This one shot is dedicated to the bus driver of No. 6 bus to Newtownards from Bangor. Thank you for allowing me time to sit and dream up such a wonderful story.
Kiss and Never Tell
My nails are bitten down. My hair is clean but messy and I haven't worn make-up since I came here. Not since I was brought here.
I'm constricted to only wear the hospital-style pyjamas they've provided me, and I have to shave under strict supervision. My meals are regulated, and my medication times and my toilet breaks are recorded.
There are others here, but I don't speak to them. I'm not like them. I'm not supposed to be here. They don't bother with me; they know not to.
We had just pulled up at the front of the big white building. My initial thought was that it looked like a prison, and I didn't correct my way of thinking. I knew it was my prison. It would be... for a while. I'd seen enough movies to know that staying at "Hollow Eves Care Centre" would be worse than what the brochure described.
The whole journey there, I tried to convince my father Charlie that this was not necessary. I promised that I'd get better by myself ...and that I'd be good from now on. I cried my heart out, begging for him to hear my pleas. It was no good, of course; we had tried this before. It didn't work then, and it wouldn't work now.
Charlie didn't know what to do with me anymore. I did feel for him. One day he had a daughter happy and content. The next day she'd become a zombie for some unknown reason; shouting unimaginable things across town. I rarely bothered going to school anymore; the lessons were dull and the people even duller. All they did was ask stupid questions.
I'd isolate myself in my room for hours, pulling apart my furniture and dragging up floorboards. When he'd ask what I was looking for I couldn't answer him. I didn't know, but I knew there was something.
All I needed was one little scrap of evidence to prove I wasn't the person everyone thought I was. I needed to prove I wasn't insane.
I found it under my bed. The CD he'd made for me, the photos of him and I; all of it.
I remember the day Charlie finally gathered the courage up to ask me why I wasn't the same as before. When I told him the truth, the whole Vampire riddled truth, he stared at me with such disbelief I regretted every word I'd said.
Within minutes he was on the phone calling my mother in Jacksonville asking her, no... begging her to come visit me. "Try and talk some sense into her!" were his exact words. Of course, my mum came to visit, and of course she tried to convince me otherwise; but I knew the truth now.
He broke his promise to me. Why should I keep his? I honestly thought people would believe me and start asking questions...or at least, get suspicious.
Instead their expressions were all the same. Concerned, worried and sometimes disappointed. I couldn't understand why people didn't believe me. The signs were staring them in the face and yet I was branded as "Charlie Swans crazy daughter."
Charlie had had enough, that's was certain. But it wasn't until the day I broke down outside Newton's and crashed my car into a tree that he decided to send me here. After many heated arguments with my mother on the phone whilst I hid upstairs, listening to every word he said about me, it was finally agreed. Six months out at Hollow Eves would do me a world of good.
So there I sat, in Charlie's police car, begging him one last time not to do this. My attempts were fruitless. As soon as I opened my mouth, he quickly opened his door and walked round to open mine. Leaving it open for me, he walked to the trunk of the car, and began removing my bags.
I hadn't packed much, knowing half of my things would not be permitted.
A nurse had come to visit my home before I was admitted, and had advised me on what I was and was not allowed to have inside my room. There wasn't much on the allowed list.
As I stepped out of the car I knew I would hate it here. I could see other people in the courtyard, walking around and talking to each other. They looked pathetic. Helpless, I remember thinking. I was soon to be one of them.
Charlie left me at the admittance desk. I knew this was hard for him, and I said goodbye to him there knowing if he saw what my room was like, he'd never forgive himself. I was mad at him for leaving me here, but I didn't hate him for it. I knew what a pain I'd become to live with. I knew what a pain I'd become to everyone.
My room was practically empty. I wasn't allowed posters or any kind of decoration. My bed was a single mattress with a plain white cover and pillow. There was no TV and I had only brought two books. I immediately knew I was going to be uncontrollably bored.
The nurses started to go through my luggage, checking to make sure I had followed their advice. They removed any sharp objects from my bags and started an inventory. I found the entire thing utterly depressing, so instead of watching them from the doorway, I turned and observed the people who were to be my neighbours for the next few months.
I immediately noticed a young girl with short black hair staring at me. Her room was directly opposite from mine, and she was standing in front of her bed; her eyes wide. As she saw me looking, she smiled and ran to her door.
"Hello. I'm Anna. You're new, yes?" The girl's voice was high and shrill.
"Yea, I'm Bella." I muttered out. I really wasn't in the mood for conversation.
"Nice to meet you Bella, I just know we're going to be great friends." She smiled and lunged forward, scooping me up in a tight embrace.
She released me and walked back into her room as quickly as she had come out. I was stunned. Her last words were strangely familiar, as were her actions. I had the strange feeling of déjà vu...but before I could even try to recall why; I was interrupted by the nurses. They made me aware of what they'd taken, nearly all of my items and all of my clothes, and they had laid out horrible pyjamas for me to wear that night.
The next few weeks were horrendous. I grew bored of my new surroundings and started acting out. I still couldn't sleep; waking often in fits of screaming. On more than one occasion a nurse had to sedate me to calm me back to sleep, and I'd spend the rest of the day in a drug-induced blur.
Anna made many fruitless attempts to chat. She'd stand in my doorway as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling waiting for me to notice her. Only when she began to bug me with her presence did she speak. She'd leave when she would receive no response, but she always came back a few hours later to try again.
I hated this place, and all who inhabited it. I hated myself even more for being so foolishly naive to believe this wouldn't have happened if I told others what I knew. No one would ever believe me, even Jacob, my one friend, stopped answering my calls.
Even throughout the misery that was Hollow Eves, nothing compared to the emptiness I felt inside. I still missed him. I refused to use his name, for fear it would break me all over again; but I still thought of him regularly. I began to enjoy the days I'd be in a trance, because thanks to the drugs, I began seeing him. Sitting on my bed, his angel face turned into a concerned expression. He never spoke, and I began to fear I forgot what his voice sounded like. This caused another night of fitful sleep, and the next day there he was again, standing by my window, the same sad expression on his beautiful face. I lay and stared at him for hours until a nurse distracted me and when I would look back, he was gone.
I was on the edge of tears constantly, every so often one would leak out and I would sob loudly for hours until I fell asleep. I stopped eating for a while, and the nurses tried to force feed me . I never skipped a meal since; the experience too horrific to go through again.
A few weeks later, I felt like I was insane. I wasn't allowed my normal clothes anymore because I never changed. The nurses provided me with a set of hospital pyjamas regularly and I had to change in front of them. I was put on a high dose of anti-depressants, which did literally nothing for me. I didn't feel happier. I felt nothing.
I spent my days lying on my bed or pacing my room. I never spoke to anyone at meal times and when I was finished eating, I'd quickly scrape my plate and head back to my room.
So here I am. Alone and broken. It has been well over 6 months and no one has come to take me home. I try calling Charlie, but he hangs up, clearly upset I haven't changed much. I walk back to my room, even more upset that usual. I climb into bed, and hope for a restful night, although I know in my heart I'll wake myself up screaming in less than 5 hours time.
To my surprise I wake to the sound of a loud car outside revving its engine. This is strange. It's night time. There are no visitors allowed in the ward, and even then, the car park is far down the road.
My room is pitch black and I squint into the darkness, trying to find my clock. Its 3AM. I knew I wouldn't make it the night. I close my eyes, and attempt to fall back to sleep when a cough erupts from somewhere in my room. My eyes flash open. My door is closed, locked by the nurses, there's no one but me that should be in this room.
I dismiss the sounds as my imagination and feel silly for thinking otherwise when a voice speaks, causing my whole body to jolt.
"Hello Bella," the familiar, velvet voice sings.
I stare into the dark. Turning my head from side to side, I squint to make out shapes in the dark. I find nothing.
"H...Hello?" I stammer out.
As I speak, my bedside light turns on. My heart stops as I see him sitting in the chair in the corner of my room. His skin is paler than before, his clothes ragged and his eyes black as night. I know what those eyes meant and I become scared. He was hungry.
"Why did you do this Bella?" He asks, his voice low, his tone hard.
I stare back, knowing the answer but not wanting to believe he was really here.
"Do you understand why I'm here, Bella? Why I've been sent here?" His voice becomes cold, angry. "Speak dammit!"
"No," I answered, breaking my silence.
"No?" He shouts, standing up infuriated. "No? You really have no idea why I've been sent here?"
I shake my head.
He walks towards me, cautiously. "Why did you do it Bella?"
His eyes are sad...the way I've pictured them for over two months now.
"Please. Tell me. I implore you. Why did you do this to me, to yourself Bella?" He begs.
"You....You wouldn't stay with me...You broke your promise to me." I look at him with anger in my heart, "You broke me." I finish on a cold hard tone.
He runs his hand through his hair, "I don't want to do this. Why couldn't you just keep quiet?"
I don't know how to answer him. I still didn't regret telling their secret, knowing that was the reason he was here now.
He sighs, and is about to speak again when a phone starts to ring.
He removes it from his pocket and answers it.
"Rose," he answers. After a pause, he speaks again. "I'm dealing with it now....I know, okay, we agreed...I will...Goodbye."
He hangs up and stares at his phone before speaking again.
"I'm sorry Bella, but it's been decided."
I knew what he meant the moment he'd said he'd been "dealing with it now" to Rose. I knew my time had come, that they couldn't allow me to live on saying the things I had said. They knew no one believed me, but even a rumour was suspicion.
Tears well up in my eyes and stream down my face, as his shadow looms over me. I inhaled my last breath and whispered "I love you, Edward. Always."