It Should Have Been Me

He couldn't hear the words. It all swam together in his head.

He didn't really want to hear it, anyway.

What point was there in it now? What good did it do him, today? Tomorrow? And every single day of his life from then on? What good?

Nothing they said could help. Deep within himself, he knew this. There was no fixing this, now. There was no way to make it all better. To make the pain go away.

The rise and fall of the calm, passive voice hummed in the background of his thoughts. His eyes were closed as though he was trying to shut the world out, but in reality, it didn't matter. What good was it for a blind man to avert his eyes?

None, really.

A hand rested lightly on his sleeve, but he made no motion of even noticing. After a moment, it shook his arm.

"Hey, Finn…"

"Leave me alone, Aerrow."

"Finn-"

"I said-" He started, but shut his mouth with a click as he realized that the lilting voice in the background had stopped. He felt firm pressure as Aerrow grasped his elbow and tugged gently, pulling him out of his seat. On his other side, Piper grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze in encouragement. "Its…its time, now…isn't it?"

"Yeah…" Aerrow murmured. Then he paused for a moment, but when he spoke his voice was shaky. "Can you…can you…uh…you going to make it?"

Fin swallowed. "I need help…" he whispered. He hung his head.

Aerrow held his arm and guided him, walking slowly to make sure Finn wouldn't fall. It was only a short walk, but each step made his heart sink further and further into his chest.

Soon enough, and far too quickly, he was there. Aerrow and Piper let go of him, and he heard them step back.

An illusion of privacy.

He reached out one hand, dreading the feeling of cold, lacquered wood. It would be black, he knew, and it would be larger than usual. It was a box, closed tight and sealed. It rested on a scaffold, specially made so that when everyone had left, it could be easily lowered into the earth.

He rested his hand against the slightly curved lid, gritting his teeth together as he felt the warmth of gathering tears flush past his sightless eyes.

It wasn't fair.

You idiot. You damned idiot. It's your fault. Why did you do it?

He swallowed hard. "Why?"

He just stood there. The rest of the attendees were either silent, or gone. But he had no wish to leave. Since he'd awoken that awful morning with his sight stripped from him, he had been dreading this day.

If you hadn't played hero, it would be different now. Better. You damned…idiot.

It should have been me in there. Not you.

Oh, God, Junko. It should have been me.

OOO

Total word count: 480

Ooooooh, the inspiration has struck me again! This time, it's Finn's turn to take a journey of self discovery/Ambrel-inflicted torture.

I actually have some direction in mind for this one, and I've decided that I can't live life without a depressing and angsty fic to inflict upon the masses.

Oh, some credit for the inspiration for this goes to KeeperOfTomes. Seriously, she's the first person I ever read who made a Storm Hawk go blind and I hope I can mirror her success with writing something that tricky.