He lay in his room, door shut, eyes closed. Somehow he had managed to turn the light off, but still the sun shone through the gaps in the sunblind. He turned and buried his face in his pillow. A bit to early for a nap, isn't it?
The bitter taste on his lips remained and remembered him of the previous incidents. His day had seriously been long enough. If you counted rather the pains than the hours, at least.
They had returned from their last mission, tired and messed-up, but proud of their work. Lenalee, who had managed to break her ankle beforehand, had stayed home. The memory of his happiness looking forward to their reunion made him bite hard into his hand. He had at least to prevent from making a sound.
He had wanted to tell her everything, like always. Just like friends. He had finally accomplished to get rid of his fears and stings of guilt – he wasn't supposed to have a heart – and had asked her to go drink a coffee together. He had invited Allen, too. He always did. It would've been strange not to do so. He bit into his palm again and narrowed his eyes.
They had left together, laughing. He had been content with walking behind the two of them. He would be able to talk to Lenalee personally later.
He was used to it, having to wait, although he didn't like it.
"What's wrong with you, Lavi?", she'd finally asked, smiling anxiously. He'd managed to crack a smile, too.
"It's nothing."
He should've been able to see it, shouldn't he? He should've known it. He had watched them together more than once, their happy smiles, how they understood each other so well. And at least he was a chronicler. It was his job to see those little signs.
It was not his job to interfere, of course.
So he laid here, the sudden awareness still stinging in his mind. He had attempted to write something down, but only managed to screw it up, like he seemed to do with everything today. And the last week. The last year, maybe. Wait, hadn't his entire life headed for this point?
He had asked to be excused. They'd acted worried, of course, but the true concern in their eyes couldn't compete against their happiness.
He'd paid their coffees.
This evening, he'd be prepared for the faint knock on his door. He wouldn't answer, but like always, Lenalee would just enter. She would sit down at his bed's edge, not being able to hide the sunshiny smile that curled her lips.
"Guess what, Lavi?"
He was prepared for it. He had even waited for it. Finally, he'd been able to do his job. Knowing the past and the present, he could foresee the future. He just wished so much he hadn't, with pain emerging through every part of his body. He wanted to give her a careless, bright smile, but what appeared on his face felt rather like a strained, warped grimace. She didn't notice, of course.
"He has asked me, Lavi", she whispered happily, leaning so far towards his ear that her hair tickled on his skin and her soft lips brushed his cheek. He could barely stand it, tempted to either push her away, jump out of his bed and escape as far as he could or, the other possibility, to wrap his arms around her and kiss her, straight and easy. Her lips were so close to his, only inches away, he could have reached them within the fraction of a second.
He did neither, of course.
"Asked you… what?" Still that screwed grimace of his. How strange and bitter his voice sounded. She didn't notice.
"To be his girlfriend."
His heart stood still for at least a minute, then it set in again, slowly and erratic, and way to loud.
"That's… great."
He'd paid for their coffee, at least.