(Hi, my name's Don. I'm the author of this here fanfic. I'm going to
bastardize a couple of different things, put em in a blender, put WeiB
Kreuz on top, and stir. You'll probably find more depth in a single slice
ham sandwich topped with the kind of mustard that looks like crab doo.
Speaking of doo, its time to get on with the fic. I entitle this sickening
saga White Cross.......DRESSERS.)
( Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own these characters, so don't e-mail me bitching about how you don't like the new Gluhen character designs, or whether Takatori and Persia are getting it on. As far as I'm concerned the writers of WeiB Kreuz can, and most probably will, pull anything out of their asses.)
* * * * * * * * * *
It was just another normal day at the flower shop. The sun was shinning, the birds were singing, the yaoi-crazed schoolgirls were pretending to care about plants while drooling over the WeiB guys.
All the elements were in their redundantly typical place.
The WeiB guys were in one of their three usual outfits. Since it was hot out, Aya had on his tacky orange turtleneck. The one that looked like it would make a penguin melt on a frosty day in January. It was the kind of sweater you would get at a bargain bin Japanese woman's shop, strategically placed next to some pink, camouflaged, colored leg warmers that say USA IS BOMB.
Ken was in his usual V-neck shirt. The orange one with the stripes on the arms. It sort of looked like the flag of the Gap if it suddenly declared itself a country. He never told anyone that his mommy gave it to him as a Christmas present along with a teddy bear named Mr. Cuddles.
Next there was Omi. Omi looked like the 80s got into a fight with the 70s, and lost. He was wearing that stupid ass brown shirt, with tie on spaghetti straps, and a leather woven trim. It was a sort of v midriff type thing that would make even an Ambercrombie and Fitch type girl think twice before buying. I guess it was something he got out of one of those skanky lingerie catalogues that Yoji always made sure to subscribe to. You know. They're the kind of catalogues that have red, crotch less, plastic panties that say Princess Crack Whore Goddess on the back. Yoji always argued that he subscribed to them for work related reasons.
Which now brings us to Yoji.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear an apron.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear underwear.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that remembers to zip his fly after taking a piss.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that is overly thoughtful about where his cigarette ashes go.
Yoji is the kind of guy that burns himself on the crotch a lot.
"AHHHHH!!!! GODDAMN IT!!! QUICK GET SOME WATER!!!!" He yelled. In Yoji's desperation, he grabbed the watering pot out of Ken's hand to put out the fire in his pants.
Ken was irritated. This was the second time this week Yoji burned himself with his cigarette, and now he was using the watering pot to hose himself down.
Finally Ken yelled out, "You simple ass, how many times are you going to tip the cigarette ashes on your damn crotch."
Yoji yelled, "Get off my ass Ken Ken. Like you've never forgotten to zip.!!"
Ken then snorted "You're damn right I never forget to zip. I wouldn't want people laughing at my centimeter peter behind my back like they do with you!!!!"
Ken suddenly put his hands over his mouth. In that instance Ken realized that he gave away two extremely damaging secrets. Not only did he acknowledge that his peter was centimeter, but he also acknowledged that he had been looking in Yoji's closet to see what would come out.
Yoji smiled and adjusted his imitation ray ban sunglasses. "Aha, so you admit that you've been checking out my package. Tell me Ken Ken, were you fantasizing about making a special delivery.
Then Ken started to get really angry "The only delivery that's going to be made is putting my foot up your narrow ass."
Then Yoji retorted "Ah, so you've been checking out my ass as well. You're really too much Ken Ken" Then Yoji looked down at Ken's crotch "Or perhaps you aren't"
Yoji had a real talent for getting on people's nerves. It was something he excelled at like flossing his teeth with his watch. And now that all eyes were on them, and people were laughing, it was time for Yoji to do some real damage to Ken's ego.
"Why I bet Omi has more to offer after he gets out of the shower, then you do at your peak Ken Ken."
Omi seemed to wake up from a daze. He really didn't like cheap dick jokes. They always struck him as childish and immature. And the fact that he was suddenly getting involved in this debate made him feel like a camel with no hump. "Huh....what.......me!?"
Ken seizing the moment "Ah, and how exactly would you know that Yoji. Come on Yoji, tell us, how long have you been wanting to get with Omi now? I noticed you never said anything about dating BOYS under 18."
Now Yoji was getting pissed " Kiss my ass Mr. I Coach Little League because I like working with kids!!"
Ken didn't let the comment get to him. "Aren't you the one that bought Omi that shirt for Christmas?"
"What....hey....he said he liked it!!"
Omi then blurted in a panic stricken voice. "Hey, come on Ken. I really do like this shirt. Besides, aren't you the one that bought Aya that tacky sweater!? "
Now all four men were as equally embarrassed about their fashion sense, penis size, and lack there of. They were finally working Aya's last nerve. Aya liked the guys but he really hated this shit. It was bad enough he had to have school girls that reminded him of his sister (Because every school girl reminded him of his sister) left and right asking him where he got that ear ring and then giggling to themselves. Now he had to deal with the guys dicking off and wasting time not getting the work done. What made it worst was now he had to hear things from annoying school girls like "Oh the way they argue they must be a couple." or "Awww isn't that cute how Aya wears Ken's sweater." It had to stop, even if it meant Aya putting foot to ass on all of them.
Aya decided to calmly step over all the giggling school girls that were now rolling on the floor and said in a soft psychotic voice "If you guys don't stop playing grab ass I'm going to kill you all slowly, painfully, and annaly." Needless to say the rest of the guys stopped arguing. Neither of them wanted to die annaly, it was too messy.
Then a really fat schoolgirl with glasses and acne, who liked to pick her nose and then wipe it on her sleeve yelled out, "See I told you Aya was the dominant one."
The girls started roaring with laughter, at the expense of the WeiB guys. They felt like an elephant with no peanuts.
Thats when Aya finally lost it and shouted "GODDAMNIT WE AREN'T GAY. STOP FANTAIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH EACH OTHER, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH YOU, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH STUPID ASS CHARACTERS FROM YOUR STUPID ASS COMIC BOOKS, AND LEAVE IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO BUY SOMETHING......Stupid Asses"
All the girls stopped laughing, and they slowly and sadly started walking out of the flower shop. Their hopes, their dreams, their hour long debates about which one of them would be with their favorite manga character for some really lame ass convoluted reason that didn't actually exist, were squashed, like grapes under a fat French wine makers feet.
They were about to leave and the WeiB guys were finally going to have some peace and reassurance in their heterosexuality, when suddenly, Manx pulled up and ran out of a small inconspicuous 20ft limousine.
She walked up to the guys at the flower shop and flatly stated, "Quick, there isn't any time. You'll have to put on your dresses and go straight to that cross dresser's bar called the Cumquat. Its located on gay street."
Yoji then whispered to the guys. "I told you those magazines were work related."
Aya clenched his fists. "Goddamn it!!"
*(Yes gay street is a real street. I know, live on it. Not that I'm not the manliess damn straight guy you ever saw. I mean whats wrong with you people anyway!? Can't a guy slow dance with another guy in a cowboy costume without it being considered gay!? Next thing you know you're going to tell me that real men don't watch Oprah!!!)
Next Chapter: Schwartz and the Technicolor dream-sequence.....you'll want to miss it.
( Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own these characters, so don't e-mail me bitching about how you don't like the new Gluhen character designs, or whether Takatori and Persia are getting it on. As far as I'm concerned the writers of WeiB Kreuz can, and most probably will, pull anything out of their asses.)
* * * * * * * * * *
It was just another normal day at the flower shop. The sun was shinning, the birds were singing, the yaoi-crazed schoolgirls were pretending to care about plants while drooling over the WeiB guys.
All the elements were in their redundantly typical place.
The WeiB guys were in one of their three usual outfits. Since it was hot out, Aya had on his tacky orange turtleneck. The one that looked like it would make a penguin melt on a frosty day in January. It was the kind of sweater you would get at a bargain bin Japanese woman's shop, strategically placed next to some pink, camouflaged, colored leg warmers that say USA IS BOMB.
Ken was in his usual V-neck shirt. The orange one with the stripes on the arms. It sort of looked like the flag of the Gap if it suddenly declared itself a country. He never told anyone that his mommy gave it to him as a Christmas present along with a teddy bear named Mr. Cuddles.
Next there was Omi. Omi looked like the 80s got into a fight with the 70s, and lost. He was wearing that stupid ass brown shirt, with tie on spaghetti straps, and a leather woven trim. It was a sort of v midriff type thing that would make even an Ambercrombie and Fitch type girl think twice before buying. I guess it was something he got out of one of those skanky lingerie catalogues that Yoji always made sure to subscribe to. You know. They're the kind of catalogues that have red, crotch less, plastic panties that say Princess Crack Whore Goddess on the back. Yoji always argued that he subscribed to them for work related reasons.
Which now brings us to Yoji.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear an apron.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear underwear.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that remembers to zip his fly after taking a piss.
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that is overly thoughtful about where his cigarette ashes go.
Yoji is the kind of guy that burns himself on the crotch a lot.
"AHHHHH!!!! GODDAMN IT!!! QUICK GET SOME WATER!!!!" He yelled. In Yoji's desperation, he grabbed the watering pot out of Ken's hand to put out the fire in his pants.
Ken was irritated. This was the second time this week Yoji burned himself with his cigarette, and now he was using the watering pot to hose himself down.
Finally Ken yelled out, "You simple ass, how many times are you going to tip the cigarette ashes on your damn crotch."
Yoji yelled, "Get off my ass Ken Ken. Like you've never forgotten to zip.!!"
Ken then snorted "You're damn right I never forget to zip. I wouldn't want people laughing at my centimeter peter behind my back like they do with you!!!!"
Ken suddenly put his hands over his mouth. In that instance Ken realized that he gave away two extremely damaging secrets. Not only did he acknowledge that his peter was centimeter, but he also acknowledged that he had been looking in Yoji's closet to see what would come out.
Yoji smiled and adjusted his imitation ray ban sunglasses. "Aha, so you admit that you've been checking out my package. Tell me Ken Ken, were you fantasizing about making a special delivery.
Then Ken started to get really angry "The only delivery that's going to be made is putting my foot up your narrow ass."
Then Yoji retorted "Ah, so you've been checking out my ass as well. You're really too much Ken Ken" Then Yoji looked down at Ken's crotch "Or perhaps you aren't"
Yoji had a real talent for getting on people's nerves. It was something he excelled at like flossing his teeth with his watch. And now that all eyes were on them, and people were laughing, it was time for Yoji to do some real damage to Ken's ego.
"Why I bet Omi has more to offer after he gets out of the shower, then you do at your peak Ken Ken."
Omi seemed to wake up from a daze. He really didn't like cheap dick jokes. They always struck him as childish and immature. And the fact that he was suddenly getting involved in this debate made him feel like a camel with no hump. "Huh....what.......me!?"
Ken seizing the moment "Ah, and how exactly would you know that Yoji. Come on Yoji, tell us, how long have you been wanting to get with Omi now? I noticed you never said anything about dating BOYS under 18."
Now Yoji was getting pissed " Kiss my ass Mr. I Coach Little League because I like working with kids!!"
Ken didn't let the comment get to him. "Aren't you the one that bought Omi that shirt for Christmas?"
"What....hey....he said he liked it!!"
Omi then blurted in a panic stricken voice. "Hey, come on Ken. I really do like this shirt. Besides, aren't you the one that bought Aya that tacky sweater!? "
Now all four men were as equally embarrassed about their fashion sense, penis size, and lack there of. They were finally working Aya's last nerve. Aya liked the guys but he really hated this shit. It was bad enough he had to have school girls that reminded him of his sister (Because every school girl reminded him of his sister) left and right asking him where he got that ear ring and then giggling to themselves. Now he had to deal with the guys dicking off and wasting time not getting the work done. What made it worst was now he had to hear things from annoying school girls like "Oh the way they argue they must be a couple." or "Awww isn't that cute how Aya wears Ken's sweater." It had to stop, even if it meant Aya putting foot to ass on all of them.
Aya decided to calmly step over all the giggling school girls that were now rolling on the floor and said in a soft psychotic voice "If you guys don't stop playing grab ass I'm going to kill you all slowly, painfully, and annaly." Needless to say the rest of the guys stopped arguing. Neither of them wanted to die annaly, it was too messy.
Then a really fat schoolgirl with glasses and acne, who liked to pick her nose and then wipe it on her sleeve yelled out, "See I told you Aya was the dominant one."
The girls started roaring with laughter, at the expense of the WeiB guys. They felt like an elephant with no peanuts.
Thats when Aya finally lost it and shouted "GODDAMNIT WE AREN'T GAY. STOP FANTAIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH EACH OTHER, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH YOU, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH STUPID ASS CHARACTERS FROM YOUR STUPID ASS COMIC BOOKS, AND LEAVE IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO BUY SOMETHING......Stupid Asses"
All the girls stopped laughing, and they slowly and sadly started walking out of the flower shop. Their hopes, their dreams, their hour long debates about which one of them would be with their favorite manga character for some really lame ass convoluted reason that didn't actually exist, were squashed, like grapes under a fat French wine makers feet.
They were about to leave and the WeiB guys were finally going to have some peace and reassurance in their heterosexuality, when suddenly, Manx pulled up and ran out of a small inconspicuous 20ft limousine.
She walked up to the guys at the flower shop and flatly stated, "Quick, there isn't any time. You'll have to put on your dresses and go straight to that cross dresser's bar called the Cumquat. Its located on gay street."
Yoji then whispered to the guys. "I told you those magazines were work related."
Aya clenched his fists. "Goddamn it!!"
*(Yes gay street is a real street. I know, live on it. Not that I'm not the manliess damn straight guy you ever saw. I mean whats wrong with you people anyway!? Can't a guy slow dance with another guy in a cowboy costume without it being considered gay!? Next thing you know you're going to tell me that real men don't watch Oprah!!!)
Next Chapter: Schwartz and the Technicolor dream-sequence.....you'll want to miss it.