(Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. All credit for the series belongs to Stephenie Meyer.)
hey there. if you're here, you're obviously about to read the first chapter of my new story. thank you for
giving it a chance, and I truly hope that you enjoy it. And, also, by the way, I know that this first chapter is
a little bit weird, not to mention short, but the story will get better as it starts developing more.
(this story will be in third person.)
read and review, please. I could really use the feedback.
Chapter One.
She was standing with her back to him, her eyes grazing delicately over the sphere of grass. There were so many forbidden memories there in the soil, buried deep inside of her chest. They bubbled up to the surface of her mind, watering her eyes and riddling her chest with holes. Her arms grasped at her middle, trying to apply the right amount of pressure to ease the pain. The air around her felt heavier, tangible.
She had made a mistake in coming here. The thoughts in her head were taboo.
"Can we go?" she choked out softly, turning her glazed eyes to her friend.
The protest was hanging on Jacob's lips, but his perceptive mind noticed the downward tilt of her mouth, the arms that clung to her core like broken-down life preservers. Crumpling his brow in sympathy, he threw his arms around hers, holding her more tightly in place. Her eyes closed in reaction, allowing her attempted poker face to slip and disappear. Bella slumped against him.
"It's okay, honey," he assured her, lifting her gently off her feet. "I'll take you home."
She had been able to count on him for as long as she could remember. When he had left her busted up and shattered, Jacob had been there to piece her together again. He hadn't left her side once, other than the few days he'd neglected her due to an order from Sam. That hadn't been his fault, though, she knew. He hadn't been able to ignore the order from his Alpha. But every other day, every other moment that she needed him, there he was, brightening the dark stains that invaded her heart.
Jacob carried her to the car, gently sliding her sullen form onto the passenger seat of his Rabbit. His eyes lingered on her face for a long moment, standing there in the light streaking down through the trees. The heat felt strange to his already feverish skin, but pleasant nonetheless. He wondered if Bella could feel the golden rays as they curled in through the windshield, or if she was too numb with pain to notice.
"Is there someplace else you want to go?" he inquired softly when he was inside the car.
Bella shook her head, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes. His hair was windblown from rushing her back here, and his full mouth pouted prettily as he dwelled on her pain. She could see the worry lines beginning to etch themselves permanently into his forehead. With a guilty, wobbling finger, she smoothed his russet skin, her eyes regretful and apologetic when they met his.
"I thought I would be able to handle this, but I couldn't," she admitted sadly. "I'm sorry."
"There isn't anything to apologize about, Bells." Jacob wanted to say so much more, to reach deep inside of her heart and pull away all the shadows, to bring some contentment back into her turbulent life. He wanted to harbor all of her pain deep inside of his skin, take it away from her so she could heal. He wanted to kill that leech for breaking her.
"It hurts," Bella whispered, voice breaking on the last word.
Silently, Jacob's arm wound around her waist once more, drawing her to him. She felt better there, closer to being one whole piece. Even with him there, though, she could still feel the new festering sores the meadow had drilled into her chest. It had been two years now, and still he had not come back. She hadn't been aware of the hope she'd carried all this time until she'd stepped into that field and found it empty.
What did you expect? she chided herself. He isn't coming back.
Bella was sitting on the back of the bench awkwardly, her face to the darkening sky. Splattering drops of moisture fell from the thick clouds, touching down on her skin like fairy missiles. She could taste the trees around her, smell the briny scent of the sea. Lowering her head, her tired eyes searched the familiar woods for a splotch of red amongst the green. She had spent so many days waiting here on the edge of the beach, too weak to make it down to the sand where there were memories of him. After all, that was where it had all started, where the secret had been revealed.
"There's always a risk for humans to be around the cold ones," Jacob had said so long ago. He must have forgotten to mention the biggest risk of all, a broken heart.
Just as she was cringing in response to the dark turn her thoughts had taken, she saw it. Bella wasn't frightened or even surprised by the enormous creature approaching; instead, she felt a weight lift from her chest as the giant wolf pawed its way to her side.
"Hey, Jake," she murmured breathlessly, combing her fingers through his wild red-brown fur. Cocking his large head to the side, he peered at her with black eyes too intelligent to be those of a mere animal. She could easily read the question in his wolfy expression, feel his impatience as he gently bumped her with his nose. A low rumble vibrated up through his throat and Bella dragged her fingers over it, trying to calm his concern.
They had been doing this for so long now that it came as natural to them as breathing, as waking up in the morning. Each morning when Jacob left with his pack to search the area for threats, Bella would wait in the woods on the makeshift bench he'd built. Every ten minutes or so he would trot back to her, soothing her worries and hoping to take away some of the loneliness he knew she felt. There was no time for him to change back into a man when he did this; he needed to stay connected to the pack. Still, it didn't seem to bother her. He thought she even preferred it that way, because he couldn't talk. She tended to avoid all things that required a response lately. It worried him.
She wasn't getting any better.
"My Jacob," she whispered, pulling at the fur behind his ear. His eyes rolled at the pleasure of her touch and he leaned into her palm, humming with satisfaction.
Bella half-smiled at his response to her, letting her body lean into his, soaking in the heat. She knew she didn't deserve a friend like Jacob, but she was glad to have him nonetheless. It hurt to think of what she would be like without him there to hold her together. With a crook between her brows, she considered how long she would have lasted before she ended up in a mental institution.
"Do you have to go back?" she wondered, frightened by the idea of it. Jacob heard the tremor in her tone, and looked at her with worried eyes, wondering, too, how long she would have lasted without him.
"No, we're done now, Bella." Sam came out of nowhere, pants already back on his bottom half, his hand in his pocket. He maybe should have warned them of his presence, he realized as he glanced at Bella's frail expression. He had heard the terror over and over again in Jacob's head, the crazed worry that no longer possessed him alone, but the entire pack. She was getting worse and worse, it seemed, and not one of them could think of anything that would help her forget.
Bella Swan was slowly falling apart, and she was taking everyone else down with her.
Averting his eyes, Sam left the mangled pair to themselves, his thoughts focused on his own mangled partner, his ex partner, Leah.
"Will you change back?" Bella asked Jacob hesitantly when Sam was gone. "I could use a set of arms…"
Behind the fur of his animal form, Jacob's heart was imploding. Taking care of her was becoming more than he could handle, but he knew without question that he would continue this way until she no longer wanted him, or until she had killed them both. It wasn't a choice; it was a necessity. He needed to keep her going. He had to.
Very deliberately, he turned his head to face her, and licked her face from jaw to hairline. She flinched away from him, her hand automatically flailing out to slap him, and made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat—just like he had hoped she would.
Jacob forced an imitation chuckle from his throat, though there was nothing funny about it. Even this reaction of Bella's was melted down and lifeless. She was like a zombie playing dress up, trying on a human response to see if it fit, but never getting it right.
Closing his horrified eyes, Jacob turned from her and disappeared into the woods.
When he came back, his strong arms folded tightly around her waist, and he became her duct tape once again, forcing together the shreds that Edward had torn apart.