***ABOUT THE FIRST PART, THE OTHER OPTION: The admins have removed the first part of this series from the site, which is why you can only find 5 out of 6 stories. I'm really sorry about that, guys. But I found a site to put it on (finally, I know, sorry D:) Here's the link, just remove the spaces between the characters: intensityintended .wo rdpress Thanks again for putting up with me and reading my stuff!***
Author's Note: Welcome back everyone! So, I know that for, like, the last 3 stories I've been saying it was the last one, and even though I'm pretty sure this will be it, I refuse to say it this time lol.
For those of you just joining in, this is the 6th part of a "so far" 6 part story. If you want to know what's going on, you should probably at least skim through The Other Option, What Was Hidden, This World Is Not Enough, A Daughter's Revenge, and A New Beginning. Those were the preludes to what's happening here, and I'm pretty sure this story will make much more sense if you read the others first lol.
For those of you who've stuck with me and have ready all my stories, well, I really can't thank you enough for your inspiration. I know I say that in every author's note, but really, you guys are the reason I'm still writing :D
If you're interested in reading other things I've written (not fanfiction related), check out the new story I'm working on at FictionPress! Same username and everything :D
So here goes the general warnings:
1) This has *lemony* content. If you're not into smut, there are probably going to be a few chapters to skip over.
2) I do not own nor have any rights to Adventure Time, it's characters, plot, or environment.
Okay okay okay, enough of me babbling. Have fun, everyone! Let me know what you think :D
I couldn't do it. I didn't know how. I didn't know what to say or how to act or what to be. I just felt… empty. I couldn't answer their questions or look them in the eyes. All I could do was mutter to myself, "He's gone."
Gumball, no doubt, was in the same place I was. He saw it, too. He heard what Marshall said, saw how Marshall looked, watched as Marshall pulled the amulet over his head and announced his new position as the King of the Nightosphere. We both saw the pride in Hannah's face as she forced him into it.
"… please… don't come after me."
My heart twisted and ached and seared in pain whenever I thought of those last few seconds, whenever I saw his smiling face in my head or heard his beautiful voice in my ears. It was the only feeling I could grasp to, so I tormented myself with it all the time.
No, he wasn't dead. It might have been easier if he was. He was just… gone.
I spent my days in a haze, a fake smile painted on my face for the good of my children and my people. Every once in a while, I'd see the same haze blocking out Gumball's mind, the same smile painted on his face. But at night, we wept. We held each other and wept over our lost lover.
"I should have saved him! I should have killed her and ended it!" I would cry into his sobbing chest.
"Why did he go? Why did he have to leave us like that? Why him?" Gumball would answer in a plea of his own.
The days and weeks and months passed, and no one heard or saw anything of Marshall. Where did he go? When is he coming back?
"Mommy! We miss Daddy Marshall! When is he coming home?" That… that was the hardest thing I've ever faced. How… how do you tell your kids that their father is never coming home? That he's gone forever, and that they didn't get to say goodbye? How do you tell them… that to save them… their father sacrificed everything?
Seeress knew. She saw it happen. When Hannah lifted the veils of shadows from her being, she let all the seeing eyes find her, watch her, see her for what she was. She had been blocking Seeress's vision for some time, keeping Seeress from seeing anything Hannah did. That's why we couldn't see her during the war. That's why Seeress couldn't tell me who was after my children. Hannah had this planned all along.
Out of compassion, or maybe just pity, Seeress explained to the children where Marshall went. "Your father is going to be gone for a very, very long time, children," she said gently, sitting with them in her room with her mirrors surrounding them. "You see, he is a king of a great kingdom, and he has to take care of things there for a while. He had to leave right away, but he wanted you all to know just how much he loved you." Her words were kind and sweet, and easy for the children to comprehend.
"Which kingdom is he in, Seeress? Surely we've encountered every king and queen of all the 52 kingdoms," Felix said in his serious, educated manner.
"He is… not in this world, Felix. He is in a place like Ooo, but not as friendly," she replied, staying calm and collected. In her years of living with us, her cold, stone-like demeanor slowly melted away, and she was able to sugar coat hard news for the children much better than she used to.
"So when can we visit him? Daddy still owes me a wrestling match for embarrassing me at the ball," Ember demanded, crossing her arms and pouting.
"We cannot go to his realm, Ember. He is in a place we cannot reach in safety." Seeress was getting nervous, balancing her words carefully so the perceptive children wouldn't see through her.
"Then when is he coming back, Seeress? He's already been gone for 3 months. Don't you think that's long enough?" Lilly laid her questioning gaze on Seeress's face, beginning to piece things together quicker than anyone would have anticipated.
"I am sorry, children, but I cannot see that right now," was all Seeress said, her face turning back to stone, being unreadable and impenetrable.
With big, heaving sighs, the children said they understood, and quickly left the cold room.
They tried talking to me about it. Seeress tried talking to me about it. Even Sam tried talking to me about it. I just… couldn't. I couldn't speak his name or remember that night without feeling like my heart would implode. So instead I smiled politely and said, "We'll talk about it later."
Gumball was the only one I wanted to talk to. He was the only one who felt the way I did about it. We had both lost such a huge piece of our lives, like losing a part of our very being. They say that when you find a soul mate, losing them is enough to kill you. Old couples who've been together forever will die within the same month of each other, just because they were never meant to be apart. I don't know how it works with two soul mates, but losing one… it was unbearable.
Sometimes, in my darkest hours, I wished I could be like those old couples. I wished I could just… stop existing. But then, like an instinctual reaction, pictures and memories of my beautiful children, all the love that I have for them and for Gumball and Seeress and Sam and the people in Ooo… it all flooded my mind, and I knew that even if I had a chance, I would never let myself go. For their sakes.
But then… then I hate myself. I hate myself for not taking that offer, for not letting Hannah erase our minds of him and letting us all live in peace. I knew Gumball hated me for it too, and I knew that one day, when the kids figured it out, they would hate me just as much. Because I was selfish, and because I wasn't thinking clearly, because I never could have anticipated how hard this was… I let those memories of him stay. His face was always there in my head; his seductive grin, the way his fangs poked at his lip, the glow of his red eyes, the way they shined through the shaggy black hair… and his music. His sweet, melodic, beautiful music, and the way his voice sang out in all its power and feeling. I could still hear him singing to me, all the time. He always used his voice and bass to express whatever he was feeling, and right now, I wished he would sing to me.
I wished he would sing to me of sorrow, of hatred, of grief and agony. At least then I could share with him something that made him happy.
"I miss him so much, Fionna," Gumball said to me one night several months later as we laid in bed, waiting for the tears to flood us.
"I know… I…" It was so hard for me to speak. With every passing minute I felt more and more guilty. I felt like I was the one who plunged us into this dark abyss, like I was the one who doomed us to this torment of memories.
"I want to forget him. No, not forget him. I want to leave him behind and move on with my life. How much easier it would be if we could just not remember him. But… but I can't. Even if we had that chance again, I couldn't just forget him." Gumball rambled, his voice shaking and his warm tears running down his cheeks, settling in my hair as I wept against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Gumball. I… I should have just let her do it. I should have just let her take our memories. No matter where I look, I see his face. In the wind or the chatter of the people around us, I hear his voice. I didn't—I didn't think it would be this hard…" I clutched the sheets and buried my face into them, letting the sobs rake through me.
Gumball held me close against him, comforting me as best he could. "Ssshhh, Fionna, please don't cry. It's not your fault."
"But it is! It's all my fault, Gumball! If I would have just let Hannah take our memories, we wouldn't feel this way! I—I look at Ember and Lilly, and I see so much of him in them. It's like—like he's smiling up at me through their eyes, and… I hate them for it! I hate my own children, because of something I was too weak to prevent!" I screamed it into his chest, into the sheets, letting all of the build-up wash over me and spill into a pool of confessions.
Gumball sat straight up, pulling me up with him and holding my face in his hands so I was forced to look him in the eyes. His cheeks were flushed and stained with tears, and his mouth was set in a hard, stone line. "This is not your fault, Fionna. Do you hear me? This isn't your fault! This is Hannah's fault! She's the one who did this, not you. And those girls, they're our life, Fionna. They're the reason we live. Without them and Felix, what would we become? If you must feel hatred for what happened, do NOT take it out on them, or on yourself. Remember who did this to us. If we forget that, then what we've truly lost is our love and humanity. Not Marshall." He let his hands fall to my shoulders and his gaze fall to the sheets. Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in to him, holding me tight and shaking against me, whispering into my neck. "He was a part of us, a part of our everything. To forget that would be the real loss. You made the right decision, Fionna. No matter how much it hurts."
I clung to him. I crushed him to me and entwined my fingers in his hair, holding him as close to me as physically possible. It was like a massive weight had lifted, or the stone around me had cracked. I didn't realize how much I needed him, how much he thought about this and how he truly felt. Even if it was just for a moment, I felt relief. I picked my head up and kissed him passionately, molding my lips to his and pouring everything I had into our embrace.
He reminded me of something I had almost forgotten; no matter where Marshall is, he is still a part of our everything. To lose sight of that would be to lose a piece of us. So what if it hurt? So what if the pain was unbearable? Nothing could be worse than losing everything about him. Even if we just had memories, that would always be better than having nothing at all.
I missed him. I missed him so much. I missed him so much that it hurt. But I couldn't forget what he really was to us.