Why this fandom: I was inspired from some fanart of Jessica/Alcide
Why I wrote this: I am taking the first step maybe more will join!
The lovely and talented scattered21 is the icing to my cake. Without her restless fingers and reassuring words I would never have the courage to publish this.
Also thanks to GabrielleBlue for prereading this for me!
~O~
I saw him first in the café where I usually had my afternoon coffee. He was a friend of a friend. I felt like I had seen him somewhere, but I wasn't sure. He was tall and well built, but what most attracted me to him were his hands. I know it might sound weird, but they did. They were strong; you could tell by just looking at them. Usually I am the most vibrant girl whenever I am around my friends, but when I talked with him I was a bit shy. It's not like he said anything to embarrass me, but for some reason I just was.
It had never happened to me before meeting him. And it could be because of the lack of experience I had with boys. I had plenty of guy friends, but he was the first boy I was ever attracted to. He never asked me out, though, and I was too much of a chicken to do that myself.
Hoyt had introduced us. Turned out he was one of his buddies from his accounting class.
His name was Alcide Herveaux. He had curly black hair and a little bit of beard, which covered half of his face. Even then he looked lovely!
Before I go any farther I realize I haven't told you anything about me. I am Jessica Hamby, a freshman in college, studying English. I am impossible to miss anywhere simply because of my hair. It's bright orange; sometimes dark on rainy days.
As for Alcide Herveaux, he was an Engineering student, a freshman just like me. And I already told you about his looks! Usually when a girl is in college you expect her to fall for the older boys, but in my case I fell for someone younger than me! Six months younger, to be exact.
Alcide and I had spent hours together, not alone, of course. There were always friends around us. But I wanted to be with him. Alone. Then one day when the opportunity finally arose, I didn't know what to do anymore.
Here's what happened.
Hoyt was supposed to meet the two of us in the café, but he couldn't because his car broke down. To this day, I think he did it on purpose. He was the only one who suspected my feelings for Alcide. Thanks to Hoyt's car problems, Alcide and I finally had the opportunity to be alone. We sat there awkwardly. He was a shy one or maybe he was just shy around me. I don't know.
He asked me about a movie, an easy topic to start our conversation. From there it kind of exploded, moving from movies, to politics, to religious views. He wasn't just a pretty face; he had a gorgeous brain as well.
That was the first day I believe I became friends with Alcide Herveaux. We exchanged phone numbers, as friends. I wasn't expecting to become his one true love or anything like it by the end of the day, and neither did I expect him to become mine.
After that time alone, things did not change significantly. So while we didn't spend every day chatting to each other, we did make it a point to talk whenever we had free time or just got together for coffee.
Our friendship remained a good friendship until Jason Stackhouse asked me out. Jason was also a friend, and also quite good looking. Still, I had never had trouble being around him, nor was I shy around him. Jason was a bit self-centered. Okay, dumb would be the perfect word. He cared too much about his good looks, but he was a good guy. I guess one day Jason just thought he would ask me out in front of Alcide. That's when it all went ballistic.
As soon as Jason and I started going out, Alcide began avoiding me. Initially, I thought it was because he had classes or he just didn't have the time. But it wasn't that. I found out the truth after going out with Jason for a week.
He was waiting for me one day after Jason dropped me off at my dorm. It was raining, and he was absolutely drenched. He was miserable, with red eyes, and possibly a fever.
I wanted to ask what had happened: why was he standing under a tree in this rain getting soaking wet? But before I could he did something completely unexpected, turning my world upside down. He pulled me to his body and kissed me. One of his hands was in the small of my back holding me flush against his wet body, getting my cloths wet on the process. His other one held my neck upwards so I could do only one thing: kiss him back. It wasn't like any kiss I have ever experienced. It was rough, passionate, fireworks, maybe even a spiritual feeling. He left my lips only to attack my neck. I panted, my hands were trapped between our bodies, I wanted to pull free, to sink my fingers into his hair and replicate what he was doing to me. But I couldn't because he left me standing there alone. Before departing he whispered in my ear that he wanted me to be his, and he hated seeing me with another man.
I was confused.
I didn't know what this, this thing was now. He wanted me to be his, 'Mine,' he had whispered in my ear. Was it something that I should act upon? Did that mean he wanted me stop seeing Jason? Was I acting stupid? Maybe.
But hell, why couldn't he stay a little longer? Why couldn't he be clearer about what he wanted? Why the hell did he want me all of a sudden? All these questions flooded my mind the entire night. I couldn't sleep.
I stopped seeing Jason Stackhouse the following week. Not because of what Alcide said, okay maybe that had a little bit of effect on my decision, but I couldn't continue to see him when I wasn't sure of what I wanted.
I don't know what I was thinking when I went to Alcide's dorm, but I knew I wanted some answers. And he wouldn't give them to me. His room was on the second floor, and it wasn't easy sneaking inside the boys' dorm. As soon as he saw me he freaked out, of course. But when he regained some composure he pulled me into his room and shut and locked the door. He asked me if anyone had seen me. He was frantic. Checking his windows, and then double-checking his door. Then he explained how boys weren't supposed to bring a girl into a dorm room.
I couldn't help myself. I laughed. He bit down on his lower lip frowning, and then he closed the distance. This time when our lips met, he was gentle.
It wasn't rough but it was fireworks none-the-less. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel this warm sensation till he stopped kissing. I looked at him, puzzled. He told me to keep my eyes open, and I did. We kissed again. Both of our eyes were open this time, and it was intense! The things his lips were doing! I wanted to shut my eyes, but I kept mine open watching his beautiful green ones. His lashes were long, and they looked even more beautiful when he shyly dropped his gaze.
Kissing Alcide became one of my favorite things in the world. He took his time when he kissed, and he did it often. Sometimes just a peck, sometimes his hands tangled in my hair for a full blown make out session. Whatever. Didn't matter: he was always wonderful.
There was one more thing I dreaded telling him. I was a virgin, and I didn't know what he would do or how he would react so I kept it to myself. Thinking, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
So where was I? Ahh, yes. Alcide and I loved kissing. We got carried away sometimes when we kissed on the backseat of his Jeep. The first time his hands touched my boobs I almost flew out of his arms. That sort of freaked him out. He didn't try anything more until I encouraged him. I just never enjoyed anyone feeling me up the way he did. Boys would just squeeze hard, and that would be it. But Alcide, he touched, he explored, he caressed. He took his time, preparing me before he slid his hands inside my top.
His hands were spectacular.
Have I mentioned that before?
He was my first, and I never regretted it. I was sure I wanted it to be him, even before he asked if he should stop. His gentle caring is what made our experience even more special between us.
We had planned to see a movie and maybe a little bit more. It turned into so much more!
We had watched only ten minutes of the movie when I felt Alcide's fingers toying with the hem of my tee shirt. His warm breath against my ear made me clutch his forearm draped across my midsection. We gradually settled on his bed with my back pressed into the mattress with him on top of me. It wasn't new. We had gone as far as taking off our pants and giving each other release with our hands, and sometimes our mouths. It was so easy to lose control, to just give in, to just let it happen. Then we did.
I had eventually told him I was a virgin, and he was okay with it. He once told me he wished it was me that he had lost his virginity to, that I had been his first girl. I anticipated that Alcide Herveaux was not a virgin, but it did hurt my feelings a little when he admitted it. However, it felt nice to know that he had wanted me to be his first.
Alcide was gentle with me; he kissed, and sometimes he bit. His tongue was a wicked thing that made my mind very fuzzy. I was a heap of Jello when he finally flopped beside me. I enthusiastically returned the favor of his hands and tongue. Seeing him lose control was one of the most beautiful things I had ever encountered. His back was arched, and the veins in his neck were showing while he tried not to scream. I stopped. I removed my lips from him. He looked hurt.
Before he could think otherwise I straddled him and whispered what I wanted in his ear. I wanted him, inside me.
He had placed me on my back while he got the condom on his girth. He caressed my sides, kissing me deeply before finally settling down between my legs. He pushed himself inside, and I cried out. I wouldn't lie, it was painful. I wanted nothing more than for him to stop. But I held my tongue, biting down on my lower lip and drawing blood. He pressed his lips on my neck saying 'sorry', over and over.
I reminded myself I had wanted this even though right now I wasn't even sure why people enjoyed this so much in the first place.
The pain faded eventually, and I wanted him to move. I tried moving my hips to let him know. Alcide kept his weight on his arms as he rose on top of me looking at me through his long lashes. He asked once again if I was sure. I responded by wiggling my hips a little. He chuckled as he started thrusting in and out tenderly.
It was nice. I had never come that hard.
I didn't leave that night. He cleaned us both up and I slept peacefully in his arms.
That was the first time, but it wasn't the last. The second was better, and then the rest was magnificent! We even acted on some of our kinky fantasies!
It's been almost six years that we have known each other. It took us three years for him to actually say the magic words, 'will you move in with me?'
Love? I confessed after the first six months of dating him, and that was six months before we made love for the first time. He had told me he loved me on our second date. He never backed out when I didn't say it back to him. He confessed he didn't realize he loved me until he saw me with Jason. He had liked me, and he thought it was only a crush for him, but when he thought of me with someone else, that's what broke him. He had to give it try. He didn't want to wonder what iffor the rest of his life. I am glad he did, or I wouldn't have realized how much I loved him.
Now, I held a job as an English teacher, and worked as an advice columnist for the local paper in my spare time. Alcide had accepted an offer from an engineering firm after graduation. It worked out well for both of us.
~O~
Alcide wraps his arms around me, bringing me out of my reminiscing.
"Hello beautiful." He kisses the place where my neck and shoulder connects. I tilt my neck to the other side giving him more access.
"Hi."
"I'll make dinner tonight." I give him a smile, threading my hands in his hair, letting him know what I want. He smiles, showing me his white teeth and beautiful dimples. He meets my lips halfway in a sweet kiss.
"We could skip dinner!" I suggest.
"In your dreams." I pout, but he places a kiss on my nose, making a dash for the kitchen.
I chuckle getting out of the chair carefully. I am on my twenty-eighth week, and I look as big as a house. 'Bean' is growing and we want him to be healthy even though he sometimes makes his mommy very cranky and moody! But he has a great dad who has put up with his mommy's mood swings from the very beginning.
Alcide has taken up calling the baby, 'Bean.' And now it's just Bean. We plan on moving out of our two room apartment to more suitable place, a bigger one.
We have yet to be married, too. Something that I don't know when it will happen or it will happen. Alcide hasn't proposed, I never ask either. I guess I could but I am not sure what he wants; Alcide has issues with his parent's marriage so that is one reason for him for not being a strong believer in marriage.
I don't want him to marry me because he feels obligated. He loves me and that is enough for me.
"Jess?" Alcide's voice floats in from the kitchen.
"Coming, coming."
"I am not even naked yet!" He gives me a mock shocked look. He is behind the counter, his white shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearm, having lost the tie somewhere in the living room that I would have to find later. His five o'clock shadow suited him. Alcide was really careless about his appearance, especially when it came to growing a beard. One day he would decide on growing it back, and let it go, and the next he would have a clean shave.
Today is a subtle beard day. He has a pan on his hand and a spatula in the other: he looks cute!
I lean against the door frame staring at him as he goes back to cooking. He tells me about his day, and I watch the wonderful man in my life.
"So what do you think?"
"Hmm? What?"
Alcide arches his eyebrow as he closes the distance between us. He pulls out a chair from the dining table and sits down, pulling me to him and letting me sit in his lap.
"Hey there, Baby Bean. What has mommy been thinking?" he puts his ear on my belly like Bean is actually telling him what I have been thinking. He hums, and then looks at me. I brush away the hair from his forehead, looking into his beautiful eyes.
I hope he has your eyes, I think
"I hope Bean has yours." I hadn't realized I had voiced my thought aloud. "And you don't know if Bean is a boy or a girl."
I smirk. "It's a mommy thing. We just know." I say smugly.
"Aha!" He buries his nose in my shoulder, his breath sighing against my skin. "You know what Bean's daddy would love?" he looks at me through his long lashes.
"What?"
"A kiss. A long kiss, and let him taste your tongue when you are at it." The one thing about being pregnant is that Alcide loves he can get me horny with no effort whatsoever.
I move forward to let him capture my lips. He does. We kiss for a long time. Our tongues meet in small thrusts; I moan into his mouth. We continue until he pulls away against my protests, reminding me I need to eat. I pout, and he chuckles.
It takes another fourteen weeks after that for Bean to finally make his appearance. Bean is about six and half pounds and a healthy baby boy. Yes, Bean is a little boy. We decide to name him Benjamin, and shorten it to 'Ben' after awhile.
~O~
Two years after Benjamin's birth, Alcide left.
I hated him.
He didn't think he could tell me. He kept it to himself until he couldn't. He had kissed Ben and packed his bag to leave us saying he didn't love me anymore, he would provide us with what Ben and I would need but he just couldn't be with me anymore.
I didn't believe him for a second.
Two days later, there was a call from Hoyt confirming what Alcide been hiding.
Alcide had been hiding this secret from me for the longest time. He had known for about a year, and yet he kept it to himself.
I found him in our old apartment. I clung to his body desperately. I couldn't let go. He soothed me, reassuring me he was there with me, instead of the other way around.
He promised to come back but he didn't promise he wouldn't leave.
Alcide was in our kitchen when he took his last breath. I called 911, and then Hoyt. I cradled his head on my lap when they arrived. They performed some procedures on our way to the hospital. Didn't matter; he never drew breath again.
I sat on the floor in the hospital. Ben was with my mother, and I didn't know what to tell him. His daddy was gone. This time, he had actually left us.
Suddenly it felt stuffy. I couldn't breathe. He was gone! The pain was too much to bear. I felt my world collapse around me.
"Jess?" Hoyt gave my hand a light squeeze. I wanted to wail, to rail against God, to weep, to shout, to scream, but my throat felt too tight. I couldn't breathe.
"Mommy." I heard Ben as he wrapped his soft arms around my neck. I held on to his little body and let go. I wailed for the loss of my love, for the loss of the father of my son.
Alcide was gone.
He had left us.
He had left me.
~O~
I never really got over Alcide Herveaux. It's been a long time since he was with us, but I had to go on, I had to continue breathing for my son, but even now I remembered meeting him in the café for the very first time. I have dated other men. I have been with, and even came close to marrying Hoyt at one point, but I couldn't go through with it. Maybe someday I will be strong enough to forget him.
Strong enough to forget Alcide.
I place a white daisy on his gravestone before I stand up. Ben waits a few feet away. His hands are stuffed inside his pocket. His eyes are downcast, staring at his feet. I straighten, and walk towards my son. He is only twelve but he feels the emptiness more than ever. He didn't have Alcide as long as I did. And he looks like him, his father.
"Say hi to Dad, baby." I kiss his forehead and walk away, giving him some time to talk to him.
I sit on the bench looking at all the gravestones. Ben walks up to me after ten minutes. His eyes are swollen red. He doesn't say anything, just tucks himself under my arm.
"You talked to him?" he nods against me. I hold him a little tighter.
"I miss him."
"I miss him too baby."
Thank you for reading.