This is a songfic I wrote after hearing the song, "Better than Me" by Hinder. I heard this song while I was reading part of New Moon and I realized that it fit perfect into the book. I wrote this in Edward's point of view of leaving Bella, his thoughts while listening to this song. His thoughts are encased in '' and I plan on writing a songfic with Bella's point of view, I have a few songs in mind for her. I hope you like it. Oh! And obviously I don't own eclipse, new moon, or any other ideas the amazingly brilliant Stephenie Meyer came up with and I don't own these songs either. Otherwise why would I be here? haha Enjoy! Oh and I put my own little twist on the end, it isn't the same as the books, I decided to have a different twist of the story.
Sitting in my room in Alaska, I began to doubt my decision to leave Bella. I had been away from her for two months and of all the years I've lived, they have been the worst two months I have ever had to endure. I don't leave my room much and when I do I can tell my family is just as miserable as I am.
I am lost in thought on my couch when the song begins to play and immediately it reminds me of my Bella, as most songs do nowadays. This has been the first time I've listened to music since I left her and now I have to hear this song. My mind wanders to thoughts of us as I listen to the song.
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in then I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be
(Oh)
'I am not good for you at all, I was never worthy of your love yet I can't get you out of my mind. You deserve someone who can give you everything not take you away from all that you love. I made you believe I was worth loving, I kept you from your human life, the light and kept you in the dark. I knew when I left I was going to shatter your heart but I wanted to do the right thing for one, not the selfish thing. Although I made you believe I didn't love you, it was all a lie. I love you more than life itself Bella, or whatever I have right now. I am having second thoughts, oh god Bella nothing here reminds me of you, I miss your scent, seeing your random clothes left at my house, I want you back but I have to be strong for you.'
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
(Oh)
What it feels like beside you
'I promised myself I would move on and not think of you so as to darken your soul even more but I can't get you out of my head. Your scent, your smile, your beautiful blush, it all remains in my head because I remember what it was like to have you in my life. The nights I spent sleeping over, just holding you while I was sleeping, I remember everything of having you near me, beside me on my couch. I can't even sit on my couch anymore without you there beside me.'
I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
'I miss having your scent surround me, the feel of your hair against me cheek always warming me. I miss hearing your heart beat when we would kiss and what you tasted like. I miss seeing your eyes light up when you saw me but I know in my undead heart that you deserve so much more, you shouldn't feel that way towards me. The light you have shouldn't be wasted on me, a damned soul.'
While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took that you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't wanna lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
(Oh)
'The things I took from you when I left remind me everyday of what I walked away from. Those pictures you took on your birthday are my only reminder of a time when I was purely happy, blissful in my life. I look at them everyday and know I should have left them with you but it is so much easier to have me completely gone. My memories will be the only thing that keeps our love strong, over time it will fade from your mind but I will remember for the both of us, whether I want to or not.'
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
(Oh)
What it feels like beside you
'I just want to run back to you and tell you how sorry I am for leaving you but I promised that I would let you live. If I came back now would you even take me back? It wouldn't matter as long as I got to be beside you one last time, I miss your presence lighting up my life, god Bella I just want to run back to you right now.' I found myself flying off my couch to the door before I stopped myself and sat back down. I had to tell myself it was just this song getting to me.
I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
'I miss being able to touch you and hold you. I can not even think of anyone else touching you or kissing you; tasting your amazing taste and smelling your beautiful smell. Bella I want to come back but you don't deserve me to ruin your life, for the both of us I need to be strong.'
The bed I'm laying in is getting colder
Wish you never would have said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had our closure.
This can't be the end
'My couch has lost all it's warmth without you there to share it with me, I wish I would never had done this. I want you back with every fiber of my being but will you want me back? How do I take back what I said? I will always have the memories of our time together regardless of when yours fades. I can't live a life haunted by your call to me, I need to have you back. We didn't have closure like most do, I just cut you out of my life. I can't let it end this way, I need you back so much. Oh God Bella what have I done? how did I ever walk away from you? I need you back.'
I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
'Bella I can't get you out of my head, I miss the feel of your warm hands on my skin, I miss the feel of your breathe on my neck while you're sleeping. I miss everything about you but you can't want me you're an angel and I'm nothing. I don't think I can last much longer, I need your touch to survive. I need to hear you laugh again, I need to see the blush light up your face. I need you back.'
(And I think you should know this)
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
'You are so much better than me and deserve so much more but maybe I can make myself better with you in my life. Maybe without you I'm not worthy of your love or the memories of you but with you to add sunshine to my life, drenched in twilight, I can survive and be enough. I can't wait any longer to find out if life will be bearable without you, I need you back. I made a terrible decision, oh god Bella please take me back.'
I was enveloped in anguish when Jasper and Alice walked into my room. Jasper immediately tried to calm me down but I stopped him with a look. "Please Jasper don't, I need to feel this, this is how Bella feels right now I'm guessing. I need to get her back." Alice just smiled, having seen this coming the whole time. Stupid clairvoyant sister always knowing something was happening before it did. I got up grabbed my jacket that still smelled of Bella and ran to my car. Within hours I was pulling into Forks and Bella's street. I sprinted to her house, up the tree and through her window. She immediately turned, feeling my presence and started crying. I ran to her, wrapped her up in my arms and held tight, I was never letting this girl go. She collapsed into my arms and after minutes together she looked up to me as if to question if I was really back, I just answered her with a kiss filled with so much passion her heart beat erratically before I stopped. She completely collapsed in my arms then and I carried her over to her rocking chair and we just sat there until morning. It was only then that I saw how terrible she looked, she was thin and had huge circles under eyes that were red from crying. I broke her heart and I would spend an eternity fixing it. I never planned on letting her out of my arms or life again.
So this was Edward's point of view of leaving Bella while listening to that song. I plan on doing Bella's version continuing slightly from the end of this story. I love music and I think it really can tell stories of our life, I just thought of Edward in anguish every time I heard this song, I hope you got that out of this too.