"You promised you'd get our people out!"
Liam regarded her, shooting Jaal a sympathetic glance. "There's no time to open hundreds of pods, let alone help the angara inside."
"Wait!" the Cardinal begged. "Leave my sacred temple intact and I will open the pods of the Chosen. Take them— just leave this holy place standing!"
The Moshae pushed herself from Jaal's arms, her hand cutting through the air. "No. Even if I die here, this place must be destroyed."
"We can come back to destroy it!" Jaal pleaded. "Let's free these here now!"
The Moshae rounded on him. "If your plan fails, the kett will simply fill this place again."
"With respect, our compatriots are also here. Our fighters. Our scientists. Our strength!"
"Ryder," Liam insisted, eyes bearing into her. "What's your call?"
Thea kept her gaze locked on the Cardinal, her mind torn between her emotions and her logic. If she freed the angara here, hundreds of families would rejoice. They'd recover and live the lives they were supposed to live. Until they were recaptured. Until they were forced to live this special kind of hell again. Contrary to Jaal's suggestion, coming back to destroy the facility was not a sure thing. SAM had only been able to gain access because the kett were not expecting him— had not known about him. Surely they'd improve their defenses, making it that much harder to get in the next time.
On the other hand, if she destroyed the kett facility now, it would be a major victory for Voeld and the Resistance. The largest source of kett numbers would be decimated and the Resistance would finally be able to fight back the remaining kett. They would finally be making headway in the war against the kett, instead of the stalemate they'd been stuck in.
Decision made, she finally let out the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She turned her head towards Jaal, throwing him a steely look— a look that she hoped had told him just how sorry she really was, that she had never meant to break her promise to him, that she was condemning these angara to a pitiful and undeserving death.
Jaal's eyes widened in horrific realization, and she turned back to meet the Cardinal's eyes.
"SAM, prepare to override the EM shield—"
Jaal's desperate shout brought water to her eyes. "Ryder, no!"
Her breath shuddered as she attempted to keep her tears at bay. "But wait for my go," she finished, her order marred by the cracking of her voice.
The Cardinal moved faster than she could react, her fist backhanding Thea with terrifying force and sending her flying to the ground. A gunshot rang through the air and she saw the Cardinal's head buck back before her body fell forward, green blood exploding from the headshot. She turned to see Jaal, his rifle raised where the Cardinal had stood, tears streaming down his angular cheeks.
His tears did not soften the rage he sent through the air and Thea. "All the kett will suffer the same fate until my people are free," he growled. His vengeful gaze— usually so inquisitive and open, despite his frequent voicing of distrust— pierced through her before he turned away to palm his comm to update the rest of the angaran crew. "We have the Moshae. Heading to the roof for extraction."
When they returned to the Tempest, Lexi ran up to them, throwing an arm under the Moshae's other shoulder to help Jaal carry her to the medbay. Jaal didn't spare Thea a glance.
Thea made it as far as the Nomad before she slid down the side of it, her head hanging. She brought up her knees and rested her head on them.
Had she made the right call? Why had she been the one to decide? Why was she the one playing God? She clenched her fists, shaking. It hadn't been her people. It hadn't been her place. And yet, it had been her decision.
And while it hurt like hell, it was a decision she still stood by.
"Ryder?"
She took a breath to compose herself before looking up to meet Liam's eyes. His eyes were red and swollen, his usual cheeriness replaced by mourning. Good to know she had made two of her crew members cry. All in one day. She certainly was a busy woman.
"What is it, Liam?" she breathed, bracing herself for his disappointment.
He sniffled. "It had to be done. It was a shitty situation for everyone, especially for the angara inside. But it had to be done." He shook his head forlornly. "It had to be done," he repeated, barely a whisper.
She didn't know if he was trying to convince her or himself.
She nodded, if only to set him at ease. "Good job out there. Go get some rest."
"You as well." Then he turned and disappeared into the room he'd claimed.
She let her head fall back onto the Nomad. No, she would not rest today. Not after killing so many she'd promised to save.
It was late into the night cycle when Thea finally had time to herself. Jaal had spent the remainder of the day in the medbay, fretting over the Moshae as she brushed off his concern. Thea had gone in earlier to discuss the Moshae's capture and the Archon's goals, all the while discovering that she had gained the Moshae's trust and affection in her harsh decision to kill her people. Jaal had avoided her gaze the entire time.
She smirked humorlessly. Gain the Moshae's trust but lose Jaal's.
She had pondered on whether she should try to explain her decision to Jaal or not. But from what she'd seen and heard from him, he was a highly emotional being, and would not have accepted her reasoning. Maybe he would come to accept it in the future— be it days or months or years from now— but right now, he was shaken by her betrayal and she deduced he would need space. So she gave up on the idea. When he was ready to discuss the matter, he would breach the topic. She wouldn't force it on him.
She cursed her logic. It was helpful most times. But in sensitive situations such as today, logic was her downfall. Logic had condemned hundreds to die in chains. She shook her head. No. It had not been logic. She had killed them— had made the choice to blow them up along with the kett facility rather than set them free. Had waved away the conflicting emotions in favor of the logic of dealing the greatest blow to the kett.
The ruthless calculus of war.
She hated it. She hated that she was echoing Alec's words, from so long ago. When he had regaled the twelve-year-old twins about the First Contact War. When they'd had no idea what it meant. When they'd been blissfully ignorant.
Now she knew. And she hated it.
"It had to be done," Liam had said.
She bit down hard into her fist and screamed until her throat was raw, tears and snot gathering into one disgusting pile of shame. Just like her.