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Clarke
Clarke currently sat in front of her tent, staring off into the distance, her eyes blank and unseeing. Her hand twitched with the urge to be doing something, anything, but Camp Jaha was quite. There were no injuries for her to fix, no problem for her to try and figure out at this late hour. She knew once the sun came up, someone would come running to her looking for help, but for now she was at a loss.
So Clarke sat and watched the fires around the Camp die down to embers. Thoughts that she didn't want to be having churned over and over in her mind until she thought she'd scream. There was one image that she couldn't rid herself no matter how she tried.
Yesterday, Clarke had been out in the woods with Jasper and Monty. The boys were going foraging and Clarke had needed some time outside of the Camp so she'd asked to accompany them. She also liked Monty and Jasper's laid back natures and how easy it was to be around them. They were her closest friends, along with Octavia and Raven.
And Bellamy.
Clarke's heart lurched in her chest at the thought of her messy haired co-leader. A blush crept over her cheeks, her skin tightened and flushed, her breathing became slightly laboured. Her stomach bottomed out and she pressed her thighs together in an attempt to stop the feeling that was trying to overcome her better judgement.
Her bodies reaction to just the thought of him both angered and terrified her.
It was nothing compared to what being around him did to her.
For the first few months after Finn's death, Clarke had been a wreak. Although, she made sure she only let that side of her show when she was alone in her tent. She didn't need anyone knowing just how broken she was. Finn's death would always be something that affected her, changed her and she'd carry it with her every day. She was lucky that Raven had eventually being able to forgive her, even if she knew she'd never forgive herself.
It helped her to move forward. Well, that and her responsibility for the remaining 100. Because despite the adults presence Clark and Bellamy still lead their faction. The delinquents followed only their leaders orders, much to the chagrin of Abby, Kane and Thelonous.
Bellamy had also helped her by just being there. He still fought with her, still pissed her off daily and still acted like an ass, but their friendship and leadership had only grown stronger. And he - he touched her more. In the beginning, she knew it was his way of letting her physically know that he was there, because he wasn't good with words. A brief arm around her shoulders for a job well done, a squeeze of her wrist, his hand on her lower back. They ate together every evening and when Clarke didn't feel like going to their version of a mess hall, he'd seek her out, usually finding her in her tent or the Med Bay, enough food for both of them in hand. He looked after her the same way he looked after his sister and as time went on Clarke began to look at him differently.
In fact, she'd come to the epiphany, just yesterday, that she was in love with him.
It was why she currently sat on a log, starting banefully out into the distance.
Clarke knew that it was foolish sentiment on her part. Bellamy would never look at her like that. First off, she was not his type. Not at all. Sure, he respected and trusted her, listened to her when it came to leading and making decisions for their people. They were friends, at first out of necessity and later out of choice. But she'd never meant to fall in love with him. She'd actually thought she was incapable of feeling such an emotion ever again. It had crept up on her, flooding her senses like a dam burst. Sure, she'd been aware of her growing attraction to her co-leader, but she had been able to dismiss as a silly little crush and nothing more.
That was until Clarke had accidently stumbled across a sight that had turned her blood to ice and brought tears to her eyes. She'd wandered off the beaten path so-to-speak, leaving Monty and Jasper to their bickering and found herself closer to the Grounder's camp then she'd intended. Yes, they had a truce, but that didn't mean she wanted to be caught wandering around on her own without backup.
She was just about to turn around and retrace her steps back to the boys when she heard a muffled moan from her left. She stalled in her steps, something telling to just keep going, but the healer in her argued that someone might be hurt. She debated moving forward, but another moan sounded and curiosity got the better of her. Carefully and quietly, because it could just as well be an enemy, she moved towards where she thought she'd heard the sound.
About twenty feet in, in a particularly dense part of the forest, the noises grew louder and more distinctive. Well, crap, Clarke thought to herself. The heavy breathing, moans and groans told her all she needed to know. She'd almost walked into a very awkward situation. She turned to leave, but a breeze caught the foliage she'd been about to manoeuvre through and she caught sight of who was indulging in an afternoon romp.
Lexa, the leader of the Grounder's.
And one very naked, very sweaty, Bellamy Blake.
It was then, when she was choking back tears, her heart splintering, her mind a painful cascade of remembered touches, shared experiences and heated arguments that she realised just how far she'd fallen for Bellamy.
It was also shockingly different to how she'd felt about Finn. Yes, she'd loved Finn with all her heart, but he'd also shattered it into pieces almost in the same breath. She never felt like she'd lose herself in him. Theirs was a love that was born out a mutual attraction, an easiness of friendship and trust, and until Raven appeared, a lack of complications. Their relationship would have been fun and effortless, affection and love coming without difficulty. Best friends turned lovers.
With Bellamy, it was far more intense, ten times more terrifying and extremely complicated. His touch sent her heart tripping over itself, her pupils would dilate with lust, her panties would dampen within seconds and she'd feel out of control, weightless, thoughtless. Her skin felt like it was on fire, burning long after he'd left her presence. Logic and reason, two things which she was best known for, would fly out the window and the urge to jump his bones was almost impossible to escape. She'd have to excuse herself whenever she felt her hard won control become tenuous, her emotions threatening to shatter her walls – an unexpected by-product of Bellamy's surprisingly affectionate manner. He was temperamental, ruled by his heart and emotions, so when he truly cared about someone, like his sister Octavia, he wasn't ashamed of showing that type of affection. Sisterly, platonic. He was that with Clarke and that was how she knew she wasn't his type.
And secondly, he was five years older than her and used to more experienced women. Clarke had only ever been with Finn and he'd made it pretty clear, almost to the point of spelling it out, how he felt about her. Whereas, Bellamy treated her, well, like Octavia.
An ugly, twisted feeling unfurled in her belly, at the memory of Bellamy's naked body thrusting into Lexa. The feeling slowly moving upwards, until it found her heart and squeezed it in a painful, vice like grip. Really, she shouldn't be as upset as she was. They were not a couple. He'd never even hinted at seeing her as more than a friend and she was still to damaged, to want another relationship.
At least that's what she told herself.
The truth was actually murkier then that.
Clarke had loved Finn and he had loved her. She'd kissed him, slept with him and he had shattered her heart. Bellamy wasn't even aware of her feelings. She had no right to feel the way she did. No claim on her co-leader. She'd never kissed him, never slept with him, but just the sight of him with someone else had broken her.
Clarke knew that it was best to keep her feelings to herself, to deal with her unrequited love in secret. Because if he knew, if he rejected her or worse they got together and it ended badly, she knew he held the power to obliterate her.
Because she could get lost in Bellamy Blake.