What's that? Another Mario fanfic? This must be really bad then, just like all my other Mario fanfics and should be avoided! Well, no actually, at least I hope it won't be bad. Have any of you seen Game Theory? This fanfic is based off one of MatPat's Game Theories from YouTube. So if you haven't seen him discuss how Mario is a psychopath, how Bowser is an orphan and how Rosalina is the child of Peach and Luigi, then go and watch it, now! What's that? You've watched it many times and you're a big fan? Fantastic, then this story is perfect for you.

You know, it's funny. How little people know about Mario. Oh, he's a hero plumber who saves kidnapped princesses, and puts Bowser in his place! Yeah, sure, that's true, but have you ever considered the fact that it's an act?

In truth, well, Mario doesn't really care about anyone. Yoshi, who saved mine and Mario's life when we were kids? He gets a punch and a pit. Peach, who 'adores' him because he's the one who always rescues her? He only does it for the cake and to make him look good. For all he cared, she could stay locked up with Bowser. And as for me? Haven't you ever wondered why Mario has all these games, and I have nothing? He can't stand the thought of his little brother claiming all the glory for himself.

So Mario lies a lot. Painting himself as the good guy, when really he's not much of a hero. What about me, then? Surely I don't lie to all my fans?

Well…you'd be surprised.

Let me be clear, though, I don't lie as much, I'm still Mario's little brother, I'm still a coward, and I'm still afraid of ghosts. But…that's about it. I used to adore my big Bro, but as time went on, and he showed no signs of loving me back, my admiration for him started to wear thin. That whole 'I want to be just like Mario' thing is a lie. Probably the biggest fib is about me and Daisy. Although we did go out for a little while, apparently, she doesn't want to date someone who's brother is 'completely nuts'.

I still really miss her.

Yoshi took a more direct approach, and after seeing that his work was not appreciated (and after getting dropped off one too many cliffs) he up and left – I haven't seen him since.

Peach is less blunt. She tried for weeks to get her 'hero' to love her – to no prevail, and she gave up sadly a long time ago. But being so starved of affection, she had no choice but to turn to the only person she could talk to. The only person who could listen, the only person who cared.

Me.

I didn't think I could do anything. I wasn't the type of person who gave good advice. But Peach and I were friends, so I wanted to do something. So I leant her my ear to listen, thinking it would be harmless enough.

Oh boy.

Was I wrong, or what?

Pretty soon, we had a daughter.

Rosalina.

A child who Mario didn't know about.

But that's crazy! Peach is Mario's girlfriend, not mine. I'm not a cheater!

…am I?

Maybe I am.

I swear I didn't mean for it to happen, though. It was Peach's idea!

I feel awful.

The only reason I didn't just leave there and then was because…well…

Well Rosa needs a Dad. It wasn't her fault, what happened, and I can't punish her by leaving. Besides, she's my baby girl, I love her to bits.

So I stayed. Peach and I kept it up, and kept Rosalina out of sight. Soon, she was five, and Mario had no idea of her existence (and vice versa).

But…well…I couldn't keep it up.

Honestly, I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier.

But I messed up badly, and things went horribly down-hill from there.