He can't believe that she's gone. He refusesto believe that she's gone. She's been a part of his life for so long, he's grown accustomed to her being there. It was hell after Gitano when she left, it was worse when she went to Oregon. But now, now it's forever.
He doesn't know if he can stand that. Olivia was like his daily fix , she was what kept him functioning, what kept him sane. She was there for him, all the time. Whenever he'd go over the top. Even when his divorce was finalized, she was there with a six pack of beers, standing at his doorstep.
He was sitting on his couch, in is new apartment, when he heard a knock at the door.
He got up with a sigh and opened the door, on the other side was Olivia, holding a six pack in her hand.
"Thought you could use some company," She said, with a sweet, caring smile.
He stepped out of the way and let her in, she found her way to the couch, while he shut the door behind her.
The beer was cold, so he assumed she must have got it on the way over. She grabbed one and handed it to him, then got one for herself.
Elliot opened the beer and got half of it down in one gulp, Olivia knew that he was going to be drinking a lot, so she only kept with her one, figuring one of them should stay sober. Elliot finished of the whole case, and was completely plastered.
He poured out his soul out to Olivia, who listened. She took him up to his bed and tucked him in, leaving water and an aspirin by his bed. She made sure to open his bathroom door, knowing that it would be a hassle opening it when you're about to empty your stomach contents.
She left his house after she cleaned up the beer and a bit of vomit that was on the living room floor, after all she was used to it. She left him a note saying that she hoped the hang over wasn't too bad.
Elliot called her and thanked her numerous times, each time her reply was "Elliot, you don't have to thank me. I was just going what any good friend would do,"
He told her that he owed her and that next time she needs anything, he'll be there.
A silent tear slid down Elliot's face as he remembered that night. He stands there, staring at Olivia's lifeless body, a bullet wound in her chest. They got there too late.
He couldn't imagine going to work and her not being there, and knowing she'll never be back. He just can't.
He should have told her what she meant to him, she was everything to him, his rock and stability. He feels immense guilt for not telling her. He never got to tell her how sorry he was for all the shit he's done, for the times he hurt her. He never thanked her for being there everyday by his side. He never really did thank her for saving his family. He never told her he loved her. And for that, he will always feel guilty.
Weeks later
Elliot was out of control, his temper couldn't be contained. He was sent to desk duty for two weeks. The Captain told him he knew it had to be hard, but he needed to pull himself together.
But there was no way, he'd lost it. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, he was reckless on the job, almost suicidal.
Addiction- A state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning. When this substance is removed, it can cause withdrawal.
Olivia Benson was his addiction.