As Long As I Have You
AN: the characters do not belong to me. The title comes from a World War II era song of the same name. Although this is set in a different time than that, I feel that it fits Robert and Cora perfectly. Thank you as always to my faithful, encouraging beta, Granthamfan. xxxxx
The first time Cora really believed enough in the love she and her husband shared was during the years in which the girls were born. As if nine months of pregnancy and the rigors of childbirth were not enough, there was also the disapproval that Violet voiced all too easily about none of the children being boys.
"What will you do without an heir, Robert?" His mother furrowed her brow and scowled as she pulled her son out of the bedroom he and Cora shared and into the hallway. "I detest the idea of this estate going to some stranger."
"Mama, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Robert turned to go back to his wife's side. "As long as I have Cora and my girls, I'm a more than happy man. Besides, she's been through enough with this delivery. Dr. Clarkson says we could have easily lost her. I'm not subjecting my wife to dying in childbirth so we can have an heir. I love my family too much for that, Mama."
Cora, who had not been able to avoid hearing the exchange, smiled as she gazed down at baby Sybil in her arms. Although she was exhausted from the ordeal, she was still grateful for the love of her husband who was brave enough to stand up to his mother on her behalf. "That's right; as long as we're together, we're more than all right."
"What's that?" Robert asked gently as he sat down in the chair next to where Cora lay.
"I was telling Sybil what a wonderful father she has, and what a wonderful husband I have. I heard what you said, darling, and I love you for it."
"And I love you, Cora. We'll be fine, our little family, as long as we're together." Robert leaned down to give Cora a tender kiss.
She clung to his words not only in the first few years of Sybil's life, when it became clear that their chances of producing an heir were slim to none, but also in the time that came in which they had to part because of the Boer War.
It was difficult for Cora to explain Robert's absence to the girls because she did not want to frighten them with the worrisome details of war, but she did want to keep the girls thinking of their father each and every day, either. Mary, being the eldest and at a naturally curious age, was prone to ask questions that all too readily upset her younger sisters, particularly Sybil, who felt her father's absence in a deeper, more emotionally bereft way than the others. She was old enough to understand that he was gone and that there was a war, but little else. Like Cora, so much of the light had gone out of her life with the absence of Robert.
As the girls knelt to say their nightly prayers for Robert's safety, Cora would remind them of one thing that kept them strong through the night.
"We will be all right, as long as we have one another. Good night, girls." Cora kissed each of her daughters before walking back to her own lonely bedroom that still smelled of Robert's cologne, but was sadly empty of him. The bed felt tremendously large as Cora curled herself around the pillow Robert had left on his side, thinking of all the nights they had shared.
She had nearly forgotten about the early years of their marriage in which they had slept in different rooms. These lonely nights, though, brought it all back with startling detail. Cora usually ended up crying herself to sleep until the dreams came. In each dream, the war did not exist.
"Robert!" She joyfully ran toward her husband, who stood in the hallway dressed in civilian clothing as if there was no war. "You're back!"
"Of course I am. I only went for a ride around the estate," Robert answered. He furrowed his brow as he stroked her cheek. "Oh, no, Cora. Did you have that terrible dream again? About the war and me going off to fight in Africa?"
Cora nodded, not trusting her voice as the tears began to fall.
He held her close and let her sob against his chest. "It's all right,Cora; there is no war, and I'm right here. You aren't alone."
But then she would awaken in the hazy state half between dreams and waking, hugging his pillow close while her tears soaked into it. Although it was irrational, she somehow felt betrayed by the dream not being true. Fresh tears fell onto the pillow in the morning light. "You said I wasn't alone..."
The war was all too real by breakfast with newspaper reports of battles and casualties, all horrors that Cora could not be able to possibly imagine her Robert having to endure. She wondered how she would get through the ordeal if it hadn't been for their children. Having to hide her fear wasn't easy, but the need to keep a calm attitude for Mary, Edith and Sybil kept her distracted enough that her nightmares stayed further away by daylight.
Every night she looked at the photograph beside her bed and whispered to the image of Robert under the glass. "We'll be all right if we're together. Please, Robert, let us be together, and soon."
One day, her dreams came true when she abandoned her needlework in the sitting room upon hearing excited, happy talk and laughter coming from the front door.
There stood Robert, so much like in her recurring dream. Only this time there had been a war, he was wearing a uniform that looked rather worse for the wear, but he was home. Nothing would separate them now, she thought as she abandoned all expected decorum and dove into his arms. It didn't matter what anyone thought. He was here before her.
"You're home! Safe and sound!" Cora let the tears come.
"Of course I am, darling. Where else would I be? I couldn't keep you waiting, my angel."
At the sound of the happy reunion, all three girls came running down the hall as their mother had done, ignoring the nanny behind them with her admonishment to not run inside the house.
"Papa!" Little Sybil was the first to jump into his arms. "Are you home to stay?"
"Yes, love, I am." He gently sat her down in order to embrace Mary and Edith. "It's so wonderful to be home."
"I knew it would be all right," Cora said, "because no matter how far away you were, we were all together in our hearts."
Cora remembered his words on the morning the Titanic sank and it was discovered that James and Patrick had died in the icy waters.
Robert was devastated, in shock and searching for direction as to what the future of the estate might become without a definite heir. As Matthew was brought in and introduced to the family, she knew that Robert was terribly worried.
"It's going to be all right, you'll see." Cora laid her weary head on his shoulder as they were getting into bed one night. "Remember how you told me that all we needed was each other?"
A small smile appeared on his lips. "I do, and it is still true." He stroked her raven hair snd drew her close.
"And here we are," she entwined her hand with his. "Nothing can take that away. Thank heavens you weren't on that ship. I don't know how I'd live with the absence of you, Robert."
"Nor I without you in my life, my wonderful Cora." He kissed her deeply, their weariness forgotten as passion took over where misery had been.
Their love sustained them through the years and hardships; from the war to Sybil's death and Matthew's fatal accident and Mary's time of mourning afterward.
Cora sat alone at her dressing table in the moorland castle a few minutes after Robert had dropped the news that he might have something as awful as angina. Right after reassuring her, he had gone off to talk with Edith. Why? Because he didn't know what was coming.
Cora buried her face in her hands and tried to suppress a sob as all of the times in which they'd vowed they would be all right through each and every crisis of their lives raced through her mind. As long as they were together. But now, she could not be certain that they would indeed stay together. Even though he was trying to make less of an issue out of it, Robert wouldn't be talking to Edith if he didn't fear not having the chance to settle things regarding his knowledge of Marigold before it was too late.
"Too late," Cora whispered. "It can't be too late," she told herself. Not for them, she thought. They'd fought the odds so many times, from the unlikely origins of their marriage to the things they'd faced in the last few years. Cora knew she was fortunate to have a strong marriage, as so many of the American girls who had married English lords had not. It could have just as easily been Cora to end up a divorcée or very unhappy wife if it hadn't been for Robert. It just couldn't end now. They were too happy, too seasoned at being by each other's sides and loving one another.
When Robert returned to their room, he was obviously very tired and climbed into bed with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"How did it go with Edith?" Cora was grateful to keep her voice from quivering with sadness and concern.
Robert smiled. "Very well," he replied and turned to his wife. "Thank you for letting me on on this. I want to be supportive of both Edith and our granddaughter. We understood each other well."
"That's good," Cora remarked with an attempt at a smile. Would he live to see Marigold grow up? She settled into bed next to Robert, suddenly conscious of his warmth beside her, his reassuring presence that had been part of her life for more than three decades. What if that warmth were gone? What if he didn't wake up with the morning light? How could she sleep peacefully knowing that everything she knew could disappear as soon as she opened her eyes?
Cora fell into a dream as soon as her head rested on Robert's chest. She was cold and alone, never to see her love again.
A few seconds later, Cora awakened and looked around the room with confusion. They were not in the moorland at all, but at home in their own bed. There was a chill in the air, but a quick glance through the window confirmed to Cora that it was snowing.
All of a sudden it came back to her! It was months after the night Robert had revealed what was bothering him. It was an ulcer, not his heart. She couldn't help but grin as she looked over at Robert, snoring away on his side of the bed. It was Christmas morning!
"No wonder you're still sleeping," Cora said under her breath. "You had enough alcohol last night to make up for all the months where you've had to abstain. Or been made by me to abstain. But, you didn't spoil my Christmas Eve! Precious Robert."
She laid back down beside him. "Happy Christmas, Robert. Thank you for not leaving me alone." Knowing that they had time to rest before the festivities began, she let herself drift into a much more pleasant dream of the days to come.
The End