Two fics in one day? Y'all can thank Fall Break for this.
"Fuck."
"Are you feeling okay?" Kurt asked, shocked. He looked up from his laptop to see Blaine frowning at his own on the far end of the bed. "Are you trying to sound more grown-up again? Because you're still on Principal Sue's black list for using multi-syllabic words she doesn't consider 'real.'"
"No, I got an email from my grandmother," Blaine said, eyebrows furrowed. "Our family reunion's this weekend, and she's asking if I want her to invite her friend's sister's grandson for me."
"...Okaaaay," Kurt said, feeling confused. "Isn't that a good thing? Your grandma used to be super homophobic, didn't she?"
"She finally saw the light, but now she's treating me like the rest of my single cousins and pushing available boys on me left and right," Blaine said. He dropped his head into his hands, muffling his next words. "I think I preferred it when she hated me. At least then she left me alone. The last boy she brought for me had pit stains and an overbite, Kurt!"
Kurt winced in sympathy for his best friend. "That's rough, B. I'm sorry." There was silence for a moment before Kurt felt the metaphorical lightbulb flick on over his head. "Hey, why don't you just take me?"
"What?"
"Take me," Kurt repeated. "We can pretend I'm your boyfriend, and you'll have your grandma off your back and someone to talk to when your Uncle James does one of his drunken puppet shoes again."
"You really do need to see that in person to really feel the horror," Blaine said, looking thoughtful. "But Grandmother and my aunts will probably try to pump you for details about you and our relationship. I couldn't do that to you."
"You're not making me, silly, I'm volunteering," Kurt said. "It'll be a great workout of my acting skills, and you know our NYADA auditions are right around the corner."
"If you're sure," Blaine said, still a bit wary. "Thanks so much, Kurt. I owe you one!"
"This is what friends do, B," Kurt said, flapping a hand at him dismissively before going in for a hug.
As he relaxed in Blaine's comfy embrace, he couldn't help but think it's not like I don't wish I was your boyfriend everyday anyways.
Three days later, Kurt was dressed up and ready to enter the reception hall where the Anderson Family Reunion was being held.
Or, well, mostly ready.
"Do I look alright?" he asked Blaine for the fourth time that afternoon.
"You look great, Kurt, I already told you," Blaine said, ever-patient. "That purple looks amazing with your skin tone."
"I'm sorry, I just want to make a good impression on your family," Kurt said. "I'd be a terrible fake boyfriend if I looked like a slob at your family reunion."
"My Aunt Sophia ends up in just her bra and skirt if she gets drunk enough, K, you'll be fine," Blaine said. Kurt would never really understand how his family was so refined and yet so batshit insane, but it seemed to work for them. "You ready?"
"As I'll ever be," Kurt said, and they entered the hall.
The room looked simple but tasteful, with groups of people milling around photo albums and the buffet table. A general shout of greeting went up as people noticed the boys' entrance.
"Blainey!" a woman who had to be Blaine's grandma said, rushing over to them and kissing Blaine on the cheek. "Honey, I've missed you! And you must be Kurt," she continued, turning to Kurt and kissing him, too. "It's so nice to meet you, sweetheart. We'll have to talk more later, once you boys have eaten." She rushed away from them to greet the relatives who had followed them into the room, leaving a trail of expensive perfume and a stunned Kurt in her wake.
"She's kind of a force of nature," Blaine said, sheepish. "You might wanna eat up before she comes back to question you. You'll need your strength."
"Blaine, I take back what I said the other day," Kurt said. "You do owe me one. You might even owe me like five or six after this."
"That's what I was afraid of," Blaine said. "C'mon, my Aunt Peggy's cheesy potatoes are to die for." He dragged Kurt over to the buffet table, where they filled up their plates before heading to the nearest free seats and chowing down.
The rest of the afternoon seemed to pass in a blur to Kurt, who was alternately accosted by well-meaning relatives and subjected to the various oddities that Blaine's older famly members peformed when they were drunk.
"I think your Uncle Steven's my favorite," Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear. "His drunken ranting about how abortion is equivalent to the Holocaust is easily the funniest thing I've ever heard."
"You know he's not kidding, right?" Blaine whispered back, cupping his hand over Kurt's ear.
Before Kurt could respond, Blaine's grandma came back to their spot, taking a seat next to them. "Blaine. Do I still make you uncomfortable?" she asked, seemingly out of the blue.
"Wh- no, Grandmother, of course not," Blaine said, shocked. "Why do you ask?"
"You and Kurt here haven't even hugged tonight, much less kissed," she said. Kurt thought he could detect a bit of a slur in her words. "Jessie and Adam have practically been attached at the lips, and I'm afraid McKenna is about to drag Toby off to the bathroom for a quickie any second now."
"Grandmother!"
"Blaine, you can show affection to your boyfriend in front of us," his grandmother continued, oblivious. "C'mon, Blainey, kiss him!"
Blaine just looked at his grandmother silently, frozen in place.
"Kiss the boy! He's honestly very nice, Blainey, I'm glad you found such a good boy to date," she said.
"It's okay, Blaine," Kurt said softly, sure that even if his grandma did hear him, she wouldn't remember it the next day - or even the next minute. He leaned in and captured Blaine's lips in a gentle kiss, feeling tingly all over as their lips connected.
He felt even tinglier when Blaine's hands came up to cup his face and he started kissing back.
Blaine had to push them apart to finally break the kiss, though Kurt would have been perfectly okay with kissing Blaine forever. They stared into each other's eyes wordlessly until Blaine's grandmother butted in.
"That was so precious, boys. Love is love is love!" she said, hiccuping slightly and slumping down on the table. She began to snore lightly a few moments later.
"You wanna go get some air?" Blaine asked after another moment.
"Yeah, sure," Kurt said. He let Blaine take his hand and lead him outside, anxious about what Blaine was going to say once they were alone.
"Kurt, I - that was -" Blaine began, looking at the concrete. He took a deep breath and tried again. "Kurt, have you ever wondered why I've never asked you to be my fake date before this?"
"In passing, I guess," Kurt said, confused. "I just figured your grandma was still super homophobic."
"She was until recently, but I would've taken you anyways," Blaine said. "The real reason I never asked is because I hated the thought of you as my fake boyfriend. I - I want you to be my real boyfriend, and I'm sorry if this screws up our friendship and I'll understand if you want some time to pro- mmph!"
Kurt leaned in and cut Blaine off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. "Blaine. I want that too."
"You do?" Blaine asked, looking ridiculously, adorably hopeful.
"I really do," Kurt said. "I kind of suggested this so I could at least pretend we were together, even if it never happened in real life."
"So we're both idiots?" Blaine said, eyes twinkling.
"Something like that," Kurt said, unable to keep a broad smile off his face. "God, won't this be a story to tell the kids?"
"You're already planning our future?" Blaine teased.
"Blaine, did you see how much I charmed your family in there?" Kurt asked. "They're going to make you keep me - I think some of them might like me more than you."
"You're going to pay for that," Blaine said solemnly. Before Kurt could blink, Blaine was scrabbling his fingers up and down Kurt's sides, making him shriek and laugh.
"Blaaaine! Stop!" he said, wriggling. "You're the worst boyfriend ever."
"No, I'm not," Blaine said, stopping and smiling at Kurt.
"No, you're not," Kurt agreed, giving Blaine one last kiss. "We should probably go back inside before your grandma wakes up and assumes we're having sex in the coat room."
"Oh God," Blaine said, grabbing Kurt's hand and dragging him back inside. "The fact that you're still willing to date me after meeting her proves that you're a keeper."
"And don't you forget it."