew he wanted more than to be just friends. Clary's heart was already breaking and she didn't have it left in her to push him away right now. She needed her best friend. Simon stood next to her, holding her hand as tears fell down her cheeks.
Luke came up to her side and touched her shoulder gently, "Clary, it's time to go. We need to head to the cemetery." He hadn't cried at the funeral home, but Clary had heard him several times in his room at home. If a grown man crying over losing the love of his life wasn't enough to completely tear you down, I don't know what would. But, he had been strong for Clary. Just like she needed.
She laid a kiss on her mother's cold hand and then followed Luke out of the room with Simon.
The cemetery wasn't a place that brought peace to Clary. She thought that seeing her mom being lowered into the ground would bring her the closure she needed. But it wasn't. Simon stood next to her, holding her up as they said their last goodbyes. They stood there for hours after the burial, staring, crying, breaking at the unearthed ground in front of them. But Simon and Luke never left her side. They eventually all went home just as the sun began to set.
Luke went to his room to lay down and Clary and Simon headed to hers. She dressed in comfy pajamas and laid in bed, while Simon stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. "Simon?" Clary asked, seeing his weird behavior.
He shoved his hands quickly down into his dress pants and looked down, not wanting to meet her eyes. "I know this is a really bad time Clary, but we need to talk. I mean, I just want you to know how much I care about you."
Clary nodded, emotionally drained from the day she just had. "I know you do Simon. You are my best friend."
Simon grew frustrated, "No Clary, I mean really care for you… I am in love with you Clary."
Clary was taken back by his sudden declaration, especially on a day like today, "Simon, I-uh I. You are my best friend Simon, I don't want anything to change that, but I don't see you like that. You're like a brother to me." She felt her heart drop with the look that crossed his face. He was completely heartbroken. She had just lost her best friend.
"Of course, a brother. Yeah…" Simon quickly exited out of the room. She heard the front door slam a few moments later.
Simon had picked her up at the exit to the clinic. He allowed her her silence on the way home. He did not pressure her for information, he knew with time she would open up if she wanted. When he arrived at her apartment, he helped her out of the car and into her studio style apartment.
She dropped everything on the kitchen table and Simon followed after her as she went to lay down. It had been a stressful day and all Clary wanted to do was sleep. She got into bed and allowed Simon to pull the covers up over her body. They still had not spoken a word to each other, other than Simon quietly asking if she was okay. She just gave him a shake of her head and he left it at that. He knew that bugging her and pressuring her to open up would have the opposite effect, she would clam up and he would never get it out of her. Instead, he knew by now that Clary would come to him if she wanted him to know.
Simon then went to the kitchen, poured Clary a large glass of water and pulled two small pills out of a bottle. He handed them to her and she swallowed them in one gulp. "They will help, do you want me to stay with you?" He asked hopeful, even though he was with Izzy. Clary shook her head no and closed her eyes. All she needed was sleep, at least she could drown out the world if she was sleeping. Simon waited a minute or two before retreating out the bedroom and finally the apartment, locking the door on the way out.