The lights flashed down on him; blue, green, red, gold, purple then blue again. Fans threw themselves against the barriers trying to touch him. Faces flashed one after another in front of his eyes and he took in every detail. Confetti fell from the ceiling, heralding the ending of their second to last song. He sung the last words, never closing his eyes, always looking at whatever he could see.
Gustav was hitting the drums like he hated them and Georg was playing like it was the last concert ever. Tom… Tom was playing with his head tipped forward, dreadlocks almost covering his face. They were playing better than they had ever played, especially in the last five years. They were playing real songs now, songs like Schrei and Ready, Set, Go.
Confetti starting to fall from the ceiling, heralding the end of their second to last song. He looked up, watching the whirlpool of colors float down over the stage. He sang the last words of Spring Nicht, the words full of meaning. He stood at the front of the stage looking out over the huge crowd and Bill smiled. The fans screamed and he basked in the glow of their love and adoration. Alex was long gone and Tokio Hotel once again was together in perfection.
"Are you going to say something or just keep basking in their applause?" Bill smiled as his brother shouted to him over the noise from the fans.
"Oh I don't know," Bill teased him, watching for the reaction he was looking for. "I quite like 'basking in their applause'." Tom mock glared at him and Bill just laughed then turned his head to address the audience. He hesitated for a moment. There was already a preplanned speech for him to say but, like Alex's songs, it didn't seem right. He lifted the microphone to his mouth and instantly the noise died down. Everyone wanted to hear what Bill had to say.
"Thank you for welcoming me and my band back into your hearts, Berlin," the German words caused and instant reaction and the crowd exploded in screams. Bill waited for the noise to subsided before continuing. "I had a speech pre-written for me that I'm supposed to say now but I thought I should give you my honesty and talk from my heart." This time the crowd was silent, waiting with bated breath for him to speak again.
"The last five or six years have been really hard for me. I'm sure you all heard about my accident and consequent blindness from the tabloids. I can tell you right now that I would not wish the pain of no sight on anyone. It is worse than death."
"I cannot thank the band enough for all the support and love that they have showed me." Bill flashed a grin a Georg and Gustav. "I have to thank all you for every scream and every shout that you have given to Tokio Hotel." The crowd exploded again. "Most of all I have to thank my brother." Bill turned to smile gently at Tom who was still standing beside him. "Without you I wouldn't be standing here." Bill let his arm drop and the microphone hang at his side.
"I love you," he whispered to Tom.
"I love you too," Tom smiled gently at him. The fans were silent, recognizing the intensity of the moment. Bill gave his brother one last look, further engraving Tom's face in his memory before turning back to the fans, microphone at his lips again.
"We are Tokio Hotel and we thank you," Bill shouted, raising his hand. "This is the last long for you, Durch Den Monsun!" The band launched into the song with an intense fury. Bill sung with all his might, thinking of the journey he had made, enduring everything he had, to end up here where he belonged.
His mind wondered back to the 1st of September, two months ago, when he had knocked on that dressing room door. He remembered the look of shock then of pure, ecstatic joy on Tom's face, that face he loved. The rest was a blur; Tom pulling him inside the dressing room and lips pressed against his in furious desperate love. That feeling that they had been craving for years was drowning them but they didn't stop.
Bill danced over to his brother, maybe a little closer than he should have but he just didn't care. Tom didn't even bother to give him a warning glace. They had been separated for too long to care, they just did what their hearts wanted them too do.
Eventually they came to the last note, the last drum beat, the last word and they poured the last inch of their energy into the end. It was the end of the era of unhappiness and disarray and the beginning of perfection within Tokio Hotel. They stood in a line like they had done so long ago and bowed to the thunderous applause of their loyal fans.
One by one the band members made their way offstage, congratulating each other and being congratulated by their roadies. David was waiting for them, pratically jumping up and down with excitement.
"That was fantastic guys!" he shouted to them over the noise the crowd was still making. "Just listen to that." He turned to Bill. "I think your speech was great, a lot better than the planned one." He seemed to hesitate for a moment then abruptly pulled Bill into a tight hug. "It's great having you back Bill."
"Thanks David," the black-haired men replied. David let him go and Bill swore the older man's eyes were suspiciously wet.
"Come on," Georg called him. "We're heading back to the practice room, word is there's drinks down there." Bill grinned at David and took off after his band mates. He smiled as he passed the posters on the walls of the corridor, advertising their gig. At the top the poster read "TOKIO HOTEL'S CONCERT TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE BLIND SOMETHING". It would have to ask David if he had the final figures telling how much they had raised.
"Where are those drinks you mentioned?" Bill shouted, bursting into the dressing room. He almost crashed into his brother who was staring stiffly into the room. Tom glanced at Bill and pulled the black haired man gently to his side. "Oh god." Bill whispered as he came face-to-face with his Mother and Gordon.
"Bill!" Simone gasped and moved towards him. She froze as Bill instinctively shrank away from the woman who, last time she had seen her son, had screamed and ran away from him. "Bill, it's just me, your Mother."
When the black haired man didn't reply Gordon spoke up instead. "Bill, we've been worried sick about you."
"NO YOU HAVEN'T!" the furious reply exploded from Bill. "Don't pretend that you were concerned at any time over the last five years. If you were worried you could have talked to David or Tom and you would have found out that I had been talking to them occasionally, but you didn't. You could have tried to talk to me yourself but you didn't. If you had cared for me at all then you would have talked to me and apologised for screaming and running away from me."
"Bill," Tom's voice spoke up quietly from Bill's side. "That may be a little unfair."
"No Tomi," the angry singer replied before turning on their Mother again. "We forgave you when you were a drunkard; we forgave you when you took drugs; I am not going to forgive you again, Simone." The woman flinched and her eyes started to tear up at the cold conviction but Bill stood steadfastly and Tom stood beside him.
"Please," the single word was Simone's last defence and Bill brushed it off like it was nothing more than an annoying fly. He spun round and stalked off into one of the side makeup rooms. Tom gave his mother and Gordon an agonized look before following his beloved brother. Georg and Gustav were left to usher a weeping Simone and tight-lipped Gordon to the exit.
§s×e§
"Bill?" Tom softly called his brother's name. He had followed the raven-haired man into the dressing room but he couldn't see him. A barely audible sob came from under the table next to him and Tom gave a sad sigh. He hadn't seen Bill cry since he had come back to the band and it depressed him to see that Bill was sad. "Bill, I'm coming down okay?" Tom dropped to the ground and slid under the table next to his brother. Bill instantly switched from having his face buried in his knees to burying himself in Tom's oversized t-shirt.
"She… hates me," Bill sobbed between hiccups and words. "She... never wanted… to talk to me." Tom made soothing noises and gently rubbed his brother's back, letting Bill cry himself dry. Suddenly Bill raised his face and Tom jumped in shock. Streams of white water were flowing over Bill's cheeks.
"Bill… your tears," the singer went stiff and tried to pull away from his brother but Tom held on tight. "No, Bill, they're fine. You just gave me a fright that's all." Bill continued to resist for a moment but eventually relaxed, letting Tom pull him back.
"The doctor's couldn't fix my tears; something to do with the walls of the tear duct being too thin and risky to operate on."
"It's okay Bill, I don't care how much is fixed, just so long as your back." Bill squirmed, rubbing his head on Tom's chest, making the guitarist smile. "Are you sure you can't forgive Mum, I mean you managed to forgive me."
There was a long silence before Bill answered. "No Tomi, I can't forgive her. I know that she hurt you too but I was the one who first saw her so drunk that she couldn't talk and I was the first one to see he snorting that... shit, and she was disgusted by me. I just can't bring myself to forgive that; it's too much."
"But you forgave me for doing all that shit to you."
"I know but you're… you. I was always going to forgive you, I just needed time. Life was a bitch without you." Tom snorted at Bill's eloquent words. He reached up and gently brushed a white tear off his brother's face. "Some things will never go back to normal, Billa." The raven-haired man leaned back and sweetly kissed Tom's lips.
A knock on the door prevented them from continuing any further. Georg's voice called through the wood. "Come in," Tom told them. The door opened and two pairs of feet stepped into the room.
"Bill, Simo-" Gustav's voice abruptly halted. "Bill? Tom?" The twins both giggled. "Where are you?"
"Under the table Gusti," Bill took pity on their friends. Two faces peered under the table and grinned at the brothers. The G's both slid under the table to join their friends, neither of them mentioning the white lines on Bill's face, simply accepting that they were there. The four band mates stayed under the table until the David came looking for them, just talking and enjoying each other's company. Bill felt himself relax and all his worries floated away like leaves in a stream. He had finished the last journey home to a happiness that, although tainted with anomalies, was as perfect as he could have wished for.