Skullcrusher Mountain: A Garak/Bashir Story
A/N: Song lyrics will be in CAPS.
Disclaimer: The song is Jonathan Coulton's. Star Trek is property of Paramount.
It was a boring night on Deep Space Nine. A rarity. Almost every person on the station was piled into Quark's. Why? you might ask. Because Quark decided that he was going to have a singing contest. This story begins where the singing contest almost ends.
Garak, the tailor on the station, was up. I mean it was his turn to sing. Nobody knew that the Cardassian had a really good singing voice, so everybody braced themselves to hear their eardrums popping. Then he started singing:
WELCOME TO MY SECRET LAIR ON SKULLCRUSHER MOUNTAIN
I HOPE THAT YOU'VE ENJOYED YOU'RE STAY SO FAR
I SEE YOU'VE MET MY ASSISTANT SCARFACE
HIS APPEARANCE IS QUITE DISTURBING
BUT I ASSURE YOU HE'S HARMLESS ENOUGH
HE'S A SWEETHEART, CALLS ME MASTER
AND HE HAS A WAY OF FINDING PRETTY THINGS AND BRINGING THEM TO ME
Everybody started murmmuring because Garak had a very nice voice. Also because the station's doctor, Julian Bashir, had gotten on stage and was currently singing with Garak.
OH, AND I'M SO INTO YOU
BUT I'M WAY T SMART FOR YOU
EVEN MY HENCHMEN THINK I'M CRAZY
I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU AGREE
IF YOU COULD FIND SOME WAY TO BE
A LITTLE LESS AFRAID OF ME
YOU'D SEE THE VOICES THAT CONTROL ME FROM INSIDE MY HEAD
SAY I SHOULDN'T KILL YOU YET
They stopped singing because they wanted to. And Quark didn't say that you had finish the song. Before anyone could say anything Bashir leaned toward Garak and kissed him softly. Everyone gasped. Then clapped.