I Don't Understand You

(Characters owned by JK Rowling)(This plot owned by me) - Says SP

James Potter glared at the leafy branches of the tree beside the lake that the Marauders always went to on a hot day. It had felt appropriate to call the tree a name after years of good service to the four boys, and so the fitting name they had given it had been Frank. Of course, it wasn't creative, but you couldn't expect that of young teenagers - especially young teenagers such as the Marauders.

"Y'know, Frank, that'll be the fifteenth time she's turned me down in one week," said James moodily to the tree, who waved at him gently in the wind. James didn't particularly feel like waving back. He always became moody after Lily Evans rejected him - and it was always at around that point that he also started talking to trees. Or Frank, in particular, because Frank of course was no ordinary tree.

Sirius looked at him and dropped down from his lying position on top of one of Frank's leafy branches. "He's not listening, mate. I should give up, if I were you."

"I'm never going to give up on Evans," said James stubbornly.

"I meant the talking to trees thing, Prongs. She's obviously messing with your head."

"Badly," James admitted, pulling himself up from the floor and wiping grass off his back. It was a sweltering day; a day where it was so humid everything seemed to stick to him. His unruly hair was damp, half from sweat and half from plunging himself in the lake and getting fished out by the Giant Squid to impress Lily Evans. Of course, he didn't know why he bothered. She always remained the same old… her. Unchanging, always looking at him with an unimpressed glare on her face. He'd tried repeatedly to tell her that she looked beautiful whatever her expression - and that came from the heart - but she just took it the wrong way.

Half of that, he presumed, as he walked back up to the common room with Sirius, was because he was so close to Padfoot, who was always a hit with the girls. James didn't know what he got up to, even though he was updated regularly with a daily - no, hourly - bulletin on the young Black's feats. He guessed Sirius' reputation was beginning to rub off on him, too.

When he got into the common room, he slumped in a chair and looked angrily into the empty fireplace. It was too hot in the common room, but it had been no better outside. Besides, it was getting dark, and even in the weeks coming up to the Summer Holidays Hogwarts students were restricted to a curfew of seven o' clock, in the castle.

"You might want to start that Transfiguration homework, mate?"

"No."

"Want to find Moony and Wormtail?"

"No."

"Want to go kiss Evans?"

"…Yeah."

"Why'd you always choose the one you know you can't have?"

"I can dream, can't I?" said James in a resigned way, pushing his glasses up his nose, as they were sliding down his face due to the sheer amount of perspiration covering it. Then he threw back his head. "What the hell do I do to make her like me, Sirius?"

"Well…" Said Sirius, scratching his chin, which sent a couple of girls into hysterics in the other corner of the common room. He looked around swiftly and gave them a winning smile, which sent them head over heels. Then he turned back to James, and looked blankly at him for a second.

"Um… where were we again Prongs, old buddy, old pal?"

James groaned and headed towards to dormitories, unable to face anymore daylight. "Forget it," he said, knowing that Sirius hadn't probably acknowledged any of the day at all. He sat on his bed and stared out of the window miserably, knowing the next day he'd be filled with a renewed determination, only to be turned down again. A new day always brought a new James, and a new way of trying to get Lily Evans to be his girlfriend.

That was the routine. He was open seven days a week, twenty-four seven, signposted at every corner.

If only she came calling…

Back in The Common Room

Sirius' eyes glinted in the darkness of the common room. It was at least two hours since James had disappeared upstairs, and all that while, Sirius had been plotting and planning. His best friend obviously didn't realise how important it was for Sirius to see both James and Lily together - and not only for amusement purposes. They were a match made in… well, heaven was completely inaccurate, and hell was far off. They were a match made in perfection, if there was such a thing - because neither was perfect, both were fiery, and whatever they said, they were what made each other.

How poetic, Sirius though to himself, smiling in an amused sort of way.

He had planned and plotted, and had been hit with a sudden idea. He grinned mischievously, something that sent the girls into the corner seemingly into cardiac arrest, and sprung up to find Moony and Wormtail. After all, he was only one man against two tigers; he was going to need the rest of his Marauding team to deal with them in the arena.

The Next Day; Lily Evans is Heading To Defence Against The Dark Arts

Lily fiddled with the end of her bag as she strode to DADA. It was something she just… did. A hobby that she couldn't replace, and was too fond of to dispose. It wasn't even a conscious thing. She'd seen James Potter looking at her funnily sometimes, though, and she always realised that he was looking at her bag with a smile on his face. That smug smile he always carried, even when he asked her out. Lily had to admit, now he had his Head Boy badge he was more responsible, but when would he get the picture… she just wasn't interested? And he was so childish in his persistence, she almost felt cruel whenever she began to shout. She cared for him, but in a way that only comes after years and years of nagging. She almost thought of him as younger than her.

There he was, invading her thoughts again. She put his picture out of her head, but there was his incessant smile still burning brightly at the back of her head. She felt like she could slap him already, just for looking so smug. Not that she thought he was really smiling right now. No, he was probably deep in concentration, trying to find another way to get round her. Maybe this time he'd actually try and get the giant squid to eat him and then he'd blast his way out. At least it would be amusing.

"Lily? Oi, Lily!"

That was Marcus' voice. He was someone James seemed to be jealous of, but Lily couldn't think why. She mainly hung around Marcus plainly out of sympathy, because he so often got picked on for his rather chubby appearance and thick glasses. She had a vast majority of friends, but every now and then, she agreed to go to classes with Marcus… because every other day of the week he was left to walk on his own, where he fell victim to god knows what sort of pranks.

"Oh - er, coming, Marcus." She hurried up to him, but stopped, bemused, as someone who definitely was not Marcus whispered in her ear.

"Evannnnsss…."

She knew that voice anywhere. She whirled around angrily, and thrust her fist outwards, meeting nothing. She tossed her angrily and put her hand on her hip. "Sirius, if you think you're about to fool me with an invisibility cloak than more fool you."

"Evannnnsss…."

"Sirius, this is getting old… "

"Evannnnsss….."

Lilie squeaked unwillingly as a hand began to drag her away from Marcus. It was an extremely strong hand, that pulled her forcibly down the corridor.

DADA Class:

"Where's Evans?" Said James, peering down the corridor as a dejected Marcus trotted up to the party of Marauders.

"No idea," said Sirius truthfully. He'd immediately dismissed last night's idea once Moony had identified the many flaws of it. Many, underlined several times.

"Hey Marcus - you seen Evans?"

Marcus mumbled something about her being taken by someone somewhere - and then he looked at Sirius and glared. Sirius shrugged at James, looking baffled. An unsettling feeling stirred inside Prongs' stomach - Lily Evans was never late to a class. She never missed anything, had never even skipped a class to go to the Hospital Wing when she was hit with a curse that blew her face up like a balloon. The fact that he had known she was walking with Marcus and was no longer with him, was even more disturbing. She never let anyone down.

Except James.

Before he knew it, James was racing down the corridor, back towards the route he knew Lily had taken. He knew nothing had probably happened, knew it would probably earn him another hateful stare… but he had to do it. After all, if you love someone, don't you risk everything for them? James Potter had loved Lily Evans since the moment he set eyes on her, he just didn't show it properly. Or that's what she seemed to think. Either way, even her being tied to a train track and about to be killed was an opportunity for James to prove himself to her. And he would jump at any chance.

And Back to Lily…

She heard the door click shut behind her and turned around, fuming. "Okay, Sirius Black. You can tell me what this is all about now, and I promise I won't slap you. Is Potter behind this?"

There was a dark, disbelieving laugh from behind her. How on earth was she supposed to see them in that invisibility cloak? Something shoved against her - something wet. She felt like she had been plunged into a bucket of icy water, but the feeling vanished as soon as it had appeared. She couldn't help a small scream come from her mouth at the sudden change in temperature, though. Angrily, she tried to gather her modesty again. These boys thought they could play pranks on her and she'd just give in without a fight - or walk off. But she was ready for them. Getting her wand out, she aimed it directly at where she thought Sirius was - the door.

"Sirius, you have one more chance to stop being so arrogant and stupid, before I hex you to hell and back."

Silence.

"Fine then."

Silence.

"Expelliarmus!"

The door blasted open, but no one was thrown backwards - no laughing Marauders or a wand in her hand. Just the remnants of the door and a rather dishevelled James Potter falling into the room. Immediately, she snarled and turned away.

"James Potter, how predictable. I should've known you'd be behind this…"

James got up from the floor and ran a hand through his hair in that infuriating way. He looked sincerely baffled. "Er… what are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know. Sirius dragging me here, obviously so you could come and ask me out again, and get rejected - again! You know James, it's never going to work, okay? So why don't you just leave off me? I've got other interests, other things to do. There's people in my life, who, thankfully, are a lot less annoying and much more human than yourself. I hate you, James Potter - I hate it when you are like this! So why don't you just bugger off back to Defence Against The Dark Arts with your gang and leave me be?"

Potter looked genuinely hurt. He shrugged, and suddenly the atmosphere around him turned a lot duller, like the flame of a candle that was being smothered. "I came looking for you, because Marcus said you'd run off…"

"Thanks for your concern. Now go away. And Sirius, you can go away, too."

"Sirius is in Defence Against The Dark Arts, Evans."

Lily turned around to the corner where the presence had been. "So, then…" she said softly; "who's that…?"

James waited for a second. Then he shrugged and turned to leave. There was an air of hopelessness about him.

No… I didn't mean to say all that crap, Potter. It just came out, like it always does. I'm… sorry.

The thought sounded good in her head - it sounded truthful, and apologetic. But as Lily Evans watched James Potter walk away, shoulders slumped and head down, she couldn't say them. Her throat was too tight to manage the words. If only he would look around, and see her softened expression. But she had no such luck; he'd given up.

Finally, it seemed James Potter had given up on Lily Evans. After years of waiting, it had happened.

And Lily didn't like it one bit.

Flashback - Lily Evans

James bounced up to Lily with that winning smile and tousled hair, his eyes glinting behind those rectangular glasses he wore. Jenny and Harriet, two of Lily's friends, grinned and walked away, staying in range so they could see the show. Lily couldn't help thinking it needlessly cruel. Whenever James tried asking her out, a huge party gathered around them so they could enjoy watching him get rejected. That was part of the reason they loved James so much - no matter how many times she put him down, he always bounced back. Lily noticed that a lot of girls found this a value they admired greatly in a boy.

"Hey, Evans. Want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? And just in case you reject me there, I'm also going to ask you if you want to go out with me now. So… want to go out with me? How about it?"

"Er… let me think, James. Do you remember the last time we went through this, yesterday? Well, the answer's still the same, and always will be. Now get out of my face, and let me get to Transfiguration?"

"Okay, Evans," said a still-smiling James Potter, "I'll ask you again when we go to Hogsmeade together, shall I?"

"No, James. Get this through your head: we are not going to Hogsmeade together. I am not going with you, you are not going with me. I am not going to say yes to you. You are not going to ask me out on the weekend, because I won't be there, okay?"

And she strode off, ignoring the much more quiet call of: "Evans?"

End Flashback

That night, Lily walked down to the lake and sat there, writing her diary. The sun was setting, the lake calm and undisturbed by the normal screams of happy students plunging themselves in the lake. It was pleasant: it was tranquil. But most importantly, it was quiet. Lily needed it to be quiet.

The curfew wasn't in place for head Boy and Head Girl, so no one tried to wake Lily Evans up when they walked past and saw her with her head in her diary, a blot of ink on her nose. Many of the teachers shared a small smile, but she was sleeping too peacefully to wake up unceremoniously. Let her wake up herself.

James Potter was also outside, this time without the rest of his Marauding gang, glasses reflecting the dark rippling waters of the lake. He just couldn't understand it. Why did Lily Evans hate him so much? What had he done? Girls liked him - a lot of girls he knew, wanted the chance that Lily had every day. But then, that's what he liked about her. She was different - she stuck out a mile, and not just because she was beautiful. She had a personality - strengths that most of the clones didn't have.

He didn't really register how long he sat looking, brooding, at the lake, but hours passed at the next time he looked up, a half moon was shining down at him. James knew he'd get no answers doing nothing. Sirius and Remus would be looking for him, wondering where he was. He hadn't talked to them much all day. He just hadn't mustered the energy. Earlier Evans had been as coarse as ever, and she'd actually told him she hated him. She'd never said that before. Never.

He guessed his futile attempts with her had finally amounted to something, rather than indifference. But they'd become exactly the thing he didn't want - something that was much, much worse than rejection. She hated him.

He went up to the castle, trying to pull himself together, but it was no good. He was truly pathetic. At least, he intended to until he saw a sleeping form, hunched up against a tree by the lake. He knew the shining red hair anywhere, and at that moment, it made him feel even more wretched. But had he ever been able to resist Lily Evans? So, by some insane instinct inside him, he approached.

Thank god she was sleeping.

For a moment he just stood and watched her, feeling terrible; and then his eyes caught the diary in her hands and he couldn't help but feel a little, just a little intrigued. The diary was open. Evans would kill him if she woke up.

But when James Potter got intrigued, he often did something stupid.

Gently taking the diary out of her hands, it flopped open at the page she had been writing when she had fallen asleep.

"Dear Journal,

No, that sounds stupid. I never understood why people put 'dear' while talking to their diary - I mean, what's a diary to them? It's not actually special to them, it's them treasuring their own thoughts. See? That's why I've always thought it's stupid - so, two one to you, Harriet.

Potter asked me out again today - James felt a sudden lifting sensation in his stomach - and I said no again. I don't like doing it. It just seems needlessly cruel, but how else is he going to get the picture? I haven't ever been interested in him. But try and drill something into his brain, it just doesn't work.

And maybe I'm just not going about it in the right way. Do I sound half-hearted whenever I say 'no', or is he just stupid? No - that's the thing, I don't think he is. No, that's not right either! I know so.

Oh, come on Lily Evans. This isn't working. Stop pretending. The charade isn't working, and you're not fooling anyone, not even yourself. See when you wrote all that stuff up there? The writing's all wobbly. You don't believe it. You want to, but you can't. You just won't let your pride go, will you? You just keep denying that you actually like him. YOU LIKE JAMES POTTER. GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD.

Oh my god. I'm talking to myself.

Oh my god. I love James Potter…"

The rest of it, after those words, was just… nothing to James. Silently, he slid the diary back into Lily's grasp and picked her up, seeing as she was obviously not going to be roused. He did it all almost mechanically, because he didn not how else to go about it. Nothing had sunk in, or it was taking a very long time to do so.

The Gryffindor common room was deserted, and the fire was crackling dangerously low. James knew from experience that he wasn't allowed to the girl's dormitories, so he put Lily unceremoniously in one of the armchairs by the fire, moved the diary from out of her hands, put it on the table and locked it. Then he looked down at her before turning to walk to his own room.

It would have been so much simpler…

"James Potter, why are you hovering over me?"

James jumped and turned around to see Lily with one green eye cracked open, which was staring at him with what he could only describe as interest.

"You, er, you fell asleep…"

Lily got up and looked at the diary on the table, before sending him a scorching look at him. "Did you look in that?" She said venomously. James knew he was about to die. He couldn't lie to Evans.

"Er, well…"

"You did, didn't you?"

"Well… yeah, I guess so."

For a moment James thought she was about to explode, and then he wasn't sure what she was about to do. She looked like she knew all too well what he had read and her eyes narrowed.

"You are out of order," she growled. "Why is it always me, Potter - why can't you pick on someone else?"

"Because…"

It was too hard to say. He told her it everyday and she ignored him. However, it wasn't that she might ignore him that bothered James, it was because now, now he was about to say it, he thought she might take it differently. And what was more, this time it was taking courage, like it never had before.

"Because of what?"

"Because, Lily Evans…" James gulped. "I love you."

Again, there was a moment of ignorant silence on James' part as Lily seemed to bristle with electricity. Then it was gone and she looked herself to be lost for words. She shrugged and said quietly:

"The feeling's mutual."

Something inside James inflated like it hadn't before when he had read it in her diary. Something that could only be described as… indescribable. She must have seen him smiling, because she scrutinised him for a while, and then gave an unsteady smile back.

"I love you, too, James Potter. I always have, and I always will."

James stepped forwards automatically and kissed her. She met him unresistingly, which was surprising. That in itself surprised James, but even better was the feeling that finally, he'd got Lily Evans. Finally, after all the misery… it was going to be worth it.

Two Days Later, Lily is writing in her diary:

Dear Diary,

I don't care if that sounds stupid anymore. I'm going out with James Potter, and I couldn't be happier. It feels much better to be doing this now than having to reject him. I realised that night in the common room James really does care for me. From how he took me up to the common room to him actually telling me, I realised something my heart knew all along. I've been so stupid.

I also know who our mystery man was, trying to lure both me and James into the room of requirement. After a few harsh words with Nearly Headless Nick I realised that such a pitiful prank could only have been pulled by him. Apparently, he just wanted to make us see what was in front of our noses - or rather, just me. And who knows? Maybe what he did really help me to getting to where I am now.

Anyhow, I'm giving up writing this journal. I just don't need it anymore. I've got James to tame, and a lot to get used to. I don't think I'll ever tire of this feeling. So… it's bye from me, and wish me luck.

Lily

Author's Note: Please review this, I hope you enjoyed it! This was inspired by other Lily/James fics, so really I have all the other Lily James Fan-ficcers to thank. So, anyway, review on, loyal subjects! XP.

Review. I like reviews a lot.