Ratings: PG
Prompt from kurtofskythings on tumblr's open prompts: Dave loves Kurt, they've gotten together post college. But what Kurt doesn't know is, the real reason the bullying happened was because Kurt was so open in the way he dressed, etc. And that Dave on the inside is Dayna. She's always hidden it because she not the right body type, is scared of losing Kurt, but all the years of hiding has taken a toll. And what she doesn't realize is that Kurt loves her no matter what
Dayna loved Kurt more than life. She loved her beautiful, fierce, and proud boyfriend for years before Kurt had finally given her a chance. It had been an LBGT outreach program that was combining forces with bit sports stars for a charity event. Kurt have been the representative for Vogue, Dayna was representing the NFL. They were both 30, but Kurt was in high fashion and Dayna was in her boy-work clothes. She wished she could be as brave as Kurt everywhere, not just at home with the mirrors covered.
Kurt smiled and Dayna's heart jumped. Kurt asked her out.
One date turned into 5.
Those turned into coffee and laughter every Sunday.
Coffee turned into Christmases spent in the warmth of Kurt's small family and suddenly they were purchasing a house together.
When Dayna started to pack, she finally admitted the problem to herself.
Clothing was sorted easily into two boxes. One held suits and shirts and pants jumbled together, all for her job as a Public Relations Representative, and the nicer clothing Kurt had bought for her over the years. They were Dave's clothes, someone with a great job and a loving boyfriend. Someone she wasn't.
The second box held carefully folded and cared for blouses, skirts, heels and a small jewelry box with her necklaces and clip-on earrings. They were her real clothing, the ones she'd scrounged from thrift stores and wore when she was alone at home after work. Where was she going to put them? How could she possibly try to live, hiding them away, hoping Kurt and she had opposing schedules. She would never be her real self again.
Her breath came fast, gasping through her broad chest. She placed a hand on the ground, dizzy at the sudden onset of nausea. Her heart pounded in her ears. Everything felt like it was spinning and then she went still. Her left arm felt numb, unable to keep a grip on the packing tape in her hand. She tried to reach her cell phone, ending up mashing the numbers, unsure if she had reached anyone.
As blackness descended she realized she was going to die a man.
She woke, a soft beeping echoed in the room and a weight was on the bed beside her. She shifted and the wave of pain crashed over her. Long minutes ticked by before she could open her eyes again. Finally she opened them and before her was the red-ringed glasz eyes of the man she loved.
"David. Oh, God, baby, you're awake!" Kurt gripped her tight and stayed there, pressed to Dayna's chest as deep in and out breaths circled between their bodies. Kurt stopped shaking, assured of Dayna's health.
"No more cheeseburgers. No more french fries. No more animal-style Inn-n-Out." Kurt chided, but Dayna couldn't find it in herself to be irritated. "Your cholesterol is through the roof and they said you have signs of hypertension. What's going on? I thought the NFL supported you after you came out."
"They support me being gay." Too bad that wasn't the only secret she held. In fact it wasn't even true. She loved men. And she was a woman. Dayna's smile dropped off.
"David, I don't understand what's wrong. You seemed okay. I want to help. Is it me? Am I too demanding? Look at me assaulting you with questions while you're ill. I'm a terrible boyfriend." Kurt's voice took on the tone of mania usually reserved for taxes or fashion week at his work.
"Kurt. You're what's kept me from going in here sooner. You're worth... everything." Kurt was worth hiding for... or at least that's what she thought. Dayna hated her body for rebelling. If it had just been female to begin with, or at least passable... Kurt kissed her to chase away the tension gathering at the corner of her mouth.
"You're thinking bad things."
"How can you always tell?" Danya laughed a little.
"You get lines all over and look like a grumpy bear." Kurt huffed in affection, but Dayna's face fell.
She was a bear. Kurt called her his honey bear, his big boy, his brawny man... so many affectionate terms that revolved around her 'masculine body'. Danya could feel the tears coming over her. She couldn't keep going like this. No amount of love or contentment in her job could take away the truth. She was living a lie, and it was killing her.
"Kurt. I want to tell you something. And I understand if you need to go. And I understand if... if it's a deal-breaker, but I can't... I can't live like this any longer."
Kurt's hands gripped tighter, but Dayna couldn't stand to feel their warmth. She looked at Kurt's confused face and had to turn away. The hospital window was in view and Dayna focused her attention on the outside. She noticed a bird, a lark bounding along one of the branches. She wished she could be so free. Just fly away where no one knew her name. She would put on one of her dresses from Good Will and live as herself. She would never have a boyfriend because she was so hideously ugly, but that would be okay. She would at least be Dayna, not the false David. Not the useless shell of a fake life she had lived for so long.
"Do you remember last Halloween?"
"Of course. We went to Sebastian Smythe's party as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. You had on those ridiculous fake boobs and that blonde wig. We had such a great night." Kurt bit his tongue from asking what that had to do with anything. After this many years he had learned to let Dave take his own time.
"I felt more... real that night than ever with you. It's just... You know how I have that day I set aside for fishing?" At Kurt's nod Dayna rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't fish. I stay home. I take a shower and shave my legs. I put on that false bra, and cutlets and put on panties. I then squeeze my big fat body into one of the dresses hidden in my closet. I make breakfast, and watch TV and sometimes, if I'm feeling especially pretty, I go grocery shopping two towns over."
"David... Are you telling me you're a cross-dresser? That's not going to make me care any less for you."
"My name is Dayna. Dayna Karofsky. I've known I was a girl since I was 11."
She watched the window. This was what she had been fearing, what she had nearly died to avoid... and somehow, now that it was said, Kurt's response didn't matter. She had conjured up a thousand ways he would react, mostly bad. She would hurt, and cry, and wander despondent for a time, but she would not die. Kurt's reaction was not the end of her journey; it was one possibly painful step. Just like her parents never speaking to her again when she had come out to liking men. She would survive.
Dayna dared glance over to Kurt and found tears on his pale cheeks. She looked down at her huge manish hands. Kurt wasn't saying anything. The silence stretched until Kurt's hand took hers and squeezed.
"How dare you not let me take you shoe shopping." Kurt smiled like the sun.
Danya laughed, watery and broken with relief. "Really? That's what you care about?"
"Of course. I want my girlfriend to have the finest fashion. I would cease being me if I didn't try to make you look gorgeous."
"You don't care?" Danya tugged Kurt's hand, trying to ground himself in the reaction she never saw coming.
"Of course I care. I care about you. My love. My Dayna." Kurt kissed her hand.
"I love you Kurt. I love you so fucking much. I didn't want to lose you and I know you're gay and I'm not what you agreed to date, and I'm already a fat lump of a man and I am an even fuglier woman."
"Stop that. You are beautiful. You're my b... girlfriend. And I love you. And no wonder you feel ugly. You've been forced to shop in the wrong section for years. It's a tragedy." Kurt scooted closer and kissed Dayna's temple. "Yes, I identify as gay, but that doesn't mean I can't love you. It's already there, all this love. I might mess up and say the wrong name, but I will work on myself. You are perfect just the way you are."
"What if I want the surgeries?"
"I have plenty of vacation time saved up to nurse you after."
"What if I don't want to... I don't like my cock..."
"I'm a top anyway. And we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Promise." Kurt assured her with a squeeze of their hands.
"Thank you." Dayna's voice wavered as she felt a sob overtake her.
"Thank you, for telling me. I'll make mistakes, but I accept you, just you, as you truly are."
"Marry me?"
"Hey! Just because you just had a huge coming out, does not mean you get to take away the chance for me to go down on one knee, madame. You put that thought away until I get a chance to take you out and do it properly."
"Yes, Kurt."
Danya laughed and the lovers held each other until the nurses came to check on her. The next day Kurt demonstrated his love by clearing half the closet of their new apartment just for Dayna's wardrobe.