I can remeber very well the moment in which I understood I was condemned to be alone for my whole life. This was the same moment in which I decided that I was simply too tired to fight, too tired to do it again. My grief was too heavy to bear, my pain too excruciating.
When I saw Cody kissing Squib three weeks after our broke up and when I realized that twenty-one days were the time she needed to erase me from her life, I decided to give up.
Why do I have to go on? Things always end up like this. There must be something wrong in me, something that make people push me away. My mother did it, my friends did it, and now Cody. Catherine is gone, there is nobody that truly cares of me here, neither my father nor Adena, and there is no reason for me to stay.
There is no reason for me to still hope that I could be happy ever after, althought the only thing I desperately desire is someone to love.
Three weeks had passed since Nate and Cody broke up when he saw Squib kissing her in the middle of the main entrance.
He returned to the bed and layed down, kicking off his shoes. He still couldn't believe it had happened. They had been so in love. They had been so happy. He didn't understand. What had driven her to do that? Why was she unsure of her feelings for him? Because he sure wasn't confused about his feelings for her. He loved her.
The fact was that she loved Squib, she always had, and first or later he would have had to face the reality: Cody's heart was not his. The moment of truth had finally come. However, there was nothing to be surprised abouth. Things always ended up like that. First, his mother, then Catherine, his friends, and now Cody. There was something wrong in him, this was the problem, something that make people push him away every single time.
"Enough," he whispered, closing his eyes.
More tears spilled down onto his cheeks and this time, he didn't bother to whipe them away. She had broken his heart and he deserved to cry. Girls got to wallow, so when a man walked in the one she was in love with kissing another man, he should get to cry.
Althought this wasn't the right thing to do, he couldn't stop thinking about Cody. Why should he? Because it hurts too much, he thought, nothing should ever hurt this much. It felt like she had literally ripped his heart out. He had given her everything he had, but she had given him this in return. His first love, his only love, had left him in pieces. Maybe this was why he had never dated before. Maybe he had it right the first time. Maybe he never should have continued dating her after Squib's coming back to Cascadia.
He was alone, again. He was always alone, no friends, no family except for his father that was not exactly a loving parent, nobody at all. His stomach started hurting as it usually did when he was stressed, angry or sad. He was so used to this pain that he even named it: Charon, the only constant presence in his life.
A wave of nausea suddenly overwhelmed him, and he could do nothing but throw up in the paper can behind the bed. He thought he couldn't be more miserable than this, but when he finally managed to get up, dress up and go out for practice he saw a little piece of paper under the door of his bedroom.
"Did you like it, rebound guy?"
I AM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER SO SORRY FOR MY MISTAKES. I'D REALLY LIKE TO RECEIVE SOME FEEDBACK, SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT! CRITICISM ARE WELCOME AS WELL AS IDEAS AND ADVICE. THANKS A LOT!