Total Crack Fic.

Ok, I don't own Naruto Uzumaki, that honor belongs to Kishimoto.

Extreme Measures

Uzumaki Naruto, Genin of Konohagakure, was hurtling through the trees of the Fire Country, in hot pursuit of one Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke had just defected from the village of Konoha, and Naruto was part of a team sent to apprehend him, and make him return to the village, by force, if necessary. All measures, up to and including the most "extreme", has been authorized. Naruto touched lightly the pouch hanging at his waist, but pulled his fingers away as if burned. In the pouch lay a scroll, given him by the Hokage herself.

~Flashback~

Tsunade looked across her desk at Naruto, who was fidgeting, obviously nervous at having been told to stay behind while the rest of the team headed for the gate.

"What is it, baa-chan? I need to go get Sasuke-teme back!"

Tsunade let out a slow breath, then looked Naruto in the eye as she pulled out a small scroll. She laid it on the desk in front of her. "Naruto, you have the most experience out of your team with summoning techniques. I hope it is not necessary, but, if, in the course of this retrieval mission, it appears that the Uchiha is going to escape, you are to use this scroll. Just smear your blood on the scroll, and perform the technique as you would normally."

Naruto picked up the scrool excitedly. "Awesome. What's it summon? The ANBU? Giant Dogs? The Kyuubi? Huh, Huh?" ~End Flashback~ Naruto twitched as he remembered what Tsunade told him. He swore he would only use the scroll as an absolute last resort. Sasuke would have to shove a Chidori through his chest before he would summon those.

-Scene Break-

Naruto lay, panting on the ground, while across the river, Sasuke was bent over, trying to catch his breath. The two of them had been fighting in the Valley of the End, site of an epic battle between the First Hokage and Madara Uchiha. Naruto and Sasuke had been battling for some time, and it showed. The twin statues of the two ancient combatants were pitmarked and scarred by the techniques the two young ninja had been using, and the two current combatants weren't much better. Naruto was clutching at a badly burned soldier, while Sasuke was featuring multiple bruises.

However, Sasuke slowly rose, leaving Naruto laying there, his limbs twitching from the aftershocks of the Chidori that Sasuke had attacked him with. "Just stay down, dobe. You (pant) can't win." Sasuke slowly turned and prepared to leave, when Naruto spoke.

"Please."

Sasuke turned back, to see that Naruto had risen to his knees. Sasuke sneered. "Please? Do you think you can get me to stop my growth, to stop my pursuit of that man just by asking?"

"Please...don't make me do this."

Sasuke snorted. "Do what, bleed on me? You are nothing but a dead-last ninja. You can't stop me."

Sasuke turned again, when he heard a rustling of cloth on metal. He spun, preparing to deflect whatever attack Naruto was about to use, when he paused. Naruto was still kneeling, with twin tracks of tears dripping from his cheeks and landing on a scroll that he had unrolled on the ground. A smear of blood was traced across it, with a bloody kunai laying next to the scroll, and Naruto was going through hand seals. Sasuke tensed and leaped forward, intent on disrupting the technique before Naruto could finish, only to freeze in terror at Naruto's next words.

"I'm so sorry. FANGIRL SUMMONING JUTSU!"

*Bamf* "KYAAHH! SASUKE-KUN!"

"AAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!" Sasuke's scream could be heard all the way back in Konoha, where Tsunade listened, chuckling to herself, as she drained another glass of sake.

AUTHOR'S NOTE!

Ok, so this story is designed to be a depository of story or scene ideas that I have, that I just can't seem to flesh out. It can be thought of as a compendium of one-shots in various categories. At the bottom of the story, I may add more detail. If anyone wants to use these scenes or ideas, go right ahead, just please leave a review about it so that I can go and read your stories as well. Thanks so much!