The story takes place after the rebellion ends, mostly canon but with a few creative liberties. Meant to be a multi-chapter angst/romance/lemons filled fic. Here it goes, this is my first shot at Hunger Games so we will see where it takes us. Check out my other stories, I like the dirty stuff. I had just recently accidentally posted a chapter from a drabble I was working on, this is the real deal. My old account RandomWriter05 has some stories on it as well, wanted to start anew. Enjoy and lots to come.
Katniss sat at her kitchen table idly stirring her tea as if she had some intention of drinking it. Her mind was wholly distracted on what was to transpire that afternoon. Today was the day, it was the day Peeta made the journey back to what was left of District Twelve. She genuinely could not decipher her feelings on the matter, half of her had built up this somewhat unwanted excitement, to see his face after all this time she had to admit it had inspired a hint of buzzing optimism in her otherwise extremely bleak existence. On the other hand she had hoped it wouldn't be so soon, she herself had only been home for 3 months and she was far from stable. It was only recently she had finally made it through an entire day without breaking down in to a shaky mess in the corner of her bedroom, but that couldn't be counted on – not even a little bit.
She knew it would be different for him than it was for her. She wasn't captured by the capitol though she saw more than her fair share of evil during the war. She had lost count the number of times she got lost in thought of how he was doing, how he didn't deserve it, that it should have been her trapped in the dungeons not him. She was vaguely aware of the practices, if she was being honest she only had the slightest idea of what he might have gone through but even that small set of imagery was enough to bring a lifetime's worth guilt flooding through her at any moment. She physically shuddered as she thought about it that morning. Every time she tried to shake the pictures clear in her head a new set would emerge, this time it was her own demons flashing across the back of her eyelids.
She felt physically ill as she saw her daily nightmare reoccur for the first time today. Tears welled up in her eyes but she fought them back, she hadn't actually cried since the day she watched her sister die, she was far too broken to let the tears actually fall because she knew if they started to fall she might not be able to stop them. Her, like all the others had seen so much death and destruction in the past months it was a miracle that the ones who survived the actual rebellion were able to survive the memories of it after. Even though she would never show it she was grateful for those who persevered and went on with everyday life when she clearly could not. At least not yet.
She heard a light tap on her front door but it echoed throughout her whole home as it was sparsely furnished. She ignored the knocking knowing full well it was Haymitch coming to check in on her as he often did and that eventually he would just walk in. She was right, she smelt the booze in the air before he even reached the kitchen.
"There she is" she heard him say over her shoulder before he came to sit down across from her. "and how are we doing on this lovely morning" he commented dryly.
Katniss glanced at him then to the window. Winter was just coming to the end and from her seat she could see the first leaves blooming on the trees outside, she used to love it when the seasons changed but now she felt nothing.
"Listen sweetheart," he broke the silence knowing she never would. She hadn't spoken more than 10 sentences to him since they had returned to Twelve but she seemed to tolerate his existence so he made sure to be around just enough. "today is going to be hard" He paused "for both of you."
This brought her attention back to him, still saying nothing out loud but her eyes – as sad as they were – spoke enough. Haymitch took a swig from his flask, "I know you're aware of the torture he's been through"
She looked down to her tea trying her best to not let those images re-enter her mind. "and what they did to him it terms of his memories of" he paused yet again "you."
She closed her eyes this time, she had been briefed on his progress shortly after his release and needless to say it was not promising. She had seen a video of him watching the news, when she appeared in a story about district 13, he had picked up the chair and threw it through the screen. She knew he'd be broken but to be the source, whether real or not real, almost killed her. This wasn't how this was supposed to play out and it kept replaying over and over in her head. Remembering the kiss on the beach they had shared during the quarter quell, one of the last happy moments she can recall in her life. She hadn't thought about that day in a very long time. She was brought out of her thought when she heard Haymitch speak again.
"Now it's not all bad, I've spoken to his doctor" he waited for some type reaction from her but she was back to staring at her now cold tea.
"He's come along away Katniss, but there is still a long way to go. His doctor believes that being in 12 around some sort of familiar surroundings will help remember what's real. He believes you are a big part of that." Another large gulp from his flask and a glance in her direction, he waited a long time hoping she would say something. When it was clear nothing was coming of it he finished "I'm picking him up at 3." And with that he got up to leave.
Katniss thought hard about what Haymitch had just told her and from the way she was interpreting it was that she needed to help Peeta. She was dumbfounded, she selfishly couldn't even begin to imagine how to help him, how to be there for him after everything that happened after the quarter quell. She badly wanted to but knew she couldn't even take care of herself let alone be there for Peeta, who for all she knew might not even be able to look at her. She didn't want to be that source of pain again, she couldn't.
"I can't" she heard her voice crack, barely above a whisper.
Haymitch stopped and looked at her. She could feel his eyes on her and for the first time in long time she acknowledged him by turning towards him. All she could do was shake her head no, once again holding back tears she knew could never fall.
"You can't avoid it forever" was all he said as he disappeared down the hall.
It wasn't until she heard the door shut that she exhaled, she didn't even realize she had been holding her breath. She placed her head in her hands and did everything she could from breaking down this early in the day.
She sat like that for hours, she must of drifted off to sleep laying her head on the table because a reoccurring nightmare of watching firebombs drop on the people she loved caused her to scream herself awake. It was these nightmares that left her in a constant state of exhaustion, and with the cold weather the last few months being locked up inside unable to hunt she was slowly losing what little was left of her mind. When she thought about it though she knew that even if she wanted to venture out during the first months home she wouldn't be able to bring herself to face the looks from the surviving residents of 12, or even concentrate well enough to successfully acquire any game. She was a mess and a lonely mess at that. The only people she saw were Sae and Haymitch and actual conversations were virtually non-existant.
She glanced up at the only clock in her empty home, it was 10 to 3. This time It was her body that reacted without giving her mind time to think, she found herself splashing water in her face from the kitchen tap and grabbing a coat from the hook near the kitchen before she knew it she was exiting the front door on her way to the train station. For the first time in a long time her mind was blank focused only on moving, watching the ground beneath her feet. She knew why she was doing it but for the life of her she could understand how. She flashed back to her reoccurring nightmare, this time remembering something different, the last firebomb to drop before she startled awake was one for Peeta, she saw his bright blue eyes turn black – it was the first time he'd been in her dreams in months. She needed to see him… even if he didn't see her.
She was moving quite quickly and within minutes she could see Haymitch ahead of her on his way to greet Peeta. This caused her to slow down and put some space between them, she finally lost him as he walked into the only terminal serving all of twelve. It was right in the middle of what was left of the town, they had rebuilt the market and many homes had been reconstructed but the rubble surrounding the main buildings was ever present. Katniss looked around, she hadn't seen this part of town since she arrived back. Greasy Sae and Haymitch had seen to make sure she had everything she needed so she wouldn't need to venture into town. She had to concentrate on the train station as to not get lost in what used to be her hometown and how what she saw now looked nothing like it.
She told herself she would only stay for a moment, just to see how he looked, see if he was doing ok. She glanced around and could see a small crowd forming, it wasn't a secret that he was returning and of course the people of Twelve would want to see one their victors return alive. Another pang of guilt shot through her, she should be standing next to him as had so many times before.
She heard the train approaching and moments later come to a halt. It was only a matter of seconds before he would come into view, Katniss felt a buzz spreading throughout her body,she wondered to herself if it was excitement or fear. It was a day of firsts for her and she couldn't help but realize where the source of this energy was coming from and how long it would actually last.
She heard the group surrounding the station begin to chatter as people exited the train, there were very few passengers as travel throughout the districts was still quite limited. Peeta was the last to exit, Haymitch right by his side. A spatter of cheering broke out and even from a distance she could make out the fake smile he used to put on for the victory tour and the capitol fans.
She scanned him in his entirety, he looked lean and a bit taller. Older but tired all the same, you could see in his body language he was struggling but doing his best to save face in front of the people who knew him before it all happened.
She made eye contact with Haymitch first, she silently pleaded for him stay quiet about her presence. To no avail however, he turned to Peeta and whispered something. She saw Peeta lean over to listen and not a moment later his striking blue eyes flashed in her direction. She practically froze as their eyes met, she saw the boy she knew in those eyes but they quickly changed to those of a stranger. She could see his jaw clench from over 100 yards away.
They hadn't seen each other in person in over a year and she had always hoped it would be under different circumstances. But throughout the war while everyone was dropping around her she knew he was alive, even if it was barely alive and now he's standing in their hometown. They've finally returned.
Before she knew it, the moment was over and Peeta was descending into the crowd and walking in the opposite direction.
She stood frozen for a moment longer, wondering what had just transpired before her. She knew now more than ever how difficult it would be to survive his presence for herself let alone be able to help him in any way. Now they were to live within earshot of each other, Haymitch was right she couldn't avoid him forever even though right now all she wanted to do is forget the look she just received from the boy she would have given her life to save a year ago. She slowly made her way home, passing what was to Peeta's home no more than 50 yards from hers in Victor's Village.
She shook off her coat as she entered her cold and empty home, she looked around and realized just how bare it was. It definitely didn't look lived in but she assumed you couldn't really call drinking tea and having nightmares living. She curled into a ball on her couch, it was late afternoon now but she was exhausted yet again. Questions flooded her mind, will he able to hear her scream every night through her dreams? Will he able to look her in the eye again? Will she hear him scream? Does he have his own nightmares? They questions continued for hours before she finally drifted off another night of restless sleep.
The next day would bring it's own set of new challenges, as if surviving the war wasn't enough. She just wanted to make it all stop.
This is the first chapter, lots thoughts but don't worry I like plot with my lemons. More to come soon.