Author's Note: I hope you, my fellow Hey Arnold! lunatic fans, would take time out of your crappy, basement-dweller, lives and read this "Author's Note" and this shitty story. So… this is a story I decided to make after I've been planning it for a little while. A little while as in a few days ago when I randomly got the idea while lying in bed awake at maybe, I dunno, sometime around mid-night. So this here story is about Helga being all miserable and shit because Arnold goes to the Prom with Lila, but some other cra... I'm sorry, it seems the FCC has just blocked all cursing in fan-fiction so I'll have to replace the cursing with extreme violence. ENJOY IT OR FACE ME, SHOVING PEAS, DOWN YOUR THROAT, AT MID-NIGHT! Lol jk, or am I? *Devious Laugh* *Twitches Left Eye*

(Btw, I changed the name of Bob's store from Big Bob's Beepers to Big Bob's Cellphones, since beepers are so fifteen years ago.) XD

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Hey Arnold! or any Hey Arnold! characters, or the title card, or the theme song, or anything. Don't cry, I know it's sad, but when my plan of world domination succeeds I will own the entire show. *Sniffle* *Sob* *Evil Laugh of Doom*

The Dance

Chapter 1: Phoebe's Diary, Helga's Shrine

Helga was sitting on the front steps of her home. She was staring at the birds, singing their songs so beautifully. She couldn't believe how nice of a day it was today. She put her hand up to her chest, as if she was trying to feel for something. It was her locket that she was trying to feel for; she stuck her hand down her shirt and grabbed the locket. Helga hummed along to the songbirds' songs as she stared at her locket. The Prom was coming up and all she could think about was Arnold; so she dug in her closet and found her old locket, she hasn't kept it by her side since eighth grade when Arnold completely forgot she existed, because of Lila. She brushed her thumb along the locket; her smile was very sly. She missed the feeling of her fingers, rubbing across the smooth, cold, locket. Her smile grew larger, but then turned into a frown. She missed Arnold, she wants him to notice her again, and she wants him to start ignoring Lila instead.

"I miss you", she whispered as she gave her locket a loving smooch.

After their adventure in the wilderness of San Lorenzo, Arnold and Helga actually started dating, but in eighth grade Arnold started noticing Lila, and once again developed a crush on he; he dumped Helga to be with Lila instead. And even worse it was on the day they first started dating; their anniversary. Helga still remembers the sad moment. It left her heartbroken for months and it still haunts her today. But, she manages to get over it only a few minutes after thinking about it, at least usually.

"Sorry Helga, but there's someone else I love. Someone I've been crushing on for weeks, I'm sorry, but… I… can't be with you I just can't. I'm sorry….", Arnold told her while holding her hands.

Helga first started tearing up, and then became enraged. She was holding something behind her back, a heart-shaped box of chocolates since it was their anniversary, she showed it to him, and then she threw it on the ground and ran. Ran far, far, away. Ran to the main entrance of the school and proceeded through the parking lot. Arnold followed her, but it was too late, she was out of sight by the time he made it to the parking lot. And he gave up. Just like that. He also acted like it never happened the next day; he ignored her from then on. He ignored her like she was garbage. No even less than garbage, nothing.

"I love you…. but I also hate you!", she yelled as she threw the locket on the ground.

She heard pounding footsteps moving towards the front door of her house. It was her dad, Bob Pataki, she could tell by the angry, pounding, footsteps. Great what does Bob want? He's probably going to yell at me for making some much noise. Pfffffft! Bob's such a dunce, he thinks Olga is perfect, when obviously I'm the better one…..Her dad opened the door looking very angry….as usual.

"Olga, keep it down out there! Some of us have better things to do than listen to some brat whine about something outside, like maybe watch a new commercial for their store!", yelled her loving father Bob.

"My name is Helga, Bob! And go watch your stupid commercial, I won't make any noise anymore!", Helga replied furiously.

"Don't you speak in that tone with me, Olga!", Bob replied, as if he didn't even pay attention to her last statement, but did notice she was yelling. Bob slammed the door shut and went back to watching TV, hoping his commercial for Big Bob's Cell-phones would pop up eventually.

Helga got up and took her locket off of the ground. She noticed a small crack on the back of the locket, probably caused by her throwing it carelessly on the ground. She felt the crack with the side of her thumb, and then she stuffed it in her shirt before anyone could notice the locket. She started walking slowly away from her house. She kicked a small pebble on the sidewalk with rage and did the same to a nearby tree. After walking a few blocks away from her house, she decided to stop by Phoebe's house since it was close by.

Helga walked by dozens of stores and hundreds of trees on her journey to Phoebe's house. She decided to take the long way and entered Hillwood Park since it was such a beautiful day. The birds were singing, the grass seemed greener, especially on the other side of the park fence, nothing could ruin such a beautiful day! But then she saw him, it was him, he was sitting right there, it was him, how could this be possible? It was him…. It was Arnold. He was sitting on the bench reading some book.

"Dammit, what is he doing here?", she muttered under her breath. She hid behind a tree before he could notice. "Well at least, for once, miss perfect Lila isn't with him.", she whispered to herself. But of course, yet again, the universe decided to smack her upside the head. It was her. When she saw her, she was breathless, breathless with fear of course. When she saw Lila she dropped her locket on the cold, hard, sidewalk. It made a noise, the sound of metal falling on the ground, so she hid behind the tree again, before they could see her. At first she stood with her back against the tree, but her body started sliding down, and eventually she was sitting with her back against the tree. She sobbed with her head buried at her knees, so no one could see her. So no one could see mean old Helga G. Pataki crying like a baby. She wiped her watery eyes and grabbed the locket; she felt the side of her locket with her thumb. She felt another, larger, crack in the locket.

She walked with a purpose, out of the park, ignoring the green trees, green grass, blooming flowers, and singing birds, for the first time. She walked the last two blocks from the park to Phoebe's house; ignoring the stares she was getting from people wondering what her problem was. She shoved people aside, in her quest to Phoebe's house. She ran through a crowd of people, until she bumped into her beloved.

"Arnold! What are you doing…. How did you get from there to…. I mean…. Watch where you're going football head!", she exclaimed looking angry, but blushing at the same time.

"Oh, Helga, sorry.", he replied quickly, then walked away, holding Lila's hands.

She ran off to Phoebe's house just by the sight of Arnold and goody-two-shoes Lila.

She didn't ring the doorbell, or knock; she just opened the door and went inside since it wasn't locked. Her dad ran to the door after he heard it open; wondering who it could be. He had a baseball bat in one arm.

"Oh, Helga, it's just you, I thought you were a burglar. We should really lock the door more often.", said Phoebe's dad looking a bit embarrassed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say buster.", Helga replied.

"Helga what's wrong?", Phoebe's dad asked.

"Nothing, can I see Phoebe?", Helga replied, but by the time she asked if she could go to Phoebe's room she was already up the stairs.

She knocked on Phoebe's door, but came in before Phoebe could reply.

"Helga, what are you doing here? Our sleepover isn't until Friday….."

"Can it Pheebs, I just came because I'm lonely and need someone to talk to.", Helga replied without looking at Phoebe.

Helga took Phoebe's diary off of her desk, sat in her desk chair, and plopped her feet up onto the desk. She took some spare glasses Phoebe has off of the desk and put them on; turning the page by page trying to see if there was something interesting in there. Her eyes widened after she saw her name on a page in Phoebe's diary.

"Helga why are you reading my…"

"Shhhhh, can't you see I'm reading?", Helgs replied.

She took off the glasses and narrowed her eyes; trying to understand what the words on the page meant, as if she was reading a book written in a dead language.

Dear Diary,

Today my "friend", Helga, "jokingly" called yours truly an ugly, snot-nosed, smart-ass who does nothing but show off by correcting others grammar. She called me a freaking grammar-nazi! Well at least I'll have a date to the Prom, Gerald of course, but she. She will, for sure, not have a date to the Prom. Who would want to go to the Prom with a caterpillar-browed, pig-tailed, bitch like her? She even called yours truly, a smart-ass, half-jap, weaboo, dork! Now that, certainly, does not sound like joking in my book. She's my friend but sometimes I come to a realization…. A realization that Helga's a selfish bitch!

Sincerely, Yours truly, Phoebe. XOXOXOXO

After reading that Helga went silent for a few minutes, then she finally looked up, for another few minutes. After that she looked at Phoebe; she stared at her with a nasty, angry, expression on her face. She was speechless, and so was Phoebe. But eventually Phoebe opened her mouth, paused, then spit out words, as if she was eating something very nasty.

"Helga I'm….."

"It's okay. I deserve to be called a bitch, especially by you, my only friend. I should be labeled a bitch since I treat you like crap, and I don't even realize it. And I don't deserve to go to the Prom with anyone, and I won't since Arnold….err….I mean 'ice cream' is going with Lila instead of me.", Helga said with a sad look on her face.

Helga got up and headed towards the door.

"Wait, wasn't there something you were going to tell me? You didn't come here for no reason did you?"

"Oh yeah. I just felt like coming here, since we're friends. But while I was waltzing in the park like a retard, I saw Arnold. I saw Ar….I mean 'ice cream' with Lila…..", Helga replied tearing up, as if someone dear to her just died.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm sure anyone with commonsense would choose you over Lila. And cut the 'ice cream' crap, no one's here. Sure my dad is, but he's probably watching TV downstairs, and my mom's at work.", Phoebe replied looking as if she might cry with Helga.

"Well bye.", Helga replied waving, she opened the door, walked downstairs and left, just like that.

She kicked a pebble as she, miserably, strolled down the sidewalk. She turned right, heading into an alley. She stood there with her back against a trash can over-flowing with garbage. She turned her head looking over both of her shoulders making sure no one was there; she touched her chest, feeling for the locket, and then grabbed it out of her shirt. She rubbed the crack on the side of it with her thumb; trying to feel how deep the crack was. Then she went into one of her famous monologue dazes.

"Arnold, what dork, what a geek, what an asshole….", she paused looking around once again making sure no one was there, "And yet just the smell of you when you brush past me in the halls is enough to make me go crazy, enough to melt me away, just like that.", Helga said under her breath. She swooned and fluttered while looking at the picture of her dear, beloved, football head.

"Uh…huh….huh..huh uh huh…"

Helga felt someone breathe down her neck. It was Brainy, she knew it. She looked very angry. She hit him right in the face, without looking, as usual. Helga put her locket back in her shirt and made her way home; leaving Brainy in the alley.

Arnold held the hands of his lover, Lila. She wouldn't stop kissing him, it was just crazy. It was their anniversary and Arnold gave her some roses as a gift she, on the other hand, didn't have a gift, so she decided to make out with him, as a present. He pushed her away from him, looking very un-satisfied. Lila cocked her head like a dog, wondering what was wrong.

"Gosh Arnold, you look ever-so miserable. What's wrong? Did I bite your tongue while we were French kissing?", Lila asked.

"No, but, this might sound weird, but this doesn't feel right for some reason. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.", Arnold replied.

"Gosh Arnold, I don't find anything wrong about this. Now where were we…..", Lila replied, leaning over about to kiss Arnold again.

"No stop, this isn't right. I can't kiss you, it just doesn't feel right. This might also sound weird, but when I kiss you I feel like I'm betraying someone, but I'm not sure why. Goodnight Lila.". Arnold replied.

"Wait, don't…..", Arnold walked away quickly, heading home, "…leave…."

Arnold headed home. He just can't put a finger on it, but for some reason he feels like he's betraying someone when he kisses his girlfriend. But why? And who is he thinking about when he kisses his girlfriend? Who is he betraying? Maybe an ex-girlfriend, but he's had at least fifty girlfriends throughout high school. He decided to just forget about it. He walked up the front steps of his house, and opened the door. Abner, and some other animals ran out of the house when he opened the door, but that happened at least 70% of the time.

"Hey Shortman!", Grandpa Phil yelled with a grin on his wrinkly, aging, face.

"Sorry grandpa, but I'm not in the mood.", Arnold replied going up the steps, not even paying attention to Phil.

"What's wrong?", Grandpa Phil asked. But there was no reply.

Later that evening Arnold was lying on his bed. All he could think about was how he felt while kissing Lila. How wrong it felt twisting tongues with her. But he just couldn't get it, he couldn't figure out what the problem was. He knew it was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn't figure out the problem. He turned over, onto his side, and closed his eyes, until someone knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me Arnold, can I come in?", his grandma replied.

"Come in grandma…"

She opened the door and stood by Arnold's bed.

"Kimba, what's wrong? Grandy-pop said you wouldn't talk to him."

Arnold got up and walked over to his couch; he threw himself onto the couch.

"Nothing, go away.", Arnold finally replied.

"Okay kimba, I'll leave, I have to go off and kill those darn mosquitoes anyway."

Grandma Gertie opened his bed, left his room, and went downstairs, in a snap.

Arnold walked over to his bed, and fell right into it. He hadn't bothered to change into his pajamas. He closed his eyes and fell asleep right away.

Helga was singing along to the songs of the last few, awake, birds that sat on the branch of a tree right next to her window. Despite the Prom coming up soon, she felt great. She didn't care about Bob screaming at her anymore, so she sang at the top of her lungs, just to piss him off. She heard pounding footsteps going up the stairs. A big ape-like dunce of a man slammed the door open. It was Bob of course.

"Olga, I thought I told you to knock that racket off, I'm trying to watch TV, and your mom is trying to make herself a smoothie after a hard day!", Bob yelled.

"LAAAAAA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAA! Oh, of cccccoooouuuuurrrrrrsssseeee my one and only father, I'll stop my horrid ! I wouldn't want to bother yyyyooooooouuuuuu!", Helga sang sarcastically, as she hugged her dad goodnight.

"Well, okay then.", her dad replied while scratching his head; he was too stupid to figure out what she had just done.

"What a nut-job.", her dad said after he shut Helga's door.

"Finally, he's gone.", Helga muttered as she walked towards her closet. She opened it, and inside was her shrine. Her shrine to Arnold. She hasn't performed "rituals" at her shrine to Arnold since about a year after he broke up with her. She smeared a line of ink on each cheek, she put on a robe, and she took the hollow "head" of "Arnold's body" and put it on her own. There was a spare "head" made of gum that was already on the "body", the "head" she was wearing was a mask like one that she carved from an old log, and put over the used gum. Arnold's used gum. She bowed down and chanted something about how soft Arnold's skin is in Pig Latin.

"Arnold my darling, football-headed, freak, the pain and rejection you cause me just makes my everlasting love for you burn a larger flame. Your skin is soft, your hair smells like fresh berries, huuh huh huh….." Helga said quietly while swooning.

She freaked out when she heard pounding footsteps coming towards her room. She tried to take off all of her ritual clothes, but ended up tripping over her robe and fell out of the closet, right when the door opened. It was her dad.

"Helga, I found your hat in the hallway, next time don't be such a clu..tz…..", Her dad said while staring at her.

"Olga…err…Helga what are you….."

"Oh just leave!", Helga replied, tangled up in her robe lying on the floor,

Bob dropped her blue hat onto the ground, shut the door, and walked through the hallway.

"What a nut-job.", he muttered to himself.

After Helga managed to get up she put away her shrine ritual robe and put the head/mask back onto the gum-head. She took out her locket and put it on her nightstand while she dressed into her PJs, then she kissed the locket goodnight. She opened her bed, climbed in, and fell asleep instantly.

End of Chapter 1….

A/N: So, what did you people think? *wiggles eyebrows in a perverted fashion* I'mma have to end the chapter here since I'll go insane if I have to type anymore crap. So do me a favor and write me a nice constructive critique, tell me what makes this story so shitty, and I'll fix the problems. Hopefully at least…. So that's all for now. "That's All Folks!"

And really, don't forget to review…or…. I can just wait until, you know, you're in the mood to. *sips coffee*

REVIEW OR FEEL THE WRATH OF THE PEAS! *evil laugh*