Author's Note: This is a Katniss/Peeta (I refuse to call them Peeniss) fluffy fic. It doesn't follow the ending perfectly, as I guess I adapted it to fit the story. Katniss' trauma causes her to shove Peeta away, and he returns after 3 years.
the song is "Stay" by Mayday Parade.
I don't own any of this but if I owned Peeta I would snuggle him.
I need some time, just deliver the things that I need for now
Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me,
and it's taking me to somewhere new.
It was… over. It had been over. Yet she always had to remind herself of that. Every morning when she woke up. Every time the nightmares clenched her in their cold, bloodied hands. Every time thoughts of him crossed her mind. She had to remind herself that it was over. Had been over, too. For a couple of years.
But it never stopped her from missing Peeta when she rolled over alone in the mornings. She often wondered why she made him go. Why she let him go. Without anyone, her life was hollow. It felt nearly pointless to even exist.
If you believe that everything's alright,
you won't be all alone tonight
And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,
slowly lifting me to somewhere new.
Katniss went through her day as she did every day. Bathe, dress, eat, straighten up, drink liquor, sleep. Repeat, daily. She'd learned some things about drinking from Haymitch. She slept an unnatural amount. But there was nothing left to do. That's implying that she would do anything if there was something. She didn't have anything anymore.
Until the knock at the door early that very afternoon.
She rarely got visitors. Rarely meaning…well, never.
Slowly, Katniss trudged to the door. Slowly, she opened the door. And quickly, her heart stopped. Immediately, it felt as though she was dead. Her body went numb, her heart stopped, and her eyes, which she had thought would fill with tears, went dry.
"Katniss." The familiar voice washed over her, lifting her like a cool breeze on a summer day.
"Wh…Peeta. Why are you here?" That's all her mind could think. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth, nearly disabling her from forming a sentence.
"You really thought you could keep me away forever?" He asked, one eyebrow quirked and a silly smile on his face. That's when her eyes filled with tears. But she didn't cry, and instead moved to the side to let Peeta in.
Oh, can you tell I haven't slept very well,
since the last time that we spoke?
I said, 'Please understand if I see you again,
don't even say hello.'
Please.
After…everything… Katniss couldn't bear to have Peeta around. She knew she would just lose him too. There was nothing he would gain from being around. And those thoughts, dancing through her mind every second of every day, ultimately caused her to drive him mad. And one night, it became the breaking point. And that was a few years ago.
"No! I hate you, Peeta! I hate you! You remind me of everything I never want to see or remember! This is your fault as much as it is mine! Get out!"
It was the fight to end all fights. And as Katniss demanded, Peeta left. Which she wanted. Or thought she wanted. She figured, in the end, it was all better for him. She refused his attempts to speak to her, which were often the first year. Nearly daily. But slowly, it all went away. This was the third year. A year without Peeta even trying to contact her, yet here he was. In her house.
What a night it is, when you live like this
and you're coming up beneath the clouds,
don't let me down
All the love's still there,
I just don't know what to do with it now
"I decided it's time we talk, Katniss." Peeta said, once he was inside and setting his coat down. He plopped comfortably onto the couch, patting the space next to him gently. It made dull anger flare in Katniss' chest. How dare he treat her like a child? But nonetheless, she obliged. But on the opposite side of the couch.
"Talk about what?" She snipped. She wasn't still angry at him. But she was confused.
"Everything."
"Everything being what, Peeta?"
"Do you still love me, Katniss?" The question made her head snap towards him. A bit older, seemingly wiser. Blonde hair had become a bit shaggy, and hopeful blue eyes were still shining as he looked at her. The same look she had always gotten from Peeta.
Time stopped when the question was vocalized.
You know, I still can't believe we both did some things I don't even wanna think about
Just say you love me, and I'll say I'm sorry
I don't want anybody else to feel this way.
No, no, no.
It took Katniss a few long moments to remember to even breathe. And to answer that question… took more than she was willing to give, energy-wise. She stared at the ground, wrapping her arms tightly- defensively- around her thin body.
"Katniss. Please. I came back to be with you. I can't. I can't be away from you. After everything we've been through, one day away from you is so much torture. Three years is too much. I have to at least know… if you meant all of that. Please."
The desperation in his voice was abnormal.
Can you tell I haven't slept very well,
since the last time that we spoke?
I said, 'Please understand I've been drinking again,
and all I do is hope.'
Please….stay. Please, stay.
Finally, Katniss looked up, and her normally steely eyes were dull. Somewhat listless. Peeta reached over, brushing one soft hand across her cheek, cupping her face in his hand. Instinctively, Katniss leaned into the touch with her eyes fluttering closed, sighing softly. It was a touch she had been missing. Had been craving. How had she lived without him?
Really, how had she lived at all?
"Please, Katniss." Peeta urged, although gently. Katniss looked up, opening her eyes slowly. He was still there.
"What do you want?" She repeated, although far from hostile. Just… tired.
"You. I want to be back with you. I need you."
I'll admit, I was wrong about everything
'Cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down
All the fun that we had on your mother's couch
I don't even wanna think about
Katniss leaned back, heaving a drawn-out sigh. "I didn't want you gone Peeta. I was… wrong. I've missed you."
A small smile twitched Peeta's lips, and without warning he yanked Katniss into a hug. She stiffened, momentarily fighting it, before reminding herself it was Peeta, and sinking into his warm, familiar embrace. He still smelled the same, felt the same. Cinnamon and Dough. A sweet, flour-y smell that she had never forgotten.
"I'm just not strong enough for both of us." Katniss said, a lone tear escaping and trailing down her cheek. Peeta leaned, kissing the tear away. Which only lead to more tears, Katniss' shoulders shaking as she cried quietly, Peeta holding her.
"It's okay… I'm here now. I'll always be here, forever, Katniss. I can be strong enough."
I'm not strong enough for the both of us
What was I supposed to do?
You know I love you.
Please stay.
"Please stay, Peeta." Katniss finally begged, softly, through shaky breaths thick with tears.
"Always." Peeta responded, guiding her face upwards with a gentle touch before pressing his lips to hers chastely, in a soft kiss. A kiss that he hoped conveyed exactly how much he loved his Girl on Fire.
Stay.