Crimes & Donuts Chapters
Jelly-Filled (part 1)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this crazy attempt at a cop fic.
Warning: I feel like I should just be able to type character names and you all would know what to watch out for/expect, but just in case…vulgar language, sexual innuendoes, violence (silly and run for your lives types), pairings of all different types/genders, and because this is an AU…some OOCness.
This is another example of a fic that's been yipping and nipping at my ankles more than my neighbor's possessed poodle-demon. In order to make it more fun, I tried writing it in the 1st person. We'll see how that goes! Enjoy!
- FELICIANO'S POV -
It was a warm, spring day and I was standing in the middle of a beautiful field. Flowers bloomed all around me. I bent down to smell one – oregano! The flowers were pasta flowers! It was the most wonderful—
"Feliciano…Feliciano…Wake up, verdammte!
It was right around there that I woke up tied to a chair. My partner Ludwig was tied to the chair facing away from me. The field of pasta flowers was gone and the unfamiliar view of concrete and leaky pipes came into view.
"Hi, Ludwig!" I greeted him cheerfully.
"This is no time to be smiling and happy," my partner scolded me. "There's a bomb tied to us!"
28 hours earlier…
I had just pulled a fresh pan of lasagna out of the oven for dinner. Taking the cap off a bottle of parsley flakes, I sprinkled them on as the final topping. Va bene! I wanted it to be perfect since my partner was joining my brother and me for dinner! This particular combination made me glad I was a police officer, since it often got scary.
The doorbell buzzed from the other side of the apartment.
"That must be Ludwig!" I exclaimed.
"I hate that guy…" Lovino grumbled, plucking a cherry tomato out of the salad.
"Fratello, please at least try to behave…" I sighed, putting down the pan.
"I'll see what I can do."
"Lovi~!" I complained, tossing my oven mitts at him.
Perhaps I should explain…My brother and my partner don't exactly get along. Mostly because they don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things - FIFA, German cuisine, carrying concealed weapons, breaking the law…their last argument nearly ended in a knife fight at the dinner table, which is now the reason I no longer prepare anything for the two of them involving steak knives.
You see, Ludwig is a firm believer in upholding the law to preserve order, while my brother… well, occasionally operates around the law to preserve his own kind of order. It's not like he goes around shooting people and robbing banks, but he's not going to be running for humanitarian of the year anytime soon either. I don't think he'd be able to give up hanging around the Black Market crowd long enough to walk an elderly person across the street, or donate the proceedings of his semi-legal weapons dealings to charity. Not that he's a bad person! He was always there for me and protected me when we were kids from a lot of scary people. He really does mean well, he just sees the world in gray while Ludwig sees it in black and white.
I answered the door and let Lud in as he greeted me with a "Hello, Var-er, Feliciano." I couldn't help but laugh. We'd been partners for almost two years and he still did that on occasion. I keep trying to tell him he has to be careful because it sounds like our Chief is rubbing off on him.
"Will he be joining us as well?" asked the blonde, eyeing Lovino as he walked out of the kitchen; salad bowl in one hand, tomato in the other.
"Got a problem with that, potato bastard?"
"Not at all," Ludwig took the high ground and went to hang his coat up.
"Figlio di troia…"
I shot Lovino a warning glance and we both sat down. Ludwig reluctantly took his seat across from Lovi and next to me.
I finally realized that because my table is too small to keep them completely separated, it works out best to have them sit across from each other. That way they have some distance and I can be in between them in case they try to strangle each other and need to be broken up. I learned my lesson after the disastrous meal where I had them sit next to each other in hopes they would get along better. I was so very, very wrong as the dent in the wall can attest. We don't always have dinner together, but when we do it's the definition of lively.
I started passing the salad around and prayed for the best.
It was worth it! Tonight we managed to have a civil dinner for a change! Fratello only swore a few dozen times, but mostly under his breath (big improvement from last time!) and Lud only glared at him a couple times (he's gotten really good at avoiding eye-contact with Lovino). Of course, part of this was because we only got 10 minutes into dinner before fratello's phone went off.
"Well, shit. I gotta go," he frowned, glancing at his text message.
"Okay, fratello!" I smiled. "I'll save you a plate for later."
"Thanks."
"Where do you have to go in such a rush?" asked Ludwig, raising an eyebrow.
"They really need me to volunteer at the nursing home again," Lovi rolled his eyes. "They must be getting slammed with old-timers. After that, I figured I'd swing by the hospital to cure a couple terminal diseases and maybe rescue a damsel in distress before I head back home."
I laughed, but Ludwig maintained his stern face, noting the gun slightly bulging under Lovino's jacket.
"You're not going to engage in any illegal activities are you, Vargas?"
"Of course not, Officer. I'm a model citizen," replied my brother before waving to me. "Ciao, fratello!"
"Ciao!" I returned the wave.
It was a lot…calmer after Lovino left and we were able to finish our meal peacefully (the landlady will be happy). After we were done with the main course, Ludwig helped me clear the table of plates and clean up. He's always so thoughtful!
"Hmph, well, now that your brother's gone and we've eaten, we can get down to business…"
Uh-oh.
"Ve? I was going to make gelato for dessert…"
"It can wait, this is important…" Ludwig guided me into the living room.
"Important?" I asked. "But you never turn down dessert…"
He coughed slightly and dug something out of his bag.
"I need you, Feliciano; no one else can do this…"
"W-What is it?" I blushed slightly, it wasn't often that Ludwig asked for help.
The blonde found what he was looking for and spread a set of blueprints over the table.
"This is the latest map of areas vandalized by the 'Ghost' gang that's been so active lately," he informed me. "Can you analyze it and find any form of connection between the locations they hit?"
Oh, right. I'm the precinct analyst expert in art and other forms of decoding… I couldn't help but sweatdrop.
"Uh, Ludwig? Do we really have to do this now?" I asked with a forced smile. "I thought the point of these weekly dinners was to get you away from the office."
"I am away from the office."
"I meant aren't we supposed to leave this sort of thing at the office?"
"Feliciano, that doesn't make any sense. Why would I leave this at the office when it's easily transferrable to the home setting?" he furrowed his brow. "If we get this done now, we can focus on other matters at the office tomorrow."
"You really are dedicated to your job, Ludwig," I smiled in spite of it all.
"We're detectives, we have to be," he looked up at me with a small smile.
"Alright, I'll take a look at it, but in an hour, I'm starting dessert," I chided him.
"Fair enough."
After the hour was nearly over, I told Lud that I wasn't able to find anything connecting the eight crime scenes together. It would probably help if I could see pictures of the graffiti and sites themselves, but I wasn't about to point that out to by partner until 8:04 tomorrow morning when I came in late from getting coffee and he was about to scold me about it.
"So I guess I'll just go and get dessert started!"
"Nice try, Feliciano. You still have 12 minutes of work left."
"Aww…"
"Don't give me that look. It won't work this time."
The downside of working with Ludwig so often is that he's starting to gain an immunity to my puppy dog eyes.
"Back to work, Feliciano."
I pouted, but complied.
I tried a couple different patterns and referenced some work by an artist who had been getting famous in a few urban subcultures lately, but nothing could connect the dots of whether the crime scenes were random or held a secret meaning behind them. At 7:38 on the dot, I happily leaped up and skipped into the kitchen, eager to be away from maps and algorithms for awhile. I might me good at that stuff, but I prefer cooking, baking, and creating! Once the work got put away and the gelato came out, our night got a lot better.
When I first started at the precinct, Lud barely said a word to me. At first I thought he just didn't like me, but then I realized he was like that with a lot of people. I figured he just wasn't good at talking to people, so I made sure I got him to say at least one sentence to me each day that didn't involve work or the precinct. Sometimes it was like pulling teeth, but he eventually opened up to me more.
My next goal was to do something about his crazy workaholic schedule. He's often the first person to arrive at the station and the last person to leave. Some days I doubted that he ever left. That's where our weekly dinner get-togethers started. Once a week we'd get together at my place or his to eat and relax after a long work day. Sometimes fratello or Ludwig's older brother would join us too. But never all together. The first and last time we tried that, Gil ended up firing a warning shot into my ceiling after Lovino put a knife to a very surprised Ludwig's throat. Long story short, my safety deposit was blown and Ludwig never called fratello "scrawny" again.
As Lud started talking about Gil's latest invention that involved launching beer cans from the kitchen to the living room, I realized how late it had gotten. Lovino would probably be home soon and it might be better to avoid a post-work confrontation with Ludwig.
"Ve~ Ludwig?" I began.
The front door opened and shut roughly. Too late.
Ludwig stood up cautiously holding a hand over the holster that kept his off-duty gun.
"What was that?" he asked sniffing the air
"Probably just fratello," I tried to calm him. I was used to the scent already.
Lovino walked in with a plate of leftovers and glared.
"You're still here, bastard?"
"Why do you smell like smoke?"
"One of my buddies tried to give up smoking, but couldn't," Lovino shrugged. "Nasty habit."
"I didn't mean cigarette smoke…" Ludwig's gaze hardened.
"Well, it's getting late and we've all had a long day!" I jumped up to pacify them. "Fratello, you probably want a shower, so you can go first while I show Ludwig out!"
My brother scowled at Ludwig one more time before heading down the hallway that lead to the shower. My partner just sighed in response, long having learned to just let some things slide when it came to my twin.
"Feliciano, you are a heilige…" he said with a smile as he grabbed his coat.
"Huh?" I asked. My German has improved upon meeting Ludwig, but I was still far from fluent.
"Nevermind," he chuckled. "Thank you for dinner and your assistance with the blueprints."
"Anytime!" I smiled. And of course I meant anytime for dinner, not necessarily overtime work.
- ELIZABETA'S POV -
It was another peaceful morning so far at the 12th Precinct. I passed by several officers diligently working at their desks, scribbling away on reports, investigation papers, and the like. Outside, birds were chirping and the sun was shining to brighten the quiet atmosphere inside.
Feli and Al must not be in yet.
"What the bloody hell were you doing, you stupid git?!"
Sounds like Alfred just walked in.
"Dude! It's not my fault! You should've returned the brofist!"
"How is it not your fault! You're the one who spilled coffee on me!"
"Because I thought you were gonna return the brofist!"
"You're just a clumsy idiot! I'm lucky I didn't get burned!"
I peeked around the corner to see. Sure enough, Alfred was getting another lecture from Arthur, who looked none too happy about the new coffee additions added to his sleeve.
"Aw, you're fine!" laughed the American. "Your skin's as tough as your scones!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Arthur raged.
"Look man, it was a compliment! You should thank me! I said you were tough!"
"By comparing me to food, you glutton!" a brief pause. "And what's wrong with my scones?"
"Uh…"
I took this as my cue to leave. Arthur's a terrible cook, but is somehow completely oblivious to it. That, and he gets really touchy when it's brought up. Definitely a good time to leave.
"If it's your shirt you're so upset about, I would be more than happy to help you remove it, mon ami."
And with that, I snapped my head back to the show.
"Get away from me, bloody frog!" Arthur snarled at Francis.
"Now, now, you're being too stubborn. You must remove this at once and wash it before it stains."
"I said get away from me!"
Classic FrUk fight. This never gets old.
"Yeah, Artie! Take it off!"
A little USUK never hurt anyone either.
"What is wrong with you idiots?! Leave me alone or I'll shoot you both!"
A loud cough brought me out of my visions of FrUkUs and back to reality. My heart immediately went out to all three men – our Chief was behind them, stern look on his face.
"Do you realize where you three are standing?" he asked.
"Uh…the precinct?" Alfred made the mistake of answering. Both of his senior partners beside him kicked him in the ankle. "Ow. What?" he hissed.
"Exactly. This is the 12th Precinct of Daten City," our Chief began, eyes hardening. "We are a police station, not a strip club."
Alfred's face turned bright red, while Arthur looked disgusted. Francis put on an apologetic face to cover up his smirk.
"We're very sorry, sir." Francis spoke for them. "It won't happen again.
"See that it doesn't," our boss offered them a curt nod before walking on, passing me.
"Good morning, sir!" I greeted him cheerfully.
"G-Good morning, Officer Héderváry," he replied, quickly looking away from me and continuing his walk to his office.
He can be so odd sometimes.
- FELICIANO'S POV –
I walked into the precinct at 8:06 AM. I had been held up at the coffee shop by a cute tourist who needed directions to an art museum. So of course I gave her directions and recommended a few artists and paintings that I was fond of. It wasn't until we started talking about sculptures did I realize what time it was. Oops. I'll be fine as long as—
"Feliciano!" roared a voice.
Uh-oh.
"Where have you been?" asked Ludwig. "Work began six minutes ago, in case you hadn't noticed! Where were you?"
"I was…helping the elderly cross the street?"
"Your brother is a terrible influence on you."
"I was…getting you coffee?" I offered, willing to sacrifice my own coffee for this.
"I can smell all the espresso, sugar, and whatever else you added from here. Try again."
Ugh! Of course! Lud only drinks his coffee black.
"I was…um, just going over the map of the sites the Ghosts hit again and was thinking I should take a look at the specific damage done and graffiti they left to see if it helps connect any of them!"
"Oh?" Ludwig replied, some confusion on his face. "That's actually a good thought. Feliks should be able to get you a copy of those from the Records room."
"Alrighty! I'll be off then!"
No sooner had I started skipping off to the Records room did my pager go off. There was an emergency. I went back to Ludwig to see what was going on just as he was getting off the phone.
"Williams says there's been a suspicious man reported in Daten Park. Witnesses are saying he was hiding something in a grocery bag resembling a bomb," Ludwig began. "There hasn't been any report of a bomb threat, but we've been asked to investigate anyway."
"Right-o!" I replied as we dashed off to my partner's car. We used to take mine, but Ludwig always complained about my driving, so we swapped. I still don't see why though. Neither my brother or Nonno ever complained about it. Oh, well. Off to save the day!
A/N
Whew! Didn't think I'd have as much fun writing a cop story as much as I did!
Apologies if some of the characters seemed a little OOC. Given his job, I had to make Feli a bit more competent and semi-hardworking to make him more "Detective" material. I figured he'd be good at analyzing locations, symbols, and graffiti given his mad art skillz. And speaking of police positions, please don't take them seriously. I pulled them from a variety of police-type positions/organizations and made up several to better fit specific characters/scenarios. And just so there's no confusion later, this Lovino was based off of several Mafia!Romano's that I've seen/read/fallen in love with, but as of now Lovi's not directly affiliated with a specific mob family. He just has mad connections.
Oh, and there's a reason Elizabeta uses "Nation Names" which will be revealed later. For those of you that want to know the actual/not Hungary's dreamworld pairings for this story, I've listed them under the Translations. It shouldn't come as too much of a surprise for those who've read my other fics, but I didn't want to spoil if for those who like to be surprised :)
Please let me know how I did and I'll seeya next chapter! Ciao!
~Rajikka
TRANSLATIONS
Va bene – okay (Italian)
Verdammte – Dammit (German)
Figlio di troia – Son of a bitch (Italian)
Heilige – Saint (German)
Mon ami - My friend (French)
Daten City – Comes from the word Datenshi or "Fallen Angel" in Japanese. It's a fictional place, so for now, think New York meets Chicago meets Tokyo. It'll be described in more detail later.
Pairings (some happen sooner than others) - Romerica, Gerita, Fruk, Prucan, Aushun, and...that's all that I can say for now. More are likely to pop up as other characters are introduced ;)