A/N: So my 1st fanfic. I know it seems like a pretty big topic to write about for a first but I'm gonna do it anyways.

Disclaimer: of course I don't own twilight the awesome Stephenie Meyer does

Emptiness

I drove down the street not really seeing it at all. Thinking about what I was going to do now was twisting my stomach into painful knots.

Knowing I had to leave Bella, the core of my existence made it even more painful. Realizing that I was the one putting her in constant danger instead of protecting her, like I thought I once was made me come to this decision. Leaving her to normal human life is what she deserved. A vision came into my head then. Bella in her father proud arm, blushed with happiness, in a white dress…. at this point I was focused on not crushing the steering wheel. It's what she deserves I thought to myself.

As I thought I made it before her. Which is what I wanted, giving me time to think of right and wrong again.

What was right:

Leave Bella to live a happy life. Have a future and family.

Keep her away from dangerous creatures including me. Who could kill her to easily.

What was wrong:

Stay with Bella during the remainder of her human life. Protecting her from anything.

Make myself happy by doing so

Right and wrong clearly weren't the same things as what I want and what I couldn't bare to live through.

I heard her truck coming then, coming down the street. My stomach twisted into more painful knots again.

I got out of my Volvo once she was out of her ancient truck. I took her back bag and put it back in the truck.

"Come for a walk with me" I suggested. I realized I sounded lifeless. Hoping she didn't notice, I didn't give her a chance to answer my request. I pulled her along with me through the small yard. She seemed confused but willing.

I couldn't wait any longer anymore. I had to tell her now. I can't keep her in danger any longer from my family or myself. I stopped leaned against a tree stared at Bella making sure my face didn't express any emotion.

"Okay let's talk". Bella said this seeming to know that I was about to tell her something important. Well we'll have to see if she does.

Taking a deep breath, burning my throat with her sweet scent in the process, I said "Bella we're leaving". Saying this caused the pain in my body to become more apparent.

Bella also taking a deep breath said "Why now? Another year-"

I cut her off.

"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless"

I was hoped I sounded convincing to her because I didn't to myself. Seeing her face confirmed that she did think I was convincing. Confusion was the dominant emotion on her face the changed into realization. What was she thinking?

"When you say we-" Ahhh she must have misunderstood my words. But what conclusion could she have come to? Instead of pushing my curiosity I just answered her question.

"I mean my family and myself" saying each word distinct and separate. Also, killing my insides.

She was shaking her head as if to clear it. I waited for her answer for a couple of minutes. Wishing insanely as usual to know what she was thinking now.

"Okay I'll come with you" she answered sounding determined.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going …it's not right place for you" I said. Not even sure if that last part was a lie or not.

"Where you are is the right place for me" When she said this it was like she was begging me just to stay. Which I almost gave in. Saying it was a sick joke. Pretend nothing ever happened and to stay forever. Almost.

"I'm no good for you, Bella" that was the only truth I could see I said. But she didn't seem to believe my words.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're the very best part of my life". I almost gave in again. But I know the love she had for me couldn't compare to my love for her

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Her words made me wince mentally. Seeing my brother almost kill the one I love…I cleared my head of the anger that was coming and focused on what I was doing now.

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, promised that you would stay-" Now she was clearly begging. I could barely take this.

"As long as that was best for you," I corrected her reluctantly

"No! This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you –it's yours already!"

I was bewildered by her words not knowing she knew about this. I stared at the ground thinking of a good way to tell her I didn't want her. The pain in my body became almost too much to but somehow I got the words out.

"Bella. I don't want you to come with me" I was watching her face when I said this. Watching how she absorbed this. Her face was blank for a couple of seconds but then became a heartbreaking expression. Pain twisted into her beautiful face. Clearly showing she knew what I was trying to tell her.

"You…don't…want me?" She asked in the most pained voice I ever heard. Seeing this caused the pain in my body to become even more apparent and nearly causing me to give up.

I answered her with the blackest lie I've ever told.

"No"

She was looking into my eyes not sure what she was looking for or what she found there. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Bella broke the silence first.

"Well, that changes things", she said calmly. Her face showed nothing but pain as she said this. How could she believe me already? How many times did I tell her I loved her yet with just one word she thinks I take it all back? I looked into her eyes seeing that she believed I didn't want her. I thought it would take forever to convince her of this.

I looked into the trees so I could hide my expression from her. I knew I must have been letting some emotion on there. She had no idea this was hurting me as much as it was hurting her. Probably even more.

"Of course I'll always love you…in a way"-in the same exact way forever, I corrected mentally"- but what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of being something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human"

Everything I had just said added even more to the black lie. No human could live through the pain inside of me now. Seeing her expression I knew this was going to haunt my memory forever. She had no idea how much I wished to be human with her. I stay forever with her raise a family… I took that thought out of my head as quickly as it had come. I had to strong enough to leave. To hope I could heal in time, but knowing full well that the possibility of this was very little. Seeing she had believed every false word I said I continued.

"I've let this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that", but not sorry towards myself. Spending only a few months have and always will be the best in my existence.

"Don't…don't do this", she whispered. I started to become numb. I had no feeling left in me. I couldn't feel anything. She looked into my eyes to see that I already have done this.

"Your not good for me Bella", she was far to good for me, switching my earlier words around. Her face showed pained agreement. I didn't need my gift to tell me that she thought she wasn't good enough for me. When it was I who wasn't good enough for her. How could she think this?

I waited for her to say something. The agonized pain clearly showed across her features. I kept my face wiped clean of emotion even though I was feeling the exact same thing.

"If…that's you want", she could barely speak. I've seen too much of her pain in one day, to feel anything anymore. I just nodded once. Well knowing that I couldn't speak myself. It felt as if razor sharp blades were stabbing every part of my being. But I unwillingly put it together and attempted to sound as I had before. Just to ask for one thing.

"I would like to ask one favor, if that's not too much", I knew I didn't deserve a favor from her but hopefully she would agree. I saw her face. It was almost too much. I know I revealed pain on my face as well but quickly concealed it before she could see anything.

"Anything", she vowed looking up at me with painful curiosity.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid", I ordered, "do you understand what I'm saying?" if she did as I said then I knew I could make it. Just to know that she's a live somewhere is enough for me. I became tense for her answer to see if she would agree or not.

She nodded. This promise would mean she would keep herself alive. With this I could live a lonely existence but know Bella is still out there.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course he needs you. Take care of yourself-for him". Also for my sanity and myself.

"I will" she nodded truthful. Which slightly relaxed me.

"And I'll make you promise in return", I said, "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You go on with your life without in interference from me. It will be as if I never existed"

This hurt more than anything. Everything I promised to her had been true. The fact that it was true made it even more painful.

I tried smiling but it felt very wrong on my face." Don't worry your human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind ", but for mine it would take much more than time.

"And your memories?" the best of my existence. Not actually saying this I answered her.

"Well"-I hesitated, trying to think of a good lie to explain " I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted", that wasn't much of a lie but it worked.

Taking a step away reluctantly, letting all numbness come over me I said, "That's everything I suppose we won't bother you again"

Realization came across her face. Mixed with pain and agony. "Alice isn't coming back" not a question but a statement.

Her best friend leaving just added more pain. I shook my head slowly answering her question. Watching her blank face as if she had also become numb to feel anything anymore.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye", I explained

"Alice is gone?" her voice blank with disbelief

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break would be better for you", I really hoped so. The faster she believed I didn't love her, the faster she would heal.

"Goodbye Bella", the most painful words I've ever said in my existence.

"Wait!" She choked out. She reached out as if to stop me. I was reaching too. I wanted to hold her in my arms and stay like that forever.

But instead I pinned down her wrists to her sides. Settled for a kiss on her forehead.

"Take care of you self," I breathed

Then I was running all the agonized pain coming with me. I wasn't numb anymore. I could feel my stomach being stabbed deep, my dead heart empty. Knowing I was never going to see Bella ever again I began to run faster. Leaving the agonized Bella behind me.