A/N: This spur of the moment Selvine song-fic was greatly inspired by Barrett Machain's song-fic collection "Pairs of Hearts" – absolutely memorable and highly recommended reading. *hint, hint* This is probably the only Selvine-centered fic that I'm going to write, so you should take the time and read this! No, really…^_^. I like Selvine, but I'm also open to other pairings; it's just that I think this song just fit so well with Sefie and Irvy that I couldn't help writing this – piece of crap or 'deserving fic'? – you decide.
Disclaimer: I own FF8 in my dreams and I merely agreed to let Squaresoft rent it for a while; in reality, it's the other way around minus the renting part.
"Cowboy, Take Me Way" by the Dixie Chicks. One of the best songs ever composed, go listen to it! I don't have much experience with song-fics, so I just cut off some repeating lines in the song…I don't really know if that's ok…hmm?
HeaveN Is…
"A life without love is like a year without summer."
- Swedish Proverb
Selphie Tilmitt studied the cracked, concrete foundation of Trabia Garden's decrepit basketball court, but was not really seeing anything; she was mindless of the milky falling snow that was dancing strange patterns around her, oblivious to the wrenchingly lonely picture she presented to curious passers-by. At forty-five, she had decided to live out the rest of her days as an instructor to Trabia Garden's hopeful Seeds, something that she had found to be a soothing distraction to the sad "everydayness" that had been her life for ten years now.
Lately however, her soothing distraction hadn't been enough to overcome the pent-up emotions that she usually fought so hard to control; and now, a decade later, all the frustrations she'd kept to herself was in serious danger of erupting, of surging away uncontrollably until all her carefully built-up defenses crack and give in.
And she was afraid. Afraid that if she finally broke down, she'd never be able to fix herself up again. That if she let flow all the tears, she'd never stop crying.
To succumb to her instincts and dwell with the memories would totally destroy her.
Closing her eyes, she inhaled shakily, almost reverently, the musky, wistful smell of snow – that magical gift from the faeries. Shivering, she reveled in all the magic of that moment, magic being a much-needed element in her life, something that had slowly begun to vanish and trickle away from her. Almost immediately, she felt warm arms wrap around her, a face pressing close to hers, a husky Southern drawl whispering in her ear, assuring her: It's okay, Sefie…I'm here…
Irvine…?
*I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly*
~ ~ ~
(Orphanage days)
"Sefie! Sefie, look! C'mere!" an excited, young Irvine Kinneas hoarsely called out to his best playmate, who, in his innocent opinion, was quite possibly the best thing after Christmas mornings. He was holding something in his hands, something he so desperately wanted to show her.
Selphie then came bounding out of the orphanage and joined Irvine, soaking up her friend's excitement and already trying to have a good look at his treasure. "What's it, Irvy? You 'kay?"
With twinkling amethyst eyes, he gingerly opened his hands and offered Selphie his treasure. "Here…here, Sefie. See?" he whispered, turning to look at her expression.
"Oh Irvy!" she exclaimed, her sea-green eyes widening at the sight of the little flower Irvine was holding out to her. A fragile little thing, it radiated the deep purple blue that was Irvine's eyes, oddly reminding little Selphie of a flower she'd once seen bloom its first after a hard and cold winter. Her voice imitated that of Irvine's whisper. "That's so beeyoutifull…" Her voice taking in an awestruck tone, "Can I – can I touch it?"
"Sure…that's for you, Sefie," he announced with a big smile - revealing two missing front teeth, utterly relieved that she liked his gift. He just knew she would.
"Ooooh," Selphie squeaked, rubbing the silky softness of its petals. "Thanks, Irvy," she said, looking at him adoringly, with that simple faith children have for each other glowing in her eyes. Then her brows creased in a thoughtful frown. "But…but I don't want it to be lonely without its playmates, mebbe we should plant it again." The face she turned to him was both sad and determined. "It wouldn't be right to kidnap it. Isn't that so, Irvy?"
"What?!" Irvine was shocked. After all the trouble he'd gone through to get that flower... braving the scary monsters of the forest...? "But – But Sefie, we can't just… - " He broke off as he noticed Selphie's lip quiver slightly. The forlorn sight made his courageous heart take a plummet, and he sighed in defeat. "Sure, Sefie. Where'd you want to plant it?"
Anything for Sefie.
~ ~ ~
*I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars*
~ ~ ~
(Some time after Ultimecia's defeat)
"This is great, Irvine. Thank you."
Instead of being pleased, Irvine looked doubtful. "Really? You sure, Sef? I mean, I'm sorry…I guess I could've just taken you to that fancy restaurant and get you some of that Balamb cake you like so much, and – " he stopped, Selphie's fingers pressing against his lips.
"Shh, it's fine, Irvy. Really. This - " she declared, sweeping her arms gracefully at everything Irvine so thoughtfully prepared for her – the romantic overnight setting with just the two of them, surrounded by her very favorite flowers… with Irvine's arms around her making her feel safe and loved – " – is heaven." She stared up at him and smiled into his eyes.
At that, Irvine flushed to the roots of his hair. "What – no angels?" he teased, then reconsidered. "Or maybe there is, and she's with me right now," he said quietly, sincerely.
After that, they lapsed into a comfortable silence: Selphie – grinning like an idiot; Irvine – relieved and a little nervous.
"You know what, Irvy?" Selphie whispered against him.
"What?"
"I think heaven…heaven will have whatever a person most wants it to have," she answered softly, absently toying with her fingers. "For some people, like Zell, for instance, it'll probably be a lifetime supply of hotdogs and…copies of 'Good-bye Pupurun.'" She grinned up at him. "What d'ya think?"
"His grandfather with him," Irvine reminded, letting himself be drawn into Selphie's "let's imagine" game.
Aquamarine eyes lit up at the reminder. "Yeah, his grandfather," she agreed fondly. "Let's see... who else? Squall and Rinoa are gonna be together, right? Quisty'll have a boyfriend, and…and Seifer and his posse are gonna have themselves lotsa students to scare away!" she finished in her usual gay way. Sighing and feeling satisfied at the way things would turn out in her mind, she snuggled closer to the warm body beside her, mentally anxious as to how Irvine was going to answer her next question. "What 'bout you, Irvy? What's heaven for you?"
"Heaven." Irvine repeated to himself, thinking of the many possibilities the word offered. He looked down at his hands, feeling suddenly shy and awkward at the answer he was going to give. He saw it clearly - the single appealing thing amidst all the variety. "Heaven would be you, Sef," he started, then looked at her. "And me." Seeing Selphie's turn suspiciously misty, he bravely continued, his voice turning gruff. "We'll have many adventures together. We'll travel around the world, and it's going to be a lot of fun."
"We're going to fly, Irvy?"
Irvine smiled, his heart in his eyes. "Yes, Sefie, that too. We'll fly. Promise."
~ ~ ~
*Oh it sounds so good to me*
Selphie slowly opened her eyes, dreading the action, knowing that when she opened them there would be no face against her cheek, no body to the Southern voice. Nothing but emptiness, and the longing of times so long ago, of things better left buried and forgotten.
*Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh, I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you*
Where're you now, cowboy? she wondered bitterly. You're in heaven… or are you? And here I thought heaven would be with me…*I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile
Oh it sounds good to me
Yeah it sounds so good to me*
She was now shaking so violently, memories of him flooding involuntarily back to her mind. Memories of his smile, his eyes, his face. His promises. His unwavering faith in her – the girl nobody really took seriously. His sweet sincerity, his undying love.
Surrendering, she let the tears fall; drops of moisture mixing in with the snow, staining the sea of cotton.
*Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh, I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you*
Irvy…why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to leave me…? You told me we were going to have fun…you told me…we were going to…to fly…please, please come back…I miss you so much…so much…please…you promised…take me with you…
* * *
In a place so very far away, a place where bluebonnets thrive and the stars co-exist into an everlasting night, a solitary figure dressed in faded cowboy attire sat brooding. The man with the sparkling amethyst eyes looked down on the strikingly beautiful woman grieving over a lost loved one, amidst a carpet of snow. He watched closely as the woman lay in the carpet, unprotected from the cold; saw the woman close her eyes to eternal slumber, knowing that she would never wake up again.
At least, never again in that world.
Irvine Kinneas waited, eager and fervent... heart pounding with the ticking of milliseconds... then the wait was over, as he felt the sun's rays sending tingling shots down his back, warming the whole of him up.
"Irvy?" Selphie's voice called from behind.
He turned around and simply stared at the sight that he knew was better than a million Christmas mornings. It was the sight of the girl he had loved all his life, the only one that really mattered, the sun of his night. Here was Selphie just as he had always seen her: gone were the wrinkles and the telltale signs of age, replaced instead by the vision of a seventeen-year old girl in the prime of her youth. An ever-smiling Sefie.
She was here at last. Home. Heaven. With him.
Holding out a hand to her, he smiled impishly. As he did so, a shower of blue and white came down upon them from the skies, the sun and the stars present at the same time.
Bluebonnets and snow.
"Are you ready to fly, Sefie?"
*Closer to you
Cowboy take me away
Closer to you*
fin
References:
"Heaven will have whatever a person most wants it to have." - Almost Heaven, Judith McNaught
F/N: Rather abrupt ending? Too short? Poor characterization? Tell me. Don't worry, I don't bite (much). ^ ^! Feel free to comment on anything! Y'see, I don't feel so good with this meself… (To tell the truth, I have no idea what a bluebonnet looks like: I've never seen one, or maybe I have and I just didn't know it. For all I know, maybe bluebonnets just don't grow here in our country. And maybe they're not blue after all and they got their name in a weird way that has no connection with their color. Either way, I'm an idiot when it comes to flowers.)