Redrum
Rated: T
Genres: Crime, Horror, Mystery
Characters: John E, Dave S, Jade H
Summary: "Hey-a Dave! I wanna play a game with you!"
Warnings: Gore, swearing, insanity, obsession, Trickster!kids.
Dave inhaled deeply, closing his eyes behind the dark shades he never removed. When he opened them again, he had his usual cool façade on. Harley, meanwhile, had run outside.
Maybe an explanation is in order.
Dave Strider (and his assistant, one Jade Harley), were private investigators. Though they usually just did adultery cases or theft, they had been called in to 'help out' on a case. Apparently, a kid had been killed out by Liberty Park, and they figured that he'd be useful during the case. On the phone, it had been described as 'murder'. In reality? This wasn't a murder. This was slaughter at best.
Dave pulled out his audio recorder to note the details of the crime.
"Child, female, eleven to twelve years old. Torso has been ripped open, all organs have been dumped by the closet. Her ribs are cracked in half, and her arms and legs are dislocated. Fingernails were torn off, toes stabbed through. There is a VCR tape in a plastic bag inside her chest. It's labelled 'To Dave Strider'."
Dave clicked the recorder off and stowed it, releasing a shaky sigh. That was the most emotion anyone would get from him. Especially since it seemed like this was intended to make him react. Like hell he was going to play along.
Dave searched a little more, having realized that the heart wasn't among the pile of organs (he choked a little, recalling that he'd gloved his hands and dug through the pile of human insides.
Dave found it tied up to the ceiling fan, dripping blood.
He'd left very quickly after that.
What he was greeted by outside was the sound of bystanders chattering, journalists and news casters asking questions, and people hurling in the streets. It was mostly the newer officers who had never seen a murder scene, but a few of the experienced guys were attempting to force their guts up their gullet too.
Dave almost joined them, but he couldn't. He was cool, calm, and collected Strider. And throwing up definitely not cool, nor ironic.
He turned around just as Jade walked up to him, still looking sick to her stomach.
"Hey, Dave… Can we leave? Please?" She asked – well, pleaded really. And the puppy dog eyes.
He shook his head.
"Not yet. I've got a tape to watch once the cops are done taking photos." He replied, in a tone that most would view as apathetic. Mere moments later, a stony-faced policewoman walked out, holding the VCR tape in her gloved hand.
"The forensic team said that there were no prints anywhere. They already checked the video too." Dave grabbed the (cleaned) plastic bag that the tape was inside. "We'll still have to watch it after you do, though, so return it once you're done with it."
Dave merely nodded.
"C'mon then, Harley. Let's see what this is." He walked away from the scene of the crime, secretly relieved. Harley was much more obvious about it, scurrying ahead of him to get to their own building, two blocks away.
Dave eyed the VCR. He still had a player for them, for ironic purposes, but no one besides Harley knew about it. Unless the sick bastard had been lucky (doubtful), odds were, they had been stalking him. Or had broke into his office.
Either way, he put the tape into the player and sat back to watch. The VCR whirred for a moment, probably rusty from disuse, but eventually, the tape loaded.
He was greeted by a blank white screen.
"Uh… Oh! There we go, it's recording!" Following the words, a blonde male appeared on screen, a bright grin on his face. Dave paused the video to take stock of his features. Caucasian skin; a huge buck-toothed grin; wide, impossibly blue eyes hidden behind thick glasses. He decided that the guy could've been adorable, had he not most likely been a killer.
"Okay… Hey-a, Dave!"
Dave didn't miss the way the guy said his name. It was… affectionate. He shuddered.
"I wanna play a game with you! I call it 'Redrum'." His grin quirked, becoming darker somehow. "You remember where that's from, right? Even if you don't, well…"
For the briefest of seconds a very dangerous, very dark glare crossed his face. Dave shuddered again, for different reasons. He felt thankful that Harley had decided to not watch the tape out of fear of what she might see.
"Well, it doesn't matter. Anyway, it's fun, I promise! Here's how it goes: I'll leave you a trail of clues, and you use them to find me, okay?"
The guy backed up, revealing a shirt that was a soft blue with some kind of a pink slug thing on the front, a pink lollipop in his hair, shorts the same blue as his shirt, and pink tennis shoes. He gnawed on his lip for a moment, drawing blood, before continuing.
"I'm guessing you understand, Dave. But don't cheat~ If you get any outside help, we'll have to play a penalty game. Oh, but it's fine if Jade helps you – she's your assistant after all."
Another dark look crossed his face, though this one was brought on by an emotion that Dave was unwilling to even consider.
"At least, I think she's just your assistant." The man continued, his face settling into a simple no-smile-no-scowl-pissed-as-hell expression. Then he lightened up again.
Dave swore he was going to get mental whiplash from this guy's mood swings.
"But… We can't play yet. I've gotta make some preparations. Redrum will start next time though, okay?"
The guy, with his hands behind his back, leaned forward, and gave a small smile, eyes closed.
He could not deny that that was adorable, no matter how fucked the situation was.
"'Till then!"
He reached forward – that hand didn't have blood on it before when did that happen IS THAT A FUCKING HEART – and the VCR went off.
Well, at least the image did. He could still here the guy talking, probably just mumbling to himself.
And then it registered what he was saying.
Dave almost broke the stop/eject button. His bro might've made him the most stoic person in the history of the world, but he had a limit like everyone else.
"And he had better play along. I don't want to have to make him, but I will. Anything to get him back, even if it's like this. Better than nothing, right?"
Had he not shut off the tape, he would have heard the rest. But he didn't, and he was damn sure he didn't want to hear anymore anyway. The guy was a lunatic, no if, ands, or buts about it.
For some reason though, the blonde seemed familiar. Really familiar, and it was starting to bug Dave because there was no way in snow-coated hell he had known a psychopathic man-slaughterer.
And a blonde person. The only other blonde he knew was Rose, and maybe Karkat, if having white hair because of albinism counted as blonde.
He sighed and rewound the tape. Mostly because he didn't want the coppers to play it and hear that shit first.
That would just be painful.
He stood up, donned a jacket with his scratched-disk symbol on the upper left side, and went to go to the police office.
Dave's face twitched ever so slightly.
Blue eyes.
Buckteeth.
Now it was really bothering him. He wanted to know who it had been on the tape because goddamnit he was losing sleep over this.
The only other time he acted like an insomniac was when his bro had died. Other than that, nothing could possibly faze him.
Nothing.
Dave rolled over again, on his side, glaring malevolently at the window, like it was the cause of all his problems, like it had been the one to record the tape, commit the murder, leave the video there for him.
He rolled over again, now facing the door and his crappy nightstand, where his phone and glasses laid. As if on cue, his red cell went off in a flurry of vibrations, rap music he had crafted himself, and bright lights that burned his eyes.
Dave quickly donned his shades and checked out the screen. A pesterChum message. From… ectoBiologist? Who was that?
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:30 AM –
EB: Dave?
EB: I don't know if you're awake or not… Sorry if this woke you up!
EB: I just wanted… heh… to talk to you.
EB: It's been a long time, huh? Haha…
EB: We used to do so much stuff together.
EB: Well, we used to just talk heheheheh
EB: Over pesterChum, but sometimes we video-chatted! Haha… That was fun.
EB: I don't know if you heheheh…
EB: If you remember but… heheh…
EB: I miss you.
EB: Uh… I'll just…
EB: Go now. Haha… Bye Dave.
EB: hehe… see you later.
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:32 AM –
He put his phone and shades back onto the nightstand, feeling more than a little disturbed. It might have been his detective instincts or some other gambit talking, but that was really, really weird. The random laughs in his text posts had been pink and so had the 'see you later' bit. It had almost hurt to look at the color when it was sitting next to the darker blue.
Dave picked up his phone again, this time going through his pester logs. Since he had talked to EB before, maybe it'd jog his memory a bit. And it looked like the killer was related to it, so no harm in it.
The moment he tried to view beyond the fairly recent logs – the last nine months – the screen glitched violently before settling. Dave eyed his phone warily before scrolling up again. It had been freaking out for a while now, and it was eight years old. His bro's last gift to him, from when he was fourteen. And no, it wasn't going anywhere, not even if it started smoking out of every crack.
Anyway.
Nothing from any 'ectoBiologist', and some of his other chatlogs had been altered. Specifically names removed from where they should have been. If he had to guess, it was probably just one specific person that'd gone missing.
Must've hacked his phone – the guy did mention that he'd known him before. But that was an awfully fast job. Dude had to been a really good cracker to do it so quickly. Dave ran a hand through his hair, frowning. This just kept getting better and better.
The minute Dave walked into the room, he turned right the fuck around and walked back out. There was no way he was dealing with this shit. Not today.
Unfortunately, he was promptly dragged back into the room by an unnamed, heavily muscled police-troll that was sweating bullets.
"No."
Karkat rolled his eyes, huffed, but maintained his composure. "Dave, you know damn well I don't want to be here either, but it literally has your fucking name on it, and I'm pretty fucking sure from the last video that if you don't play along, it'll just get worse."
Dave grit his teeth.
"Goddamnit, Dave. I don't like seeing people-turned-piles-of-fucking-gore either, but you're going to have to suck it up and do your damn thing."
The short, nubby-horned troll crossed his arms resolutely. Dave, meanwhile, fished out his audio recorder and shifted so he could see the scene better (not that Karkat was really much of an obstacle).
"Second victim. Gender, unknown, age, unknown. It's a pile of tenderized meat and powdered bones, with a recording on top of the pile, inside two plastic bags. Labelled 'To Dave'. It looks double sided."
He clicked the recorder off, grabbed the VCR tape with his gloved hands, and when back outside, where Harley was waiting for him. She shivered when she saw the blood still dripping from the video's plastic prison.
"Same guy?" She asked slowly, glancing towards the door. Dave merely nodded an affirmation. "Oh god…"
He took the lead towards their office this time, with Harley following closely behind, actually holding onto his shirt.
Then again, it was around eight at night, and the streets were empty except for the occasional suspicious-looking passerby.
The minute they entered the office, Dave was by the VCR and inserting the video. This time, Jade's curiosity won out, and she ended up staying with him.
The VCR whirred for a moment, then clicked softly as the tape started playing
The man from last time was on screen again, same outfit as the last. And the lollipop was still in his hair.
"Hi again! As you might know, the game's started, Dave!" He grinned, showcasing his buckteeth. "And I'm guessing Jade's watching it with you this time? I hope so. She was supposed to watch the last video too, but…"
Blondie shrugged, hands by his shoulders, palms up, shaking his head.
"Neither of you could've known. I suppose I forgot to mention that, huh? Hehe…"
He bit his lip to keep from laughing, and when that proved ineffective, he dug his fist into his mouth for a few seconds. Once the shaking subsided, he continued.
"Sorry about that. I can't always control it, ya know! Heh. And I forgot to tell you the rules too. Well… I'll tell you them. Firstly, no outside help. The police are doing their own thing, I know, but you can't ask them for help outright. If they offer you evidence, that's fine, Dave. You can take that, along with information that they give you without you asking first. But you can't use other methods of coercion, and you can't offer any form of information trade, nor give information to the police. What you know is what you know. These apply to Jade too.
"Secondly, Jade is allowed to help you, and she must watch all the videos (including the first one, haha) so she knows what you know. Thirdly, you must keep all the videos I send you. You can let the others watch them, on the condition that they return it once they're done, and that you're in the room with them. Since you didn't know about this with the first video, the police can watch this video (following the rules, of course) so they know that you have to have the heheheh video back.
"Fourthly, you have to watch the entire video – even bits that weren't intended to be there. Which means you have to watch the first video all over again, with Jade. And don't look away or anything until the video is heheh over! Fifthly, you can't try to escape or ignore penalty games. They're penalties for a reason, after all! Sixthly and finally… You have to play the game." Blondie gave an almost painful smile – and it wasn't the disturbingly huge one he was used to seeing either. It was tiny and a little hopeful.
Shit, why was a man-slaughterer so damn cute?
"You can't just leave the game… Okay, Dave? You have to play. You have to. No one else can, because no one else would get the game like you do. No one else. Okay? Okay? OKAY?!"
He suddenly stopped, mid (desperate) shout, and held his head in his hands, hunched over so the camera couldn't see his expression.
"Sorry… I'm… I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this, I promise. I just… Sorry."
There was a few seconds of silence as blondie recollected himself and Jade and Dave shared a look. He was more unhinged than Dave had given him credit for.
Once he had regained some form of composure, the guy straightened out, wearing that impossibly huge grin – though it was noticeably strained.
"Anyway, flip the tape over now. I'll give you your clue on that side."
The VCR clicked, and the tape ended. Dave rewound it, then flipped it over, to read the label on the other side.
'First clue', it read. The writing hadn't changed at all from the first one, though this one was scrawled in black marker instead of the blue/pink of the 'to Dave's.
He shared another look with Harley, then inserted the tape.
"This is weird, but here's your first clue."
This was a different voice, but only slightly. It was a little bit deeper, and had no face to assign it with – all the screen was showing was pitch black blankness.
"'I'm a glitch'."
And the video was over. He rewound it once again, this time only taking a second, and ejected the tape. Quick as a flash, it was back inside one of the plastic containers – the one without the blood.
"Crazier than I thought." Dave remarked idly. Then he left, giving Jade no time to respond. He was a little relieved that she had chosen not to follow – he didn't feel like talking to her at the moment. Really, he didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. He just wanted to be alone and think.
And his mind decided to run back to the guy's breakdown. That had been completely unexpected. Well, maybe not completely. It was pretty obvious that his mind had pretty much said 'fuck you' and run off, and when he started talking about the final rule to Redrum, his voice had done a pretty odd wobble. Dave had just thought that it was an attempt to hold back a laugh, but that had probably just been another sign of the guy's soon-to-occur breakdown.
Dave grumbled something incoherent as he entered the nearby police department. It had been a complete accident, but somehow, he'd ended up a mere three buildings away from the imposing place.
Conveniently inconvenient for when one wanted to think, inconveniently convenient for when one wanted to get there quickly.
Paradox.
Anyway.
A couple of nameless grunts looked him up and down, then directed him to head's office. Everyone just called him 'Lemonsnout' though, in honor of a deceased troll.
Okay, so she wasn't really deceased, but she sure as hell was decommissioned. After the shit she pulled in the jail…
Now's not the time to be thinking about that though. He's got a tape to rewatch with the police. He raises his hand to knock on Lemonsnout's door, only to be interrupted by the guy opening the door himself.
He was unique, that's for damn sure. He was yellowish around the mouth area (Lemonsnout) had tiny green eyes, and kind of reminded Dave of a nakodile. Or one of Terezi's plushies – a scalemate.
"Good, you're here. And you've got the tape. Put it in." The man instructed, stepping out of way.
"I got it." Dave replied – still, he put the tape in without anymore sass, then retreated to the back of the room, where he could watch the tape without anyone seeing him react.
He wasn't really paying attention for the first part, only really listening when one of the psychologists in the room mentioned something ('He's unstable', 'desperate for attention', 'smile is unnatural; he can't seem to control himself').
He actually paid some form of serious attention to the video when he heard 'Sixthly and finally...'
Dave noted how some people actually shifted away from the screen as the blondie lost his composure, some actually jumping when he finally yelled. The video was immediately paused and the psychologists were arguing.
"From the last video we knew that he had an attachment to Dave, and this clearly shows that it's a very deep one. Perhaps it was an unrequited love?"
"No, no, no! That can't be it – he's psychotic, not pining! He was likely traumatized in some way – abuse, most likely – and was helped by Dave." A second snapped. "It's not love, it's just obsession."
"But the first video," the original began, "his reaction to Jade being anything more than an assistant – that clearly shows that this is indeed some twisted form of love, and that he's desperate for the object of his emotions to notice him, even if it's like this!"
"He could be resentful of someone trying to convince the object of his obsession to abandon the case, as someone who genuinely cared for Dave would do. Most likely, he's trying to see how Dave will react to certain situations, if at all, and in order to make sure that the game keeps going, even if the suspected non-platonic partner were to try and convince him to stop, he's created these penalty games. Besides, if it was the 'love' you're saying it is, wouldn't he have made a 'no romantic relationships' rule as well?" The second argued.
"Of course not! That would remove himself as a potential love-interest as well, would it not? And, if Dave did happen to fall in love with him, or some equivalent, that would rule out the possibility of he himself being involved in the desired relationship!"
Dave wisely chose to temporarily block them out, in favor of playing the tape. Immediately, they were focusing on the blondie again. Once it was over, Dave rewound and flipped the tape. And now the psychologists were staring at him.
"Question." One said.
"Yes, a question." The other agreed. Dave made a note to refer to them as thing One and Two, thing One being the shorter and stockier African, and thing Two being the taller and skinnier American.
"Are you…" One began.
"Perhaps…" Two continued. Shit, they were going to do the thing where one person says something and the other continues and they just swap back and forth.
"By any chance…"
"A homosexual…"
"Bisexual…"
"Gynesexual…"
"Queer…"
"Or omnisexual person?"
"Not that it matters, of course!" They both chimed, perfectly in time. He rolled his eyes behind his shades.
Dave re-inserted the VCR before answering.
"None a' your business." He replied. The tape began playing, and he retreated to the back of the room once again. They ignored the video in favor of pestering him some more.
"Then are you…" One began.
"Perhaps…" Two continued. Aw, shit. Here we go again.
"Biromantic…"
"Homoromantic…"
"Panromantic…"
"Or demi-romantic?"
"Not that it matters, of course!" They chimed once again.
Dave chose to ignore them again in favor of rewinding and recovering his tape. They proceeded to mumble to themselves, before going back to arguing over the blonde man and what he really wanted. He, meanwhile, went over to Lemonsnout to retrieve the first video.
When he (not so politely) asked for it, the officer coughed.
"Well… Ya see, the forensic team got their hands on it… And they ended up taking it apart in hopes of finding clues, so… It's not exactly available right now… Nor will it ever be available again."
Dave gave the man a deadpan look.
"Hey, hey, I never gave them permission! Hell, I told them to leave it alone!" Lemonsnout defended. "I don't know who told them they could do it, but once I find out, that person's fired!"
A second look, and Dave flash-stepped out of there. One – no, two rules broken. Shit. That meant a penalty game, and probably one worse than if he had just broken one rule – not that it was really his fault, it was that damn Lemonsnout's! Agh, he was going to be paying for shit that someone else had done.
Dammit, not cool. Not cool at all.
He slammed the door of his apartment open, heading over to his bed instantly. It was ten o'clock now, he had every right to try and sleep.
The moment he closed his eyes, his phone went off like it was the middle of the goddamn day. Smothering a growl, he whipped it off his desk and read the messages that had been posted by one ectoBiologist. Goddamnit.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:20
EB: hey, Dave.
EB: sorry. i know it's late and youre
EB: hahahahahaha
EB: busy…
EB: but… hehe…
EB: you broke a rule.
EB: hahahahahahahahahah.
EB: two rules.
EB: if you don't follow the rules, nothing will be fun anymore! it'll be too easy,
EB: you…
EB: you're gonna have to play a penalty game now, Dave.
EB: shit. sorry. i can't
EB: even if it wasn't your fault, you agreed to the rules.
EB: i can't be too lenient, can i?
EB: heheheheh
EB: night Dave.
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:37 -
"Fuck." Dave muttered, putting his phone on the shelf.
He was terrified, though no one would possibly know that.
Still, he fell into a nightmare-riddled sleep quickly.
Three days later, he learned what the penalty was.
Dave was shocked when a package arrived in his office, labelled with the simple words 'to Dave'. As usual. Inside, there was a note, a double-sided DVD, and two tapes. One only had 'to Dave'. The other was a double sided tape that had the words 'to Dave' on one side,
He read the note first.
The DVD is your punishment. The first tape is a copy of the first one, and the other tape is the next video. Don't let those mean police-people get them this time, okay?
He had gone back to his apartment as fast as he could and put it in, making sure that the correct side was facing down.
"Hey, Dave." Jesus, he sounded upset. "You broke the rules. You broKE THE RULES DAVE!"
Dave flinched violently as the man suddenly appeared on-screen, wild-eyed and frenzied.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! YOU DON'T BREAK THE RULES DAVE, YOU DON'T!"
Dave leaned away from the screen, eyes wide behind his aviators.
The guy turned and paced, muttering to himself, pulling at his hair. When he returned to talking, he didn't look back at the screen.
"Sorry… Sorry… That… That wasn't called for, Dave. But… You've still gotta… Haha… you've still gotta be punished, Dave."
Blondie sighed.
"Didn't want to do this… Not yet. But here it is anyway. You broke the rules, and rule-breakers have to be punished, or else they'll keep breaking the rules and the game won't be fun anymore and you won't play if the game isn't fun…Oh, and Dave? Don't show this video to the police."
The camera beeped, and man hurriedly made a gesture that probably meant for him to flip the disk – then the screen went black.
Dave shrugged, flipping it over cautiously and reinserting it just as carefully. He pressed the play button and sat back to watch whatever was going to happen.
He was not expecting to see his sister on screen.
Rose was dressed in her usual gothic dress, with the weird Squiddle-like thing on the front. Her white-blonde hair was disheveled and the black band that held it back was gone. She was just sitting – bound and gagged, he noticed – in a wooden chair. However, she was wide awake and staring at the camera, looking terrified.
"So… I found your sis. Isn't that a nice surprise, Dave?"
Oh no.
"But since you… You broke the rules. I can't just let her go. You've gotta be punished. Haha…"
No.
"I wish I could say I'm sorry…"
No.
"Because I really am."
NO.
"But that's how the game goes. Heh… heheh…."
Dave could only watch as the insane man appeared on-screen, a hammer held lazily in one hand. He started tossing it from one hand to another, back and forth, before finally settling on holding it in both hands. He turned and gave the camera a sad smile, then turned and walked slowly towards Rose. Dave didn't miss how she flinched, leaning as far away as she could and shaking her head violently.
Dave wanted to look away.
But he couldn't.
The man started with a few gentle taps – her shoulders, her sides, her knees, her head, her elbows. She didn't show any form of pain, but her eyes remained nervously on the man – it was unnerving to see his sibling, normally so cool and composed, looking so scared.
He tapped her head again and –
CRUNCH
Dave choked on nothing as the blonde's hammer suddenly smashed into his sister's side, undoubtedly shattering multiple bones and forcing his sister to give a silent scream.
"For rule three."
He shifted his grip on the handle, sighed, and tapped her uninjured side, head, shoulders, knees, and elbows.
WHUMP
Dave reacted less visibly this time, only flinching as the man slammed his hammer into his sister's shin, not breaking it (hopefully), but there was a slight indent in the shape of the weapon – tool - where there should not have been one.
"For rule four."
The man backed up a little and dropped the hammer, before turning to Dave – back to the camera, that is. He had a tiny, pained smile.
"You're still watching, right, Dave? Hope so. 'Cause if you aren't, you're breaking another rule." He bit his lip violently, shaking, blue eyes darting from the camera to a random location, back and forth. "And I really hope you aren't breaking any rules."
The guy calmed down a little, now making steady eye contact with the camera – though it felt like he was making direct eye contact with Dave, while he was missing his shades.
Dave forced his expression to remain neutral and suppressed the shiver that raced down his spine.
"Now you know what the punishment is… So… don't break anymore rules." There was a sudden cut, and it was over.
Dave's gut twisted painfully when he remembered that he was going to have to rewatch this with Harley.
He decided to just get it over with. Dave pulled out his phone and shot his assistant a text, just letting her know that she was gonna have to meet him in his apartment, and yes, it was necessary, it was a video.
Jade appeared a few minutes later, not bothering to knock – she had a spare key, for some reason, and Dave couldn't convince her to give him the damn thing – and found him in the living room, just putting the disc back in.
"A disc this time?" The black-haired girl asked, moving curiously. She noticed the box with the other two tapes and blinked. "What're these?"
"First n' third tapes." Dave replied shortly. He moved himself to the leather loveseat in the corner of the room as the disc started to play. Jade was instantly sitting next to him, focused on the screen as it replayed – going over the first side of course, and then the other once you got up and flipped it.
Jade's face is instantly as pale as a sheet as the blonde on screen shows up with his hammer and Rose's expression becomes more terrified. Dave opts to zone out this time, forcing himself to believe that what he's seeing is a horror movie scene, that the girl is not Rose, that is not a genuine psychopathic person smashing in her side and her leg, none of that actually happened, Rose is fine, he is FINE.
A/N: Uhm... I might continue this... Don't expect high quality though... Or chapters this long (5,118 words, 14 pages, holy carp) Remember to review, please!
...
If I do continue, the gore will make this story go into the M section, just saying.