Hello! I started this story ages ago and never got around to finishing it. But due to recent events, I was struck by inspiration and decided to try and finish it. To say I am disappointed in the show is a huge understatement, but I'll leave my rant until the end of the chapter.

Now, without further ado, I give you Japril, the way they deserve...

She hangs her head and cries on my shirt.

She must be hurt very badly.

Tell me what's making you sad, Li?

Open your door, don't hide in the dark.

You're lost in the dark, you can trust me.

'Cause you know that's how it must be.

~Cat Stevens

...

As the clock, which hung on the plain wall, ticked closer to midnight, Catherine Avery tried her best to suppress a yawn. As a surgeon she was used to keeping ungodly hours, but she found as she got older it was harder and harder to maintain her rigorous schedule like she once did. Her once youthful would laugh at the follies brought by age.

Looking down, she found her coffee cold in the mug she had pilfered from the Attending's Lounge hours ago. Caffeine was a necessity of life for a surgeon and as it seems, a business woman as well. Ruefully, glancing again at the clock, she decided that a break wouldn't be uncalled for. After all, she had been cooped up in the empty conference room all day doing tedious paperwork. She should really talk to Bailey and see about getting herself a proper office here at Grey-Sloan as she found herself spending more and more time at the hospital.

Putting down her pen, Catherine was about to get to her feet when the door to the conference room was opened abruptly and closed quickly in the same manner.

Shocking was the only way to describe the appearance of her daughter in-law, or ex daughter in-law she corrected herself, remembering that today was D-Day, the day of the divorce.

For the first time in living memory, Catherine felt no pleasure in being right. She had warned them right from the start that their union was doomed, but her son was just as stubborn as she was, and April was what he wanted and nothing was going to stop him from being married to her.

Now, looking at where they are, just a couple of years later, these kids are right where she feared they would be. On opposite sides of a table, devastated and hurt. And judging by the look of April she was not doing well at all. Standing before her, drenched to the skin, clothes hanging off her frail body, stringy red hair stuck to her gaunt, pale cheeks, and a look of absolute nothingness in her red rimmed hazel eyes.

Catherine tried hard to dredge up even a smidgen of anger toward this woman who had hurt and abandoned her baby, but all she could feel was sadness and concern for this girl whom she had always had a soft spot for, even before she was her daughter in-law.

She remembered the first time she met April Kepner all those years ago at Mercy West Medical Center, at the start of her residency. The then brunette April had approached her in the restroom of all places and she was actually surprised and impressed that the girl had the gall to come up to her and that she had read all of her published papers and was genuinely excited to meet her. And yes, she knew she was Jackson's mother, she found out by accident she had explained, but don't worry, she wouldn't say a word to anyone. And she never did. Catherine never understood why it was so important to Jackson that no one know she was his mother but she never let on during that first visit and neither did April, which bumped the girl up in her esteem and even prompted her to send her a friend request on Facebook.

Sadness welled like a bubble in her throat as she looked at that girl now. Prompted by the heartbreaking sight before her Catherine didn't hesitate to go to April and wrap her hands around her thin shoulders.

"April, baby, are you okay? What's wrong?" Catherine asked, concern making her voice soft

"It's over. It's finished," April said and her voice sounded just as dead as her eyes had been.

Catherine pulled back and looked at April's pale, blank face, but she could find nothing in the girl's expression. No hint whatsoever of what she was feeling.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby," Catherine said sincerely, sympathy lacing her voice as her thumbs stroked April's shoulders.

They stood that way for a moment, just two woman, through completely different circumstances, who had both lost their husbands. It was a moment of solidarity.

The moment was broken, however, with a suddenness Catherine wasn't expecting. April gripped her shoulders, her fingers like talons, digging into her flesh harshly, causing the urologist to flinch.

"You have to help me, Catherine, please! You are the only one who can!"

Taken aback, Catherine gently tried to remove April's grasping fingers from her person. Alarmed, she tried to reason with her.

"I'm so sorry, April, you know I can't. Jackson made up his mind, the divorce is final," she said as nicely as possible, trying not upset April further.

"I know that," April said harshly in a voice Catherine had never heard the girl use before. It was guttural but also resigned at the same time and totally not what she was expecting.

"Then what do you want me to do, April?" Catherine asked in confusion, taking a step back from her.

April took a deep breath and lifted her head, staring Catherine straight in the eye, and she was shocked and anguished at the pain she finally saw swirling in their depths. There was no denying April was suffering emotionally and physically and Catherine wondered, not for the first time, if Jackson was making the right decision. There was so much love here, that was obvious, even a blind man could see that! Was it really impossible for them to work it out? But Catherine knew her son was the one responsible for the divorce. April tried her hardest, had given her all to save her marriage which she had undoubtedly damaged herself, but Jackson was too hurt and too prideful to take her back.

"I need to disappear,"April said in a quiet voice, answering her question.

Catherine blinked, nonplussed. She wasn't sure she had heard her right.

Disappear?

"What do you mean, baby?" Catherine asked slowly, fearing for April's sanity.

"I need to disappear," April said again, beginning to speak quickly in the trauma surgeon's typical manner. "I can't be here, in the same hospital day after day and see him and not be with him. Or see him move on... that would destroy me. I need to leave! I can't stay here."

April finished her explanation brokenly, her arms coming up to wrap around her torso to comfort herself.

Catherine was speechless for a moment, overwhelmed by April's raw pain.

Clearing her throat, Catherine finally answered her, "Of course, April. We can have you transferred to another hospital in a couple of days, although I wish you would reconsider. I know it's hard right now, but Grey-Sloan is your home. We would miss you here!"

"You don't understand, Catherine. I don't want to just leave, I want to disappear completely. I don't want anyone to be able to find me. I don't want to be April Kepner anymore!"

Catherine was stunned to say the least! April had always been a proud girl, no matter how cruel or mean the people around her often were. She was resilient and forgiving, even when, in Catherine's opinion, the other person didn't deserve it. This seems completely out of character from the April she knew.

"You don't mean that, baby! Give it a couple of weeks, it gets easi-"

"No. It won't. I love Jackson, Catherine. So much, I can't even explain the feelings I have for him! They are so singular and passionate, sometimes I'm not sure how my body can contain them! He is everything to me! Leaving was probably the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life and I regret it, every moment of everyday! Now that I'm not blinded by my own pain I can see properly now, and Jackson's happiness is what is most important. The divorce made him happy, so I gave it to him. But I can't stay here and watch him! To be on periphery of his life and not in it! To see someone else take my place, I can't endure that type of torture! So please, find it in your heart and do this for me, please!"

Catherine felt like she had been nailed to floor. Each of April's anguished, pain filled words pierced her skin and stuck her firmly to the ground. Grief so deep, like a well, opened up inside her, and she wept internally for her baby and for this girl standing before her. How could she say no in the face of such desperation?

"I'll help you."

...

...

Jackson tried hard to keep his eyes open as he settled onto his couch in his new apartment, beer in hand. Tiredness weighed him down as he tried to make himself comfortable. Being on your feet all day was par for the course for being a surgeon, but six surgeries, four consults, and Foundation paperwork seemed inordinately taxing, even for someone who prided himself on his stamina.

Rubbing his eyes with his free hand, he contemplated the pile of mail he had sitting on his coffee table, the majority probably having to do with the Foundation.

Instead of reading boring documents which were sure to put him to sleep, Jackson thought over his day. It went better than he thought. He hadn't seen April once and for that he could only be thankful. The day after a divorce, a spouse should not be forced to see their former wife, but those were the hazards of marrying a colleague, he supposed. Though, April was much more than a colleague and she always had been. She had been his best friend long before she had become his lover or wife. He missed that. The effortlessness of their friendship. He had never had a friend like her before. Loyal, unpresumptuous, supportive, and caring to a fault. He didn't believe she was for real at first. All his friends before had wanted something from him whether it be money, notoriety, or a good word put in for them to his influential grandfather.

April wanted nothing, in fact, he was the one who constantly took from her. Her nurturing, her intelligence, her brightness, her virginity. He supposed he took her for granted, because when she wasn't there, there was a definite hole in his life. Like now. He had been living with the silence for a long time now, but he had never gotten used to it. Even now, he expected to hear her bustle through the door, nevermind she has never been to this apartment before, and ask him how his day went and if he would like some Turkey Casserole for dinner.

Longing stole through his body like an unwanted intruder, stealing his breath and making him doubt, again, if he made the right choice.

Of course! His brain shouted. Of course he had.

She had left him with no other option. She had abandoned him, just like everyone else in his life. She was suppose to be different. April, whom he regarded higher than anybody else had fallen off her pedestal. He couldn't allow her to hurt him again. No matter how much he missed her. Even if it felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest, that got wider everyday and no amount of stitches could keep closed.

Taking a large gulp of his beer, he chased away his dangerous thoughts, which were pointless anyway. It was done. He was divorced. He wasn't a husband anymore and he no longer had a wife.

Pretending that his eyes weren't burning dangerously with the threat of tears at that thought, Jackson groped randomly for an envelope on the table, uncaring of what he grabbed as long as it took his mind off of April.

An unfamiliar blue envelope found its way into his hand, smaller than the customary legal sized ones he usually received. Flipping it over he immediately recognized the small neat writing spelling his name on the back of it.

Blowing out an annoyed breath, Jackson debated reading whatever April wrote, wanting nothing more than to get her off his mind.

Rolling his eyes, he decided to just open the letter, resigned to get it over with. Despite himself, he found himself smirking slightly at the fact that she sent him a letter instead of an e-mail. It was so April.

Jackson,

I know the last thing you want is to hear from me, but I hope you will make an exception this one time.

The first thing I want to do is apologize properly. I never should have left and I know it's too little too late but I am sorry, so deeply sorry. I was selfish and I live with the regret of my actions everyday. I don't expect forgiveness but I just needed you to know. The pain I callously inflicted on you is unforgivable and I was able to see that after I finally found a way to live with my own pain.

The thing is Jackson, I love you. You are the only man I have ever loved and the only one I ever will love. But I see that my presence in your life causes you pain and I can't stand that. One thing I have learned is that if you love someone, their happiness is more important than your own. I just can't stand by and watch you fall in love with someone else. That would destroy me. So, my love, (you are still my love, even if I'm not yours any longer) I am leaving again. Except this time I am not coming back. I hope this will make you happy. You will never have to worry about seeing me or speaking to me again. I am relieving you of that burden. You are free, Jackson. I just wanted you to know and to say goodbye, one last time.

You are an amazing man, Jackson, and a brilliant surgeon. I was lucky to be your friend and even more privileged to be your wife. I will cherish my memories forever, for you were the very best of my life. You and our precious son.

Have very wonderful life, Jackson. That's all I can hope for you.

Love Always,

April

There was screaming in his head. It was deafening and completely engulfing every other thought.

No. No. No. NO.

This was not what he wanted. NO! She was still supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to leave him, again.

Jackson couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. He felt like he was drowning, clinging to a thin piece of paper that was his only link to her.

Gasping, he had only one thought left in his head, repeated over and over again.

She left me again. She left me again. She left me again.

...

As I said above, I am so upset with the way the show is going, though I haven't watched regularly for a few years now. I always thought Jackson and April belonged together and was so utterly disappointed when I heard the show was going in a different direction. It is such a waste, Jesse and Sarah have such amazing chemistry and I had to suffer through how many episodes of Owen and Amelia, who had ZERO and were honestly painful to watch!? And now THIS?! Through the years I have often thought that way April's character was treated was mean and uncalled for. The amount of screen time and compassion every other character got was a heck of a lot more than what she did! In essence, they gave her no dignity. And now, she will never get her happy ending. I know real life doesn't come with them but this is fictionalized entertainment, if I wanted real life I would watch the news!

So this story is one of the possible ways I hoped/wanted Jackson and April's story to go. To me, their love was NOT fleeting like all others on the show. Their's was unalterable and deserved way better story-lines (for what little screen time they were given!) than what they got!

Thank-you for reading!