First fic, though I have been reading them for some time. This is what I believe are Brennan's reasons for wanting to be come a mother, and why she wants Booth to be her sperm donor.
Disclaimers: I don't own Bones, the characters or the rights. That belongs to Fox and Hart Hanson.
Groaning, I curled my body tighter around my abdomen. God, I hated menstrual cycles. They were always painful, but had gotten less so as I had aged. They didn't bother me in the slightest while I had been taking the Pill. Why had I stopped taking birth control? Oh, right, biological clock was ticking. Here I was, well into my thirties, and only now wanting a child. What had happened to me? Why, when I swore that I would never bring a child into this violence ridden world, did I want one now.
The answer came to me – Booth. Despite what he said, I still was afraid that I was going to lose him again. It had been just about a year since the Checkbox fiasco. I had to face reality. Despite Booth's promises that things would never change and that he would always be there, I knew that was not possible. His… our line of work was dangerous. There was no telling when the next Pam Noonan would appear, removing him permanently from my life. I couldn't have that happen. I couldn't face the darkness of being alone without my Booth, my friend, my confidant. I needed to have a part of him around at all times. That was my solution to the problem. I knew Booth would do it for me, and I wouldn't demand that he be a part of the child's life. It would make it too hard on the child when something finally did happen to Booth. After all, it was most important to have a mother. But even then, once the child reached about age three, others would be able to contribute to the child's welfare. Good schools, possibly boarding schools, when the child got older, would be required. That would be all that the child would need -- a mother and a good education. Plus, someone of my intellect would need to replace me when I finally returned to the earth as ashes.
Booth would object, of that I was positive. I'd seen the way he was with Parker. He loved the time with his son so much. It's not like he wouldn't see this child. We'd still work together, and I already spend the majority of my time with Booth. He'd probably see the child more than he currently sees Parker. He believes that children needed a male role model in their life. There would be at least one, perhaps more. Booth, Hodgins, my father in a limited extent. That would be enough male role models to go around.
I thought about it as I got up, walking towards my bathroom. Running hot water, I placed some Epson salts and essential oils into the tub; peppermint, ylang-ylang and lavender, an odd combination, but one that I loved. I had given up bubble bath a long time ago. I did my best to avoid soaps and cleansers with phosphates and sulfates. So, my products didn't produce many bubbles. They still cleaned well. I loved living an organic and natural lifestyle as possible.
The hot water and herbal scents help me to organize my whirling thoughts. Would I really be able to do this? Would he be willing without expecting anything else? My need for a baby had been growing every month. I had made the decision to go off the pill months ago, after the failed idea deep sea welder and the botanists. Booth was a family man, he still wished to get married and have multiple children. He wanted to raise the Catholic family. I can't do that.
I remember a time when I used to dream of getting married. Not a Catholic wedding though, but probably still a church wedding. My parents were mainly Christmas and Easter people when they wanted to go to church. I guess that some things die hard. My studies later showed me that the morals that they taught me were more than based on what was right, but also on what was taught within Judeo-Christian values. The mythical Ten Commandments. Today, I saw the origin as impossible as well as implausible, but respected the values that they gave to generations of people.
I rarely thought about it anymore, but what would my life had been if my parents hadn't left, or had taken us with them. The home video that my mother had left me revealed that my father wanted us with him. Would I still believe in love? If I did, I know that my parents were in love. Nothing scientific about it. It was the way that they looked at each other, the way that they knew each other. I was just a nerdy girl then, rather than a scientific woman. Would I be more confident in relationships, believe that people weren't always going to hurt me.
I quickly banished those ideas from my mind. It was my experience as being an orphan and foster child that made me who I am today. I am Temperance Brennan, forensic anthropologist, working with the FBI and have the greatest friend that a person could ask for.
Sighing, I thought about Booth. He was an attractive specimen of the male gender. Well developed due to his personal fitness regime, highly symmetrical due to his genetics, kind-hearted and devoted due to his own experiences, and in possession of a wonderful smile. Sometimes, it seemed like Booth was a child himself. If a child was conceived, it would probably have his dark eyes rather than my blue. I like that thought. What would the child look like? Any genetic combination would be good.
Relaxing, I sat in the tub until the cramping in my abdomen was to a minimum and my fingers and toes were wrinkled from the warm water. If not for my experience, Booth and I would not be as close as we are.
I drained the tub and left the bathroom. Moisturizing and getting dressed. I prepared for bed. I would ask him. Booth would be my child's biological father. This way, I would always have a part of him with me. He would always be able to keep his promises that way. And I would never be alone again.