Disclaimer: Happy Tree Friends is owned by Mondo Media. I own nothing.

Note: This story is based of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' "The Curse of Millhaven." You'll see why.

Warning: If you find DARK and GALLOWS humor to be insensitive or uncomfortable, DON'T read this. This has some very dark humor in it (at least I think so).

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"Singing La la la la La la la lie

All God's children they all gotta die"

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, "The Curse of Millhaven"

A series of magnificent murders has sprung up in my town. People are saying that a curse has been brought down on small and mean and cold Happy Tree Town. It all started with bitch of a whore Giggles. She slept with every guy in town and her pink fur disgusted some of us. Her happy go lucky attitude was nauseating. And then what happened. They found her DEAD with her throat slashed and with the words SLUT WHORE BITCH carved into her fucking stomach. Her girly girl attitude had been wiped clean from the town. She wouldn't be able to fuck anyone anymore.

Giggles' mother had cried bloody murder. She wanted to know who butchered and maimed her 'beautiful daughter.' She was so stupid she couldn't even comprehend how much of a slut her own daughter was. So of course the killer targeted her next. The cops found her in the kitchen. She had been baking cookies before her timely demise. The cops said the killer had decapitated the lady and stuffed her head in the oven along with her arms. She might've been delicious. Ah hell, we all know how she would have tasted: like SHIT! It's clear in my mind that she was just like her daughter, a slut who would have fucked any guy that moved.

The next fortunate victim was the carpenter Handy. God didn't like that beaver with him missing his fucking hands and all. He had been doing some construction work (God knows how) for Giggles when she had been killed. Rumors had spread that the chipmunk had fucked the beaver the night before she had been slaughtered. He had fallen into a deep depression, thinking he was somehow responsible for her death. This made him a prime target for the killer. The cops found him on a carousel in a playground. His legs and the rest of his arms had been chopped off. Now he was a cripple FOUR TIMES OVER.

The next to go was Petunia, Giggles' best friend. That neat freak skunk got axed. They found her with her skull split down the middle and with dirty rags stuffed into her mouth and skull. Her throat had been slit and the blood had gone everywhere.

Of course the killer couldn't have continued their wonderful rampage without leaving a few clues at the crime. Two Tree Friends, the deer called Mime and the wolf known as Scarecrow, found a white substance at the scene of Giggles' brutal demise. But the killer left one piece of damning evidence at Petunia's murder: a red quill from a porcupine. This led to everyone knocking on my door and hauling me to jail.

For it is I, FLAKY, the curse of that fucking town. I'm a fucking monster, I'll admit it! I killed that whore Giggles because she slept with my man. I murdered who mother because I didn't like her very much. She was just bitchy towards me. I wanted to kill Handy for his angry attitude towards the world. And Petunia, well, between you and me, I couldn't stand her complaining about everything being dirty.

So I killed them all. Do i regret it? HELL NO! I'll do it again, and I'll add more people to my kill list. There's the twins who steal from everyone, the dumb moose who doesn't even know what two plus two is, the psycho lamb and her infuriating pickle, and so much MORE! But I can only sit here in this damn white, padded room, thinking of all the fun things I could have done. But I won't be here for long. Do you think I did it all by myself? I had some help.

My dearest Flippy helped me enact my revenge. You should have seen the pink bitch's face when he fucked over her dying body. And you should have everyone else. Flippy will break me out and our glorious rampage will continue! But now I can just sit and write this on the napkins they give me with my food. And wait for the day of my escape. My work is not yet done in Happy Tree Town. It is just beginning my friend. And I can't wait to continue it.

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Yes, I have a sick sense of humor. I know that. I'm gonna try and write some longer stuff too. I have some ideas floating around in my head, although some will be for other fandoms. Anyway, please leave a review.