The Light in Our Life
Disclaimer- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature Audiences
Story Warnings- Emotional distress, Depression, Swearing, Heartache, Injury, Brotherly affection, T-cest, Sex scene (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings - Donnie X Mikey (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe- 2007
Ages- All turtles are 21 years of age (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)
Summary- Ever since he was transported to an alternate universe, and saw the death of his brothers, Donnie has been plagued by nightmares. One brother's light is about to extinguish the darkness invading Donnie's spirit.
Chapter credits - Song : Bridge of Light by Pink
Bold Italics Print - Song Lyrics
The Light in Our Life
**WARNING** THIS STORY CONTAINS A SEX SCENE! DO NOT LIKE! DO NOT READ! **WARNING**
Nightmares. Dreams arousing feelings of intense fear, horror, and distress. An event or experience that is intensely distressing. A demon or spirit once thought to plague sleeping people.
A thing that is feared.
Just when you think
Six years. For six long, harrowing years Donatello had been terrorized by those very things. All of them. Although the details and specifics would change from night to night, the overall subject would remain the same.
Donnie watched his brothers die time and again, night after night.
Hope is lost,
The genius turtle sat up on the edge of his bed, running a weary hand over his face. A full night's sleep was an almost forgotten thing of the past for Donatello, no thanks to the Ultimate Drako. Donning his bo staff, Donnie stood, giving a heavy sigh as he left his room. Standing in the hallway, he glanced at his lab, then turned away. With the horrors he had just relived still dancing in his mind, he knew trying to get any work done would be a waste of time.
The normally agile ninja stumbled as he crossed the threshold of the family dojo. He was so tired, and not just in body. His spirit was tired. Kneeling down in the middle of the room, Donnie sighed again. His head hung low, shoulders slumped, looking ever inch the defeated turtle he felt.
And giving up
He had tried, how hard he had tried to rid himself of the demons that haunted him. He had shared his experience with his brothers and father. They had each reassured him as best they could such a future was not meant for them. Surprisingly, it had been his most volatile brother who reminded the brilliant turtle Donatello had been transported to an alternate reality. Their reality was in fact just fine. In the face of his family's love, loyalty, and determination, the nightmares had stopped... for one night only.
Is all you got,
After finding his younger brother roaming the halls two nights in a row, it was the same volatile brother who had been the first to charge in to fix the problem. Raph had waited, like a stalking panther, into the wee hours of the night. When Donnie's bedroom door opened, and the olive turtle emerged, Raph had said nothing, silently turning his brother around, putting him back in bed, and climbing in beside him.
"I'll fight da demons fer ya, Don," he had whispered, holding his brother tight.
And blue turns black,
Donnie slept.
The nightmares returned.
Leo joined them, and eventually Mikey as well. With the return to their childhood habit of sleeping in a pile, Donnie's nightmares faded. When they returned, they were far worse than before.
Your confidence is cracked,
With somber resignation, the olive turtle reassured his worried family his nightmares would fade given time. Donnie refused to see his family distressed because of him.
The family genius took it upon himself to ease his troubled mind from an entirely different angle, reasoning that the tragedy he had experienced would never happen to his family if he did everything within his power to keep his brothers, and himself safe. Thus began an obsession with increasing the lair's security, improving the tracking capabilities of the Shell Cells, and obtaining complex medical equipment and learning how to use it efficiently.
The nightmares had faded during the genius turtle's security mania, but as before, when they returned, Donatello almost broke under their increased intensity.
There seems no turning back from here
That was four years ago.
The olive turtle didn't try to meditate. He didn't run katas. He didn't exercise himself into exhaustion. Instead, Donnie stayed seated, curled in on himself, and remembered. He remembered seeing Mikey fall under an onslaught of Karai-bots. Remembered hearing his baby brother crying out for him, and remembered doing nothing to save him.
Sometimes there isn't an obvious explanation
Tears fell, staining the mats beneath Donnie's knees.
He remembered Leo.
Before his eyes Donnie saw his oldest brother morph from a broken turtle fighting a losing battle to the strong ninja leader he had once been. Even blinded, Leo had been proud, determined, and relentless in his battle against Karai. It had taken a cowardly strike from behind to bring down the devastating force that was Leonardo, the fearless leader of their small clan.
Again, there was nothing Donnie could do to save his hero.
A quiet sob broke the silence of the dojo as more tears fell unchecked.
Why the holiest hearts can feel the strongest palpitations
Then there was Raphael, never giving up, ever determined to win. Fatally injured the hotheaded turtle had struggled to reach Leo, shielding his brother even in death. Ever the protector.
That's when you can build a bridge of light,
Donnie sobbed openly, his head nearly touching the floor. Darkness pressed in on him from all sides, a never ending weight crushing his spirit. He would give almost anything to have that weight lifted, even for a moment. Or if his destiny was to carry this weight, please, just give him something to alleviate the darkness.
That's what turns the wrong so right
Please. Just give him back the light in his life... just for a little while. Let him see past this devouring darkness.
Just for a little while.
That's when you can't give up the fight
Please.
They heard it, all of them, they always did. Sometimes, it was nothing more than shuffling feet. Sometimes, it was the muted sounds of the television array. It had been a long time since the sounds of soul shattering sobs had filled the lair at night.
They all immediately knew Donnie had had another nightmare. And it was a bad one.
That's when love turns night time into day,
They gathered, outside the dojo door, as they always did when Donnie's horrors were more than the olive turtle could handle. Looking sorrowfully one to the other, silently asking if anyone knew what to do to ease this pain their beloved brother and son felt.
No one did.
What could they do? They had tried everything they knew to do. They were at a loss, and had been for two years.
That's when loneliness goes away,
Raph turned to Leo, the pain the emerald turtle felt was reflected back to him in his brother's hazel eyes. Slowly he reached out, taking Leo's hand, squeezing hard. What could they do? Leo returned the pressure. He had no idea.
Mikey stared at the floor, blinking against the tears burning his eyes. The youngest brother had been so excited to tell his story, it had been an adventure. Something straight from the pages of his beloved comic books. When Raph had told his tale, Mikey was convinced they had all experienced something exciting. A once in a lifetime joyous adventure, better than Disneyland.
Donnie's tale had proven otherwise.
That's why you gotta be strong tonight,
As his brother told of the horrors he had endured, Mikey began to feel guilty. The sea green turtle had been having fun while the genius of the family had been struggling to free an entire world, losing everything that had defined his world in the process. His family.
The first night Donnie had woken them screaming from a nightmare, Mikey made a vow as he sat there trying to comfort his brother. He would do something to ease his brother's suffering. It's what he did. It was his role in the family. His job. And he was good at it.
He silently cursed his naivety now.
Like the rest of his family, Mikey had done everything he knew to do. Everything except one last thing.
Only love can build us a bridge of light
Since they were children, Michelangelo had been in love with Donnie.
Yeah, sure, he and his brothers had explored their sexuality in their late teens with one another. Who else was there? Their father had insisted they be open with each other, and wait until they were eighteen to become sexually active. They had respected Splinter's wishes, and in time, they became partners with each other.
Mikey's emotions for Donatello had grown into something more than those he felt for Leo and Raph. Something deeper, stronger. Something that left the sea green turtle feeling complete when Donnie was near him, and longing when he wasn't.
When your feet are made of stone
Mikey had never said a word of these feelings to anyone, although he suspected his father knew. There was nothing about his sons Splinter didn't know. Mikey looked up, hearing the soft scrape of wood against cement.
Splinter knew.
And you're convinced that you're all alone
Mikey made another vow.
Look at the stars instead of the dark
"Guys, I got this," he said quietly.
You'll find your heart shines like the sun
Before anyone could utter a word, Mikey was kneeling beside a sobbing Donatello, wrapping his arms around his brother's shoulders.
Donnie jumped when Mikey touched him, instantly berating himself for crying. His family had enough to deal with without worrying about him!
Let's not let our anger get us lost
He rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, trying in vain to hide what everyone already knew. He looked up, fully intending to apologize to his brother for waking him. A flash of red at the corner of his eye caught his attention. Raph was up as well? Donnie felt four times as guilty now.
And the need to be right comes with way too high a cost
"It's okay, Don," Mikey smiled knowingly. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed," he said softly.
That's when love can build a bridge of light
Donnie pulled away, shaking his head violently. He did NOT want to go back to bed. He did not want to face those horrors again. He couldn't. He couldn't face watching his brothers die twice in one night.
Mikey's heart broke. Why had he waited so long?
That's what turns the wrong so right
He knew why. If it didn't work, there was nothing left he could do to save the brother he loved so very much.
"It'll be okay, Donnie," he reassured. "I'm not going to leave you. We'll sleep in my room."
Mikey gently coaxed his brother to stand, and follow him from the room, never once letting go. Not that he would have even if he could, Donnie's grip on him was rock solid. Mikey couldn't ever remember a time his genius brother had seemed so lost, so desperate.
That's when you know it's worth the fight
Mikey was determined to change that.
Passing by his brothers and father, Mikey silently nodded. He felt their eyes watching as he lead Donatello into his room. Their heartache was palpable.
That's when love turns night time into day
So was their hope.
Donnie stiffened when Mikey closed the door behind them. It took a few moments for the olive turtle to realize he wasn't in total darkness. Mikey's ever present night light cast a swath of brilliance cutting through the surrounding gloom. The olive turtle took an involuntary step forward. For some reason he couldn't fathom, Donatello felt momentarily better.
"Come on, Don," Mikey lead him to the bed, tucked neatly in a corner, surrounded by piles of comics, sketchpads, and cups of colored pencil nubs. "You can't sleep very well with all your gear on," Mikey smiled, slipping off one of his brother's elbow pads.
That's when loneliness goes away,
Before he knew it, Donnie was tucked into his brother's bed, inhaling what could only be described as laughter and sunshine. His brother's natural scent. The genius gasped in alarm, reaching out in fear when he thought Mikey was going to turn off the light.
"It's okay, Don. Don't be scared," Mikey took Donnie's hand in his, lightly kissing his fingers. "I always keep it on."
That's why you gotta be strong tonight
Somewhat reassured, the olive turtle settled back in the bed, clinging to his brother. The genius couldn't bring himself to close his eyes, to face the ever present darkness again. Instead he stared at the base of Mikey's night light, wishing, but he had no idea what for.
Mikey ran his hand soothingly over Donnie's shell, patiently waiting for his brother's trembling to cease. Donnie lay so still, Mikey would have thought the genius slept except for the continued tremors. He knew what was happening, Donnie was getting lost in his own thoughts.
'Cause only love can build us a bridge of light
That wasn't such a good thing to have happen right now.
"Whatcha thinking about?" he asked, continuing the light touch on his brother's carapace.
"The light," Donnie muttered.
"Yeah?" Mikey turned his head just enough to see the battered lamp. "Remember when you got that for me?" Mikey smiled, feeling Donnie's head shift ever so slightly. "I kept waking up just KNOWING there was a monster under my bed waiting to grab me and pull me under. You and Raph snuck out of the lair and went scavenging through that old department store's dumpster to find it for me."
"You were scared. I had to do something."
Deep breath, take it on the chin
"Why?"
Donnie pulled his eyes away from the lamp. Mikey was watching him with such intensity. It was strange to see such a serious look on the sea green turtle's face.
"You're my brother. I couldn't just let you be scared to go to bed every night."
"I'd have thought you'd try to explain it away like you usually do," Mikey was honestly curious now. "Why didn't you?"
"Logic never worked as well with you as it did Leo and Raph. You didn't want facts and information. You wanted something tangible. Something to keep the monsters away. That's what I set out to get for you."
Mikey shifted them around in the bed until Donnie lay on his shell staring up at his younger brother. "Donnie, you gave me what I needed to fight my monsters. Let me do the same for you."
But don't forget to let the love back in
Donnie was stunned when Mikey kissed him. It wasn't the first time he had been kissed by his baby brother, but something felt different this time. Mikey's kiss held a promise that had never been there before.
When Mikey pulled away, Donnie opened his mouth to speak. "Mi..." A sea green finger silenced him.
"Shhh." Mikey kissed him again. "Let me show you why, no matter what happens, we will never live one day apart from each other," Mikey peppered soft kisses over Don's face. "No matter how dark things get, I'll always be there for you."
That's when love can build a bridge of light
Donnie wanted to protest. Sex wasn't going to solve this. What was Mikey thinking? Then the genius realized Mikey wasn't offering him sex. Mikey was offering him something much more.
Himself.
Mikey was offering Donnie everything the sea green turtle was, mind and body, heart and soul.
Donnie felt something crack. The hopelessness blanketing his spirit shifted just a fraction. He saw a glimmer of light finally emerge at the end of this six year long tunnel of misery.
"I-I don't..." he stumbled over the words.
"Don't. You don't have to say anything, do anything, except... let me."
That's what turns the wrong so right
The crack widened.
Mikey's fingers lightly brushed across Donnie's cheek, his blue eyes piercing. "You're so beautiful."
Donnie blinked. Mikey thought...? He'd never said anything before, if anything, the genius would have assumed his baby brother thought Raphael to be beautiful, given the way Mikey was constantly teasing the emerald turtle about his appearance.
"Mikey, I ne..."
This time Donnie was silenced with a kiss. This time, the olive turtle got it, Mikey wanted Donnie to do nothing more than let the sea green turtle love him. No talking, no thinking, no trying to make sense of things impossible to understand.
Just be.
That's when you can't give up the fight
"Never had a clue, did you?" Mikey's fingers ghosted down Donnie's side. "That I loved you."
Donnie's eyes widened, making Mikey smile.
"I do," Mikey's hand gently squeezed Donnie's thigh. "I always have," he whispered, kissing Donnie's cheek. "Ever since," he moved down the olive toned neck. "We were kids."
Donnie gasped at the light nip to his collarbone. His mind struggled to grasp what his brother was telling him. Had Mikey loved him for so long? Why hadn't he noticed?
Donnie lifted an arm, not knowing what he intended to do. Mikey smiled, catching his forearm. A shudder ran through the olive turtle head to toe when Mikey's teeth grazed the inside of his wrist. Chocolate eyes locked with baby blue as Mikey suckled the pulse point. Donnie's breath quickened.
The cracks spread.
And that's when love turns night time into day,
Light shined.
Mikey moved down Donnie's arm, capturing his mouth.
"Mikey..."
"Everything'll be okay, Donnie. I promise."
This time, Donnie believed.
Pieces fell away.
Light blazed.
Donnie let go, he gave himself up to his brother. Mikey was risking everything for this, could he do no less?
That's when loneliness goes away
Mikey knew the moment Donnie surrendered. The sea green turtle had never felt so happy, so humbled, so... gifted.
Donnie almost laughed at his brother's cheeky grin when Mikey produced a tube of lube from under the pillow, wagging it in the air.
He never looked away. As Mikey carefully stretched his body, Donnie watched his brother closely. The look of complete concentration on Mikey's face, usually only seen in battle. The worry of causing Donnie unnecessary pain. The love, pure and boundless, he felt for the genius.
It shown so brightly. Why had he never seen it before?
Donnie's eyes drifted closed as Mikey slowly entered him. He couldn't stop from moaning in pleasure. Mikey felt so good. How long had it been? Donnie's mouth opened to his brother's questing tongue. How long since he had felt so... free?
Donnie's eyes snapped open as he gasped in surprise. Had it been really been THAT long?
"Are you okay?"
Everything stopped. Mikey stared at him with worry filled eyes.
"Did I hurt you?"
Donnie smiled, taking his brother's face in his hands. "No, Mike. Just the opposite."
That's why you gotta be strong tonight
In the beginning, the kiss they shared was soft. Donnie quickly deepened it, thrilled when Mikey responded so enthusiastically.
His hips rose, meeting each thrust. His lips suckled every patch of skin he could reach. He gripped his brother's carapace, holding Mikey as close as possible.
With a pleasured cry Donnie's vision burst with blinding light. The darkness shattered, blown away by the force of his brother's love. As he lay beside Mikey, Donnie wondered, not for the first time, how someone as smart as he could be so dense.
"How're you feeling?"
"Better than I have in a long time," he whispered against Mikey's temple. "Thank you."
'Cause only love can build us a bridge of light
"Sorry it took me so long."
Donnie said nothing, simply holding his baby brother a little tighter.
Mikey scooted over, propping his head on his elbow. "Everything'll be okay now," he said with all confidence. "Know why?"
"Why?"
"Because we're not going to do what our counterparts in that other world did."
Donnie's eyeridges furrowed. "What did they do wrong?"
Mikey trailed a sea green finger along the edge of Donnie's jaw. "They didn't do their job," smiling at his brother's confusion, Mikey continued. "When they lost their Donatello, they didn't look in the right places for him."
"They said they looked everywhere. They couldn't find him."
Only love can build us a bridge of light...
With a knowing smile, Mikey placed a hand on his plastron, directly over his heart. "Right here, Don. You'll always be right here. I'll never lose you if I keep you here."
Donnie pressed a deep kiss to his brother's lips before pulling Mikey down to lay against his chest. With a contended sigh, Donnie closed his eyes, stroking his brother's head.
"Donnie?" Mikey asked softly. "Where am I?"
"Same place, little brother. Same place."
Of light...
He felt Mikey smile as the sea green turtle snuggled in for the night. "We can turn the light out, if you want," Donnie muttered. "I don't need it now."
Mikey raised an eyeridge. "How come?"
"I found a better light. One I can always depend on."
Mikey's smile grew.
"That's my job, bro. 'Swhy I like to always take point," he mumbled sleepily. "I light 'a way."
Of light...
Thanks for reading.