Author's Note:
Hello readers! Here is the seventh one-shot in my Sakurax Akatsuki series...Today Sakura and her crew deal adventure and battle through a problem that I believe all of us can relate to. What is that you may ask...Well stop reading this silly author's note and scroll down to the story silly. I can't give any spoilers to my own story, that would be bad form. Netflix. They are watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix. So Spoilers for that show ahead. Sort of. I never really mention it directly. Also I won't be including page breaks in this one as the way it is divided would make the whole thing look choppy, but I believe I have made the transitions fairly clear. If there is one that doesn't work right, lemme know and I fix it. :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing relating to any of the characters mentioned or alluded to.
Sakura screamed with wordless anger at the TV sitting innocently in the Akatsuki's rec room. The half-asleep Tobi lounging next to her jumped and flailed off the couch in a flurry of Skittles. The innocent remote made projectile was calmly dodged by the ever calm Itachi as he walked past on his way to the kitchen for some dango.
"That bitch!" the pinked raged to no one in particular, determined that everyone should know of her displeasure. "When I get my hands on he," her fists clenched and unclenched in rapid succession as if she couldn't decide which punishment to bestow upon the unfortunate character.
"Sakura you cannot destroy fictional characters," Sasori stated simply from where he was reading in the corner of the room.
"I certainly beat your ass, so yes I can," she quipped earning her an offended glare." Who does this lady think she is," delicate hands flapping angrily in the direction of the TV.
"The fucking evil queen, you stupid bitch. Pay fucking attention, seriously. We have been watching this show all damn day," Hidan helpfully said from his spot on the other side of the couch. "Now shut up the next episode is starting. Your fifteen fucking seconds are up, seriously." Sakura glared at him hatefully before plopping back down next to him just as the opening started.
"I hate this show," she stated mournfully.
"No you fucking don't."
Forty two minutes later the actively watching Hidan and Sakura were in agreement.
"I am so fucking sick of these two. Stop being pussies and give into the fucking call of true fucking love." Sakura nodded, rolling her eyes at the direction the main characters had taken, and at Hidan's eloquent statement.
"You two are still watching this?" Kisame asked as he walked in before settling in at Sakura's feet. She moved them so that he could lean back before planting them on his shoulders, knees bent as she rearranged herself to get comfortable again. A soft snore emerged from the now fully asleep masked man, who at some point during the last episode had picked himself off the ground. His bag of coconut M&Ms hit the ground as his fingers went limp. Though if he kept making noise, Sakura was going to boot him off the couch. Sasori shifted in his seat, still pretending to read his book and not admit that he was also fully engrossed in the show as well. Hidan stretched his arms above his head before resettling in as their fifteen second wait ended.
Forty two minutes pass and Kisame informed the distraught pinkette that they were out of tissues. The jashinist beside her swore and would later deny that he had needed them as well.
"But they were so adorable together," Sakura said wetly, sniffing and swiping at her damp eyes.
"So fucking adorable," Hidan agreed. Kisame nodded as well, also upset with how the episode had turned.
"At least my favorite character made a cameo," Sasori supplied as if it made it better. He hastily returned to his book, rereading the same paragraph for the twentieth time. His words did help though as each one of the viewers included the aforementioned character in at least their top five. Tobi snored and shifted, earning another warning glare from Sakura. The jaw breaker that rolled from his pocket was swiftly snatched by Kisame who popped it in his mouth as the next episode began.
"Fucking called it," Hidan declared after forty-two minutes of instense watching.
"Yeah you and every other viewer, dumbo. What I want to know is why no one thinks the heart in the box is super shady given how flipping easily it is found."
"You guys are still in here, yeah?" Deidara demanded as he walked in. "My show is on now in case you've forgotten, un."
"So is ours, bitch. Now shut up and fucking watch it. Fluttershy can wait her own damn turn." The now pouting explosive artist flopped into the lounge chair next to Sasori's, tossing his partner's discarded book onto the end table beside him. He was shushed harshly by the pinkette as he shifted in his seat. Sasori frowned at him and reached across for his book, not yet ready to give up the illusion of reading. Tobi giggled and was promptly slapped back into a silent sleep by Sakura as the show started up once more.
Kakazu wandered in at the end of the next episode to an intense debate on the intelligence of someone breaking out of jail.
"Everyone in this show is dumb. She is clearly innocent and is clearly being set up. And then she books it making her not only look guilty, but also now she has actually committed a crime," Sakura throws up her hands in exasperation.
"I would have fucking booked it."
"You would have murdered the victim to Jashin, so of course you would have. You wouldn't be innocent. We should place bets on when this whole debacle is resolved." Kakazu's ear perked up at the thought of money gained. Quickly deciding that he could easily swindle everyone watching he sat across the room from the two currently arguing artists on an ottoman in front of the corner loveseat.
"Danna you and the Evil Queen should go out, your shared fascination with removing organs from people who are still alive is something you could bond over, yeah."
"The fact that she ruined the happiness of my most beloved character would destroy any bonding that may have occurred. Idiot," Sasori retorted, eyes never lifting off the page he had read a hundred times already.
"Still can't believe that bitch did that," Sakura muttered angrily.
"You don't fuck with true love, seriously." Kisame nodded sagely in agreement before shushing everyone as the next episode began.
Sakura unwittingly triggered the next argument that even woke the almost comatose man beside her enough to get involved. She had simply stated that he, referring to the main antagonist in the episode, could kidnap her anytime, which everyone had seriously disagreed with claiming that since she was already kidnapped, so no respectable villain would take her.
"You've already been claimed, yeah."
"A lot. I am talking a lot of money would have to be involved."
"Since he is well, mad, I don't think he really cares," she had deadpanned in response.
"Too fucking bad. Finders fucking keepers."
"Twizzler?" Sakura startled by Tobi's offer shook off Hidan's suddenly possessive arm around her shoulder.
"Where did you get candy? I thought you would have dropped it all by now." The masked man shrugged and shook the package again in offering. As shady as the origins of the candy were, she wasn't about to pass up on Twizzlers. They were seriously like her favorite. Besides she had accepted hot chocolate from Itachi that had been even shadier. Sakura still wasn't sure where the hot chocolate had come from to be honest.
The man-child beside her resettled as if to go back to sleep when she nudged him, silently asking him to join in on the fun he was usually so supportive of. His half-hearted protest was shushed harshly by the pinkette as the opening scene began.
Kakazu was laughing maniacally as he collected his money from the other viewers, when Zetsu popped in. Like literally popped up from the floor. Only his head and flytrap were fully emerged from the ground as he settled in amongst the grumbling. Tobi edged his foot away from the plant man, not willing to risk the appendage for the sake of sitting comfortably.
"Still don't think she is justified," Sakura said stubbornly to Deidara, who was valiantly trying to defend his favorite character against her hate. A not so subtle cough from the money-grubber interrupted them from arguing further as they handed over the money.
"I shit you not. This is why you don't fuck with true love bitches, seriously."
"True story," Sasori stated calmly, book lying forgotten on the floor.
"Well in other news the dead girl isn't dead. How odd. We certainly never experienced anything like that," Kisame said, pointedly looking at almost every one of his comrades.
"Jolly Rancher?" Tobi asked, avoiding the direction the conversation was going.
"Where do you keep getting those?"
"Only if you have fucking blue." Both inquires were silenced with harsh glares as it became clear the fifteen seconds were long past and the recap had begun.
Forty two minutes pass and with a muttered "bout fucking time," from Hidan the episode ends.
"This show is a rollercoaster for emotions. I physically can't take it," Sakura mumbled under her breath holding up her palms, little half-moon indentations evidence enough of her tumultuous emotions.
"The characters certainly seem to take everything in stride though. I wonder how delicious such strong-willed people would taste? Yes that would be interesting."
"That is fucked up, seriously." Kisame nodded agreeing fully heartedly and scooted a little farther right way from the cannibalistic plant. Nobody noticed the ever illusive Konan slip in silently, determined to be included in their activities for once in her life. She tucked her feet underneath her as she settled herself onto the open loveseat.
"Swedish Fish?"
"Ooh! Those are the best!" Sakura cried with delight as Tobi offered her a new bag of candy.
"Sharing is fucking caring bitch."
"Shut up imbecile. The episode is starting," Kakazu said sharply. A Swedish Fish bounced off his head in retaliation, but a glare from the pinkette prevented it from escalating beyond that.
Everyone was silent as the episode ended. Too shocked to say much of anything. In fact neither Hidan or Sakura even protested when Itachi picked her up and moved her away from the jashinist and planted himself between them. The pinkette unconsciously snuggled into him before refreezing in her shock. Itachi's hateful glare was ignored by the albino who was too focused on the TV to fully comprehend how close he was to death for sitting by her.
"What a fucking twist."
"We should just eat them all. Yes it would solve a lot of their issues. Because they'd be dead." Kisame scooted further away.
"All that character development simply gone, yeah," Deidara sighed, his forlorn partner nodding in agreement.
"Eh, I don't know about that, Sakura stated plainly with a shrug.
"Yes. She is clearly rebelling against the change she knows must happen in order to become the person she is destined to be. She is only reverting back to what she knows because she is scared of where that change might lead. Because it will mean she has to let others in, when she was taught by the misfortunes in her life to rely on no one, but herself," Konan calmly agreed as she folded an origami rose delicately and skillfully, not once breaking her focus during her speech.
"Ex-fucking-actly, bros, seriously."
"Zebra gum anyone?"
"Oh hell yes," pretty much everyone in the room cried, the exceptions being Itachi and Konan who simply silently demanded a piece.
By the end of the next episode Sakura had a full sleeve of zebras doing sports down her right arm. A fact which confuses Pein as he bursts in.
"Seriously though, how did she not see that coming?" Sakura asked flippantly as Itachi carefully adds another tattoo to her forearm. The damp cloth in his hand tenderly dabs at the wrapper. "Everyone knows not to eat apples you get from strangers and/or shady, evil mayors."
"That is a fucking fact. What a dumbass."
"Well to be fair the world she comes from does not have such dangers," Konan pointed out.
"Oh whatever! Didn't her foster parents ever tell her about stranger danger? Or at least to avoid psycho witches, hell-bent on destroying the forever happiness of everyone ever?" Sakura rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"Hn." Itachi supported her argument helpfully. A withering look from the girl beside him clearly lets him know what she thinks about his "help." He raises one perfectly trimmed black brow before reapplying himself on his task. All his careful planning and placement of the colorful, athletic zebras was finally taking shape.
"Leader-sama would you care to join us for the season finale?" his blue-haired partner asked calmly from her spot on the loveseat.
"No. The base is under attack and I need you all to get off your asses and defend it," he said through gritted teeth. How did they not feel the oncoming chakra signatures?
"We did feel them," Itachi monotoned, "We did not deem them a threat." Everyone else nodded distractedly still engrossed in either helping Sakura add to her sleeve or discussing what direction they thought the finale was going to take.
"It's going to fucking dark as hell."
"Must I do everything!?" Pein shouted.
"You're the leader. Go out and show these guys whose boss. Which is you by the way," Sakura quipped. "Also as leader you have to be willing to sacrifice things like watching the season finale instead of forcing us to, in order to retain your subordinates' loyalty. Because honestly this episode is too important for us to miss," she waved in dismissal as the recap clicked on.
Pein sighed angrily and stomped out of the room to meet the oncoming threat.
By the time Pein staggers in, exhausted from his long battle with a few hunter-nin from Mist, his subordinates and captive are thoroughly engrossed in season 2. Itachi and the majority of the other males in the room are glaring angrily at the TV and Sakura and Konan are swooning.
"Fucking pirates, with their one hand and eyeliner, seriously."
Pein groans, finally catching the pinkette's attention. "See you did fine. Now stop moaning in pain this is important," Sakura snapped when he hit the ground with a loud thud. Green eyes flick down towards him briefly before something out of her peripheral catches her attention. "Itachi did you just tattoo your face on my arm with zebras?" He stops glaring at the TV long enough to smirk.
Author's Note:
Woo! Success. This one is done. Now on to the next...I think. Any suggestions? I am up for anything! Shoot me a message or review with anything you think they should do next.
Review Time!
Hi this is Fig's roommate who is helping her write her reviews because she keeps turning into this pile of goo...or OH GOD she spontaneously combusted with joy GAH! So I will be helping her out so that she gets around to actually posting this chapter. I would also like to say that I am always on her tail about posting so yep let's do this shin dig!
Snowball fight of Doom!
Mary Mab: Your review made me so happy! Glad you enjoyed that one and here's to hope you like the other ones too. Thank you so much! - Fig...what really happened while I was trying to get these words out of her was that she was rolling around on the floor with her hands fisted against her adorable chipmunk cheeks...no joke I should have taken a video.
Waa Cha!
runningofthedemons: So I am having a bit of a hard time discerning what she is trying to mumble out but she pretty much is saying thank you and that-oh look she ran away in embarrassment haha you made her embarrassed this is the BEST day of my LIFE! There is a GOD! Anyway she is very glad that you have not given up on her and that you love her writings..."People like me...they reviewed" as she pulls her dress over her knees and again proceeds to roll around on the ground blushing like the dickens.
Jessica: Ha! I knows right! It isn't a story without a pun about Pein's name lol
Lukari 13: We-not just you FIG- yes WE came up with the initial idea in our high school American Government Hnrs class. She brought up the idea of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs which lead to the snowball fight thing and then life just keeps on growing. Sorry world and readers. It's nice because she will take some of my suggestions like where the hot chocolate comes from MAWHAHAHAHAHAHA! But yeah she is finally posting and unrolling from her ungodly tight ball she managed to curl herself into while reading these comments.
Hana-Taisho: *turns to roommate "this person is awesome she reviews every story"-that is literally what she did and said, God's gospel. So that is why Tobi is the "candy store" lol. Thank you for sticking by her even though she is "awful at posting consistently" ha she admits it! Oh, you also make her very bashful with all of your reviewing...keep up the good work this is fabulous ammo I need to keep her from completely deflating my self-esteem.
sakuakatsuki4eve: "WOOH!"- You make my life easy and she gave a thumbs up to the TV. We have her computer hooked up to the TV lol because her monitor was too small lol.
AnimeLover3232: what can I say she's a miniature donkey...OH BURN lol I made a funny. Anyway she is just giggling up a storm over here with what she deems as "witty" summaries...again miniature donkey. She hopes you find enjoyment from some of her other stories.
Thanks again guys for your wonderful reviews you totally made my night...it was hilarious watching this kid get all embarrassed. However, for my sake and for the rest of the worlds sake, stop being so nice...enough...sit...stop...NNNNNOOOOOOOoooooo any ways I will try to keep her ego in check it will be tough like trying to prevent ComicCon or from California escaping the USA through the use of earthquakes it will be hard but I do this for you reviewer I do not know. #where does itachi get the hot chocolate (copyright by JT aka Figs abused roommate) Take that Fig!
Fig: It's my story I can just edit this out.