My phone buzzes and startles me.
Hey girl! What are you doing? Let's hang.
It's Krystal. It's always Krystal. She's really my only friend who texts me on a regular basis. We've known each other a long time, and she's stuck with me through some tough times.
Hey, I'm kind of tired, just lazing around.
Delphine! I'm coming over.
Alright.
I sit back on my couch as I grin. She's been there for me, always. She was the first person I came out to, and she helped me through that. I wasn't very sure of myself when I realized I was gay in high school. In fact, I was terrified. It was me and Krystal, the two blondes, whom all the boys wanted. We were the two most popular girls in school, best friends. She was captain of the cheerleading squad and I was captain of the volleyball and the softball team. There weren't many gay people in my high school. Well, I'm sure there were, but none of them were out of the closet.
I can remember the day I told her very well. We had been hanging out, chatting, at her parent's house, sitting in the living room. We were about to graduate in a couple weeks, go off to different colleges. I didn't want to have to tell her over the phone and I knew I only had a little bit of time left. I felt like a weight needed to be lifted off my chest. I had been keeping this secret for years, faking the fact that I was interested in the boys who wanted me. Letting them kiss me, but nothing more.
I had been so nervous to say it, to say those words out loud. I never knew saying certain words could be so difficult. Sitting on that couch, I started shaking, tears running down my face. Krystal had been so concerned, asking me what was wrong. I finally said it, and she embraced me and held me tight, telling me that it was ok, that she supported me no matter what, that she loved me. It was such a relief.
I hear a knock at my door and get up to open it.
"Hey!" Krystal says as she walks in. She's wearing a pair of tight jeans and a pink tank top. Her nails are done and her hair is perfect. She's still such a girly girl after all these years. We couldn't be more different, but we complement each other well.
"Hi," I say and walk back over to the couch to flop down.
We hang out and chat, like we usually do. It's always so natural for us to be together.
"When are you getting back out there, girl?" she asks me.
"What do you mean?" I ask, playing dumb.
"I mean...you need to get laid."
I laugh. It had been a while since I was with anyone. I had gotten tired of going out to bars and picking up random girls who I would never see again.
"I don't know, Krystal," I state, "I feel like I can't find someone I really like."
"Yeah, you're too picky," she says, smiling at me, "And of course, you deserve the best, so you should be."
"Well, what about you?" I ask her.
"No, this is about you, not me," she says, "Besides, I've got a few guys vying for my attention, you know that… Paul, Don, Ferdinand."
"Ferdinand? He's like, super creepy, Krys."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just having fun."
I grin at her. In many ways, she's still the same girl she was ten years ago in high school.
"Hey, so I wanted to tell you, I joined a softball team a few weeks ago," she says to me, "There's this women's league that's been around a really long time, and this team I joined has been playing together for a while, but they need one more player. I suggested you. I've already told them how good you are."
"Krystal! How do you know I even want to play?" I ask, surprised.
"Um, Miss Captain of the Softball Team? You love playing," she remarks, "Plus they're all gay."
"What?"
"You know, the stereotype of lesbian softball players? Well, it's totally true. It's not like you have to be gay to join the league obviously; it's just, the numbers are a bit skewed. I think I may be the token straight girl on the team. Not like I care."
She laughs out loud.
"Come on Del, it will be fun. And you can meet some new people, make new friends."
"Yeah, ok, it sounds like it might be fun," I say, "And I would love to get back out into the field again."
"Yeah, in more ways than one," she jokes.
"Ha ha, so funny," I say, sarcastically.
"We're having practice on Sunday. You should come and meet everyone," she tells me.
"Ok, sounds good."
This should be interesting.
I show up at the field on Sunday with Krystal. It's been a while since I played so I'm a little bit nervous. I see a bunch of women already on the field, throwing the ball around.
"Hey, Krystal!"
I see a middle aged woman approach us.
"Hi Siobhan!" Krystal says, "This is Delphine, the woman I told you about. Delphine, this is our coach, Siobhan."
"Hello," I say, politely.
"Welcome to the Cyclones, Delphine. We're excited to have you. Krystal's been raving about you and how good you are."
"Oh, well, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. I haven't really played since high school," I say, blushing.
"That's totally fine, love. We're just here to have fun."
I put my bag in the dugout and pull my glove out. It smells just the same as it did ten years ago and the memories come flooding back. Memories of the girls on my team, the camaraderie we felt as we bonded, playing together as one. Memories of playing in the rain, everyone getting dirty and muddy, but laughing together all the while.
"Hey, come meet the rest of the team," Krystal says to me, breaking me out of my daydream.
I follow her to where the other girls have congregated. They look like they all know each other really well. They're joking around, laughing. I feel a little anxious about being an outsider but one of the women turns to me and says, "Hey, you must be the new girl." She flashes me a toothy grin. There is a warmth about her that is inviting. "I'm Cosima."
"Hello. I'm Delphine," I say, warming up a little.
"Welcome," she says warmly, still smiling and looking me in the eyes. "This here is the team. Alison, Beth, Helena, Sarah, MK, and Rachel," she says pointing at each one. "Don't feel like you need to remember everyone today. You'll get to know us."
They all give some form of a nod or "hey" and I feel more at ease.
Siobhan comes over and says, "Alright ladies, shall we get started?"
We warm up with some fielding practice, first in the infield, then the outfield. I'm a little rusty but my muscles are doing a good job of remembering and it soon feels natural again.
I begin to see the different skill levels of the other players. Helena is sort of a raw talent. I learn she plays catcher, a fitting role for her as she commands the field with her wild hair and personality. Alison is the starting pitcher. She seems like the kind of person who wants to be in charge, organizing everyone around her. I soon learn that Cosima is the best player on the team by far. She plays shortstop and the way she moves is so natural, almost dance-like. I watch her field ball after ball, seamlessly. I'm impressed.
Sarah, MK, and Beth are the other infielders. Everyone seems to have their positions set; they've been playing together a while, and it shows. Beth commands first base, with MK at second and Sarah at third.
I find myself comfortably fall in with the other outfielders, Rachel and Krystal. While I can play any position, I prefer outfield and was the starting center fielder on my high school team.
I learn that Rachel prefers left field and Krystal doesn't really care, so she ends up in right field, and I take the field at my most comfortable position.
Siobhan continues to hit the ball at us, giving us the repetition we need to make the movements second nature.
While she hits to the infield, I watch as Sarah picks up a grounder and throws to Beth's expectant glove at first base. The girl who I remember being introduced as Em-something smoothly fields the ball and flips it to Beth.
There are definitely some cute girls on this team. I grin to myself, thinking that it's probably just because it's been awhile since I've been with anyone that my mind is wandering. A few of the girls are more masculine, which I think is beautiful, but I've never really been with a more butch girl than me. Not that I'm extremely butch, I just consider myself more masculine than feminine. Helena is probably the most masculine one on the team; she gives off this crazy energy and it seems like everyone on the team respects her greatly. Cosima, at shortstop, is right in front of me, and I watch her strong thighs as she runs for the ball. She has such a strength about her, and a kindness that I had noticed immediately. A line drive is hit over her head and suddenly I see the ball coming at me. It pulls me out of my daydream and I run to grab it and throw it in.
"Alright, gals, batting practice," Siobhan shouts, "Sarah, you're up first."
Alison pitches to each player as we all take turns, ten swings each, the rest of us playing out in the field.
As each person gets up to bat, I realize how great of a team this is. These women can hit the ball. This is exciting, to be able to play on a team with this talent again. I feel my palms start to sweat as I think about my turn. It's been years since I've swung a bat. I hope I can still do it.
If I didn't already know that Cosima was the best player on the team, it became even more apparent when she got up to bat. Hit after hit, she smashes line drives to the outfield. She hits to left center, then right center, and back again. I'm running back and forth trying to catch everything. It's exhausting.
It is my turn to bat next, so I run into the dugout, putting my glove down. Cosima is sitting for a moment, taking off her batting gloves.
"Sorry, I had you running all over the place out there," she says to me.
"Oh, that's ok," I respond, "it's good practice."
"Yeah, you seem pretty good out there!"
"Oh, well thank you, but it's been a while," I say before adding, "You are an amazing player."
She laughs. "Thanks. I just have fun." She grabs my shoulder and looks me in the eyes, "Good luck out there," she says as she smirks. Her eyes are beautiful.
I'm very nervous as I step into the batter's box. I take a few practice swings before Alison pitches to me. I see the pitch and swing hard.
I miss the ball.
Crap.
I try to keep my cool saying, "Oops, it's been a while."
I step out of the box for a moment and collect myself. I think, you can do this. You used to hit home runs.
I step back in and focus, remembering my fundamentals, my weight on my back foot, elbow up.
The next pitch comes and I step and swing. I hear the thwack of the bat hitting the ball and the ball soars into left field and drops before Rachel can get to it.
"Nice one!" I hear Sarah say.
Gaining confidence, I get hit after hit, letting them fly. It feels so good to play again.
"Alright, let's bring it in. Enough for today. Great job," Siobhan says after I'm done batting.
We all head into the dugout, sweaty and hot from the midday sun.
Krystal sits down next to me as we put our equipment away.
"How are you doing?" she asks.
"Great! This was really fun."
"Ladies, our first game is on Wednesday. See you all there," Siobhan says as she packs up to go. "Delphine, you'll be there, I hope?"
"Definitely," I say.
The other girls are chatting, laughing. I see Rachel grab Cosima's ass.
"Are they..." I mouth to Krystal.
"Oh, no, Rachel is just a flirt. She gets with a lot of women, but no one on the team," Krystal says, and then leans in and whispers, "I've heard she's really kinky too."
I laugh.
Everyone starts to head out, saying their goodbyes. Cosima turns to me before she leaves with those big, friendly eyes. "See you Wednesday?"
"Yes," I answer.
She smiles, "Good."
"Come on, MK," I hear Beth say as she walks out of the dugout.
"I'm coming," the small girl said quietly.
"Those two are besties. They're really cute," Krystal says to me. "They've been friends since they were little kids. MK is kind of quiet, but such a sweet girl once you get to know her. Beth looks out for her."
"Oh, that's nice," I love that these women support each other so much.
"Shall we?" Krystal says.
We get up to leave. I can't wait to come back on Wednesday.
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